Caught in the Fox’s Teeth

Chapter 5: Taryn

My bedroom is my final sanctuary. No one will bother me there. It is my last place of respite where I can collect what little remains of my dignity and pride. As I leave the study, I pass Aggy. She moves to ask me a question but the glare I send her way stops the words before they even form on her lips. “Not. Now.” I grit out, rushing past her. In moments like these, I envy Bowen for finding his early grave. He has no more worries or concerns. He sleeps peacefully in the earth forevermore while I must sit here and be plagued by his gods damned family. My worrying has just begun. My torment is imminent. I fear many sleepless nights are on the horizon. Wandering the halls like a zombie, I manage to make it to my room. I don’t know how I got here other than my feet must have carried me the rest of the way as I remained in a fugue state. I lock the door and pull the curtains closed. Surrounding myself in darkness I begin to formulate a plan. I meant what I said to Ullo. I will not remain in this house for a moment longer than necessary. I intend to free myself from my captivity. I can’t just spend my days waiting for the men in my life to decide what I must do next. I will make my own way.

While I am a lady of this land, I am not helpless. I have tended to animals and hauled water alongside my maids. My father thought there were lessons to be learned from manual labor and I must agree he was right. I can start a fire and am very skilled with a bow. I can hunt as well as any man, even better than some. I will be no burden to those that dwell in any isolated villages I may seek refuge in. I carry no mark of the Vulpin’s ownership. I can easily blend in so long as I sell my rich garb for more subdued dresses. I do not need riches or fancy things. I only need the open sky, my bow, and a decent horse. I rest my aching head against my pillow, going over the list of things I will need to obtain before I can leave. I will take the stables finest pair of horses and load one down with all the valuables I can carry. I can swap out my finery for servant’s clothes. Like a thief in the night, I can slide from my rooms and be on my way to freedom with little effort. It will be as if I were never here at all.

The first true smile curls up my lips as I consider my great escape. I have to tread very carefully until I am ready to make my move. I don’t want to raise any suspicions prior to my leaving, I can’t afford unwanted attentions focusing on me. I don’t know if they will pursue me once I leave but I’m sure the Vulpin’s will not take the slight lying down. Should they catch wind of my deception before I escape the confines of this house, I will be completely f****d. There will be a guard assigned to me day and night. I will be lucky if they don’t chain me to my damn bed until Odin arrives.

I drift off to sleep with visions of freedom at the forefront of my mind. Soon both Bowen and I will know peace.

I scarcely leave my bed for days. I refuse food and visitors alike. I allow myself this time to mourn. To grieve as nature intended. If it is possible to die of a broken heart, then I feel as if the end is near. The strain of loss can be so great that a heart can just cease to beat. I’ve heard such tales about birds that mate for life, like barn owls. So great is their bond that even a bird will mourn their mate for long periods after their partner’s death. It is not unusual for them to refuse food to the point that they starve themselves. If such a thing can happen with beasts, what hope is there for me? How can I salvage such a life? I’m sure someone is bound to either drag me down to the dining room or begin to force feed me. Dryndenn will not let me starve, mores the pity.

The only redemption I will find for myself is when I am far away from this lifeless place. I cannot wait a month for Odin. Hell, I want to leave this very minute and certainly not later than the end of the week. I will not be here by the time Odin comes. Odin. His very name sends a shiver through me. Where Bowen was kind and just, Odin is wild and reckless. Just his name conjures up unwanted memories of the brutish bastard.

At mine and Bowen’s wedding, Odin helped himself to several of the ladies attending to me. A small tussle broke out between them as none of them had known about his bedding the other. I remember trying to break up the senseless squabbling as Odin watched me with his unnerving green eyes, a mischievous smile on his face. I will not play the fool in his games. He can find another woman to make miserable.

“My lady.” Aggy’s voice reaches through the heavy wooden door, beseeching me. “You must eat, dear. Please. Won’t you accompany me for breakfast?” Her voice croaks. I groan, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Opening my door, I wave Aggy in hastily so that she can help me dress. I have no desire to eat but I feel these four walls closing in on me. Getting up and dressed will bring about some normalcy and the gods know I could use some of that right now. Aggy helps wash me off with a washcloth as if I am a babe. I feel completely helpless which does little for my worsening mood. She carefully wipes the dried tears from my face and dabs cool water over my parched lips. The warm water feels heavenly on my abused skin. I’ve neglected myself just as one of those heartbroken barn owls. I do not drink nor eat. My lips are split and sore from the lack of moisture. Aggy tuts at me in a quiet rebuke, rubbing lanolin over my damage mouth. She doesn’t chastise me or nag but it’s clear my current state is unacceptable. My sad eyes meet her’s, the pity I see in those rheumy eyes almost fractures my heart into more pieces. I cannot stand the pity any more than I can stand my self loathing.

Slipping into the dining room, I halt at once. My eyes meet the eyes of my father-in-law. He smirks as he shovels a large bite of ham into his gob. Chewing quickly, he opens his arms wide in greeting. “Daughter! I had feared you went belly up just as my son had. Good to see you are alive and well.” Elzbith sputters and coughs, spitting her drink back into her cup. Dryndenn rolls his eyes and tosses his wife his napkin. Casting a gaze at Ullo, Dryndenn makes an apologetic smile. “The constitutions of women…” he shakes his head and continues filling his face as if he didn’t just shock us all with his cruelty.

Aggy gives me a pleading glance before I can leave the room. I sigh. Without further interaction, I take a seat at the furthest end of the table. I want as much space from Dryndenn as I can get. My maid beams brightly at me as she begins stacking up copious amounts of food on my plate. Melons, eggs, ham, and berries with a side of toast. She chatters to me incessantly about the things I’ve missed in my days of seclusion as if I could give a flying fig about what Deviny named her babe or what antics the town drunk has gotten up to. I nod appreciatively all the same as I butter my toast. I must keep up appearances.

I love Aggy. I truly do but, her loyalties lie with the Vulpins no matter how much she fawns over me. I have no doubt she would sell me out to the high lord in an instant to save her own hide. I don’t fault her for it. Quite the contrary. I imagine if I were in a comparable situation I would sing like a canary. I’m not proud of this fact but I am also not so delusional as to project an air of supreme loyalty. My loyalty first and foremost belongs solely to myself. I owe none of these fools anything, especially after seeing how they behave when they lose someone close to them.