Chapter 3: Annalise POV

873 Words
(Trigger warning: mentions of a***e and suicide might be upsetting to some readers) **************************************** Of course as soon as I find an adult who seems to want to try the only option he offers me requires a device I don't have. Not everyone has a cell phone! I don't even have a computer of my own at home. I left school early. I couldn't be there anymore. The only reason I kept going to school in the first place was to escape home. I hated being there with my parents and the new addition. I wish I could say I had a cute little brother or sister, not that I'd wish my home life on another innocent kid, but nope....my Uncle Henry moved in with us a few months ago. He is my father's brother and there is something off about him. He stares at me in a way that is very different from how my dad glares at me. I had to start locking my door after he came into my room one night two months ago. I woke up to find him staring at me. My mom slapped me when I tried to tell her what happened. She didn't believe me. No one ever believes me. My nightmare with Uncle Henry started long before my 18th birthday. There were always weird awkward moments of him wanting my attention, wanting hugs, wanting kisses. My first kiss on the mouth was snatched by him on my 15th birthday. I told a teacher in a note and she said where she came from family members kissed on the cheek and sometimes the lips. I doubted relatives used tongues where she came from but I knew it would not make a difference if I told her where his tongue and hands were. She was just another adult who failed me. The night of the animal attack I had fled my parent's house because they were screaming at each other about divorce and how they should have given me up for adoption. I was in my bedroom listening to them, hiding my face in my knees. Uncle Henry was there too. He came into my room and hugged me tightly and petted my hair. Even then he made me uncomfortable. When I snuck out none of the adults noticed or cared. They probably did eventually notice my absence but they would have prayed that I stayed gone. There was no getting around the reality that they never wanted me. My dad told me to my face when I was 10 that I only existed because their parents forced them to keep me. They had spoken about aborting me several times apparently. They liked to tell me how much of a burden I was. I was in the forest for hours and then the hospital for 2 days before someone identified me. My parents were called and got sent a large bill. Daddy slapped me when he saw it. He called me "useless" and "ugly." Despite my father's treatment of me I still had hope for my friends at school and my crush Zack. He was always flirting with me back then. When I returned to school a few weeks later I tried to talk to Zack. He looked at me with hatred and disgust. He called me "ugly" and a "slut." He said ugly girls were not worth his time and that I should disappear. "Don't ever speak to me again," he said with disdain dripping from every word. That was the moment I shut down and stopped talking. When I refused to respond to questions or commands my teachers reported my behavior to the principal who made my parents put me in the hospital again. That made them hate me more. The only reason they complied was that the principal threatened to report them if they didn't do what was "best for the child." I heard those words a lot, not that anyone did anything that healed or helped me in the end. I am still broken. I missed so much school that year that I had to be held back and repeat the 8th grade. At first I felt scared of everything and then eventually I was just numb. My friends dropped me. Zack went on a rant about rejecting my existence. It was then that I knew I was truly alone. There was no love, nothing. The only thing keeping me from killing myself was Maggie. I met her freshman year of high school and even though I wouldn't make an exception and speak to her she latched on to me like her life depended on it. "You're the best friend I ever had," she told me once in 10th grade. I remember staring at her with confusion. I was a shitty friend in my opinion. I was a traumatized social leper who had no love, money, or social life. "You never turn away or ignore me. You're not talkative but you actually listen. That counts way more than you think!" She exclaimed excitedly. I just nodded. Despite my depression and inability to form relationships I was secretly aware I was as dependent on Maggie's kindness and companionship as she was on mine.
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