Desired

Being Selfish Feat My Mother

Being in the same car with my mother and Elijah is torturous and I can't stand to look at both of their faces.

Well if I'm being honest with myself I won't look at Elijah's face because I'm scared shitless and I don't want to think about what he'll do if he catches me staring.

I bite down the urge to kick the back of my mothers seat as a wave of anger passes through me. I have to leave my home because she decided to act like an adolescent on steroids. Sighing, I count to ten and keep my face towards the window, watching as the town I grew up in fades away behind me.

                       ***

"Renée we're here!"

My mother shouts in a loud childish squeak and I resist the urge to cover my ears but settle on rolling my eyes instead as I open the car door and step outside.

The January air is cold as it hits my skin, causing me to shiver and I wrap my arms around myself to create warmth.

"Are you cold?" Elijah questions in a gruff voice but I don't answer. My mother is married to him that doesn't mean I have to like it.

"I asked you a question piccola ragazza," He says in a low voice and I swallow my saliva and train my eyes to the side of his head ignoring him. His jaw ticks and his eyes narrow.

(Translation: little girl)

I guess he's not accustomed to people ignoring him.

He scowls at me and opens his mouth to probably curse me out for breathing the same air as him but doesn't get the chance to because his phone starts ringing.

He ignores the call, continuing to stare at me for a while with a tick in his jaw before finally pressing the answer button and motioning for us to follow him inside. I take a deep breath and swallow my fake bravado before following them inside.

My mouth drops when my eyes land on the beautiful decor and we're only in the lobby.

Without a doubt I know that it's stupid expensive to live in a building like this.

Elijah leads us to the elevator and soon enough we're going up to the very first floor and the crappy music that all elevators seem to have begins to play.

My breathing becomes irregular as irrational fears start to plague my mind.

Oh s**t. Oh no.

I slowly bring my hands to my chest and close my eyes as I take deep breaths. There's no telling when I'll have an anxiety attack it just happens, it also doesn't help that I'm scared shitless of elevators.

Did I say scared? I mean terrified.

"Are you okay?"

Elijah asks as his blue eyes stare at me intently. I answer him this time but only because I need a distraction.

"Yeah I'm fine I just d-don't like elevators,"  I mutter, mentally cursing myself for stuttering.

I look at my mother and she doesn't seem to notice I'm struggling, she's too busy looking around the elevator with wonder on her face.

Like I said adolescent on steroids.

The elevator dings and I happily push my way out and hungrily breathe in the heavenly non-elevator scented air.  "Are you sure?" he asks again this time griping my arm.

I tug my arm from his hold and glare at him.

"Can we not pretend like you actually care how I'm feeling?"

I snap at him and a muscle in his jaw ticks but he again doesn't say anything, he simply turns around and leads us to a door, opening it with a card and motioning for us to go inside.

I bite on the side of my thumb as I take in the room. And when I say room I mean mansion.

It's huge with big windows that lets in a lot of sunlight which I'm thankful for. I love open spaces it makes me feel like I can actually breathe. The main theme of the apartment seems to be black and white, plain but beautiful. My eyes land on the 292- inch Samsung wall television and my mouth drops open.

Its blood money. Its blood money. Its  blood money.

I chant in my head; over and over so that my morals don't get confused. Elijah's phone starts ringing again and he looks at the scream and mutters a curse.

"You can pick your rooms and I'll let William bring your things," he says dismissively before answering the call.

My mother rushes to explore the apartment faster than the freaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I sigh loudly as I visualise Mia actually punching her in the face.

With that image in mind I drag my feet to a random room and push the door open.

The room is huge and beautiful but so is everything I've seen so far. I make my way over to the bed an dive onto the soft fluffy comfortable mattress.

Why couldn't the stupid mattress be hard as rock? Why couldn't the apartment be tiny and uncomfortable? It would make it a whole lot easier to hate this place if it was.

And then I cry, I cry until my eyes are sore and my throat hurts. I cry until I fall asleep.

                          ***

I awake with a start when I hear someone moving around in the room. Sitting up on the bed with my legs crossed, I watch as a boy brings my suitcases inside. My cheeks flush slightly when he looks at me.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" He asks and I nod my head as a reply but smile so that he knows it's okay.

"I'm William," he says extending his hand.

"Renée,"

I reply and then wince when the rawness of my throat reminds me of my crying session.

"You okay?" He asks with a slight frown on his face and I nod my head again. "I'm fine"

"Okay," he says smiling and dropping my suitcases by the bed.

"I hope I get to see you again, Renée," he says and

I offer him a small smile, watching as he disappears out the door.

When he's gone the smile vanishes from my face.

I walk over to my suitcases and begin the process of unpacking. When I'm finally finished I search around the room until I find the shower.

I throw on black leggings and a pink oversized sweater, looking at the time on my phone that says three thirty PM.

Should I leave the room? What if I walk in on them making out or something?

I cringe hard at the mental image but walk to the door regardless. I steel my nerves and poke my head outside, my nose is instantly greeted by a tantalising smell.

Should I go?

My stomach growls making the decision for me.

I push my way out the room and let my nose lead me to the delicious smell.

Stopping dead in my tracks when I see Elijah behind the stove in the kitchen and my mother sitting on a stool watching him cook.

He turns around and looks at me with no expression on his face.

"Have a seat," he says and when I don't move his eyes narrow into slits. "Adesso!" he orders and I jump, draging my feet over to a stool and taking a seat.

(Translation: Adesso is a command that means now!)

"Are you hungry?"

He asks me and when I nod my head he turns around and begins preparing my food. After a while he places a burger in front of me and I scrunch my nose up.

"I'm vegetarian," I whisper looking at the burger like it personally offended me.

"What?" Elijah asks and I clear my throat and wince again because of the pain.

"I said I'm vegetarian,"

I say repeating myself but this time louder.

I flinch when he takes the plate away and he scowls at me. "Why are you scared? I haven't touched you," he mutters as he removes the patty from inside and hands the plate back to me.

"Thank you," I whisper, although there is no way in hell I'm actually going eat it.

I look over at my mother as she types on her phone and visualize smacking her with the burger. I giggle as the scene plays out in my head and when I look up Elijah is staring at me with a frown on his face. I feel my cheeks going red and immediately avert my eyes to the floor.

"Uh bade I'm going out with a few of my friends later tonight alright?"

My mother says to Elijah and he drags his eyes away from my face to look at her.

"Okay ill have one of my men follow you," she beams up at him and continues to type away on her phone.

"Don't you have to go to work tomorrow?" I ask frowning at her.

"Elijah doesn't want me to work"

"And so you're just not going to? Are you crazy!" I shout at her feeling my temper rising.

"I don't see the problem here Renée! And don't raise your voice at me"

"Don't raise my voice? What's gonna happen when he leaves you mom? You'll have nothing, we'll have nothing. Please don't quit your job,"

I practically beg, hoping that she understands what I'm trying to say, but I can already tell that her mind is made up.

"Its already done Renée and this matter is not up for discussion,"  she says and I laugh at how outrageously ridiculous this situation is. One day Mia and I are planning our graduation dresses and the next thing I know I'm sitting in a kitchen with Elijah Alterio making me burgers.

"You're stupid for believing he actually wants you," I say digging my finger nails into my palm to prevent myself from doing anything rash.

"That's enough Renée!" Elijah yells, his voice booming through the room and I literally jump out of my skin. I swallow my fair and turn my head to face him.

"You're not my father Elijah Alterio," I say with as much venom in my voice as I possibly could.

"So don't try to be."

I push away from the stool and walk back to the room slamming the door once am inside. I drop myself ungracefully on the bed as the tears come heavily and then I'm once again drowning in the mess that is my life.