Painful Pleasures

Assault

After I finished eating, I took the bag of clothes Nathaniel had left for me and changed out of my dress. As it slipped off my shoulders, two small pieces of paper slipped from my chest. I remember one being from the guy I’d been dancing with before. The other was from a woman named Denice. Was that the name of the girl that had held me? When did she even put this in? Hell, when did she write it? I paid neither much attention and simply threw them away. Last night was simply for fun, a moment away from my problems. I’d like to leave that behind and go back to my reality. I was slightly surprised by what Nathaniel had picked out for me. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a long ginger sundress. It was stretchy and far more comfortable than my club dress. Despite the shadows beneath my eyes and dry skin, I didn’t look horrible. The dress was rather flattering. Still, I wish I could have done a little bit of skin care. I simply washed my face and tried to look as awake as possible. When I was done, I sent a quick message to my mother letting her know that I was alright and would be coming home in the next hour. After checking my belongings, I exited the room into the suite living room where Nathaniel was seated. On the side of him was a throw blanket and a pillow. He must have slept out here last night. He looked up at me and smiled. 

“Ah, I knew that color would look great on you.” he said proudly.I blushed, feeling strangely shy. Almost like I didn’t believe it.

“I need to speak with the staff downstairs.” I said without looking at him. “I want to see if they caught my attacker on camera.” 

“Of course, I’ll escort you.” 

Before he could rise from the couch, I stopped him. “That won’t be necessary. I’m pretty sure I can find my way.” 

“Nonsense. This hotel is rather large. I’d hate for you to get lost. Plus, I was on my way out anyway.” he continued on and opened the door for me. I opened my mouth to protest, but refrained. 

“Just until we get to the lobby, okay?”

After getting out of the elevator, I marched straight up to the front desk. The lady glanced up at me from her computer. 

“May I help you?” she asked without a hint of a smile. I ignored it. I took a deep breath. 

“I was…sexually assaulted last night.” I began. Her brows raised in alarm. “Someone drugged me when I was in the club and tried to take me to one of your rooms. I don’t remember what happened, but my dress was ripped and dirty. My, um…” I glanced at Nate. He gave me a reassuring smile. “My…friend here said he found me laid out in the hall. I want to see your camera footage from last night and make a police report.” The lady stared at me for a second before picking up her phone and calling someone. After a few minutes, a tall man approached us. He shook me and Nate’s hands, introducing himself as the hotel manager. I informed him of what I’d previously told the clerk and asked to see their cameras. 

“I want to first start by saying that we are truly sorry something like that happened to you. We do try to keep our guests safe and comfortable by all means. I’d gladly show you our cameras, but our guidelines require that a police report be filed first to investigate any illegal activity. If you want to see the footage, you will have to return with an officer and a written warrant.” 

“Seriously? I just want to see like an hour of footage. It’s not like I’m trying to copy anything.” 

“Ma’am please. It’s just how we do things here. I’m sorry, again.” I sighed. 

“Okay, Guess I’ll come back.” He gave us an apologetic smile before walking off. I was a little disappointed, but it wasn’t like I didn’t understand. A lot of businesses were strict about their privacy. Defeated, I made my way to the parking lot and located my car. “Welp, this is me.” I said to Nathaniel. 

“Will I be seeing you again, Ms. Kirkwood?” he asked. 

“What for? You’ve seen me twice already.” 

“Yes, well, I’d like to see you again…and maybe again. Preferably for a proper date and under better circumstances.” 

“Is now really the time to ask that?” 

“I agree, the timing isn’t ideal, but I fear this encounter will be the last we have together.” He pointed out. “That is unless you decide to unblock me.” I thought about it. I’m still not convinced he’s not an asshole. Plenty of men are sweet during first encounters. I shouldn’t have let my guard down so soon. Still, he took care of me and, by the looks of it, he didn’t try anything when I was asleep. At least, that’s all I know until I get checked out and see that camera footage. If it does turn out that he was a part of my attack, it’s best I keep in contact with him for the police.

“I-I’ll think about it.” I said. “I’m a pretty busy person so don’t expect a date anytime too soon…but I’ll unblock you.” I reached for the car door, but he opened it for me. “Are you gonna do that for every door I enter?”  

“Well, it’s impossible for me to open every door, but I do believe any man in the company of a woman should be a gentleman. However, if it makes you uncomfortable, I can dial it down.”

Without saying anything, I climbed into the car and he shut the door for me. He waved at me as I pulled away. On my way home, I dreaded what was waiting for me the second I stepped into the house. My mother wasn’t a violent person, more of a s**t talker, but my father, on the other hand, was our sole punisher growing up. He’d be the one my mother would call when either me or Eli needed a good lickin. Despite his claims of it hurting him more than us, I always got the feeling he enjoyed the beatings. In a way, he could release whatever anger he had pent up  and have it be justified as mere discipline. Of course, as we got older, he’s not as quick to become physical considering that we are grown. However, since we still live under their roof, we could still get struck a few times if need be. As I pulled into the driveway, I prepared myself for whatever was about to happen next. I unlocked and entered the house and, as I expected, I was struck across the face and pulled inside. I wobbled a little as I used the wall to keep from falling. 

“Where the f**k have you been?” My father asked. I saw my mother rise from the couch, her arms folded, but she was looking at my dad.

“Boy, you could have at least let her get in the door. You tryna display that s**t to the whole neighborhood?” she then turned to me. She didn’t look happy, but her face was by far less intense than my dad’s. “I thought I told you to let me know if you were going to be spending the night out. I can understand that sometimes time slips the mind, but the least you could have done was bring the car back early. It’s almost 2, Aida. Me and your father were late for work because of you.”

“f**k were you doing where you can’t answer a phone call?” he asked. 

As both of them stared at me, I took a moment to collect myself and  stand up straight. I looked my father dead in the eyes. That’s one thing I got from my mother. Despite how strong a man looked, or how tall he was, or how intimidated I felt, I was not one to hold my head down in fear. I feel that’s why he didn’t like me as much. I was the version of my mother that he was allowed to beat up on without getting the cops called on him. He tilted his head and sucked his teeth, waiting. 

“You staring at me like you wanna fight, little girl.” he said. When I didn’t speak, he got lower, his voice deeper. “You betta answer my f*****g question. Why didn’t you pick up the phone?” Now anyone in their right mind, man or woman, would say now was the time to tell them what happened, to try and diffuse the tension and avoid conflict by mentioning my s****l assault…but that wasn’t me. Did I want to tell them? Yes. But having him staring at me like that pissed me off. I lived for challenging his authority, the need to get under his skin like he does mine. I didn’t feel like he deserved the authority or control he demanded over me. So instead of telling him what happened, I smiled and said:

“I didn’t feel like it.” Just as the words finished leaving my mouth, I was slapped again. That one made my head hurt. 

“Damn-it ya’ll, can’t we have a normal conversation?” My mother, seemingly frantic, tried to approach me, but I pushed her away. “Well, excuse me. I was just trying to make sure you were okay.” 

“Ha!” I laughed. “Both of you are hilarious. You pretend to care about me only when it makes you look better. If I had caught an uber and died somewhere, neither of you would have thought of calling me unless you needed something. But as long as your car is here, you couldn’t care less what happens to me.”

“I don’t see why you’re blowing up on us like this.” My mother started. “We only want to know why you didn’t pick up your phone.” 

“And slapping me is your way of getting an answer?” My parents went quiet for a moment. My mother looked away guiltily, but my father continued staring, a smirk tugged at his lips. 

“I know exactly what you were out doing,” he said. “You said you were going to a party or something, right? I bet you just hooked up with some dude.” my mother glared at him. “What, that’s what yall females do, right? With that dress you had on last night, I’m not surprised.” 

It felt like a knife had pierced my chest and the shock had shot through my whole body, leaving me shivering. I knew my dad, I knew he was an asshole, I knew he was sexist and a terrible person overall. So why…why was this hurting me so much? I heard my mother nagging him, but I wasn’t paying attention to what was being said. Tears welled in my eyes and it took everything in me to keep them from falling. I made a small sniffle as I felt my nose start to run. My parents looked at me, but I hid my face. They don’t get to see me like this. I turned away from them, wiping stray tears away. I gave up. “I’m sorry about the car, I won’t use it anymore.” without waiting for either of them to say more, I rushed upstairs and locked myself in my room. I collapsed on the bed and cried softly. Feeling the frustration claw at the inside of my head. Fighting the urge to scream and break something. Why did they have to suck so much? They’d knocked on my door a few times, but I didn’t answer. It was likely my mom, and I wasn't in the mood for her “talks”. I’d wanted to work, pick up some hours, but I was left feeling weak and drained. I didn’t even have the energy to write. I just lay in my bed, curled up under my sheets, listening to music. I should go to the police, but I really didn’t feel like it. Just as I was about to doze off, I got a notification from a housing app. I was being approved for an apartment in Philadelphia. They were inviting me for a tour. This woke me up a bit and I sat up so I could read the message. Considering this was one of my top choices, I was excited. I quickly looked up the earliest and cheapest flights to Philadelphia. Luckily, I found a flight on Friday, leaving me free time over the weekend. I texted Jamila to see if she wanted to meet up while I was out there. She was excited as well, offering to pick me up from the airport. Despite earlier  mishaps, I couldn’t help but feel giddy. This was good. Finally, something was going my way and I wouldn’t let my parents ruin it for me. This news had given me just enough energy to get me out of bed. I wasn’t the type of b***h to sit in her room moping anyway. Once I’d calmed my nerves and cleaned up, I made an appointment at the clinic to get myself checked out. I also took the time to tell my friends off for standing me up. Not saying what happened was their fault, but things may have played out differently had they showed up or not invited me in the first place. Regardless, they were gonna hear from me. Without speaking to either my mom or my dad, I left the house and headed for the police station. 

That Thursday evening, I’d finally gotten a call from the police inviting me to the station. I had work at the time, and sadly had to leave early. I always felt bad for calling off or leaving early for some reason, even if I had a good reason to. I didn’t like inconveniencing others to accompany my needs, but I needed to get this done. I’d gotten checked the day before and was still waiting for my test results. When I arrived at the station, an officer greeted me and led me to a room in the back. It was a white room with a table and a laptop sitting on top. The main officer dealing with my case, invited me to sit down so we could watch the tape that the hotel had sent over together. She skipped through the early hours of the day until we saw two men carrying a drinking girl through the hall. She played the video and I was shocked at what I saw. I couldn’t recall one of the men, but the other I knew was the man I'd seen at the gym. Both of my arms were wrapped around the men’s necks as they walked me down the hall. I couldn't see my face very well, but it looked as though I was struggling to stay awake. I was saying something, but there was no audio. I continued watching as one guy released me as he went to open a door. At that moment, I saw my body jerk as I vomited over the gym guy’s shirt. He didn’t look very happy as he shoved me away and tried to pull off his shirt. I caught myself and leaned against the opposite wall. I was saying something else when the other guy walked over and grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the room. I refused and shook him away. This time, he used more force, walking me forward. I lost my balance and fell. He then bent down to lift me and it looked like I bit his shoulder. He recoiled away. The gym guy, obviously annoyed, grabbed me by the neck and forced me to stand, trying to shove me into the room. My left shoulder hit the door frame instead and I cried out. His friend looked past us and down the hall, looking anxious. I seemed to have managed to regain a bit of balance because I was now leaning against the wall, using it as support as I tried to walk away. His friend grabbed me, wanking my arm. I’m not sure if I intended to do this, but the force of pulling me caused me to whip around and slap the guy in the face. The gym guy came rushing over as his friend, obviously angry, tried to hit me. I seemed to be protecting my face and most of the blows hit my arms. One blow was hard enough to knock me on the ground and I fell over my bag. Gym guy tried to calm down his friend, saying something. Both men approached me again, kneeling down, but before they could touch me, I was aiming something at them and both were screaming in agony, shielding their faces. I must have pepper sprayed them. They were stumbling against the walls and rubbing their eyes. I’m not sure if it was the spray residue or the drugs, but I’d started curling up on the floor, squirming before lying there still. One of the guys looked back as if they heard something and urged his friend to run. Both men, still rubbing their eyes, took off, running out of sight. The video skipped 10 minutes and I saw a man approach me. It was Nate. 

“Do you know that man?” the officer asked. I’m guessing she meant Nate. 

“Kinda, we’ve bumped into each other a couple of times. I don’t know him personally.” I was anxiously fidgeting with the popsocket on my phone. Feeling the need to throw my phone as hard as I could. I was angry. I thought the gym guy was just a creepy loser, but after finding out he’s likely a r****t too, it made me heated. I wanted to crush his balls with my bare hands.

“Ms. Kirkwood?” The officer called. I hadn’t even been paying attention to what she had been saying. “Do you have any idea of who the previous men may be? A name, an area they’re usually seen in?”

“No, I don’t know them either…But the taller one, he goes to my gym.” she nodded and started writing in her notebook. She informed me that she'd be checking with the hotel to see who had checked into that room that night, in order to get their names and contact info. She assured me that they would find them, asking me for the gym area I go to as well. Despite how angry I was, a part of me was relieved. Don’t get me wrong, the situation is still f****d up, but I’m proud to know I can still protect myself even when intoxicated. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about anything weird showing up on my tests considering they hadn’t gotten a chance to do anything to me. It was also nice to know that Nate had been telling the truth and hadn’t done anything weird. I should properly thank him at some point.