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After some time , I found her all alone standing outside , near the balcony .
Me : So this is where you've been hiding ?
Simi : I wouldn't call it hiding .
Me : You're a hard women to find Mrs Anderson .
Simi : I just needed some fresh air .
Me : aren't you enjoying yourself ? , You're in a goddamn party but you look like you're attending a funeral .
Simi : look , I think coming here was a mistake , but I can see Neli is enjoying herself so I don't want to ruin the night for her . Such parties aren't for me . I'm sorry , I feel uncomfortable with all these guys staring at me and some of them approaching me .
Me : Me too
Simi : You too what ?
Me : Whatever you're saying me too .
She laughed at me
I moved closer to her , I could feel the alcohol penetrating inside my body , I was feeling a little bit tipsy .
Simi : You smell like you've drank all the alcohol at the bar section .
Me : Stop exaggerating , I've had a couple of drinks , i'm not as drunk as you think.
Simi : You look wasted .
I laughed at her
Me : Look you need to chill for a little bit , there's no harm in having a little bit of fun .
I held her hands and she tried resisting at first but she eventually let me hold her hands .
Simi : I don't know about that .
Me : You're beautiful .
Simi : huh ?
Me : You look beautiful , your smile , your voice , your body and then there's your academic brilliance , what more can a guy ask for ? You're the perfect example of what a real girlfriend should be like , the guy who's dating you is very lucky .
" okay Junior that was too early , u should've not hit her with all of that at once . If u tryna pipe down this girl tonight , then u better pull up your A game " I silently said to myself.
Simi : sure .
“ Okay she's not letting any info slide , I was just tryna know if she's single or not ”
Simi : And besides , I don't have anytime for boys .
Me : Thank god I am a man .
Simi : I don't have anytime for men .
Me : are you a lesbian ?
Simi : No , why would you ask me that ?
(We both laughed )
Simi : Ross Jeffrey's methods , style's methods , mystery's methods , Tyler Durden's methods , Freeze outs , last minute resistance , routine openers etc . All of you boys are way too predictable and y'all the same , I see through y'all.
" Wait did she just qoute some stuff from the book titled [ The G*** by Neil S*****s ] . Now that's a first , nah I'm definitely cooked , that book is literally the cheat code for a guy to get laid in a few minutes or hours of just meeting a woman . In my opinion , I believe that book is for a man's eyes only , if more women start reading that book then we're definitely cooked "
Me : What are those methods , you're talking about ? (I acted dumb)
Simi : Never mind.
We kept on chatting but our conversation was mainly based on school related stuff , I was very bored but pretended that I was enjoying it.
Somehow she kept on looking down all of a sudden , she became a little bit shy . I guess she's a stone cold character whenever there's a third person present but deep down inside of her lies a very shy girl with a soft heart.
As she was looking down while I was holding her hands , she saw a tattoo on my left arm.
Simi : 13'04 , is that some sort of anniversary date or something ? I've never pictured you as the serious relationship type of guy .
Me : What are you talking about ?
Simi : The tattoo on your left arm .
Me : Oh that ? That's nothing .
I had a bottle of whiskey on my hand and I excessively kept on drinking it .
Simi : what do you mean that's nothing ?
Me : look Simi , let's not talk about my tattoo , why are you curious about my tattoo all of a sudden ?
Simi : I don't know .
Suddenly the mood kinda changed , for the first time tonight , I felt a deeper connection between us , maybe i'm just hallucinating because i'm drunk .
Me : Simi , do you think I'm a failure ?
Simi : It depends on what you're talking about ?
Me : In life , in everything i do ?
Simi : You're not even past your 20s yet , why ask me this question ? Junior , are you drunk or something ?
Me : I'm a so called golden boy known to do everything with perfection but deep down inside there's a hole in my heart y'all don't see , a void in my heart that could never be filled by anything in this world . Deep down inside I feel like I've been living a fake identity . Ever since....
Simi : Junior what are you talking about ? , ever since what ?
Me : I feel hollow , I don't know how it's like to be vulnerable , I don't know how to be who I'm supposed to be , sometimes I feel like I'm lost , I feel like I've overstayed my welcome in this world .
Simi : look , I don't know what's going on with you , maybe it's the alcohol talking . I think you've had enough drinking for the night .
There was a moment of silence between us .
Simi : Is this about the tattoo I asked you about ?
Me : Why do you keep on bringing up the tattoo ?
Simi : It's just that when I started talking about it , you became sensitive all of a sudden and.....
Before she could finish talking , out of the blu , I snapped and shouted at Simi .
Me : I said it's nothing , are you deaf ?
She remained silent , I could see the shock and disappointment in her eyes . For the first time , we've had a proper flowing conversation and i had to ruin it by shouting at her .
Simi : What's wrong with you ? Don't you think you've had enough drinking ?
I looked at her pretty face and adorable eyes which potrayed kindness and innocence , somehow , when she asked about my tattoo , she striked a nerve , she reminded me of a certain past trauma that I can't seem to move on from .
I sat down on the balcony floor , stared at the stars and sighed .
Me : Sorry Simi , sorry that I shouted at you . You don't deserve non of this rage .
She remained silent , she seemed concerned and and angry at the same time .
Me : The tattoo on my left arm represents my brother’s birthday .
Simi : (smiles) oh , I didn't know you have a brother . Where is he ? How old is he ?
Me : *had
Simi : What do you mean ?
Me : He passed away 4 years ago , before we moved here in East London .
Suddenly I unexpectedly felt her arms across my body , she hugged me and I could feel the warmth accompanied by her hug .
Simi : I'm sorry to hear that , what happened ?
Me : I'd rather not talk about it .
Simi : i'm sorry for being nosy , I should've never triggered the conversation about the tattoo , I didn't know .
Me : no sweat .
Simi : I've always looked at you and judged your personality without even giving myself a chance of getting to know you .
Me : I don't blame you . I'm nothing more than a player , a rich spoilt brat who recieves everything on a silver platter , all I care about is my reputation , how people see me , how many girls I have , all I care about is flexing about materialistic stuff and show off .
" Okay Junior why did u just say that , that was so lame , Vulnerability and transparency? Is that your actual strategy of winning this girl , I'm disappointed " my alter ego silently opinionated deep inside my thoughts .
Simi : In the mist of all that , it's kinda strange , with the personality you have , you take your studies seriously which builds more curiosity to your character .
Me : Look Simi , what I'm about to tell you is something I've never even told my friends before .
Simi : What are you talking about ?
I kept on drinking the bottle of whiskey that I had on my hand .
Me . Well I used to have a brother , his name was Nkosikhona . He passed away 4 years ago . My big bro saved my life .
Simi : Saved your life ?
Me : Here's the short version of what happened , we were walking back from school when we came across three thugs and they demanded money and phones from us , unfortunately we didn't have any belongings with us , we were only carrying our school books .
Sighs !
Simi : You don't have to tell me the whole story if you feel uncomfortable with it .
Me : Out of the blu , they started attacking us unprovoked .
Everytime I think about what happened to my brother my heart feels like it's getting torn into pieces .
Me : One of them striked me with a steel baseball bat in the head and I tripped and landed hardly with my head on the concrete floor and my forehead started bleeding , my vision became blurry as I was laying on the floor , I badly wanted to get up and fight back but I couldn't move a single muscle of my body , the last thing I saw before I passed out was my brother trying to fight them off in order to protect me . I passed out and woke up moments later only to find Nkosi laying in a pool of blood , he had over ten stab wounds , blood was coming out of his mouth and almost his entire body , his school shirt was covered in blood . Till this day , his killers are still out there roaming freely .
I could see tears threatening to come out of Simi's eyes , I guess she's the sensitive type and she gets easily vulnerable .
Me : The last thing he said to me was that ‘ I love you bro , take care of yourself , take care of the family ’ and his pulse stopped beating , I tried waking him up but he didn't respond. Paramedics arrived 40 minutes later and he was pronounced dead at the scene . I failed to realize he was gone , a part of me feels like I should've been the one to die on that day .
- Writer
