Unbroken Love

Chapter 22-1

Chapter 22

“What?!” Alistair stood up from the bed as if Sophia had burned him. “What the f**k, Sophia? What. The. f**k!”

He looked for what seemed an eternity at his dumbfounded and speechless wife waiting for an explanation. But as she said nothing, he whirled on his heels and left the room exactly when John had just started to talk, the buzzing in his ears such that he didn’t hear a word.

Banging closed the hospital room door, leaving the doctor to deal with Sophia, he tore down the corridor like a mad man. Alistair didn’t even notice his brother coming after him.

“Hey, hey. Where are you going? What’s wrong?”

He stopped as his brother’s big hand grabbed his arm. He looked at the younger, taller, and more handsome version of himself and almost snarled.

I can’t assign blame yet. To her. Or to…myself?! Alistair choked on his breath. Then he realized Tavish and Edward, along with both of her doctors, where waiting for the news.

All he wanted to do was go back and believe it was a mistake, however, hope was an emotion he had trouble dealing with. It had always been accompanied by a great deception and a greater pain, which had lingered from one freshly inflicted wound to the next, dragging out his anger in ways he couldn’t contain.

But now, it was different.

His wounds had been cauterized and he didn’t want to allow the fierce ache, his jumbled thoughts, and increasing doubt to open them again. He was disoriented, lost in the labyrinth of his own mixed emotions, and he didn’t know anymore what to do.

Edward, regardless of their height and width difference, cornered him, demanding, “What’s happening, MacCraig? What did you do to her?”

“It’s not up for discussion.” He towered over Sophia’s blond friend who didn’t back away. “It’s a complicated story.”

“Always is, with you,” Tavish remarked.

Alistair shot his brother an annoyed look, but Tavish completely ignored it.

Turning to Sophia’s neurologist, Alistair asked if there was an empty room where he could talk with his brother privately for a few minutes.

Tavish leaned against the door of Dr. Merkel’s office and watched as Alistair paced away, then back again, not trusting himself to stand still, his fisted hands locked against his sides to avoid punching them against the wall.

Why can’t I control my emotions when I’m around her? Why is everything getting worse instead of better? She’s pregnant. Pregnant. I told her it didn’t matter if the sperm didn’t come from my body. I was prepared to see her pregnant with another man’s sperm. I should be happy. Thrilled. Instead, I’m feeling confused, miserable, and in pain. Did she betray me? Did she do it without informing me? Why? When? With whom? Closing his eyes, he bent and rested his hands on his knees, and breathed deep, struggling to find control.

His gentle witch brought out the deepest emotions in him, from the most intense passion and excruciating pain to the most tender feelings of protection and fierce love. And in her, he had found his peace. He could not lose her.

Fucking hell! He gave up any control and sat on the chair. Putting his face in his hands, Alistair started crying like a hurt child.

That alarmed Tavish, who sat by him with a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Alistair Connor, is there something wrong with the baby? If it’s endangering Sophia’s health, abortion is always a solution. I’ve seen the tests so far and there’s nothing wrong with her.”

Amid tears, Alistair asked, “How the f**k do you know something I just heard about?” What else does he know that I don’t?

“I know your high s*x drive. Sophia has been showing typical signs of the first trimester. Why her doctors didn’t ask for a pregnancy test from the start, baffles me.”

Alistair wanted to laugh out loud derisively, but only a shuddered breath left his body. He knew he shouldn’t have left the room without listening to the whole explanation.

“You dinna want a child?! Is it too soon?” Tavish was not understanding what the problem was. “Sorry to say, you should expect a pregnancy when s*x is involved. There is no hundred percent safe prevention. Listen Alistair Connor, life has a complex plan that we don’t understand sometimes. While we dream, work, and organize, it makes its own tweaks. Many times circumstances might no’ turn out as we hoped. Stop fighting against your greatest ally.”

“This has nothing to do with allies or enemies. We wanted a baby.”

Tavish rolled his eyes at his brother. “You’re no’ making sense. So if you both wanted a child, she is pregnant; there is nothing wrong so far…what’s the problem, Alistair Connor?”

They will all know anyway. No matter my decision. Alistair pinched the bridge of his nose. Explain it and end the subject. That’s what you need: the closure of truth. He saw no more reason to withhold the truth. Somberly, he said, “I can’t have children, Tavish Uilleam.”

The agony in Alistair’s voice sliced the air and the temperature in Dr. Merkel’s office room plunged a few degrees.

“I doona understand.”

“You will,” Alistair stated, sitting straight and facing his brother. As he did with Sophia, he told Tavish what had happened all those years ago.

“Easy, easy.” John put his hands on her shaking shoulders. “Sophia, listen to me.”

“I can’t be pregnant. This result is wrong,” she repeated and sobbed, looking at him with stormy eyes.

“Drink slowly and calm yourself.” John gave her a glass of water. “I can assure you the result is correct. I checked it myself twice. From now on you have a baby to think of. Sometimes miracles happen when you least expect them. No one believes that more than I do. I see it every day, my dear.”

“By miracle, do you mean Alistair Connor is cured?” Sophia wiped her face with the back of her hands and accepted a box of tissues John offered her. “Of sterility? Of a permanent, irreversible inability to have children? Or do you mean that his condition was just a temporary problem?”

John looked at Sophia’s distressed face, as fresh tears formed again in her eyes. “Sophia, don’t cry. I’ve seen this happens many times. The word infertile doesn’t mean sterile, but sometimes the ones involved don’t understand it; they can’t hear it correctly because they’ve had so many tragedies in their lives, they can no longer believe in their desire. They abort and sterilize any chance of hope. It’s sad, but true. When something like that happens, people get confused. Alistair is having a normal reaction. If you’re pregnant, and you only had s*x with Alistair; he was probably diagnosed with infertility, which is not sterility. He just understood differently.”

“Is it possible? Is it possible he wasn’t sterile? That I am pregnant?” She put a trembling hand over her stomach, and dared to believe in John’s words. With a sigh that came from deep within her chest, she asked, “He would want to be sure. I would want him to be sure. How long does it take to do the test?”

“Male infertility is usually better diagnosed by semen analysis. A relatively simple test. Alistair provides a semen sample. We measure the amount of semen and the number, shape, and movement of sperm. Ideally, the test should be performed twice to confirm the results but I can assure you that with only one test, I can give you a decisive result. I’ll put a rush on it and in an hour we’ll have the result. I can bet Alistair was diagnosed with infertility and thought it was sterility.”

“He’s so certain he’s sterile.” Doubt spread in her mind. “Will he do it?”

“I’m not trying to find excuses for his behavior, but if he was so sure of his condition, the pregnancy news must have been a shock. Your husband is a stubborn man but he loves you, Sophia.” John put the glass away. “Now. I need your promise to be calm.”

Please, God, make him see the truth and realize he was mistaken. Sophia nodded. “I will.”

As soon as John left the room, Edward came in.

Oh, dear! How can I explain all this mess? She closed her eyes when he sat on the chair next to her and took her hand between his.

“You don’t need to say a word to me, love. You’re my friend and I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m here for you,” he reinforced his promise, squeezing her hand gently.

Oh, Edward. Sophia opened her eyes, gazing into his kind, friendly blue eyes. “Thank you, Edward.”

“Now, she is pregnant…and…I am starting to doubt myself,” Alistair said to his brother. “I…I wish—How long does it take to know if I am fertile?” Oh, Christ.

“Mycoplasma is not known to cause sterility, but there have been few studies.” Tavish pierced Alistair with a grave look. “You surely don’t believe she was with another man. We’re talking about Sophia. Failing to trust and believe in her doesn’t—”

“Nae. I don’t want to believe she chea—” He didn’t want even to think of this possibility. He didn’t want to doubt his wife. Out of control, he jumped from the chair and paced the room, looking like an enraged panther ready to pounce. It’s myself I should doubt. It’s I that have been cheating on her, on me, on us. “I’ve been so certain of my incapacity, for so long.”

“Do a test. It won’t hurt,” Tavish said simply.

The news of her pregnancy had come as a visceral shock that was still reverberating through his body and soul. He wanted so much to be happy, but he was so afraid, he hated himself. Alistair Connor, do the test. Why are you always bypassing real proof? Dwelling in your imagination won’t change reality. The sooner you discover you’re fertile, the sooner you can apologize for your irrational behavior and enjoy the happiness of being able to be a father again.

John knocked on the door and entered the room, looking at the brothers.

The words left Alistair’s mouth before he could think. “John, could you arrange for a sperm test?”

“MacCraig.” Edward was leaning on the threshold of the waiting room, his arms crossed over his chest.

Alistair and Tavish turned their heads to look at him.

Edward waved a small piece of paper in the air. “Sophia has left a message for you.”

A message? Where is she? “What?” Alistair advanced in Edward’s direction with two long strides. “Give me this.”

Edward looked at him through narrowed eyes. “She’s pregnant with your child. Four weeks.”

Quickly in his mind, he remembered her last period and did the math. Alistair winced. It was conceived near my birthday.

Edward turned to leave, stopped and looked back. “By the way, she went home with Steven and Zareb about fifteen minutes ago.”

What?! Alistair whirled around. “You shouldn’t have—”

“Do you think I care?” Edward scolded in a low voice. “Besides, she went by her own will. She wanted to talk with you. She waited and waited. You were doing the exam. You’d rather have an exam result than believe in her. She’s hurting. Too much. Sophia’s my friend—”

“Sophia. Is. My. Wife.” He towered over Edward, who didn’t move from his place. “Don’t you dare—”

“I dare.” Edward’s eyes flashed. “She loves you and she doesn’t deserve this. Try to behave like a caring husband, MacCraig.”

The discussion was stopped by Tavish, who tugged at Alistair’s sleeve. “This is not the place, nor the time.” He pulled again and looked over his shoulder at Edward. “Thank you for taking care of Sophia.”

“My pleasure.” Edward smirked and whirled away, leaving Alistair even more regretful of his actions.

“She’s right, you know?” muttered Tavish. “You’re a caveman.”

I know. And I love it when she calls me that. “Don’t start defending her,” he said without much conviction, loosening his tie.

“Oh, nae, Sophia doesn’t need defending. You do. From yourself.” He frowned, musing. “Understand that thinking you were sterile might have been a Freudian slip. Now that you’ve been proven wrong, you’re too afraid to appreciate it? Live, Alistair Connor. Live, and let yourself be happy.”

Alistair sarcastically raised an eyebrow. “You believe in miracles?”

“I’m alive, aren’t I?” was Tavish’s answer.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. How insensitive! He put a hand over his brother’s. “Aye, and we all thank God for it, Brother.”

Tavish nodded in appreciation but forged on, “You’ve failed to realize that your union and your love sparked the desire to create a life without trying to control everything. That’s why you didn’t even consider being tested on your first appointment with John.”

“Seems I’ve been failing to do many things.” Alistair sat in the waiting room, massaging his temples. It hurt even to think. What is she going to say? Should I go home? Will she let me in? The next question was out of his mouth before he could stop it. “Will she forgive me?”

“Everyone has problems once in a while, Brother. But love has to be stronger than the problems. It’s up to her to decide, but if you’re asking my opinion, she will accept you back,” Tavish said seriously, and then his mouth twisted up. “She doesn’t think she is perfect. I’m sure she doesn’t mind your many imperfections!”