WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT WHEN CARMA'S INVOLVED?

VEINTE

After being strong-armed by Román to represent Alixxander, I decided to wait until I arrived home to strategize. Before the meeting with Román, I wasn’t feeling myself. It’s not like I could attribute it to Alixxander dropping Carma’s pregnancy announcement in my lap because I wasn’t feeling too hot when I rolled out of bed. According to multiple websites, my symptoms signified that I had the flu, or I was dying. Another explanation made more sense to me. If Alixxander hadn’t dropped that bombshell it would’ve never crossed my mind to check. With the need to know strong, I made a trip to the drugstore before going home. The directions were simple enough, but I was nervous about the outcome. Has someone screwed up peeing on the stick before? As impossible as it sounds, there had to be someone that had.

As I sat on the edge of the tub waiting, there was a knock. Since you needed a key card to get to my floor, I assumed it was my new neighbor wanting to introduce themselves, even at eleven at night. Boy was I wrong. It was Alixxander bearing food. Though my stomach was upset, I felt hunger pangs too, so I let him in.

For the first time, I saw him in jeans and a plain tee. A relaxed look for many, but he was far from relaxed. Finding it hard to ignore my attraction to him, you’d think I’d learned my lesson about being alone with him. I knew deep down. I wasn’t ready to learn and fully understand that lesson in my life. That test sitting on my bathroom sink waiting to give up its answer was forgotten. One thing led to another, and it was while he was deep in me, the decision to carry his child wouldn’t be so bad. When I finally had a chance to read the results, I didn’t want to believe them. I had an answer. I’d been pregnant for the past three months.

Alixxander looked happy, relaxed, and content as we sat on my sofa and ate. Trying not to ruin the afterglow we were basking in, he inquired about my refusal to let him pull out. There was never going to be a perfect time to drop my pregnancy bombshell. Acting as if nutting inside me was no biggie, I told him about the positive test. I should disclose that jealousy had its tentacles in me. Our prior excursions led me to believe he lacked the capability to feel for anyone other than Carma. For the first time, I didn’t feel as if I had to compete with her for his attention. But how long it would last was anyone’s guess. Our night at my place was an experience to say the least. I was able to squeeze in a lab visit for a more formal answer. I knew I’d be staring at the phone waiting for confirmation either way.

Lisa, Román’s secretary, sent over many emails which didn't get opened because of the night’s sexcapades. One contained a video where you could clearly identify the married woman loving getting rammed from the back. Why do cheaters like facing open windows? It’s as if they beg to be caught. Other emails contained photos with different dates in the corner catching the missus in various compromising positions. Román had also taken the liberty of sending over divorce papers on my behalf to Carma without telling me.

Have you ever seen a wife that knew she was in for the fight of her life? What about one knowing she could lose everything? What if those two women were one and the same and on a rampage? I heard the cussing, yelling, and demands made through my closed door. Around the office, being chewed out is an initiation of sorts. I didn't know it, but it was my turn. My door flew open, bounced off the wall and left a hole.

“WHO THE FCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” Cool. Words would be exchanged face to face instead of over the phone.

Holding out my hand to shake hers, I replied, “Harmoney Izabella Sanchez at your service. Who are you and what can I do for you, Miss....?” I’ve witnessed the way she reacts when someone doesn't recognize her.

“MY HUSBAND THINKS HE IS DIVORCING ME. THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND BTCH?” She ripped up her copy of documents and scattered them on my desk. That’s how I found out what Román did.

“You are going to have to be more specific. Who is your husband and what number wife are you?”

“ALIXXANDER FCKIN’ SAVAGE IS MY HUSBAND, YOU STUPID C*NT.”

“Yep. Yep. Yep. You are the one carrying a baby that isn't his.”

“THIS THING INSIDE OF ME IS HIS. HE'S THE ONLY MAN I'VE BEEN WITH.” Keeping a straight face was difficult. Not just that, I wanted to rub it in her face how I made love to her husband. And I hadn't showered since. But talk about complicating the case. I let her yell at me. Alixxander walked in and that's when the fake tears started.

“What is going on in here? Carma, what are you doing here?”

“Alixx, how can you divorce me? I'm pregnant with our first child. You're just going to leave me? I thought we were going to talk things over.”

“I have to do this for my sanity.”

“SANITY? MORE LIKE YOUR FCKING YOUR LAWYER.” She hit that nail on the head.

“You know that's not true. Besides, she's gay.” Good cover. Wait. I am gay. Or was I considered bi?

“WHY? ALIXX, WHY? FEEL IT. THIS BABY IS YOURS. I SWEAR. WE CONCEIVED ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER? I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T CARE IF YOU WERE SMALL. I WAS FINE WITH IT. IT GOT THE JOB DONE.” He's far from small. I couldn't say that aloud, obviously. If there was a next time, I'd be sure to have a tape measure close by.

“Mr. Savage, as your lawyer, I suggest having no further contact with your wife. Mrs. Savage, the question of paternity is one of the many reasons for the divorce.”

“YOU ARE NOT TOUCHING MY BABY.”

“You need to leave my office before I call the police, and have you escorted out never to return unless your lawyer is with you.”

“MY FATHER-IN-LAW OWNS THIS PLACE. YOU CAN'T THROW ME OUT.” If she wasn't pregnant, I swear to God I would rearrange her face.

“OH, SHE HAS MY PERMISSION, CARMA. BUT I'M GOING TO DO IT FOR HER TODAY.” I thought he was mad the other day. Woooo doggie, he was madder than a dog with rabies.

“DON'T TOUCH ME. YOU CAN'T TREAT A PREGNANT WOMAN LIKE THIS. HELP. SOMEONE HELP ME. ANYONE. LET ME GO.” She asked for help in the wrong establishment. She's also a psycho and Alixxander sure knew how to pick ‘em.

Román stood to ask if I had spoken with Alixxander. Spoken, no. I did ride his joystick though. I needed to put other things in my head to stop myself from turning everything everyone said into a s*xual innuendo. I assured Román it would happen sooner rather than later. He wanted to make sure Carma paid for every misdeed committed against the family and Alixxander. I got it. Although I wished he would’ve waited for me to fill out and file the divorce documents myself. Which begged the question. How long ago were the documents drawn up? My ability to properly work the case was not going to work if Román constantly interfered and undermined me. The paternity test would put an end to the fighting. Allowing her to act like a fool could and would be held against her. When my office emptied, I could breathe again.

Peeking into his office, it was unusual to see his shades drawn. Alixxander wasn’t anywhere to be seen either. I tapped on the door anyway. “ENTER.” Carma’s unscheduled visit must have upset him.

His voice sounded close by when he asked me to lock the door. I still didn't see him and thought the timing was not right to get freaky. I was about to suggest we set a time for me to ask him the horrid details about his relationship with Carma.

His office was huge, and I crept around searching for him. Out of nowhere, he popped up behind me. “WHY CAN'T YOU CALL ME ALIXXANDER OR ALIXX?”

We’ve been over that already. Since we became intimate and the real possibility of becoming parents.... I should’ve given it more thought. I suppose a part of me wasn’t ready to move up to that level. His front pressed tightly against my back, lips to my ear. My name, nothing more than a light mist sprinkling from his mouth.

Letting go, he displayed the telltale signs of having second thoughts. Whether about divorcing Carma or messing around with me, I was unsure. That struggle would always be there to taunt him unless........unless one of us removed themselves from his life. If pushing my feelings down to make that happen was the only remedy to stop my torture, I’d do it in a heartbeat. As suspected, he started to ramble on about loving Carma, no matter what she did. When he found out they were married, he thought things would be different, and they could work things out.

“Is it me? Am I not a good enough man?”

I was confused about my s*xuality because of the foreign feelings for him. With the right person, anyone can become a better version of themselves. My brain couldn’t comprehend how he continued to love the cretin. What did he get out of admitting to fooling around with different ladies at the same time, but never cheating on anyone before he met me? Was it a compliment or a slap in the face? I felt bad enough for my inability to resist his look, touch, or the things he made me feel. All the confusion messed with my reaction time. His lips firmly pressed against mine. Yes, he wanted a divorce. But he wasn’t yet and that made us controversial and taboo.

“I'm sorry.” His lips still attached to mine. Neither of us were sorry.

Stepping away, we needed to stop for the time being. If we gave the other side ammunition, a judge wouldn’t give us a fair shake. Alixxander was stressed and confused. Trust me, I got it. I said I would see him tomorrow and gave no chance for him to respond or pull me back in. For someone lacking knowledge in the romance area, I sure knew and understood a lot, didn’t I?

Falling into the pattern of allowing Alixxander to upset and hurt me after we spend s*xual time together shouldn’t have been an option. I kept telling myself that I was a big girl and needed to suck it up. Summer had begun to fade into Fall, and I found myself unable to resist the urge to drive around with the windows down inhaling the crisp cool air while observing the leaves that had already changed colors before they fell to the ground. None of that stopped my mind from racing with a million thoughts. Tears began dribbling from the outer corners of my eyes. Sucking it up has never come easy for me.

The unusual choices I made turned my life on its head. Alixxander's marriage was ending. He's possibly a father of one and definitely the father of another. If he’s telling the truth about never cheating, I won't ever feel good about being the one to coerce him into it. Then again, if he could do it with me, there's a higher probability he could do it to me.

While driving along the back roads, I must've lost cell reception. When I checked my phone, I had fifteen missed calls. Fourteen of them were from Alixxander. No messages were left. The remaining call was from the clinic with my results. We are going to be parents. In shock, I made my way to my apartment. There was Alixxander sitting against my door.

Standing up and brushing himself off, he curiously asked, “Where have you been?”

It was as good a time as any, “Alixxander, I'm pregnant.”