Moon Marked by the Goddess

Six

I asked my dad to leave it alone for now, and not say anything to Alpha. I don't want to put any strain on their relationship because of what's going on, or rather what's not going on with Jackson and myself. He agreed to let me handle it for now, telling me he will get involved if it happens again.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I've been talking to Loraine. She said we are definitely destined mates. Usually mates won't reject one another. So there isn't a lot of research on it, but the half that is rebelling against the bond usually doesn't feel the pain associated with the illicit act. She believes I unintentionally pushed the pain I was feeling through the bond.

"I don't understand. I didn't think you could share emotions, or feel each other's pain unless you were fully bonded." Guilt is eating away at me, knowing I could have caused Jackson pain. Which makes no sense, because brought it on himself.

"I've never heard of both parties feeling the pain of infidelity. So I believe you were able to funnel what you felt. You can mind link with several wolves at once, pushing your pain to your mate doesn't seem like a large leap." She grabs a slice of pineapple pizza, and takes a large bite.

"When you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Is there any way I can stop myself from forcing my feelings on him? I don't want to seem like I'm intentionally trying to harm him." I ask, gaze locked on the slice of pizza in my hands. I can't stand the eye contact right now, it makes me feel so vulnerable.

"The only thing I can think of, is controlling your emotions, but how can a person keep their emotions controlled while their mate is doing something like that." Her pizza free hand, comes to rest on top of my hand on the table, causing me to look up at her. Her eyes show so much genuine concern, and it guts me. "Rylan you have to worry about yourself, I understand he's you're mate. So you have a desire to protect him, but don't let that cost you your happiness. Push that pain back as hard as you can, make him think twice about doing something that would cause you pain again."

Her eyes still have the concern in them, but they also have a pleading element to them. As if she's begging me to take her advice, and put myself first. At first it seems barbaric to even think of hurting my mate, no wait, not my mate. He doesn't want me. The longer I look into her emerald eyes, the deeper they pull me in, convincing me she is correct, that I deserve better, and that I must fight for it.

"Okay. I will try, but I don't know how I did it the first time."

I hear footsteps making their way towards the kitchen. "You'll try what?" I hear my dads baritone voice ring out from behind me.

"I've told her that if she feels that pain again, to focus all of her energy into pushing it back to him. She shouldn't have to bear it alone." Loraine speaks up.

A strong hand clasps my left shoulder. "Atta girl, make sure it hurts him a h*ll of a lot more than it does you. I wonder when Rupert returns with Senna tomorrow, if they could help you figure out how to strengthen that."

"I don't know dad, but I'm sure you'll ask." I laugh, it feels good to have people in my corner. Even if I don't have my mate, I have plenty of people that care for me, and will help me.

I work up the courage to knock on the door. I want a moment, and then knock again. When I raise my fist to knock again it swings open.

"Why are you here?" Jackson's voice is gruff, like he was just woken up, even though it's only about 7PM.

"We need to talk. This tiptoeing around each other has to stop." I say much more confidently than I feel. Fake it til you make it, right?

"No, you need to leave. I have nothing to say to you." He says while closing the door in my face. I push my foot between the door and the frame and then grab the door pushing it open and walking into the apartment, I close the door behind me.

"Fine, we don't have to talk, but you will listen." Attitude oozing from every word. "I'm your mate whether you like it or not. I'm not thrilled about it, I think it's a bit weird, we were raised as cousins. If you refuse to move past that, then we can figure out what we need to do to reject this bond." I pause to see if he will respond. He doesn't seem as angry as he usually is, just looks bored.

"Rylan, I have alpha blood coursing through my veins, I should be mated to a high ranking female. Not an adopted mutt, living off of another families rank!" His speech started calm, but by the end he's in my face and screaming.

"Then you're a fool, and don't know who I am. My father was the Beta male before your uncle took over the position, my mother a beta female from the New Moon pack. So I have the pedigree. I'm not riding on anyone coattails. Also, you must have forgotten, so let me refresh your memory, the Moon Goddess herself chose me to represent her, she has marked me, I have spoken with her. So if you still think I'm too lowly for you, your highness reject me." I spit those few words at him, and turn grabbing the door handle, and opening the door. "But you will not disrespect our bond again." With that I walk through the door closing it behind me. I immediately sink to the floor and take in several deep breaths trying to regain my composure, and slow my heart. It's beating wildly against my ribcage. I pull my knees to my chest, and just hold them for a minute, as I feel myself calm down.

Holy sh*t, I actually did. I was hoping it would be a bit more civil, but I said what I needed to say. I didn't let him push me around. Maybe the Moon Goddess was right to pick me, I can be the strong person she needs me to.

"Of course I was right, I often am. I'm happy to see you're starting to believe it. You need to believe in your abilities, as much as you believe me." Her voice is gentle, and helps me further calm down.

"Thank y-." My voice breaks from the emotions I'm feeling. Looking up at her she's just as gorgeous, and ethereal as the first time I saw in her in uncle's office last week. "Thank you for believing in me." I didn't realize how much I needed to hear her approval. I feel loved, worthy, and so much gratitude right now.

"Goodnight Rylan, go home, don't sit in the hallway all night." Then she was gone.

I took her advice, and made my way back to my apartment. Unlocking the door and letting myself in. I see Ian sitting on the couch watching cartoons. I go and sit beside him, and he snuggles up into my side. "I missed you Ry, where'd you go?"

"I missed you too, I had to go talk to Jackson." I tell him, as I wrap my arm around his shoulders. "Let's watch tv, I'll make us some popcorn." I say hoping to distract him, so he doesn't ask for any details.

"Yes! Can we have cheesy popcorn? I love cheesy popcorn!" He says with so much excitement.

"Okay bub, cheesy popcorn it is. I'll be right back with it." After I make the popcorn, I pour it into a large bowl, and cover it with nacho cheese popcorn powder. I take the bowl over to the couch and sit down with Ian. We eat our popcorn and watch tv until he falls asleep with his head on my lap. I ease off of the couch, careful to prevent waking him up and take the bowl to the kitchen, putting it in the dishwasher.

Making my way back to the living room I see our mother lifting his unconcious body from the couch. "I'll carry him to bed Ry. You go on to bed yourself. Thank you for spending time with him tonight, I know you're struggling, but he loves every moment with his big sister."

"I'll always be here for him. That's what big sisters are for. Goodnight mom." She smiles at me, and heads down the hallway toward Ian's room. I turn off the lights in the kitchen and livingroom, then walk to my bedroom. I take the rings I've had in my pocket all day, and put them in the nightstand drawer by my bed. I take the note from my bra, and open it, reading the words again.

Seeing his hand writing telling me he didn't want to leave, fills me with warmth. I put the note inside of the picture frame of my parents, that I placed on my desk earlier for safe keeping.

I open my pajama drawer, and pull out a tshirt and sleep shorts, then walk into the bathroom. I take a long, hot shower. Washing the dust from the storage unit, and all my feelings regarding Jackson down the drain. When I'm satisfied I'm clean, I get out and towel dry. I put my pajamas on, and then braid my hair, so my curls wont be unruly in the morning. I brush my teeth, and swish around some super minty mouth wash. Once I make it to bed, I climb under the sheets, and feel the stress from the day bleed away.

I start thinking about what tomorrow will bring. I know Rupert, and Senna should be here by early afternoon. I'm a bit nervous to meet Senna, but I'm excited at the same time. I hope she can teach me more about my ability to mass mind link. I also need a female perspective of being a moon marked wolf. She might understand the issues I'm having Jackson, and be able to help me. I drift off hoping they'll be able to answer some of my questions.