Too Many Secrets

SEVEN

Brittany moved her attention back to the cardboard box. Some of her childhood memories were in there...some memories she wanted to stay hidden.

Junior high and high school had not been enjoyable. She'd never been the popular cheerleader type girl, and most of the kids made fun of her just because she had her nose in a book most of the time. Although her three brothers had been jocks, she was the one their friends came to when they needed help with their homework. Unfortunately, it didn't make her any more popular. Not really. But she couldn't help it. So she loved to learn. But she wouldn't trade a minute for that time, now. She was in the job she'd wanted to have since she was a sophomore in high school.

Expelling a heavy breath, she moved back to the table to look inside the box and see what surprises it had instore for her. The items on top were pictures of her friends that she'd hung on a corkboard that had been nailed to her bedroom wall. That was where she'd pinned pictures of her friends and people she loved—or boys she wished would love her. As she looked through them, happy memories hit her, and she smiled. She hadn't kept in touch as she should have. Seeing these photos again made her wonder what her friends were doing now, seven years after graduation.

She set those aside and rummaged through the box a little more. Concert tickets to her favorite rock band. She laughed aloud, recalling that she'd gone with her mother because they shared the same love for this particular band.

She'd won some ribbons at the state fair for crocheting a baby's blanket. Brittany chuckled. She'd picked up this hobby because she needed something to do when she went to her grandmother's house every weekend to visit.

The next object her hand bumped into was her diary. A laugh sprang from her throat. Had she really kept a diary? What a nerd she was!

Out of curiosity, she opened it and skimmed through the pages. She laughed at some of the things that had been a drama in her world at the time...mainly boys. Of course, it all ended with them breaking her heart.

On one of the pages, she had used colored pencils and drew flowers around the edge of the page. She stopped skimming, and studied the checklist. When she realized what it was for, she snorted a laugh—a loud one, in fact. This list was qualities to look for in a man.

Kind heart— I want a man who is kind to others, as well as animals. A person can tell what kind of person a man is by his heart.

Friendly to everyone—I want to find a man who isn't fake, who doesn't acts as if he's nice to everyone, but then gossips behind their backs.

Makes me laugh—I don't want a man who is serious all the time. I want one who can be silly along with me, and we can find things to laugh at together.

Intelligent—men who are smart will challenge me. If I'm smarter than they are, they are bored with me quickly, just as I get bored with them.

Handsome—so, let's face it, if I don't think he's good looking, then I have already lost interest.

Brittany laughed loudly, again. Funny how she would be in this frame of mind back then. She hated it when men didn't look past her appearance.

Share the same hobbies—the man of my dreams must love the things I love. He must be an outdoorsman and love camping and fishing.

Devoted to his woman—I suppose I should have listed this one first since it's more important than the others. I want a man who loves me and only me. I'm tired of guys who are players.

Brittany arched an eyebrow. Only seven? Why hadn't she thought of more things to add to the list? Regardless, this was a good list, and even though she'd forgotten about it over the years, she still searched for the perfect man. However, she'd yet to find one who had all of these qualities. But was she really looking?

The tenth-grade memory of when she wrote this list had returned, and she smiled. The new guy in school had noticed her, and from the little she'd known about him, he had most of these attributes. But then like most guys she'd dated, this one turned out to be a total liar. Even now Brittany wondered if he'd told her anything that was the truth.

The memory deepened. Hadn't she written another checklist right after he'd broken her heart? She rummaged through the box until she found it. On the corkboard, she had pinned this list over the first one. This list was titled, how to turn a guy off.

Be yourself. If you're smart, then act it. Guys really hate that.

Don't wear makeup. For some reason, most guys aren't into women who look plain.

Keep your hair in ponytails. Guys like women with long hair.

Never wear dresses! Guys like to look at a woman's legs, so don't give them that chance!

Wear unflattering clothes. Clothes that are too tight on your body is also a turn-on for guys. Don't give them the opportunity to ogle.

Never tell a guy you love him. If he loves you, let him tell you first.

Brittany bit her bottom lip, pondering the list. Perhaps this was why she hadn't gotten a man yet. She was always herself, so she didn't have to worry about number one. She wore make up, but it wasn't caked on. She always kept her hair in ponytails, except for the times when she had to attend something formal, then she left it long. It was the same for dresses. She only wore those if she was forced to. Unflattering clothes? What could be more unflattering than what she wore now? She glanced down at her attire; a short-sleeve, button up blue shirt with black slacks, and the ridiculously ugly—but very practical and comfortable—shoes.

Hmm... So perhaps these types of clothes fit her too tight. They weren't skin tight on her, but they were snug. However, she still felt very comfortable wearing them.

And the last item on the list... She was wise back then. Even now, she didn't tell a guy she loved him before he said it first. From experience, if a guy didn't say those three little words, then he wasn't serious about the relationship.

She shook her head and leaned against the table. Her life was too complicated for a relationship, anyway. She just didn't have time. Her job had been her constant companion since she'd been promoted to a detective a year ago.

Setting aside the checklist, she peered back inside the box to see if there were any fun tidbits she'd had as a teenager. Apparently, she'd been busy in her sewing class, because she'd made pillow cases and...something else that she had no idea what it was. Laughing, she shook her head. It was probably not very important—obviously.

As she dug deeper into the box, she saw another picture with an article. This had been cut out of a newspaper in the obituary section. The memory hit her full force, bringing an ache to her heart.

When she was a junior in high school, her older sister was killed by a drunk driver. Marla had just graduated college with an Associate's degree, and she was out with four of her friends celebrating. The four of them had never made it to their party that night. Two of them were sent to the hospital in critical condition, and two of them went to the morgue, instead. Marla was one of those unlucky people.

Tears stung Brittany's eyes and she sat on the nearest chair. Her sister had been so full of dreams, and it was all snatched away in the blink of an eye. There were a lot of things Marla could have changed about her life in order to make it better. First, she shouldn't have found LeRoy—the worst boyfriend Marla had ever had. He was abusive—both mentally and physically. He was the reason Marla had gone to that party...and he happened to be one of the people in the car that had survived.

Brittany's heart clenched. Marla should have read those lists Brittany had written. Perhaps her sister wouldn't have ended up in the ground, buried six-feet under.

She glanced back at the checklist still lying on the table. Perhaps she needed to follow that list a little better. That way, she wouldn't ever find a skank like Marla's boyfriend.

Starting tomorrow, she was going to do her best to search for the man who would love and accept her, even though she was following the steps on this list. He was out there somewhere, she just knew it. Hopefully, she'd be able to find him before she was eighty years old.

She rubbed her neck and glanced at the clock on the microwave again. It was still too early to go to bed, but soaking in the tub sounded Heavenly.

After putting her box of memorabilia away, she started her bath, throwing soothing bath beads into the very warm water. She quickly shucked off her clothes and climbed inside. A deep sigh of satisfaction ripped through her. Closing her eyes, she sank lower and laid her head against the wall of the tub.

The room was quiet; only the occasional splash from the water against the tub disturbed the silence. Her mind could relax and she wouldn't have to worry about anything. So then, why wasn't it happening that way? Instead, her mind raced from one idea to another. Every time Austin Reeder's face appeared in her head, she quickly ushered it out, allowing another thought to enter. Yet, just like a yo-yo, Austin's face always bounced back to taunt.

She was going to have to meet him tomorrow, accidentally, according to Kurt. Shivers ran over her body, and she rubbed her arms. However, she couldn't tell if the shivers were because she didn't want to see him again, but knew it had to happen—or was it because she couldn't stop thinking about the passionate way he'd kissed her?

If she saw him again so soon, would he want a repeat of their steamy kiss? As strong willed as she was, she honestly wasn't sure if she'd be able to tell him no.