Fractured hearts

Go…

tara pov

Leaving my apartment I know I have one place I need to visit before I do this job, I haven't so much thought about getting back into the criminal world since that one night and now as I stand here thinking about I I know I need to see someone special to talk to, as I drive towards where they are I try not to think about what could happen and how this could end. I could get one of my brothers to do this for me but I am the one who f****d Camerons life up by letting him live and I need to sort this but one of us are going to end hurt and I am sure its going to be that gets the worse end of the stick during this f**k up. Parking in the car park I walk up the small ally only taking ten minutes to find his grave stone, looking down I see his name in bold wording...Blake Davies.

Blake Davies was my innocent, he was my boyfriend who I killed, we was in a car crash that took his life and he understood what I did for a living and yet he still loved in anyway, he was my lifeline when I did jobs keeping me grounded and he was my two hundred and fifty kill. He made me promise no more killing and I promise him I wouldn't kill anyone but as I sit here staring at his grave I know I can no longer keep the promise. I didn't think in my life that I would find someone to put up with me and my life but I did and Blake was a blessing, he knew it was who I am and even though he never liked it he would stand by my side. He would still be by my side if I didn't get him killed, it should have been me that day not him.

"It has been a while, I should have come and visited you more but it hurts when I do because when I do I remember that night, I killed you and I cant forgive myself for it" I start to say as the tears run down my face, just the thought of that night makes me want to travel back in time and change it so it was me and not him. I look down at my hands remembering all the blood as he laid there bleeding out with me by his side, I was the last person he saw as he closed his eyes for the last time.

"I never should have bought you into my life and I have been paying the price ever since, I was selfish and I needed you, you was my lifeline and I am sorry I let you down. You were an innocent I feel hard for and deep down I know I should have let you go but I couldn't, how could I when you saw the best in me" I say pulling my knees into my chest, Blake was my first boyfriend who I loved deeply and even my brothers respected him, they told me nothing good could come from falling for a innocent but I ignored them and now Blake is no longer with us. I should have listened to my brothers but I was selfish and I loved him, I wasn't able to walk away from him till it was too late I guess.

"I made a promise as you laid there bleeding out that there will be no more and I think I am about to break it. Cameron the boy I told you about came back and he's begging for my help, his wife is innocent so is the baby she is currently carrying. I need you to know that I wouldn't break my promise if I couldn't help it, I love you and I wish you understand that I have to do this, I need you to forgive me because I don't think I can forgive myself and I need you" I say trying to hold it together but I don't think I can any longer, Blake saw the best in me and right now I need him to understand that if I go down this road that I will never forgive myself for destroying the only thing that kept me stable. The only good thing in my life is that promise I have been holding onto for five years, it has kept me going but as I look at my Blake grave I know once I break this promise that there is no going back, I could lose myself. Taking one more look at Blake grave I stand too my feet pulling out my phone

Me: Trying not to break my promise but I need too, going under for a job - tara

unknown: Theres other ways we can do this, don't break when you don't need too - tye

unknown: Tell us what we can do, I don't want you to loose yourself, we cant lose you - Trent

unknown: Too many promises have been broke between us, let us help you keep this one - Theo

me: This is something I have to do, when I break I will text - tara

Deleting the messages I pocket my phone knowing my brothers have my back for everything but theres only one person I need to know that will forgive me for this and I don't get to hear him say it ever again. That night he shouldn't have been the one to die it should have been me however Blake held my hand till his dying breath and I made him that promise. I looked him into the eyes as he was dying and I promise I wouldn't do it anymore but as I look away I know theres no coming back once the promise has been broken.

When I first told him what I did for a living I was expecting him to run for the moon and leave me standing alone under the darkness but he took a step forward and he made me promise that I didn't hurt innocents, I told him about Cameron and he told me everything was going to be ok because one day in the future I could make it right. I didn't think that making it right would also meaning that I break my only promise that I have been trying not to break. I knew Blake was a innocent when I fell for him and I was in two minds about telling him who I really was but as I look back at that day I realised how selfish I was for bringing him into my life. I should have let him go but I needed Blake like I need him right now.

"Forgive me please baby! My heart has and will always belong to you" I say walking away and wiping my tears needing couple of minutes to collect myself before I return home and sort my belonging out. I look up to the sky before walking away wondering if I can really do this.

"Forgive me please" I saw one last time as I look up towards the sky.