WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT WHEN CARMA'S INVOLVED?

VEINTIDÓS

The pounding in my head wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It’s been a while since I’ve consumed that much alcohol to interfere with my general faculties. Touching my face, I felt the face mask over my eyes. FCK! Harmoney picking me up must have been a dream. Carma cannot sleep without having one of these over her eyes. When my stomach settled, I removed the blindfold and peeked at my surroundings. A huge sigh of relief washed over me when I realized I was in my apartment on my couch across the hall from Harmoney. Did I drive home drunk?

“Swallow the pills and drink the OJ.” Huh?

“Harmoney?”

“I sure ain't your wife.” Guess I deserved that.

The night began to come back in pieces. Carma getting arrested just had to be the first thing I remember. Fck me. Harmoney was extremely ticked off by me. The truth of the events from last night didn’t matter, yet Harmoney claimed she wanted to hear the truth. I told her to drop it. She wasn’t in a listening mood last night, and she’s still not. For coming to my rescue, I thanked her.

To blow off steam, I ran to work. My stupidity has gotten me into some doozies, but none that I have regretted, until now. There was a crowd of reporters in front of the office being entertained by none other than my wife. She will never leave my life quietly or willingly. God forbid she left well enough alone for once. On the current episode of Carma's World, she was telling them about her stint in the slammer and that her arrest was unjustified. A complete misunderstanding, if you will. The dumbest part of her story was when she said we were suing the police department. Janis Cosgrove, a long-time hater of my wife, asked why I hadn't accompanied her today. It was by far my all-time favorite part of the interview because Carma didn't have an answer. There was no alternate timeline where I wanted any part of this drama-packed extravaganza.

Getting into the office through the underground garage, Kimmie handed me a stack of messages. All from reporters asking for a comment. They waste no time. What Kimmie failed to tell me was Dad was in my office waiting for me. Sitting in my chair behind my desk was his way of never letting me forget who was in charge. His hands were folded, index fingers touching and pressed against his lips. It was his own unique way to display his mortification and dissatisfaction without losing his temper. I'm used to it. Like I said, I have fcked up more times than I can count. This time may be the worst.

“Alixxander, where did I go wrong with you? I didn't raise you to be stupid.” He's too calm and that is not a good sign.

Pleading with him to let me explain, he told me to shut up. The next sentence was about his conversation with Harmoney and that she would handle the press. Wow. She couldn't wait to tell Dad all the things she didn't know happened. How nice of her.

“She called you to tattle on me?”

“NO, I CALLED HER TO FIND OUT WHY YOUR WIFE AND A GAGGLE OF REPORTERS ARE STANDING ON THE STOOP OF MY BUILDING MAKING A MOCKERY OUT OF THE SAVAGE NAME.” He slapped my desk so hard the telephone jumped up and off onto the floor.

I tried convincing him to let me handle the debacle. To him, it was a catastrophe. I knew clients weren’t going to want me to represent them when I’m constantly in the news for all the wrong reasons. Same goes for attorneys. They aren’t going to want to work alongside me.

“NO ONE WANTS TO BE DRAGGED INTO YOUR DRAMA. POOR MISS SANCHEZ HAS TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO SALVAGE YOUR REPUTATION. I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE HER RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE BENCHED.” Again because of Carma. WHAT THE FCK?

“YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME.”

“BOY, DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK WITH ME. YOU HAVE A TRUST FUND THAT WH*RE CAN'T TOUCH. I WARNED TRAVIS SHE WAS NO GOOD. WE BOTH WARNED YOU PRIOR TO AND IN FRONT OF MISS SANCHEZ AND YET YOU RAN AWAY TO GET HITCHED JUST TO SPITE ALL OF US. YOUR MOTHER IS ILL AND YOU KEEP PILING STRESS ONTO HER. STAY THE FCK AWAY FROM CARMA AND ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DISAPPEAR.”

“And what about my child?”

“IT'S NOT YOURS AND WE ALL KNOW IT. EVAN AND GOD KNOWS WHO ELSE SLIPPED THEIR PIECE INTO HER. YOU COME TO ME AND EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU HAD A DRUNKEN ROMP ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT? GIVE ME A BREAK. SHE LEARNED HER LESSON FROM HER MARRIAGE TO TRAVIS. YA DON'T FCK, YA DON'T GET A DIME. HER MEAL TICKET IS GOING TO END. DO YOU HEAR ME?”

I think I should've left well enough alone while I was ahead. He's right. About everything. I thought Carma would be different from the way she was with Travis. The fact is, she was different and the blinders over my eyes hid the truth. She never cheated on Travis, though she never slept with him. She didn't expect gifts or vacations from him the way she did from me. I believed her when she told me Travis mistreated her. I know my brother and how he is with women, yet I chose to ignore that.

Dad left, and I found solace looking out at the bustling city when I heard the demand. “I need all of your current cases,” Grrr, Harmoney.

I told her to ask Kimmie for them. She closed the door and asked me to do one thing that would make her job simpler. Stay away from my wife. Did it matter if Carma followed me? No. When she appeared, I should’ve disappeared. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but I didn’t. Harmoney placed a card on my desk and told me to give the officer a call. She wanted me to file charges. As I looked at her face, I noticed the frown line she didn’t have when we met.

“That's playing dirty.”

“It is going to explain to your insurance company why the heel of a Manolo Blahnik was stuck in your windshield. You cannot allow her to walk all over you anymore. Maybe you don't realize this, but that woman will be the death of all your future relationships.”

Future relationships? Was she saying it was over before it started with us? It started as just s*x, amazing s*x. Harmoney broke my heart when she told me she had met someone, and she liked her. HER?

“WE FCKED TWO DAYS AGO. ON YOUR SOFA. MAYBE YOU NEED A REMINDER OF HOW GREAT I AM.”

“To protect you and your family, no one will know who fathered my baby.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Then the most fcked up sentence came out of my mouth. “You're as bad as she is.”

“On that note, I'm leaving. I now have a ton of work to do. By the way...... Your best man bailed her out.” Harmoney left with the slamming of the door.

Time to look at the bright side. I will have a new phone and Carma will have one less way to track me. With no car, I will get plenty of exercise or spend a fortune on rideshares. The world is my oyster. I walked ten miles to the home of the wisest person I knew. Mom.

“Why so glum, chum?” Still the joker of the family all while dealing with her illness.

I posed an important question to her. How can I be the smartest of my siblings, and yet be the stupidest? The great thing about Mom is that she tells it like it is. According to her, I’m emotionally and decisionally challenged. A subtle way of saying I pick the wrong type of woman, always. I’ve kept Harmoney a secret from everyone. I needed to talk to someone about her. Mom is always the first choice.

I wanted to know what she thought if I told her I had met a woman, unlike anyone I’d been attracted to before. Her loving suggestion was to show Harmoney off and give Carma a reason to be jealous. I’d thought about it already. Mom’s values slightly differ from those of her children. She’s been pushing the hardest for me to get divorced. I was afraid to tell her I had broken my vows and cheated on my wife. The sanctity of marriage is important to my parents. Her response surprised the fck out of me. She said it was about time I gave her a taste of her own medicine. Mom is a riot. As I droned on and on she listened without complaint. When I got to the point of telling her I thought the woman carried on with me out of pity, she agreed. Then, she told me to spit it out. A mother always knows when her children hide something.

“She's pregnant, mom.”

That was it. Mom wanted to meet Harmoney. Breaking the news that our family should have no part in the child’s life didn’t go over well. The chance of us becoming more was dead before we had a chance to take a breath. Mom wanted me to force her to allow me in my baby’s life. It took an hour's worth of explaining, but Mom understood that while I didn't want to agree, with Carma still in the picture, it was the safest option for Harmoney and our child. When I told her Carma was pregnant, she asked if it was mine. I tell her another woman who wishes to remain anonymous is pregnant, and she's ready to welcome her into the family. That goes to show you how hated Carma is by everyone in my family. Mom loves everyone. When she says she hates someone, she's not lying. And we've yet to figure out if she's lying when she says she loves everyone.

She did give me some advice if I wasn't going to be with Harmoney. Non-disclosure agreements should be drawn up for every endeavor to sign before I shtupp them. I'm not Christian Grey bad for crying out loud. I watched all three movies with different women to smash them. It wasn't the worst idea I’ve had.