Painful Pleasures

Tension

Work wasn’t so bad. Of course every customer service establishment has to deal with a few annoying customers so I wasn’t too surprised. They did however make it hard for me not to count the minutes until the end of my shift. Our supervisor was really cool. She often didn’t take the customer’s side if she thought they were in the wrong. Our GM would scold her for her language, but he would still laugh about the situation. I hate training. Every job I’ve ever had, I’ve hated the training periods. It’s not that I thought any of it was hard. In my mind, everything that’s new will be overwhelming until you get used to it. As long as I stick it out, I’ll learn to like the job. The part I hate most about training would probably be having someone constantly hovering over you throughout the day. I don’t know if others feel the same way, but I feel comfortable knowing what to do on my own. I don’t like following someone around all day nor do I like them constantly correcting what I do or repeating instructions that I feel aren’t needed. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike my trainer for this. I understand why they have to, they just want to make sure I understand. I just hate the process of it all. I couldn’t wait until I was left to do things on my own. Finally I took my break in the breakroom. I’d ordered food 15 minutes ago and I was waiting for it to show. My phone vibrated and I saw that Elijah was facetiming me.

“Yoo!! Aida, what’s happening?!” he greeted me.

“Dude, why are you so loud?” I turned my volume down as I saw multiple people chatting and screaming in the background. It hurt my ears.

“I miss you sissy!” Pause, this dude did not just call me that. “It’s welcome week, I want you to meet some of my friends. Yo, CJ!” I rolled my eyes as the phone switched over to an asian kid with light blue hair wearing a pilgrim hat.

“Hii sissy! Damn you’re stunning. Who dyed your hair?” CJ asked. The camera shifted as a light-skinned boy with long curly hair tried to share the camera.

“Damn, you’re fine! You single, ma?” Elijah pulled the phone back.

“Even if she was, I assure you, you wouldn’t have a chance.” Elijah said. I heard one of the boys boo him.

“Damn, I can’t get put on? Hey, ma, how old are you?”

“Too old for you.” Eli answered. “She’s getting her s**t together. She got herself a big fancy apartment in Philly. She ain't looking for a clown who just sits in his room and plays minecraft all day.”

“Boy, you do that!” they all broke out in laughter. I turned the phone upward. What was the point of calling me if he was surrounded by so many people? I felt awkward. When I looked back, some brunette was wrapping her arms around his neck. She asked him to come dance with her. I could see his cheeks begin to flush and I raised my brow questionably. When she looked into the camera she gasped dramatically.

“Oh my gosh, you’re so pretty. Please don’t tell me you’re his girlfriend.”

I laughed. “Not even in his dreams.” he excused himself and after a few minutes, the noise grew quieter. I heard the echo of a heavy door slamming. When he brought the camera back to his face, he was in a stairwell.

“Sorry about that.” he apologized.

“Uh, huh..”

“Soo, how’s things been going for you? How’s life as a free independent woman?”

“It’s going alright. You called me at work. I just about finished furnishing my bedroom. I wanna work on the living room more, but..” I sighed. “How come no one told me how expensive couches were? Well, the good ones.”

“What did you expect?”

“Not this. How’s school going for you?”

“Can’t you tell?” he asked with a smile. “The campus is beautiful, the people are cool, my room is dope. Mom and dad sent me a bunch of food and furniture to decorate. I even got my own minifridge. The teachers are a little snobby, but hey, that’s college. I think I’ll be okay though.”

I smiled. “That’s good Eli. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Get all of that partying out of your system now because you likely won't be able to when homework starts piling in.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m still gonna focus on my studies.”

“How was…mom and dad? I haven’t talked to them in a while.”

He sighed. “Still the same, I reckon. They were arguing the entire drive here. Dad’s still up to no good, traveling all the time doing god-knows-what. Mom seems kinda lonely. She’s been calling me constantly. I’m worried about her being all alone in that big house.” I scuffed and shook my head. “Aida…”

“I wasn’t about to trip, relax. Dad made such a big deal about how great it was that they were finally getting the house to themselves…It just sucks that s**t hasn’t gotten better for them without us there. You know?” he nodded.

“Think they’ll get divorced?”

“If they do it won’t affect us. At least they waited until we were grown.”

“Aida, that’s not the point.” he frowned and looked down. Sometimes I forget that despite his age, he was still a kid. They showered him with a lot more affection than they ever did with me, so of course he’d feel some type of way if they weren’t together.

“Stop making that face, they’re not getting a divorce. They run a business together. It’d be too much of a hassle to break up now when they pride themselves on being such a great pair. If anything, they may decide to open their relationship.”

“Seems like dad already did.” he said casually.

I looked at him. “And what about you? Did you handle your s**t with Miya?” he went silent. “Eli…” I called firmly.

“It’s complicated.”

“Uncomplicate it.”

“She…Miya…I don’t know.” he scratched his head. “We’d talked before I left. I told her why it’s a bad idea to keep the baby and she just…left.”

“Eli! Why’d you go and say that?”

“Hey, I was just following your advice.” he argued.

“I did not tell you to just go and tell her it’s a bad idea. The whole point of talking is to come up with a mutual agreement. Did you even try to hear her side or check to see how she was feeling about it?”

“I didn’t get to. She cursed me out and left. She said not to worry about it. I’ve tried calling her countless time’s but she’s blocked me. What was I supposed to do?”

“Um, treat your girlfriend like a human being with feelings. You can’t just tell her what you want especially when her hormones are all f****d up.”

“Well, whatever. There’s nothing I can do now if she won’t talk to me. It’s out of my hands. If she wants to throw a fit and act like a child then so be it. She said not to worry about it, so I won’t.”

“Eli!” I couldn’t believe my ears. When did he become such a douche? “Your resemblance to dad is showing, you know that, right?” he clenched his jaw.

“Whatever, my friends are calling me.”

“Eli do not hang up on me. Eli-” the call dropped. I frowned and tried to call him back, but he denied it. The second time I tried, the call was interrupted by an unknown number. It was the driver delivering my food. I cursed myself and hurried out to meet him. It was about time I stop making their problems mine. Surely, everything will work itself out.

After work, I did a little grocery shopping. I wanted to start eating healthier foods that were rich in protein. However, I didn’t count on how incredibly expensive fresh ingredients would actually be. How did most people do this living alone thing? It was so hard to add to my savings when daily necessities cost so much. I organized a plan that might cut back some of my spending. I likely won’t be able to go out with Mila and the girls too often. That made me a little sad, I actually really liked hanging out with them. After eating, I picked out a cute workout set and headed toward the gym. The gym was 24 hours which I loved because it was so much better working out when there weren’t as many people. I did some easy warm up stretches and did a 15 minute walk on the treadmill. Today will be a leg day. I put on my headphones to focus. After 30 minutes of exercising, I wanted to finish off strong and did some lifting. I felt good, so I added more weights than usual. It hurt, but it was bearable. I took deep breaths as I lowered my body into a squat, the bar on my shoulders. The first two reps were easy. When my thighs started to burn, I considered stopping. I looked up at the mirror in front of me. Stray hairs had slipped out of my ponytail and was now clinging to my forehead. I was heaving heavily, trying to push through the pain. I lowered again, imagining what Nate would say if he were here. He’d probably try to tease me. I smiled and imagined him coaching me. He’d probably sit under me and make me go lower. I laughed that the thought had actually excited me. “Lower..” he would say in that deep sexy tone he always has when speaking to me. I wouldn’t call myself a masochist, but the pain was starting to feel good. I grunted, trying to keep going for a little while longer. I jumped seeing someone step behind me causing me to lose my balance mid squat. I fell back on my butt, awaiting the pain of the bar hitting me. It didn’t come. The man who had shown up behind me had caught the bar and was now placing it back on the rack. “What the f**k is your problem? Why would you sneak up on me like that?”

“I wasn’t trying to. I tried to get your attention, but you couldn’t hear me.” The man said.

“Yeah, that means leave me alone. Don’t you know not to bother people working out?”

“I wasn’t trying to bother you. I thought you needed a hand. You were grunting hella loud and shaking. I thought you were struggling.”

I blushed, more embarrassed at being caught thinking dirty. “Well, I had it under control. I didn’t think anyone else would be coming in this late.” His face looked familiar. “Have we met before?” He smiled, flashing dimples.

“Nah, not formally at least. I saw you move in a couple weeks ago.”

“Oh, right. You were the guy at the elevator.” he laughed.

“Yeah, I’m the guy from the elevator. Though most people call me Arson. You live in apartment 610 right?”

I frowned. “You’ve been watching me?”

“I see you from time to time, usually when I’m coming in from work. I don’t be creepin or anything. You’re just hard to miss.”

“Really? How come I never see you then?” I regretted asking because he flashed me those god damn dimples again.

“You tell me, lil mama. What a man gotta do to catch your eye?”

My face grew hot and I cursed myself for the excited jitters running through my body. To save face, I blamed it on the adrenaline from my exercise. He was fine and he knew it. I didn’t like it though. It felt too easy. And I was anything but an easy catch. “Unfortunately for you, someone else already has my eye.” I thought he’d get upset or try to backtrack, but he didn’t. His smile didn’t falter and I wasn’t sure whether I should be concerned or not.

“Is that right? Can I get your name then?”

“No.” I say. “My boyfriend wouldn’t like that.” Just saying it got me giddy even if it wasn’t true. At least not yet.

“Alright then, guess I’ll let you get back to your workout.” he tapped the weight machine. “You might wanna ease up on the weights if you’re gonna be doing it alone.” he stopped right next to me and bent down so I could hear him. “And if at any time he aint acting right, you can find me in room 617.” he gave me a wink and went off to a different part of the gym. I skipped my cooldown and gathered my things and left. For an hour, I couldn’t get his face out of my head and I hated it. Those f*****g dimples. I groaned in the shower. To say I was horny was an understatement. I felt practically starved. This was Nate’s fault. Had he not kept me waiting all this type I wouldn’t be feeling so frustrated. I wanted to see him so bad. Would it come off as unlady-like if I tried to go see him? I don’t even know where he lives. Would he think it’s weird if I asked? No, Aida. He’d think I’m crazy if I show up at his house unannounced. You’ll have to wait. And after an hour of waiting, I said f**k it and called him. He didn’t answer and that made me regret it. I didn’t want to annoy him. He called me back and I hesitated before answering. I could hear voices in his background.

“Yes, Aida?”

“Are you busy?” I ask.

“A little. I’m at work. What do you need?”

“You work this late?”

“Sometimes.” Then he branched off and said something to one of the people in his background. “Can we talk tomorrow? Now isn’t a good time.”

“I-I…” For whatever reason I felt like crying. “Yeah, sure.”

“Is everything alright? You sound sad.”

“I’m okay.” I lied. I shouldn’t have called. God, why did I call? I must sound like such a baby. I heard him sigh and shuffle. I heard a door close.

“I stepped outside. What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have called you this late.”

“I don’t see why not. You couldn’t have known I’d be busy. Just tell me what’s the problem.”

“Nothing’s wrong I just..” I sniffed, hating how I sounded at this moment. “I just miss you.”

“I miss you too. Is that why you’re crying?”

“I’m not crying.” I say defensively. “I’m just…embarrassed. I just don’t like sounding whiny and…and I feel like I’m the only one feeling…things.”

“Things?”

“You know what I mean.” he chuckled.

“You think I don’t like you?”

“I know you like me…I just don’t know if you like me. If you think about me the way I think about you.”

“Oh? And how do you think about me?” I stayed quiet. This was embarrassing enough as it is. “I do like you, Aida. I like you a lot actually.”

“Then you should come see me. Let’s hang out at my house. Or..or I could come to you.” I suggested, feeling my heart pounding with anticipation. He went silent for a moment.

“When?”

“Maybe tomorrow?”

“I really wish I could, but I don’t travel on weekdays, luv. Unless it's for business.”

“What about this weekend then?”

“I’ll be spending time with my family. I’m sorry.”

I sighed quietly as disappointment washed over me. I wasn’t upset with him, not entirely at least. I understood, but it still made me sad. I wish we had the opportunity to see each other more often.

“I have to go now. I hope you aren’t too disappointed.”

“No, it’s fine. I get it.”

“I’ll talk to you in the morning. Goodnight.”

When I hung up, I fell back on the bed. I didn’t know how to feel. I felt like crap. Was I really missing him or was I just lonely? I didn’t want that to be the case. I didn’t want my feelings to be based on lust, but it was so hard to sort them out. No wonder everyone hated long distance. This s**t sucks. I thought about Arson again. I hated myself for it. I hated myself for hating it because I knew me and Nate weren't actually together. Yet, already I felt like I belonged to him. I should sleep, but I can’t relax. So I did what I always do when my life isn’t going the way I want. I write one that will.