Seeking Relief

Dinner Conversation

*Warning* * Abuse and Trauma Trigger *

After Jade finished her shower and got dressed, she opened the bathroom door to be greeted by the smell of cooking food. Her stomach immediately grumbled.

She followed her nose to the kitchen and found the pair cooking side by side. They moved in sync with each other and it was frankly an impressive sight.

She leaned against the kitchen entry way watching them for a few minutes with a smile on her face. She felt her heart warm with gratitude for having them in her life.

She pushed off the wall and walked into the kitchen. While easing herself carefully into a chair with her arm in its sling, she spoke.

“Whatever you guys are making, it smells delicious.”

The guys turned around and looked at her with smiles.

“Thanks.” Jake said.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” She asked.

“Nope. Just take your medicine and sit tight.” Emmett said.

When the guys dished out the plates and set hers in front of her, she leaned forward and took a long inhale of the food. She pulled her plate closer to her with enthusiasm.

The trio chit chatted while the ate. The course of the conversation had migrated to talking about the guys’ parents. And what kind of support the men have from their parents.

Jake’s parents are very supportive of his lifestyle and sexuality. They just live very far away.

While Emmett’s is a completely different story.

“Dad had wanted me to be a man’s man. He was proud of how big I had grown to be. I was a jock and excelled at every sport he wanted me to be in. He didn’t care about my grades, just how good I was at sports.

“I had a period in high school where I struggled with myself. I knew I liked men, but I continued dating girls in high school. I actually enjoyed dating them and being with them. I just didn’t like the girls that wore a lot of make up or were really girly. So, I thought that was an extension of liking guys. Later I came to the realization that I was bi, I just had a type of girl that was a turn off for me.

“In college, I came out to my parents. After my announcement, Mom had gotten out of her chair and started to approach me with open arms. But Dad jumped out at me and started yelling. Mom immediately stopped and just stood there staring at her feet. Dad continued his tirade. It ended with me being disowned, cut off, and kicked out of the house.”

“That’s awful. Did you have to drop out of college?”

“No. I was there on scholarship, thank God. So, I just continued and made sure to keep my grades up, so I didn’t lose it.”

“But that’s not where it ends.” Jake said taking a bite.

“No.” Emmett sighed, “Mom tried reaching out to me later on. At first, I was elated, but also worried for her. Her reaching out to me meant one of two things, that she finally stood up to Dad and changed his mind regarding me. Or that he had died, and she was alone.

“I found out later that it was neither. She was reaching out to me, but she was keeping it a secret from Dad, and that she didn’t want him to find out.”

“What?” Jade asked.

“Yea. And she had no intention of ever telling Dad and changing the situation.”

Emmett paused and stared at his plate for a beat. Jake looked at his partner with empathy then turned at looked at Jade.

“Emmett’s anxiety increased exponentially at this time. It became apparent that she was using Emmett to fill her emotional needs, but not being a true mother to him. Emmett came to the realization that maintaining a relationship with her was too taxing. So, he gave her an ultimatum. Treat him like her son and tell her husband that she’s continuing a relationship with Emmett. Or stop calling.”

“She didn’t.” Jade said in a hushed voice.

“You’re right. She didn’t.” Emmett said sardonically. “She would rather maintain appearances than be a mother with unconditional love.”

“Do you think your father is being controlling and abusing her? And she’s just scared of him?” Jade asked.

“No. I was worried about that, too. But it’s not. It’s about appearances and their image. My parents are very conservative and traditional in their viewpoints. In my opinion, even to the point of a chauvinistic household. They both view that the wife serves the husband and is subservient to him. She maintains that philosophy, so she chose her husband and beliefs over me.”

Jade frowned and huffed out an exasperated sigh.

“It’s amazing how many parents choose their own selfishness over their own child’s.”

Jake agreed and Emmett nodded, but he looked at Jade deeply. After a brief pause Emmett spoke.

“You have a parent who wronged you, too.”

Jake snapped his head to Jade.

She looked at her plate and just shrugged. Then took a big bite of food and chewed.

She thought that Jake being ever the chatter box would fill the silence. But Emmett was patient. He saw through the masks, the cracks in the surfaces, and all the subtle unintended hints.

So, he waited for her answer.

And unfortunately for her, Jake was in tune with Emmett and followed his cue. So, instead of coming to her rescue to continue the conversation and change the subject, he waited, too.

Jade took her time chewing.

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to,” Jake said, “But it would help us help you and be there for you when the communication line is open, when there are no doors barred.”

“But,” Emmett said with a pointed glance at Jake, “We never want you doing something you are uncomfortable with.” He reached for her hands and grasped them gently, “We are committed to you. Don’t doubt that.”

Jade smiled her usual small smile and swallowed her food.

She sat for a beat then said, “No, you’re right. You need to know.”

She sighed and continued, “Therapy helped, because I now know what was going on and can make sense of it. It also helped explain why I was so deep in it with Lance.”

She looked at their quizzical looks then chuckled wryly.

“Sorry, I’ll start over.

“My mom was great. She was my best friend and we’d have a good time together. She did everything with me. She’d stop what she was doing to partake in my games. She’d involve me in everything she did and always made it seem fun. I was always by her side and I never felt like I was a bother to her.

“When I was little, my dad never seemed to take an interest in me. He’d work a lot, come home, eat supper, watch TV for a few hours, then go to bed. I was okay with that because Mom gave me more than enough love.

“Then when I hit puberty things started to change. Dad started to talk to me more and show more interest in me. He started to want me to sit on the couch next to him while he watched TV. It was also this time Mom started to get sick.” Jade paused.

“She died, didn’t she?” asked Jake.

With tears glistening her eyes, Jade said, “Yea. She had pancreatic cancer.”

Both men sucked air through their teeth. Pancreatic cancer may as well be a death sentence, especially a decade ago.

Jade continued, “She of course died within the year. I picked up all the household duties on my own, trying to make it easier on my dad. He didn’t demand it and always thanked me. He also gave me money anytime I asked for it when I needed something. His only stipulation was that I sit with him through dinner and on the couch.

“When I asked for money for a bra, that’s when things changed. He insisted on going with me to the store to buy them. I honestly think he would’ve followed me into the dressing room if the attendant wasn’t there. Because when we got home he immediately wanted me to put on the bras and show him without a shirt on.”

The men hissed out curses, but didn’t say anything to let her continue.

“He said he wanted to check the fit. I showed him. He then wanted me to take off my pants so he could check the fit of my underwear. I didn’t know what to do, so I obliged. He ran his fingers along the inside of my elastic bands, checking to see how tight it  was against me. That was the first time he sexually touched me. His fingers brushed against my labia lips while he was ‘checking’ my underwear.

“He stopped, got up, kissed my check and said ‘let’s order a pizza and watch a movie.’ That night on the couch he rested his hand on my thigh the whole time. After that, things quietly escalated. He’d want to check me after my shower to make sure I was healthy or check my and underwear fit. Then he’d want to wash my hair and my back while I took a bath. He’d always give me kisses and tell me I was a good girl, so I thought it was what dads did when there wasn’t a mom around. He would also then order take out or do something for me afterwards. I came to actually want him to do those ‘checks’ because then it meant I had a break from doing something with the house.

“Then one night I had woken up to get a glass of water. He heard me and asked me to come lay with him. He said he couldn’t sleep and wanted a hug. I obliged. I ended up in his bed and he was spooning me. I fell back asleep but woke up to him fingering me.”

The men stared at Jade horrified with their hands over their mouths. Emmett was making angry noises but didn’t say anything so he wouldn’t interrupt her.

“The next day, Dad took me shopping for new clothes.” Jade sighed.

“That became normal in our lives. Dad would ‘inspect me’ for health checks and I’d get a house chore break. But if I went to his bed and let him touch me, I got a shopping trip or a splurge of sorts.”

She paused and covered her face.

“When I’d resist, he would become angry and guilt trip me. He also wouldn’t let me see anyone or hang out with friends. I did move out when I graduated high school. I finally could have a few friends. Therapy has helped explain my complex ball of emotions. Such as my guilt; regarding using his affection for my gain, accepting his affections, and why I struggled identifying it as abuse. What I have discovered is that he was basically prepping me. Sexually for himself or possibly to be used by others. Since I was primed by him, I was preconditioned for Lance so to speak. It’s why I fell so hard into Lance’s manipulation and struggled so long with leaving his abuse. I had been emotionally and physically trained to think that that was love.”

“Jesus.” Breathed Emmett.

“Therapy has helped so much, and you guys have helped me even more. You have shown me what true caring relationships are.”

No one spoke next, but chairs scraped against the floor as the two men got up and came around the table to hug Jade fiercely.