Rejected by the Alpha

Chapter 2 Episode 2

Thalassa’s last earthly request was to be reunited with her long-passed mate. His remains have resided in the Fallamhain Pack cemetery since his death over two decades ago. The instructions left for me in her perfect cursive writing were that I spread her ashes over his grave. A sentiment I may have considered to be romantic—if not in a slightly morbid kind of way—under different circumstances.

“Are you sure you want to do this today?” Seren’s lyrical voice comes through my SUV’s speakers. It’s barely been an hour and a half since she watched me pull away from the house. “You’ve been putting this off for, what? Eight months now? No one would blame you if you needed more time. Hey! Halloween is in a couple weeks. Here’s an idea, come home and we can pop some googly eyes on her urn. Maybe a tiny hat. It was Thalassa’s favorite holiday. You know she’d get a kick out of us dressing her up one last time.”

At the mention of my mother’s urn, I risk taking my eyes off the winding Northern Idaho mountain pass to glance at the pewter vessel buckled into my passenger seat. Yes, I buckled my mother in. Safety first, folks. Don’t want her going through a windshield for the second time in a year, you know?

“We could have gotten her a matching costume with Ivey. Now that’s something Mom would have really enjoyed,” I allow myself to muse along with my best friend, a mere hint of a smile curving on the lip I’ve been relentlessly chewing on since I left the safe haven of my small Washington town. It still makes me sad that mom never got to meet Ivey. The baby was born almost three months after mom’s accident. Having to navigate a world without my mom and learning how to help take care of a newborn was a wild time for both Seren and me.

If there is something I’ve learned in these difficult months it’s that humor, no matter how dark or macabre, is the only way forward when dealing with deep, debilitating grief. If I hadn’t had Seren there to hold my hand and find the humor in the small moments with, I don’t think I could have made it through this horrific transition in life. The reality of losing the childlike naivety that your mom will always be a constant presence in your life is a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I never saw myself being a packless orphan at the age of twenty-five. Without Seren and her daughter, and the small community my mother has built for us in Ashvale, I would be facing the weight of the responsibilities left to me by Mom completely alone, and the thought of that is unfathomable. Handling the official day-to-day duties of our little shop, Potion & Petal Apothecary, is a lot to juggle all on its own, but to also take on the mantle of the less “legitimate” dealings we also secretly run through the business is enough to make me want to flee for the hills. I won’t, of course. Those dealings are vital for so many people, and while dangerous, it’s been my greatest honor to assist those in need of our help.

While the learning curve hasn’t been necessarily smooth and has more resembled being dropped into the deep end of the pool with my hands tied behind my back, I’m proud of the way both Seren and I have stepped into our new roles. I like to also believe Mom is pleased with the way we have been able to keep what she built flourishing.

At the mention of Seren’s five-month-old daughter, Ivey’s babbles echo through the vehicle’s speakers. “Yes! See? That’s the spirit. Even the baby’s into it. Thalassa loved a new outfit. Now, turn your cute little ass around and we can go shopping.” She’s trying hard to mask it with manufactured lightheartedness, but the distinct and sharp sound of Seren’s worry is hard to miss. “I think this is a much better plan. We can postpone your little quest for another day when we’ve had time to fully think this through.”

“Seren—”

“You should have at least waited for a day I could go with you instead of lone-wolfing-it. If you’d given me some notice, I would have asked Edie to babysit,” she interrupts before I can attempt to explain the rash decision-making. “I just really don’t like the idea of you going there alone, Noa.”

The drawn-out breath I exhale is to buy myself a little time and to calm the nerves that have been on fire since I first opened my eyes this morning. “If I waited any longer, I don’t think I ever could have done it. When I woke up, I just knew in my gut it needed to be today. It’s literally the last thing I want to do, but it’s also the last thing my mom asked of me, and I can’t let her down. For her I can do this. I can face this.”

I can face them , the pack who rejected and exiled me and my mother almost eight years ago.

And I guess when it comes down to it, that’s the real mystery at hand with this shitshow I’ve found myself in. Why in the ever-loving f**k would Mom insist on me going back to the Fallamhain Pack and asking their Alpha this favor knowing how we parted ways all those years ago? And why would she want to be officially laid to rest in soil owned by the very people who rejected her daughter for something out of her control.

Being a latent wolf shifter is obviously something I’d never choose for myself, but that didn’t matter to the pack Alpha. Alpha Fallamhain refused to allow a “weakness” like a latent wolf to be part of his pack. That’s what my mother explained to me the night she told me we had to leave the only home I’d known. That chaotic and fateful night is merely a blur in my head these days. Just vague memories from another life. Memories I try hard not to linger on due to the sharp pain they cause my suppressed wolf.

Seren knows this story and the history I share with my birth pack, and that’s why she’s upset I’ve decided to travel alone to the Fallamhain territory that’s nearly two hours away.

Is it the smartest thing I’ve ever done? Perhaps not, but it’s something I know I needed to do by myself. Which is what I told her this morning when she caught me walking out the front door with my homemade latte in one hand and the urn in the other. You know, just my everyday essentials.

My wolf had also fully agreed with my impulsive plan.

Being latent doesn’t mean I don’t have a wolf. It just means I can’t shift. For years, I tried to find a way to access the animal I share the very fibers of my soul with, but nothing I tried brought her forward. On the best of days, she’s a trapped beast pacing the impenetrable glass cage she’s confined to. On the worst days, she’s nothing more than a ghostly presence within my being. When I try to grasp her, she slips through my fingers as if made of smoke.

When I’d fully accepted today would be the day that I was brave, she had perked up more than she had in years. The closer I get to Silverthorne, Idaho—the town closest to where the pack resides—the more antsy my wolf within becomes. The more she bangs against those indestructible walls she’s trapped behind. I can’t think of another time she’s been this…present.

If I admitted to Seren how my wolf is feeling, I have no doubt it would only make her fight me harder. She knows how vast and devastating the disconnect between my animal and me is. Her knowing my wolf’s presence is amping up the closer I get to my old pack’s land would only aid her campaign for my immediate return home. s**t, if she were here and picked up on my heightened emotions with her charmer gifts, I just know that she-wolf would be scheming up a way to hogtie me and toss me in the back seat until I was home safe.

“I know you can face this. All I’m saying is you shouldn’t have to face it alone.” Seren’s tone takes on a somber cadence. “This is heavy, babe, and it’s a lot to take on. I just want to be there to support you. Or bite that bigoted Alpha on the d**k tip— hard —if he doesn’t agree to let you spread Thalassa’s ashes.”