Atlas Nightshade

Day 42

_24 September_.--I hadn't the heart to write last night; that terrible

record of Jonathan's upset me so. Poor dear! How he must have suffered,

whether it be true or only imagination. I wonder if there is any truth

in it at all. Did he get his brain fever, and then write all those

terrible things, or had he some cause for it all? I suppose I shall

never know, for I dare not open the subject to him.... And yet that man

we saw yesterday! He seemed quite certain of him.... Poor fellow! I

suppose it was the funeral upset him and sent his mind back on some

train of thought.... He believes it all himself. I remember how on our

wedding-day he said: "Unless some solemn duty come upon me to go back to

the bitter hours, asleep or awake, mad or sane." There seems to be

through it all some thread of continuity.... That fearful Count was

coming to London.... If it should be, and he came to London, with his

teeming millions.... There may be a solemn duty; and if it come we must

not shrink from it.... I shall be prepared. I shall get my typewriter

this very hour and begin transcribing. Then we shall be ready for other

eyes if required. And if it be wanted; then, perhaps, if I am ready,

poor Jonathan may not be upset, for I can speak for him and never let

him be troubled or worried with it at all. If ever Jonathan quite gets

over the nervousness he may want to tell me of it all, and I can ask him

questions and find out things, and see how I may comfort him.

_Letter, Van Helsing to Mrs. Harker._

"_24 September._

(_Confidence_)

"Dear Madam,--

"I pray you to pardon my writing, in that I am so far friend as that I

sent to you sad news of Miss Lucy Westenra's death. By the kindness of

Lord Godalming, I am empowered to read her letters and papers, for I am

deeply concerned about certain matters vitally important. In them I find

some letters from you, which show how great friends you were and how you

love her. Oh, Madam Mina, by that love, I implore you, help me. It is

for others' good that I ask--to redress great wrong, and to lift much

and terrible troubles--that may be more great than you can know. May it

be that I see you? You can trust me. I am friend of Dr. John Seward and

of Lord Godalming (that was Arthur of Miss Lucy). I must keep it private

for the present from all. I should come to Exeter to see you at once if

you tell me I am privilege to come, and where and when. I implore your

pardon, madam. I have read your letters to poor Lucy, and know how good

you are and how your husband suffer; so I pray you, if it may be,

enlighten him not, lest it may harm. Again your pardon, and forgive me.

"VAN HELSING."

_Telegram, Mrs. Harker to Van Helsing._

"_25 September._--Come to-day by quarter-past ten train if you can catch

it. Can see you any time you call.

"WILHELMINA HARKER."

MINA HARKER'S JOURNAL.

_25 September._--I cannot help feeling terribly excited as the time

draws near for the visit of Dr. Van Helsing, for somehow I expect that

it will throw some light upon Jonathan's sad experience; and as he

attended poor dear Lucy in her last illness, he can tell me all about

her. That is the reason of his coming; it is concerning Lucy and her

sleep-walking, and not about Jonathan. Then I shall never know the real

truth now! How silly I am. That awful journal gets hold of my

imagination and tinges everything with something of its own colour. Of

course it is about Lucy. That habit came back to the poor dear, and that

awful night on the cliff must have made her ill. I had almost forgotten

in my own affairs how ill she was afterwards. She must have told him

of her sleep-walking adventure on the cliff, and that I knew all about

it; and now he wants me to tell him what she knows, so that he may

understand. I hope I did right in not saying anything of it to Mrs.

Westenra; I should never forgive myself if any act of mine, were it even

a negative one, brought harm on poor dear Lucy. I hope, too, Dr. Van

Helsing will not blame me; I have had so much trouble and anxiety of

late that I feel I cannot bear more just at present.

I suppose a cry does us all good at times--clears the air as other rain

does. Perhaps it was reading the journal yesterday that upset me, and

then Jonathan went away this morning to stay away from me a whole day

and night, the first time we have been parted since our marriage. I do

hope the dear fellow will take care of himself, and that nothing will

occur to upset him. It is two o'clock, and the doctor will be here soon

now. I shall say nothing of Jonathan's journal unless he asks me. I am

so glad I have type-written out my own journal, so that, in case he asks

about Lucy, I can hand it to him; it will save much questioning.

* * * * *

_Later._--He has come and gone. Oh, what a strange meeting, and how it

all makes my head whirl round! I feel like one in a dream. Can it be all

possible, or even a part of it? If I had not read Jonathan's journal

first, I should never have accepted even a possibility. Poor, poor, dear

Jonathan! How he must have suffered. Please the good God, all this may

not upset him again. I shall try to save him from it; but it may be even

a consolation and a help to him--terrible though it be and awful in its

consequences--to know for certain that his eyes and ears and brain did

not deceive him, and that it is all true. It may be that it is the doubt

which haunts him; that when the doubt is removed, no matter

which--waking or dreaming--may prove the truth, he will be more

satisfied and better able to bear the shock. Dr. Van Helsing must be a

good man as well as a clever one if he is Arthur's friend and Dr.

Seward's, and if they brought him all the way from Holland to look after

Lucy. I feel from having seen him that he _is_ good and kind and of a

noble nature. When he comes to-morrow I shall ask him about Jonathan;

and then, please God, all this sorrow and anxiety may lead to a good

end. I used to think I would like to practise interviewing; Jonathan's

friend on "The Exeter News" told him that memory was everything in such

work--that you must be able to put down exactly almost every word

spoken, even if you had to refine some of it afterwards. Here was a rare

interview; I shall try to record it _verbatim_.

It was half-past two o'clock when the knock came. I took my courage _à

deux mains_ and waited. In a few minutes Mary opened the door, and

announced "Dr. Van Helsing."

I rose and bowed, and he came towards me; a man of medium weight,

strongly built, with his shoulders set back over a broad, deep chest and

a neck well balanced on the trunk as the head is on the neck. The poise

of the head strikes one at once as indicative of thought and power; the

head is noble, well-sized, broad, and large behind the ears. The face,

clean-shaven, shows a hard, square chin, a large, resolute, mobile

mouth, a good-sized nose, rather straight, but with quick, sensitive

nostrils, that seem to broaden as the big, bushy brows come down and the

mouth tightens. The forehead is broad and fine, rising at first almost

straight and then sloping back above two bumps or ridges wide apart;

such a forehead that the reddish hair cannot possibly tumble over it,

but falls naturally back and to the sides. Big, dark blue eyes are set

widely apart, and are quick and tender or stern with the man's moods. He

said to me:--

"Mrs. Harker, is it not?" I bowed assent.

"That was Miss Mina Murray?" Again I assented.

"It is Mina Murray that I came to see that was friend of that poor dear

child Lucy Westenra. Madam Mina, it is on account of the dead I come."

"Sir," I said, "you could have no better claim on me than that you were

a friend and helper of Lucy Westenra." And I held out my hand. He took

it and said tenderly:--

"Oh, Madam Mina, I knew that the friend of that poor lily girl must be

good, but I had yet to learn----" He finished his speech with a courtly

bow. I asked him what it was that he wanted to see me about, so he at

once began:--