Painful Pleasures

Claim me

Milana waited as her students grabbed their lunches and lined up by her door. “Single file, everyone!” She said as the last couple of students claimed their place in line. When they were quiet enough, she led them toward the cafeteria, greeting the other teachers who were also escorting their class to lunch. Of course, some of her more rebellious students were chatting behind her. Before she couldn’t silence them, she spotted Ronin ahead, talking to one of the female lunch monitors. They were smiling and laughing. The woman was smiling ear to ear, her cheeks flushed and her eyes dreaming as she hung onto Ronin’s every word. Milana knew this look well. It was the same one she wore the first time he’d talked to her when she came to this school. A boy from her neighboring classroom greeted him with a fist bump and he ruffled his hair. When he looked up, he noticed Milana staring. He smiled, teeth flashing. She blushed and looked away. When it was their turn to enter the cafeteria, she stood back and watched her students get their trays. She couldn’t wait to head off to eat her own lunch, even more because the sound of the lunch monitor’s laughter was starting to get on her last nerves.

“Why so quiet over there Mila?” Ronin asked. 'You're looking kind of down.”

“Did you sleep okay? You look tired.” The lunch monitor said. “You should get some coffee and try to wake up. I'm usually not myself without mine, but I've been listening to this clown all noon. You should hear what happened in his gym class. I’m sure the students love him.” She touched his shoulder and Milana rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, he’s hilarious.” The silence that followed was suffocating. “Anyway, my kids are good, I’ll be heading out for lunch now.”

“Ah, I should get in there before trouble starts. You know how kids get with sloppy Joe. Guess I’ll see you around?” She smiled at Ronin flirtatiously. Ronin wasn’t listening, he watched Milana turn and swiftly head out of the cafeteria, her heels clicking angrily against the tiled floor. She was disappointed in him for entertaining the woman as well as disappointed in herself for caring so much. This wasn’t the first time her female colleagues took interest in him and surely it wouldn’t be the last. He wasn’t her man after all, but still. She hurried into the staff lounge to grab her lunch out of the fridge.

“Someone’s in a rush. Not sitting with us today?” One of her colleagues asked.

“Sorry, I got some last minute papers to grade so I’ll be eating in my classroom today. Gotta hurry before I have to go get the kids from recess.” She knew Ronin would be heading to the staff room soon and she wanted to get out before he arrived. But, of course, that was wishful thinking as she bumped into him at the door.

“Running away?” He asked knowingly.

“I have work to do, Mr. Jackson, so if you'd kindly step to the side, I’ll be taking my lunch to my desk.”

“Always the workaholic, I see.” He smirked. He stepped to the side to let her pass, but didn’t go in. Instead, he walked beside her. Annoyed, she picked up her pace, so he did the same. She stopped before reaching the elevator.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asked.

“Escorting you to your classroom,” he stated nonchalantly.

“I know the way just fine. You should eat with the others.” It angered her how amused he looked and how childish she sounded. He knew exactly what she didn’t want, which is why he was doing it anyway.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to avoid me. Are you mad at me?”

She rolled her eyes. “As if you don’t know.” Two of their female colleagues waved at them, mid discussion. Ronin smiled and waved back as the elevator door opened. Milana stepped inside and he followed.

“Well, let’s say I don’t. Tell me anyway.” She didn’t look at him, just stared at the glowing buttons.

“It doesn’t matter.” She said as she sped out of the elevator once they reached her floor. Still, he kept up with her. She tried to close her door, but he pushed past anyway and closed it behind him, pulling the blinds that hung over the window of the door for privacy.The way she poked out her lip and turned away from him was cute, he couldn’t help smiling. He pulled her into him, kissing her hair. She shook her head stubbornly. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“You’re what’s wrong,” She said, pulling out of his embrace. “You know, it’s not a good feeling being your little plaything just so you can go flirt with other women. Why do you even bother with me?” His smile widened and it frustrated her so much she wanted to kick him out of her classroom or slap him.

“Are you jealous I was talking to Ms. Atkins?” He teased. She didn’t say anything, just took her bag to her desk and pulled out her unfinished test papers. “You know I don’t like her like that, right?”

“Hmph, it didn’t look like it. She sure as hell likes you.” He shrugged.

“What can I say, girls like me.” He smiled again, approaching her desk. “But I like you.” She was quiet, so he got closer. “You want me to dial down the charm?”

“It doesn’t matter. You can do whatever you want. It’s not like you’re my man.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” He noted. “And who’s fault is that? I believe you’re the one who rejected my proposal. So why are you upset?”

“That’s not fair.” She cast her gaze downward, hurt and ashamed. She hated him for stating the truth, even more because she’d already told him why they couldn’t date. Ronin was well admired by the female staff members as well as the students. Teachers gossip, so even if they were to try to secretly date, word would get out and it’d only make her job harder than it was. Many of her coworkers had tried pursuing him, which only brought about jealousy and envy and Milana wasn’t trying to make enemies. Especially if they happened to be her students. He sighed.

“You can’t live in fear forever, Mills.”

“It’s not like I want to.” She snapped. “Maybe you don’t get it because everyone loves you and having a d**k guarantees you respect, but I don’t have that same privilege. Teaching these kids is hard enough as it is, I don’t need a bunch of high-tailed little girls purposely making my job harder because they can’t pretend to own you anymore. I don’t need these grown-ass women talking behind my back like we’re in high school again”. His jaw locked and he looked away from her. A sickening feeling welded in her stomach. Was he mad? Without saying anything, he turned toward the door. She hurried and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his back, taking in the fresh smell of lemons and detergent. “I really like you, Ro. Can’t we-”

“Keep pretending like we mean nothing to each other?” He finished for her. He turned to face her, kissed her head, then her lips. “I really like you too, Mills. But I’m nobody’s secret, harlot." He guided her onto a desk and slowly ran his hand up her skirt. "Does being with me mean nothing to you?"

"Of course not." She breathed, her chest rising and falling with anticipation. He gently stroked the fabric of her panties. He smiled.

"You should trust me more. I wouldn’t suggest anything I felt would hurt you.” He ran a hand up her back, bent down and kissed her neck. She shivered. “I want you. I wanna be free to claim you as mine and tell these other men off if they try to talk to you in front of me.” She laughed. “Don’t you want that too?” She blushed and nodded. The bell for recess rang and Ronin stood up. “Go eat…but think about it.”

I sat up, awkwardly to the sound of Jamila’s voice. “Girl, why were you sleeping like that?” She asked. I looked down at my open laptop. The screen was black, it must have died. My head had been leaning against my headboard, leaving me with a headache and a crick in my neck. I stretched to relieve some of the tension. Bad idea. My back, shoulders and neck were on fire. But I guess 24 hours of heavy lifting, traveling and lack of sleep could do that to a person. There was a knock at my bedroom door.

“Yo, your guys up yet?!” Elijah called. “There’s no food in your fridge.” Groggy, I got up and opened the door. He looked worse than he had the night before. His kinky hair was matted to one side of his head and sticking up on the other. He had deep shadows under his eyes as well as a long, dried, streak of drool on the side of his face. He reeked of alcohol and the rusty scent of hot leather. “I feel like I’m going to be sick.” He said as he walked over and plopped down on my bed.

“Then be sick out there, not on my bed.” I snapped. He ignored me, groaning as he propped his head on a pillow.

“Maybe we should go out for breakfast,” Jamila suggested. “Jessi says greasy foods help with hangovers.”

“Well, I hope you’re happy with yourself, Eli.” I crossed my arms. “How are you supposed to drive home like this?”

“Can you not talk so loudly?” He muttered. “All I need is some food, some Tylonal and 2 hours of sleep and I’ll be good to go.” I huffed. Never again will I take him out drinking and, by the look of Milan’s face, she agreed.

“Get up and wash up at least.” I ordered him. He groaned frustrated before rolling off the bed and sluggishly crawling toward the bathroom. “If you’re going to throw up, make sure it’s in the toilet! I will not clean up after you!” Jamila laughed.

“Well, this has been a fun moving day.” We went to a pancake house and ordered the greatest meal they had for Eli. He seemed to be doing much better after a shower and Tylenol, so we all hung out for a couple hours more. I was eager to have my new apartment all to myself, but I agreed to allow Eli to stay one more night so he wouldn’t be driving so late in the day. He had to rush out first thing in the morning because mom and dad were angry that we’d kept their car for so long. After he was gone, I let out a deep breath of relief. Finally, I can have my place to myself. Looking around, I had more space than I knew what to do with. It frightened and excited me. The thought that I could now wake up every morning to silence or spend the morning sleeping in without my mom barging into my room was overwhelming. I could cook whatever I wanted or order out if I’m lazy. I could play music on my speaker at 8am or 12 at night without bothering anyone. I could leave out or invite friends over without having to answer to anyone. I was so happy I could burst. Immediately, my thoughts drifted to Nate. I blushed as I thought about him walking in and ripping my clothes off. Being able to f**k wherever and whenever we pleased sent a chill through my body. I wished I could have invited him over the night before, but what would he have thought of me? What would I think of myself? The first night on my own and I’m already inviting guys to my bed? It felt like freshman year of college all over again. I wondered if Eli would take advantage of all the young girls who were finally away from their overbearing parents. I wondered if he sorted out his situation with Miya and whether they were going to keep their baby. He'll be going off to school next week, so surely they’ll figure something out before then.

I decided to deep clean my apartment despite it looking relatively clean already. Still, I didn’t trust others to clean as well as me. I went to Walmart and purchased all the toiletries and cleaning supplies I needed. I needed to watch my budget as I didn’t want to spend too much before I got a stable job. I still had furniture I wanted to buy, but I decided I’d focus on what was necessary for my bedroom and writing area before worrying about the living room. I took the time to roam around my new neighborhood, noting the routes I’d need to take to get to the buses and trains. I was ecstatic to see that there was a Barns & Nobles 12 minutes away from my place that I could walk to. I always wanted to fill a big bookcase with hundreds of books I loved, wanted to read or books I'd written. I’d really feel like a writer then. I looked at some of the stores nearby. There weren’t many I’d actually shop at, which was a bummer. Guess I’ll be taking the train downtown for clothes and shoes. I went home before I started making plans for the money I didn’t have yet. On the way up to my apartment, I ran into a tall man in workout gear. He had fair skin and slick black hair. He was talking on his phone when the elevator opened and he nearly walked into me. He apologized, sizing me up with a smile. He was really handsome with a lean, toned body. I knew he was still staring as I walked away. It made me smile. I might have turned back and tried to talk to him had I not already heard the sound of the elevator door closing. I wondered if he lived here. Having a cutie like him close by could be fun, especially since Nate wasn’t as accessible. I cursed myself for thinking that and again for feeling like thinking this way was a betrayal towards Nate. I’m sure he's had a couple of flings since the last time we were together. A month was a long time to not get laid, especially if you have a crazy high libido. He looked like the type of guy who’d like to go all night if he had the time. I wondered if I’d ever get a chance to test that for myself. I checked my phone, growing angry at him for not messaging me regarding his invite to dinner. I didn't know his schedule, so I couldn't just call him at anytime. I felt deprived and starved. So, I did what I usually would never do to get his attention. I took a nice long shower, and used my towel to cover my most sensitive areas. I lied down on my bed and took a picture to send to him. It wasn't anything too vulgar that, but it'd surely make him think of me. Maybe he'll crave me more than an food he had in mind. After 20 minutes, he was calling, but I chose to ignore it. It was his punishment for ignoring me and I wanted to see what he'd do. Curiously, I glanced at the last message he sent. It was an address he was demanding I meet him at tomorrow at noon. I laughed. The gall this guy had was hilarious. I had interviews lined up for tomorrow so I was leaning toward refusing, but the next message intrigued me. The text read, It's about time I stopped being nice to you.