But you lied to me

4 What am I doing?

Four days have past and it was not looking so good for me. I paid the motel I was staying in for three days. Because the owner took pity on me she let me stay another day, but today was my last day here. I had no money left, no food, nowhere to stay, my credit card was blocked for some reason and I think my mother is behind it. The only thing I could do was live on the streets. There was no other option.

When my phone rang, I directly knew who it was. We have been calling every day now, so I picked up without looking first and say: 'Ill be fine Elly. Seriously. I can take care of myself. I always have.'

'Stop being so stubborn, Maya. You can't live on the streets. You're pregnant for god sakes. Have you found a doctor yet?' She asked through the phone. Even if I couldn't see her, I still knew the way she looked. She already knew the answer and she would role her eyes at me.

'No. I have been trying to search for my aunt, using that stupid 24/7 library. But all I got was that she won Miss Tucson six years ago and that she worked at a news station for a while. I have been looking for a place to stay, but so far that was a dead end as well. I will be fine, I promise.'

'I don't like this, Maya. What if someone steels your backpack or your phone. What are you going to do than? What if someone stabs you or r***s you, it's not safe on the streets Maya. Please, be safe.'

I sighed. I knew she just tried to help me and looked out for me, but still, what was I supposed to do? Where should I stay? 'Elly.' I whispered. 'I'm going to the library again. I will search for a woman shelter, okay. I will do my best. Really, stop being so dramatical. I'll be fine. You have no idea what I have been trough my whole life.'

'That's because you won't tell me.'

'I really don't want to.' I hung up without saying goodbye. I was done talking about it. My life wasn't normal and it never would be. No girl should witness their mother having s*x at a really young age. Well I had more than ones. She didn't care. She didn't care for me then and she didn't now. I don't even think she would pick up the phone if I called her. It's not like I am pregnant because I had s*x for the first time. You remember I told you about the time I had to move and had troubles making new friends at school? My teacher was the only one that saw how sad I was the whole time. He let me stay after school and even took me home with him a few times. We watched movies, baked some cookies or other fun stuff. I liked spending time with him.

Well that changed quickly. When it was my eleventh birthday I ran away from home to see him. My mom had company over, a lot of them. There was no party, no presents, no family, no fun. I went to his house and threw myself crying in the arms of my teacher. Martin was always there for me, so he cuddled me until I was done crying. Or I thought I was done crying, because he started to kiss me and r***d me and I never cried harder in my life. I was just eleven when I lost my virginity to my 25 year old teacher. He moved away a week later and I never saw him again.

I picked up some dirty clothes of the ground of my motel room, pushed them inside my backpack and took a quick shower. This could be my last shower for a really long time. I had no idea where my life should go to or where I would stay at all. My future wasn't looking so bright right now. Well, it never had to be honest.

When I was finished, I left my motel room and went downstairs.

'Thank you for letting me stay here.' I told the owner. She was so sweet for me and I totally get I couldn't stay here forever. I placed the key on the desk in front of her.

'Girl, you need to go home. Does your mother know that you are here all by yourself? Does she know where you are?'

'Miss, she was the one that kicked me out of the house. I can't go back. She doesn't want me.'

'That isn't right.' the owner shook her head. 'I am so sorry for you.'

I left the motel and went back to the library. What else was I supposed to do? Here it was warm, there was wifi and there was a toilet I could use. I stayed here a lot. I think the guard even recognizes me now. Well I knew he did, because after sitting here for over an hour without any progress, the guard came by to give me some hot chocolate milk.

'Thank you, sir.'

'Just call me Ben.' He said. He smiled at me. He was beginning to get gray hair and was older than Vin. He was friendlier than the most men I knew. 'What is your name dear?'

'Maya.'

'Well Maya, it's nice to meet you. You have been here for a few days now haven't you? Are you looking for something special? Are you making something for school?'

The man seems nice and really caring. I could trust him, right? 'I am looking for my aunt. I know she lived here, but the house is now owned by someone else and I can't find anything about her.'

'What is your aunts name?'

'Hannah. Hannah Chase.'

Ben shook his head. He didn't know her. 'But maybe my wife knows her. She knows a lot of people. Do you want to come to my house? Eat some lunch with us?' I think he saw the look I gave him, because he took a step back. 'I promise you I am just trying to help you, I have a daughter from around your age I think, I am just trying to help you.'

I had to think for a second. Men are not to trust. I learned that. But this man seemed nice and he had a wife and a daughter. I just nodded. 'Okay.'

'I have to grab my coat first.'

I waited for Ben to come back and gathered all my stuff. Why do I even trust this man? Why do I go with him? Maybe because I am an i***t. We stepped in an old gray Volvo car and he drove to an small house with dirty windows. This didn't look good. What the hell did I get myself into? When Ben stepped out, I hesitated for a few second. No there was no going back. I followed this man here, I had no idea where I went, what else was I supposed to do. He had said his wife could find my aunt. And with that thought I followed him to the front door.

The garden wasn't taken care off and the house was in bad state. Being a guard didn't pay very well or so it seems. The paint was almost peeling off of the house and the door cracked loudly when Ben opened it. The garden had lots of weed in it. Everything was old and not taken care of.

'It isn't much, but it's home for me.' he apologized for the old house.

'An home is not a building, it's what you make of it.' I said to him. That was something my father used to say. I always remember it because I loved the saying. I loved the first house we lived in but also because my father was then still alive. Our house stopped being a home when my mother started being a s*x worker.

The look he gave me, so warm and with a big smile, made me smile too. 'You are right, Maya.'

We stepped inside the house. Inside was not better than outside. The walls were once white, but now almost yellow. The brown carpet was in bad state too. It was dark inside, even with windows.

'Honey, I'm home.' Ben yelled. 'Can you come to the hallway? I brought someone with me who can use your help.'

There was some sound of plates and cups and some more in the kitchen, followed by some soft cursing. 'Coming.' a woman yelled back. Then an older lady stepped out of the kitchen with an apron on and some wet spots on her clothes. 'You brought another stray?' she asked. But then she looked at me and her eyes grew big. 'Wait.' she shook her head in disbelieve. 'I know you.'