Sweet Southern Haven

Talk to Someone

{Noelle’s POV}

[This chapter contains themes of abuse, s/a, and the loss of a child, reader discretion is advised!]

Waking up was a blur, if I’m honest all of it was a blur. I panicked when I saw that horse barreling towards Emmaline and hopped the fence without thinking. Luckily I made it to her in time, but I couldn’t get back over the fence before the horse was on top of me. A hard slam to the back of my head, and the feeling of my body dropping like a sack of potatoes was the last thing that I remember before waking up here. A bright white room, sunlight pouring in through the curtains, and the annoying sound of a steady beeping.

I groaned, sitting up and gripping my head in my hand, it hurt more than I’d like to admit. Each movement made my muscles scream in retaliation, while the throbbing in my head made even my stomach churn.

“Noelle, you shouldn’t be trying to get up!” Silas’ worried voice caught me off guard.

I looked up, seeing him sitting in the chair in the corner, with Emmaline sleeping soundly in the bed beside me. “W-What..” was all I could say, I wasn’t even sure why I was saying it, so I stopped myself.

“Do you remember what happened? Are you hurting at all?” He asked, rushing to my side, one of his hands going to my face and brushing some of the hair that had fallen around my cheek back behind my ear.

I stared up at him, my eyes wide, as the feeling of his rough hand against my soft skin made my mind wander for a moment. I froze, a blush spreading across my cheeks. “I-I umm.. I think I remember.. Emmaline.. is she okay?” I asked, looking down to the sleeping child beside me.

“She’s fine, she was worried about you though.. she felt so awful that you got hurt while helping her..” he said, brushing Emmaline’s hair back gently. “I-I can move her.. if you want me to.” He said, beginning to try to pick her up.

I brushed through Emmaline’s hair softly with my fingers. “No.. she’s okay, she’s comfortable here.” I said, smiling down at her. “She looks so sweet when she’s sleeping like this, look at that little smile.” I looked up noticing him watching me, he had this unreadable look on his face. “What? Did I say something I shouldn’t have?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No.. it’s just, seeing her curled up with you like that. Emmaline hasn’t really been close to anyone but the family since her mama died..” he said, sitting back in his chair by the bed. “It was traumatic for all of us.. to say the least.” He sighed, sinking back into the chair.

“How did I get here?” I asked, leaning back and running my fingers through Emmaline’s hair softly.

“We had to call an ambulance.. you were unconscious, and bleeding so much.. I know that people aren’t supposed to know you’re here, so we’ve been trying to keep your identity hidden for now.” He said, readjusting in the chair, I could tell he was uncomfortable, he was much too big for that chair.

“How long was I out? How long have you been here?” I asked, looking back down at Emmaline’s sleeping face, she had this sweet smile spread across her face.

“You were out all night.. Emmaline and I have been here since you got here, we rode over in the ambulance with you.” He said, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.

I chuckled. “Don’t tell me you were worried about me Silas.. I’ve been through worse.” I said that last part without thinking, and quickly looked away.

“You know.. you don’t have to talk about it with me if you don’t want to.. but I think it’d be a good idea for you to talk to someone about your past.” He said, a serious expression washing over his face.

“I-I can’t.. and I mean that, I really can’t.. it’s part of my conditions of being here.. I’m not meant to be seen.. or talk to anyone except the man that brought me here, and of course you all..” I sighed, leaning back and closing my eyes. “My son would be four..” I whimpered, brushing Emmaline’s hair again.

“You had a son?” Silas asked, a little surprised, though I suppose I even surprised myself by saying it.

I nodded, closing my eyes as tears began to prick in my eyes. “I lost him.. I was 36 weeks along.. Parker.. he was drunk.. and in one of his moods.. that night was one of the worst nights I had as his wife.. and the next morning.. I lost my son..” I choked back a sob, shaking my head softly. “He was far enough along that I had to be taken to the hospital.. they forced me to deliver him.. he was beautiful.. his hair red like mine, his skin so pale.. he was the most beautiful boy.. When I got home after having to spend a week in the hospital under constant around the clock care.. Parker.. he looked at me and scoffed.. telling me that I’m truly useless if I can’t even give him a child..” I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed. “My baby was gone.. and to the man that I cared so much for.. the man that I gave my life to.. all I was to him.. was a useless woman..”

I opened my eyes, finally looking to Silas. “I’ll ki** him..” he seethed through gritted teeth. He stood up, beginning to turn towards the door, I grabbed his hand quickly, pulling him back.

He turned, looking back to me, his eyes cold, dead, angry.. “Don’t..” I said softly. “It’s too late for my son.. it’s too late for me.. you have this beautiful girl to look after, focus on that, focus on her..” I put on a broken smile, looking down to Emmaline. “She matters much more than a past that you can’t change.. and a person that you can’t fix.”

“Noelle.. it isn’t right.. he did something that awful to you.. and you so easily tell me to stand down. Aren’t you angry? Aren’t you dying for him to get what’s coming to him?” He asked, looking down at me, his eyes staying locked with mine.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, before his rough calloused hand gently caressed it, his thumb rubbing the tear away. “I am angry.. but you don’t understand.. I’m no longer angry at Parker.. I’m angry at myself, for staying.. for allowing him to break me apart this way.. he made me into nothing.. and that’s all I fear I’ll ever be..”