The White Wolf

Chapter Twelve

~Payton~

I just lay there, allowing myself to feel the pain. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it over and over again, like a never-ending loop. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I finally understood what my mother meant when she said that love was safety.

When I was little, I would ask her how she knew who her mate was, and all she would say was love was safety. I used to sit on her knee and ask her what she meant. I understand it now. Jake was my safe place, my person. I could be myself and he would understand and accept me. I would be vulnerable, and he would protect me, but not think any less. He would still see me as me. I understood her now, she had all this with my dad, her true love, the Alpha wanted her, and he took her, but my father always had her heart. Her death was probably a relief for her grieving heart, least now she can be with my father.

I turn to Jake, he doesn’t sleep either but just laying beside me, watching me. I lift my head and he slides his arm underneath. I slide my top leg between his, and then I lean my cheek on his chest, his cool chest, to my warm and wet cheek. I so wished my mother never married that monster, I wish I had killed him while I had the chance, and I wish I never saw him kill her, it was inevitable that he would, I just wished I never saw it, I never heard it. I will never forget it, and he will die because of it. New tears flowed down my cheeks. My emotions flitted between rage, white-hot rage, to regret, to blaming myself to heartbreak. My mum, she looked after me through the worse of situations and I couldn’t protect her, from him. The true evil in this world. He will hide behind his army now, no-one will get close to him, they will only discuss orders through mind link they will never see him again. He will hide to protect himself. They won’t know he killed their beloved Luna; they will think I did, or if they don’t believe that, maybe someone from this pack killed her, they will learn the truth though. His pack will think he is hiding from grief, but in truth, he knows if he is out in the open, wandering around his pack territory, I don’t need to be near to kill him, I can do it from outside. This way it would draw me in. I would have to get to the heart of the compound undetected to kill him or risk killing the entire pack. He knows I would never kill innocents. I will only come for his head, and I will succeed, then by the law of theirs, they have to follow me.

These thoughts kept repeating on me, for what seemed like hours. The tears continued to flow, Jake continued to be there, Jamie would check-in, try, and get my attention, but couldn’t. He knew, he begged me to eat, to allow Jake to eat. So, I moved away from Jake, my body ached for him, but he needed food. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than I already am. I didn’t need to say anything, Jake knew why I had moved, “Thanks a lot man, she doesn’t need to think about me right now” Jake sarcastically says. I just curl up into a ball, and hide under the covers, Jamie follows Jake out of the room and closes the door. I toss and turn for a bit but eventually, I fall asleep. It is not a peaceful sleep, but it is sleep.

~Jake~

“Honestly, Jamie, for her best friend you’re not very attuned with what she needs right now” I snap at him. As I close the door behind me.

“You need to be strong for her, without knowing it, you are giving her your strength, you need to eat to maintain it. That was the first thing, the second is the pack, who are trying to be respectful, but a wolf, came onto our land and killed our Luna’s mother, most as calling for his head. The pack will fall apart, without your lead.” Jamie says, I know he is right. Most if not all, understand the loss Payton is experiencing. I want his head too, I know she does, I can feel the dark thoughts circling her head.  

“Well his head wouldn’t be a bad call, maybe we could take it?” I retort.

“Unlikely. Firstly, he has a hiding spot deep within the compound, only Payton knows where it is. Secondly, we wouldn’t make it anywhere near the compound, and he won’t leave the spot to come to the aid of his pack. Thirdly, he will spin some stupid story about visiting us, and one of our pack members killed his beloved Luna, they will never know the truth. They will follow and believe him because no-one can overthrow him.” He looks sad, almost as heartbroken as Payton, but he’s managed to hold it together somehow.

“I’m sorry man, I know she was like a mother to you too,” I say. He half-smiles while we head to the dining room, where there is loads of food. Claire has been stress baking. There are cookies and biscuits of all different kinds. Different types of finger foods, all cold, and sandwiches. My body feels numb without her. I need her close, so I quickly eat, which I do until Jamie relaxes a bit.

“It’s ok, I still have my bio-mum. I’ve continued training the pack, they are getting good man, you and Payton need to stop by when she can get out of bed.” I nod at him and head back up to our room. As I climb back into bed, she moves in the position we were before we were interrupted.

“Jamie says the pack are getting good at training, we should visit them when we can.” we barely move for a week, once a day Jamie comes and reminds me, I need to eat. Which I do, and then I climb back into bed, on the seventh day, Jamie reminds me to eat, and he mentions a roast,

“is she doing Yorkshire puddings?” Payton pipes up,

“and Marmite roast potatoes” he smiles,

“Oh.” Is all she said. I look at him confused. He winks. She gets up and showers, and gets dressed, ready for her Sunday roast. As we make it to the table fully dressed in what I would deem ‘proper’ clothes, everyone looks up with complete and utter shock on their faces, quickly schooled by concern. Jamie is the first to speak.

“Don’t worry Bambi, you’ve got a plate of your favourite, just how Mumma used to make,” he sadly smiles at her,

“Thank you,” she smiles back. I take her hand and feel her relax.

“So, Jake, tells me all the training is going well,” she smiles at them,

“Well, not for all of us,” Steph says.

“Oh, why?” Payton questions, and as she notices Nicks scowl, her face darkens, Jamie instantly gets up. “Never mind, I can see why it wouldn’t go so well, don’t like your woman able to stand up for herself hey mister?” the tone in her voice surprises me, and Nick. She was very quick to jump down his throat.

“Well, yes of course it does”. He replies. Jamie tries to cut in, but she silences him with a look. The look he then gives Nick was like sorry man, but I tried.

“Is that so you can hit her, abuse her and treat her appallingly?”  she waits for a reply when she gets none, “Oh no, is it because you forever want her in YOUR debt.” She pauses, Nick struggling to find an answer, “You want her as a damsel in distress?”

“Well no, to all of it,” he replies.

“Well then, the idea of training her is not to undermine you, although, I have more training than Jake and you don’t see him getting all pouty because I can beat him, you don’t seem him being all whiny and not allowing me to do stuff, I am the chosen one, the one to protect all of wolf-kind, yet I only see him building me up, maybe you should adopt the same outlook of your Alpha, women, like Steph, do not want to be on the battlefield, but trust me when I say, if my mum had more training she would have known his move to kill her and she would be alive right now! Probably making this lunch herself, by not allowing her to train you are deeming her to the same fate as my mother, I tell you now, as her daughter I barely survived, you as her mate, will not survive that fate.” Her face has such determination and sadness on it that I just want to make it all better, Nick’s, on the other hand, was rage. We’ve missed so much in a week, and that comment made him angry.  

“You do not tell me how I would survive” he growls.

“Oh? Should I not?” Jamie tries to cut in again, I move to face Nick.

“You don’t know what it is like to lose a mate Nick, Payton is just trying to protect Steph and you in turn,” I say.

“She is my mate I will dictate what she does”. He growls standing up.

Payton’s eyes change colour, Jamie mumbles “Oh no”. They turn flat black. Probably not a good sign.

“Actually, as your Luna, I dictate what she does and that is to attend training. I will train her myself, so she can kick your scrawny bum to the ground. Do not forget who you are talking to, boy.” Her voice even but she is using her Luna's voice. Nick attempts to stand but Jamie is behind him in a flash and stops him, whispering in her ear, “Challenge her, and she will take you outside and school you so hard, that you will not be able to be to walk any longer.”

“Yes, Luna. I see the error of my ways, I am sorry, of course, Steph should be able to protect herself, and I guess, the pups she is carrying” Payton freezes. Nick is smart and knows how to work, telling Payton Steph is pregnant would change Payton’s stance on training.

Jamie says “oh dear lord.” He raises his hands and goes back to his seat. Zoey rubs his hand.

“Pups? You want to train while you are pregnant Steph?”

“yes, I need to learn to protect them,” she whispers.

“Of course, you do, the reason you can’t participate in training with anyone else is that you need special training and Jamie cannot deliver that. Nick was right. I will train you.” She smiles and relaxes as her plate is put in front of her, just a plate of roast potatoes, a tiny bit of meat and loads of Yorkshire puddings. She smiles to herself; she looks just like a kid at Christmas. Jamie relaxes as soon as she does the dark part has passed. Watching her gives me such pride, even when using Luna's voice, she looked powerful and radiant. My heart could explode with the amount of love I have for her. Although I was scared, she might kill my second in command. I was powerful, although not as much as her, the way she spoke of me like I was perfect, made me so happy that she thought that. She tucked into the food, she kept looking at Jamie and Zoey, half-way through dinner,

“So, two sisters pregnant at the same time, I wonder what else the Goddess will grace us with?” she pounders, Jamie looks terrified and Zoey looks confused.

“Who’s the other sister?” I ask her.

“Zoey of course, you can’t tell?” I shake my head no. she smiles. She is always surprising me, only highly trained midwives can tell pregnancy in early stages. If she could tell Zoey, then why didn’t she notice Steph, maybe because she wasn’t watching her for half a meal before she decides to speak.

“Oh sorry, didn’t you know?” Jamie and Zoey shake their hands, after dinner they excuse themselves, and Steph tells them where to find her unused pregnancy test. Zoey just nods and goes upstairs. The warriors show Payton what they can do, and Jamie turns up to help. He said something about Zoey needing space, Payton seemed to understand. How is she so attuned to notice? As I watch her, her training is evident. Her pain is that much more predominant. After an afternoon of socialising I can see she is tiring, I plan for a romantic dinner to be set up in our room.

I instantly feel panic from Payton, she starts running towards the forest, and transforms without missing a step. Jamie isn’t far behind her and we all follow. Something is amiss. We keep pace with Jamie as Payton seems to be using her magic to get to wherever we are going quicker. Makes me believe that there is another attack. As soon as we arrive, we see Payton standing over a very muddy Zoey, Payton is growling. Not happy.  

She mind links me,

‘Check on Steph, this wasn’t a random attack, they wanted to kidnap her’ I do and Steph’s at the packhouse, Jamie shifts and carries Zoey back. The others shift and go about their duties. Payton and I stay in wolf form and follow Jamie back. I keep watching Payton, who is this beautiful white wolf, she’s the colour of fresh snow. Her paws and ears are huge, she’s smaller than me in size but much bigger than a normal female wolf. Her eyes focus on anything and everything. Just watching her fills me with so much pride, her big black eyes watching, her eyes twitching as she listens. She muscles clear under her fur. I count my lucky stars that the Goddess deemed me good enough for Payton.

Once at the house, Steph meets us and brings Zoey a blanket. We shift back and I get handed shorts by Nick.

“Steph and Zoey must not leave the packhouse, if they do, they need an escort. I will attend any prenatal care appointments along with their mates. We will not be caught off guard again.” I nod at her, she is the best person to go along to the appointments. She is an amazing fighter and she can take on more than any other too. Jamie takes Zoey upstairs, Steph and Nick head back into the house, leaving me and Payton alone.

“Shift back, there is somewhere I want to take you,” I say, taking off my pants again, once in wolf form we walk side by side, there is something in the way she moves now that wasn’t there before. I hope she’s not scared I would turn on her. I would never. Her mum and Sebastian were not true mates, not like Payton and me. She rubs her face into my shoulder. We walk for 10 minutes until we get to the middle of our land, completely out of the way of everything. We come to a waterfall. Some flowers have grown all around the edge of the bottom half of the pool.

I walk into the pool, it’s warm. I wait for Payton to follow me in, we play in the water for a bit splashing with our paws and jumping on each other. After a while, I walk under the waterfall. I wait for Payton to follow but she doesn’t, I stick my head out and make a noise for her to follow. She does but kind of runs under the waterfall. Stopping immediately before she hit the stone wall. There is an opening to a cave, not a big opening, most would miss it if they did follow us here. we enter the cave.

The cave is like walking into another world, you know the ones you see in the movies, however, this doesn’t have an entire another ecosystem within it, there is grass, and moss-covered walls with flowers that are slightly aglow. There seem to be small bushes around the outside, like someone planted them. No-one that I know off knows this place, there has never been a scent here. Until now, I never wanted to share this, my quiet place. Now I share it with Payton. Men are taught not to show emotion, to be strong with Payton I feel I can be ‘weaker’ show her my softer side because she doesn’t believe that all men should be strong. They can be whatever they want to be, just like women don’t need to be weak they can be strong too.

Payton shifts into human form, not bothering to use magic to cover up, I shift too. I can’t help but get excited upon seeing her. Her long curly blonde hair cascading down her pack as she smiles at me over her shoulder. One leg back slightly like she’s mid-stride, her perfect peachy bum, her soft subtle skin. Her smile at me. This one smile reaches her eyes.

“It’s beautiful here Jake, how did you find this place?” she says as she touches the moss, and moves the flower.

“I know, it’s my quiet place, no-one can track us through the water and I found it as a kid, I used to run around like a nutter, in and out of the water up and down trees, then I would come in here and hide, they never found me. It’s like it’s been touched by the goddess, so I kept it sacred to me, and now you.” I smile at her. She reaches up and kisses me.

“It has been touched by the Goddess. This place is perfect.” She smiles and continues to kiss me. She on tiptoes, I pull her in against me, I can feel her body on mine, each of my cells where we touch tingling. I press her up again the rock face and lift her a little. I slowly slide my business in hers. she arches her back and moans. We make love in this cave, its slow and passionate. I can feel her climax leading me too. Once we are both finished, we curl up together and cuddle within the cave. We leave and get back just in time for dinner to be served in our room.

We chat as we are served dinner. I get to learn so much more about her, about her mother, her old Alpha, films and books she likes, comics she had read, games she has played. It was like being on a real date after we finish dinner and dessert. We take a walk around the grounds, mostly the garden and through the houses. I tell her stories from my childhood, how I was raised, about my siblings. As we walk, I put my arm around her shoulders, and she cuddles in as we continue to walk. Pack members greet us and wish her well. When we get up to the room there are snacks waiting for us. We watch tv for about before she falls asleep. I sit and watch her for a time before sleep overwhelms me.