Yvette's Escapades

Unconditional Love.

Yvette sat at her desk in the office, with large piles of accounts, tables, statistics almost burying the whole surface of the large wooden desk. The pile took the shape of a semi-circle, like a fortress wall around her laptop, and in the sanctum, a cup of tea she prepared on the tiny induction cooktop she kept in the office for exactly this purpose. It was a hot day, her blouse was unbuttoned down to her flat belly, but not because of the heat - the air conditioner was working just fine. The review she needed to complete was a boring challenge, and she could not help but fantasizing about having s*x with Jay, trying out new things, pushing further, doing the extra mile, experimenting, so she touched herself every couple of hours. Just quickly and effectively, her painted nailed fingers running up on the inner side of her black stockings, below her tight miniskirt, and she flew back into the memory of his embrace in seconds again. White clouds ran through the blue sky behind her back, on the other side of the window like wild horses on endless fields.

When she finished again, she sucked in her two fingers to clean them from her moisture. She took a deep breath, drank from her tea, and turned back to her computer. She did not progress much with her report, no, her head was too full of the matters of her heart. So she started an online session with Julie-Marie, one of her most trusted Psychic Advisors. Jocelyn was on a weeklong retreat, with no internet access of course, and Yvette could not wait that long. Again, she longed for the confirmation of someone else.

“How will he know that I am his soulmate?” she asked the guide.

“He already knows. He can feel it,” said Julie Marie, with her deep, radiant, soothing voice.

“I feel such a brightness coming through. I’m optimistic. And finally, I was in the white room. I never expected grandma would have been trying to prepare me for something like that…”

“You are very intuitive, Yvette. And also, part of you is not sure Jay is the one. That is why you are looking for confirmation. If you want to know if he is a soulmate of you, I can confirm that. The truth of that is burning bright like daylight.”

“I feel that, too. I know he is. I also know we have several soulmates in life.”

“That is also true. And he is something else as well. Something more. He is a kindred spirit. That is why you have felt instant connection. That is why both of you got immediately calm when you have finally met, you both realized that your story did not start here, and will go on for a long time, through many lives. That is why you wanted to help each other and reassure each other, so the other can feel safe. Three lifetimes, that’s how far back you have known each other, one time he was a good friend of yours, a close friend, when both of you lived as men.”

“What? Wow. That’s… deep. A bit awkward though…”

“Just be careful. You vibrate high. You can feel it even now. I certainly do. You vibrate very high.”

Yvette thought back to the vibrations she experienced, alone in her bed last night, but quickly rerouted her thoughts towards high spiritual consciousness.

“You think I will scare him away? Should I take it slowly?”

“That is a possibility, because he is vulnerable. In fact, he is wounded.”

“Gosh, not again. I’ve had enough of men licking their own wounds, which was what Ben was all about. And when I licked his wounds, he tore them apart again so he can remain in pain.”

“Words of clarity. I’m impressed. You never phrased your relationship with your ex so directly and cleanly. But Jay is different. He is walking the walk, he is coming back. But the path is long and windy. You need to be patient and set your pace according to him. If he was to be slower, walk with him. Don’t fly ahead. You will lose him.”

The stark, warm straightforwardness of Julie-Marie was so different to the empathic compassion of Jocelyn, yet Yvette was grateful. Maybe a clear, bright guiding light is exactly what she needs in this great colorful swirl of emotions she is experiencing now.

“He is a kindred spirit.” Julie Marie went on “That means his feelings are clear and what he is experiencing on his side is vast. It is not something he was actively looking for. He has a great fight ahead of him. Commitment - that is a pledge that lasts forever and carries responsibility. We can call that scary, but it is not about fear. You are a challenge. A lesson. A pot of gold. A pile of treasure at the end of a treacherous journey. He is about to embark on that journey, Yvette, and I know you feel that too - but when he does, he needs to be prepared thoroughly. Unconditional love. The ultimate prize. That requires a deep connection, between two open hearts. When you open your heart, you are vulnerable. And he has been scarred, but more importantly: he does not want to scar you. He cares about you. He is your soulmate. When you look into each other’s eyes, you realize the eternal flame of friendship, a deeper understanding and acceptance. That is the realization of being from the same kind. He wants the best for you. This is why you must let him prepare well. He will surely keep a certain distance, to protect you, until he will be ready. It is a great, enduring task for him - and it will challenge you as well. If you both reach the end and find each other at the end of the trail, opening up your hearts, the reward will be ultimate and infinite. Unconditional love. I know that is what you are looking for. You are saying it out loud all the time, and when you don’t, your craving is written all over your aura. But sometimes, the more you want something, the more gracefully it drifts away from your reach. You need to trust.”

“Trust who? Jay? I do. I will… do my best.”

“The correct question is: What?”

“What?”

“What.”

“I mean: What?!”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“I affirm. You should ask: what to trust? But by getting there, you already know the answer.”

“The Universe.”

“Trust the Universe, Yvette.”

“It’s not that easy” Yvette thought, bringing back the memories of her conversation with the radiant but stern, angelic voice of Julie-Marie. “…trusting the Universe...”

“It is important to go with the flow, stay grounded, not living from our heads too much, and not striving for control. Yet, when the results just don’t come, when one’s mood is turning low, the first thing you judge yourself with is that you let things spin out of control…” Yvette wondered. She was trying to control her breathing to achieve an inner serenity, walking down the street towards her favorite bakery in the neighborhood. It was a sunny Saturday morning, not long after 10, long, golden rays of light swept through the sidewalk which was already bordered by the small piles of fallen leaves, gathered up tidily. Delightful mornings like this become rare gifts in this part of the year, when Nature prepared for the long slumber ahead. Yvette expressed some gratefulness for the unexpectedly pleasant weather, and let the warm feelings loop around inside her body. She knew the solutions of course, as an accomplished, soulful being walking a spiritual path. She was through with these fights, encountered those many times in her life. In fact, it is easy. You just need to concentrate on always doing what is best for you - and not let quick desires, sudden emotions blind you. Passions can fill you up with energy if you live them to the fullest, but ride them too much too often, and you will have a hard time finding your trail again.

Problem is, theory is one thing, but life is never in default mode. There is always something special around, which makes finding that balance a constant challenge. If you do it right, it feels like a rewarding competition. If you do it wrong, it becomes a bitter struggle for survival.

She was trying to let go of it all, and focus on her present, immediate existence.

But what she was trying the hardest, is not to check her phone every two minutes to see whether Jay wrote something.

He took her to dinner yesterday. It was the kind of classic romantic evening, with candles and wine and four-course meals. It was a great time. Jay was working hard, he was really focused all week. Yvette quickly noticed that he always responds to her messages, like clockwork, in the same time windows: in his lunch break, before he leaves his office in the evening, and shortly after he gets home and in the morning, at his first coffee. These were his routines but he never messages any other time. For her, it was something she could look up to, that level of concentration, she herself always checked her e-mails and notifications on the fly, and she could not waste a second, what if it’s something important? She was a great procrastinator, and often got lost daydreaming. Jay was different in this aspect, but how professional he was in his business, it was the same with everything else. Work hard, party hard. He made the most of his life. Yvette was blown away when she realized that Jay instinctively chose a restaurant she always wanted to go to, but there was no one to take her there yet. It wasn’t a place for a chat with girlfriends, and Ben did not know much about the restaurant scene. Jay, however, seemed to know everything about the joys of life, but in a reserved, elegant manner which Yvette found very attractive. Jay enjoyed talking, chilling, letting out the steam together with her, and of course, the experience of a delicious meal, after a long, hard week of work.

He took her to his place afterwards and they’ve been making love for hours.

Yvette slept over twice the first week they got together, but this was the first time they had nothing to care about, but each other. It was the start of the weekend, so no worries about tomorrow. They fell asleep at the first rays of the morning light.

Jay had some business to take care of though. He mentioned it days before, so it wasn’t a surprise for Yvette, but she still had a hard time leaving that bed. She could very easily imagine staying in there for the rest of the day, order food, watch TV, and have s*x, like they were teenagers. She knew she is diving inside this relationship like a hawk, or quite the contrary, breathing it in like someone escaping the embrace of the depths and just reaching the surface of the sea. She knew she needs to leave some air to Jay as well - she just could not help giving herself to these feelings she was longing for.

Jay drove her home and left. Yvette knew he would be busy for the rest of the day, and he left the possibility of a movie that evening; still, it was hard to accept. Nice autumn weather or not.

Whatever happens, happens. Yvette typed in “hi :)” three times, and erased it all three times. Jay was very polite and thorough yesterday, and he made sure Yvette understood he would be busy on this day, coordinating an important on-site business event through the afternoon. It would be childish to pressurize him. If she pushes too hard, it will chase him away. Julie-Marie made that quite clear, but sadly, it was no more than highlighting something Yvette already knew and felt.

“It would be nice to know if that movie is still feasible, though.” Yvette thought, biting into a vanilla- filled croissant.