Untainted: The Purest

Chapter 2–The Reasons

—Hotel Suite—

Abdul Ahad opened his eyes and clutched his head. His massive hangover made his vision blurry. After a few minutes when he fully opened his eyes and could see properly, his ears registered muffled sobs and sniffs. He scanned the room for the source of voice and there she was, sitting in the corner of the room, on the prayer mat, her palms raised in supplication and teary eyes witness of her pain.

In that moment, he recollected everything from last night. "s**t!" He hissed and ran to her.

"Umeed?" He was about to comfort her when she pulled back. "Don't touch me! I hate you!"

Her words hurt but he knew he had messed up. He sat on his knees beside her and said, "Umeed, I know this doesn't change anything but… I know I shouldn't have done all that. I get extremely hard to handle when I am drunk. If you want, you punish me, shout at me but please don't say you hate me."

"How could you?" She said with the same tone and pain. Her swollen lips, her shivering body, her tear stained face... she looked like a completely different person than she was last night. Like those charms and beauty were fading away with her tears.

"I was drunk and not in my senses. Please forget it." He pleaded again. Forget it? Isn't he sorry, or guilty or remorseful for his actions at all? She asked herself. Even after doing all that with her, he didn't apologize. Rather was asking her to forget it!

“Ahad... I know I am nothing special. I'm not as rich or educated or mature as you. I am an ordinary woman who comes from an ordinary family but that doesn't mean that I deserve to be treated like this!" She shook her head vigorously.

"You're not ordinary, Umeed. And yes, you don't deserve to be treated like this. No one does. I can never love you to the extent to which you love me. I may not deserve you but I am very proud and lucky to have you. I know right now after what happened last night you can't trust a single word. There is only one way to be sure. Let it go this one time. Accept me as I am. I'll make sure this never happens again." He said all of it in one breath.

Her sobbing slowed a little but her eyes were still accusing him. She violently wiped her tears and said with a deep, determined breath, "It was your responsibility to protect me from every evil person and thing. How can I trust you when you fail against your own demons? How can I trust you to protect me Ahad? How can I believe this won't happen again?"

He was speechless. He hadn't expected an argument so strong from a girl like her. She knew nothing beyond her village or maybe her cottage walls. That was one reason he married her. She knew no people, no laws, no city life. So that even if he did something unforgettable, she would still stick to him. Still here she was.

Umeed quickly stood up folding her prayer mat and walked away leaving him too overburdened with his guilt.

She placed the neatly folded prayer mat back in her suitcase. They had a façade to keep up. They had to go 'home'.

Her mood affected her tastes when it came to clothes. She loved bright, vibrant colours but she was sad today so she picked a dull off-white flowy gown and went to change.

•••

Umeed didn't want to see herself like this. Standing aimlessly under the shower, she let more tears flow with the water. She wrapped her arms around herself strongly. She felt so weak and helpless; So exhausted and lonely. The one person who meant the world to her burned down her hopes, dreams and self-respect in a few hours after their wedding.

'Do I really have anywhere to go?'

She thought as she recalled her mother's words,

'Your Doli (palanquin) is leaving this house but your coffin should be leaving from your husband's house.'

And Ahad's behaviour...

She hissed in pain as her hands stroked her body. It was branded with his ownership.

"Umeed, are you okay? I'm getting worried." Ahad knocked on the door.

"Yes coming." She said loud enough for him to hear and got ready.

She tied up her hairs in a loose bun and applied just kajal, and light lipstick. That's all she knew. She had been brought up in a conservative environment where she wasn't fond of heavy makeup or jewellery but she wore it today to cover those injuries.

Abdul Ahad got ready in a black suit looking handsome as always. It took a few minutes for Umeed to take her eyes off him. His hairs were falling on his forehead and she had this sudden urge to comb them with her fingers but when the previous night flashed in front of her eyes, all her affection vanished.

He gestured her questioningly. She shook her head and looked down.

"You're ready?"

She nodded.

He called someone to load their luggage in the car and asked her to come.

"Mumtaz?" Umeed asked.

"I got her message. She left half an hour ago."

***

The drive back home was silent. None of them talked for complete two hours. Ahad kept stealing glances at her. Her words of complaints, anger would have hurt him but her silence hurt him more. Sometimes the biggest punishment we can give to somebody is no punishment at all.

—Ahad's Mansion—

When they reached home, Umeed was dazed to see the place. He lived in a Palace with modern architecture. After walking a long spacious walk, came the door which he held open for her. "Welcome Mrs. Abdul Ahad." He said, an affectionate smile playing on his lips.

"Masha'allah. This is marvellous." She mouthed to nobody in particular. It was too huge for a single person. She didn't know to be happy or sad because destiny had given her something different from what she prayed for. All she wanted was a quiet secluded life with her loved ones, a big joint family and spending her life taking care of that family, raising her children, sharing her knowledge, and helping people in need.

"Come, I'll show you our room. You must be tired." She silently walked behind him as he led her to the first floor.

•••

There couldn't be a site more amazing than his room. It was bigger than the playground they had back at the village. A king-sized bed in the middle would incite anybody's sleep, the walk-in closet, big dresser with a huge mirror and a full window wall on the side of the bed leading to a balcony overlooking the beautiful garden down there.

Umeed walked to the middle of the room taking in all its appearance. How do people love living in such big rooms? It would take her time to get used to all this.

She turned around and Ahad was standing extremely close. She wanted to turn away but he held her by arms.

"Umeed? We have a life lying ahead of us. For the sake of that, try to forget whatever happened." He said in an extremely sentimental voice.

She closed her eyes. He had hit a nerve. She didn't want to forgive him this easily, not when he didn't even apologize but sometimes we forgive people not because they're sorry but because we can't live without them.

His words just could not heal the wound his actions had caused her. She wanted to end her own suffering more than his. He didn't deserve forgiveness but her love didn't deserve punishment either.

Ahad placed a cold hand on her warm cheek and continued, "That day, at your village, when I saw you, playing cricket with those little boys, I just couldn't take my eyes off you. I kept staring at you like there was nothing else left in the world. Those were my genuine feelings Umeed. You are a good girl with a good upbringing and family oriented. We would be perfect and so I approached you. Maybe I was being too blunt or call it whatever but when you rejected me, it just spilled my ego all over the floor. All I needed was to get it together. To prove to nobody but myself that I always have whatever I want. And I did."

"Is that what all this is about? Is that what I am? A trophy?" She asked extremely hurt.

"No Umeed. You are my Angel. You are the woman I need. I... have trust issues. I don't trust, love or depend that easily. And when I did, I couldn't let you go. I wouldn't even tell you this but I needed you to know the person I am. And get this over with. I have you and that's it. Can't we just go back to normal?"

She sighed and looked into his eyes. He wasn't the same person she had dreamed about. But that is life... that which happens when we keep expecting something else. He was so complicated. She helplessly nodded.

Ahad's face lit up with that one gesture. "Thank you dear." He kissed her cheek when she spoke holding his hand, "But promise me you will never drink again." She said looking down.

Ahad's face lost colours with those words. He gently pulled his hand back, and said, "My Angel, I can't promise anything that I know I will eventually break and that will hurt you more. The truth is I have no control over my drinking. The best I can do is... I promise you I won't drink in the house or around you."

She sighed. "Okay." She couldn't force him over this. She knew how addictive and helpless a bad habit can make a person. And old habits die hard.

And with a sigh, she quickly tossed her sandals and reclined on the bed. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Ahad walked to her, sat beside her and looking on the other side started talking, "Rest for a while then I'll show you the house and meet the staff. If you need anything tell them. This is your house. You can change the settings, color or whatever you like according to your taste. And the chef too. And also to remind you that tomorrow evening is the Walima (reception). The beautician will come by five. Angel are you listening?"

He turned around to see her fast asleep. He simply smiled with a sigh and pulled the heavy dupatta away, and the duvet over her frame to make her comfortable.

***

After Isha namaz, Umeed raised her hands in supplication and pleaded, "Allah, the only one who knows what's truly best for me is you. I know I am in safe hands when I put my trust in you. Indeed, you are the al Aalim (the all-knowing), Allam al Ghuyoob (the knower of the unseen). Ya Allah give me the courage to forgive. Give me a fresh start. Please grant me the courage to change my heart. Wash the pain away, don't leave me drowning here alone and astray. Indeed, you're Al Jawwad (the most generous)." She rubbed her palms gently over her face and wrapped her prayer mat.

•••

After changing into light cotton kurti and plazo, she was sitting up on the bed reading something while Ahad was working on his laptop. 'She wouldn't be sleepy. She slept all day.' He thought.

After a while he finally broke the silence, "Angel, I have to give you something." Ahad opened a drawer and handed over an envelope to her.

"What is it?" She asked putting the book aside.

"It's a debit card of one of my accounts. I've transferred the twenty lacs I promised during marriage into this. You can use it anyhow you like."

"I don't need it. I have everything I need." She said with a smile leaning on his shoulder.

"That doesn't mean I should not give it to you. It's your right. Take it." He insisted.

"Okay. I'll take it. Jazakallah." Saying this, she took it and carefully looked at it flipping it again and again bringing near her eyes. "How does it work?"

"You have to take it to a nearby ATM machine, insert the card... and... let it be for now... I'll show you someday." It seemed easier than explaining it theoretically.

"Okay." She said and carefully placed it in the drawer to her side.

She stayed in that position for a while, maybe waiting for Ahad to finish but then finally yawned and lied down to sleep. "Shabba khair. You're not sleepy yet?"

"I don't have that kind of 'command' over my sleep. You go ahead." He said looking at his laptop.

She nodded. After that, for almost ten minutes she said her prayers and blew on her palms before finally closing her eyes.

"What was that for? Asking Allah for more?" He asked. Didn't she just pray for so long?

"No. Thanking him for whatever I have. Allah says, be grateful for what you have and I'll definitely grant you more."

"So, you're manipulating Allah into giving you more." He was trying to lighten up her mood but she didn't like it.

"It hurts to see the way you mock my beliefs." She said curtly and pulled the duvet over her face.

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