Seeking Relief

Velvety Smooth

Jade spent the rest of the night fading in and out of a light dozing state. She kept herself from falling into a deep sleep again for fear of having another nightmare. She woke every time someone came into her room to check on her, but she didn’t feel like talking to any of them, so she just kept her eyes shut. She didn’t feel like engaging in conversation and trying to reassure them that she was in fact, just fine. She still hadn’t made any sense of what was going on right now. She had come to terms with her large mistake of her nonchalance towards the medicine and alcohol. But she had a moment of relief for once. She doesn’t know if wishing she had been left alone so she could still be free of pain makes her suicidal or not. She never felt like killing herself, the thought hadn’t crossed her mind. 

Until last night when she realized what it took to be free from the pain. Now, she doesn’t know how she can return to her routine dealing with the agony day in and day out when she knows what it feels like to be without it. Now that she knows what the cost it is to have that relief, and she’s not entirely sure she thinks the cost is too steep. 

Jade rolls over in the hospital bed as another thought comes to her. 

She has no idea what to make of the doctor who visited her through the night. She wasn’t sure if she heard his voice in the hall this morning, she didn’t want to open her eyes and be disappointed. Then realize how much of a wishful wanton she was being when she realized she’d be disappointed that he wasn’t there. Trying to understand why he’s choosing to invest time in her was an all-consuming thought she was grappling with. Then she’d think with a plummet of her heart that he was just lying, putting on a show for the night, and then never show again. Her stomach turned with the next thought, that he was in fact investing time in her, but he had an ulterior motive that was at her cost. The last man to lavish such attention on her had something else in mind, which she realized too late. 

***

Jade was stocking shelves at the gas station she was working part time in. She was half-way through her last semester getting her associates at the nearby community college. She was spending every spare minute she had working so she could pay her bills and support her own way. Mom had died when she was little, and Dad was a living hell to live with. So, the minute she could, she moved out and got her own tiny apartment. It was a pit and run down, but it was cheap and meant that she didn’t live with her dad. She only had 2 friends that she barely saw since she spent so much time studying or working, which was just fine by her. 

“Excuse me?” Someone with a velvety smooth voice said from her left. She turned to look to answer and she was struck by the most gorgeous deep blue eyes. He had thick dark brown hair that was perfectly styled. She thought he looked like a model straight out of a department store advertisement spread. When he raised an eyebrow, she realized he was waiting on her answer.

“Uhm. Sorry. Do you need help with something?”

“Yea, could I get a receipt for pump 4?”

“Oh, sure, sorry about that.” She quickly walked back to the register and pushed a few buttons to get him the receipt he requested. She wasn’t sure if he purposefully let his fingers linger on hers, but he smiled when she felt her cheeks turn red.

He continued to smile and said, “Thank you. Good night.”

She mumbled a good night as he walked out of the door. She tried to keep herself from staring as he got in his pickup and drove off. She shook herself hard and went back to restocking the shelf she was working on.

The gorgeous stranger reappeared two days later to get a drink. Then again, another two days later to get gas. Then the next night he got a case of beer. Every time she saw him, she felt her face and chest get hot from blushing. Nothing but cordialities were exchanged but she couldn’t help herself from fantasizing about what he was NOT saying. The night he bought beer that all changed.

“I can’t stand it anymore. Would you mind going out on a date with me?” He asked as he set the beer on the counter. Jade just blinked at him, then blushed again.

“I don’t even know your name.” She shyly smiled.

“Oh! It’s Lance, sorry. I know yours is Jade.” He said gesturing at her name tag. She just nodded.

“What time is your shift over?” He asked.

“Uhm. 9 o’clock.”

“Can I pick you up and we get something to drink?”

“Uh. Sure.” She smiled again as she rang him up. He paid, grabbed his beer and started to leave. He stopped at the door and smiled at Jade. 

“I’ll see you at 9.” He said, then left. Jade couldn’t help but daydream the rest of her shift. The next 4 hours went by agonizingly slow, but the end was also here before she knew it. As she closed out her register and turned to walk into the break room to clock out, she saw his pickup pull into the parking lot. She smiled as her heart did flip flops. 

He stood next to his pickup waiting for her as she walked out of the gas station. She smiled shyly up at him as he opened his passenger door for her.

Their “date” was a couple hours long at a nearby bar and grill. They sat at the bar and talked while they had a few beers. He constantly asked her questions about herself and seemed to hang onto her every word. The night ended when he dropped her back off at her car and kissed her so deeply that it made her cross eyed.

It wasn’t long after that he was picking her up after every shift, then he started coming to her apartment to see her on her evenings she wasn’t working. She started to rush through her homework so she had more time to spend with Lance. He made her feel so good and loved. The first time they had s*x, he was sweet and constantly making sure he wasn’t hurting her. She never could understand the women who wouldn’t want to have s*x, because she felt like this was the one thing that only she could give him. He did so much for her, she wanted to do anything she could to make him happy. When she finished her associate’s degree, he was the only one there for her to celebrate in her achievement. Her dad still barely acknowledged her existence, her best friends just gave her congratulatory texts. 

She started staying more at his place, easily falling into a domestic state of cooking and cleaning. He always gave her his undivided attention when he was with her, raining compliments and love on her.

When he found out his job was relocating him, he held her hands as he shyly asked if she would move with and in with him. Since she had just finished her associate’s degree, she could continue on with college pursuing her bachelor’s where she moved next. She jumped on him and hugged him tight, eagerly agreeing to go with him. There was nothing more that she wanted than be by his side. 

****

Jade was brought out from her thoughts on her memories as she heard some low male voices in the hall just outside her room. Her heart skittered a beat, then calmed when she didn’t hear a familiar velvety voice amongst the rumbling. She decided to pay no attention to it and continued to look out the window. When she heard small knocking on her door, only then did she drag her eyes to her doorway to see who was here

.