Seeking Relief

Comfort and Drowning

Adam was still at the top of the stairs talking on the phone to Mitch, when he heard it.

Screaming.

He doesn’t even remember if he told Mitch a proper goodbye, he just hung up, stashed his phone in his pocket. His whole body tensed as adrenaline saturated his system, readying him for action.

Adam yanked the stair well door open with such force that it banged against the wall. He sprinted back into the ICU, making a beeline to Jade’s room.

To where the screams are coming from.

As he rushed into the room, he saw that there’s already two nurses trying to sooth and rouse Jade. Meanwhile, Jade continues to scream and claw at her neck. When he noticed red streaks on her neck he’s jerked into action. In three quick strides, he’s at Jade’s side. He grips Jade’s wrists with one hand so that she doesn’t further damage herself, he quickly sits on the edge of the bed and pulls Jade’s body close to him with his other arm.

“Jade. Wake up.” He sternly but quietly says. She seems to have heard him because her arms still.

“That’s right, sweetie. You’re safe. You can wake up now.” Her eyelids flutter open and he’s greeted by her deep green brown gaze. She doesn’t say anything, just looks at him like she’s in disbelief.

“There you are. You were having a nightmare. You’re safe here with us.” Jade shifts her body, and she looks around the room as she gets her bearings.

“Sorry.” She mumbles to those clustered around her. “Uhm. You-You can let go now.” She said shyly to Adam.

“Ah. Sorry.” He gave her shoulders a squeeze as he let go of her and stood up.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare at all, sweetie?” One of the nurses asked Jade. She adamantly shook her head no.

“Do you want me to get you something to help you calm down?” Adam asked her.

“No thank you.” She said quietly. Adam stood by Jade’s beside as the nurses continued to make sure that Jade was indeed okay and calm. Jade answered their questions with quiet nodding or shaking of her head. When it seemed that their concerns were pacified, they left her alone.

“Okay, well press the call button if you need one of us.” The other nurse said as they walked out of the room. Adam stopped outside of her door in the hall while the nurses continued down the hall to finish their rounds. He stood there for a beat while he had a quick internal tug of war. He quickly strode back into the room. When he reappeared, Jade’s eyes grew wide in surprise. He grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to her bedside.

“I know what you’ve been through, I also know that our system failed you before. But you’re safe now,” He reached for her hand and grasped it lightly, Jade looked down and stared at their hands.

Adam continued, “we’ll make sure you’re safe and you get taken care of properly now. I have XRAY’s and MRI’s ordered to examine your pain areas.”

“Oh. Uhm. I can’t- I can’t afford that. I actually should get home, I won’t be able to afford this bill as it is.” She looked away from his hand and to her lap.

“I don’t want you to worry about that. We have programs for those who need help with their bills. Right now, you need to concentrate on resting and healing. We’ll get you fixed up.” Adam was already formulating a plan that involved a certain women’s group, the group that Mitch told him she was involved with. He just had to send off an email to a couple people to make sure his idea would work.

“ ‘Kay.” Jade said quietly. Adam sat like that next to her bedside holding her hand lightly for a few silent moments. Against all his urges, he decided to get up and leave her for the night. He patted her knee as he stood up and put the chair back where he pulled it from.

“I’ll be back later tomorrow to check on you.” He told her. Jade just nodded while staring at her lap. He touched her gently on her shoulder before he left. He knew she needed way more help, and she wasn’t going to ask for it, because whatever dickhead she was with had obliterated any self worth she may have had. As he quietly strode down the hall, he mused on what needed to be done for Jade. This time he took the elevator down. Using the time of standing still, he pulled out his phone and fired off an email to the HR and Accounting directors.

After the doctor left, Jade ground her fists in her eyes fighting another memory rising up. She couldn’t believe that a complete stranger would want to help her. She can’t help but feel like he has an ulterior motive that she’s ignorant of. Which is just adding to her general state of confusion and anxiety enough as it is.

She shifted and pressed the heels of her hands to her temples as more tears came. The doctor had said that he’d be back to check on her. Someone else said that too the last time he caught her trying to flee.

***

Pain flared in her knees and wrists as she landed on all fours after being tossed to the ground. She whirls around and looks at him with wide eyes.

“I’ll be back checking on you.”

“Stop! I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“Oh, Jade Baby, you don’t know what you want. You don’t know what you need. I do. You belong to me. You can throw this little tantrum, but in the end you’ll pay for it. Because you aren’t going anywhere.”

“Just let me go!”

“And where would you go? No one wants you. I’m the only one that does. See you later, baby. I’ll be back, and I’ll be checking on you.” After he shut the door, he locked it. Locking her in the windowless room. She banged and yelled against the door for hours, even after she knew he left.

***

Jade whimpered quietly as she fought the painful memory. She just wanted relief. Relief from the pain in her body, in her heart, and in her head. She slid down the bed settling in against the pillows on her side.

Dr. Kincaid was a giving her a glimmer of hope, but she doesn’t trust it. She can’t trust that little glimmer. She’s felt hope and what she thought was happiness before, it always ends in more broken bones and screaming.

She just wishes she could back to being mentally numb like she was earlier.

Now, she’s caught in the middle of the ocean, where confusion, anxiety, hope, and suspicion ebb against her and pull her out further. She’s tossed around while the waves of pain beat down on her, crashing over her head causing her to feel like she’s drowning.

She can’t make any sense of her thoughts.

They thought she tried to commit suicide.

How much did she take for every to think that?

Why is Dr. Kincaid giving her such tender treatment and helping her?

And why are her night terrors coming back full force?

What happened to the meager amount of control she had over her fears?

What happens if she has another nightmare and Dr. Kincaid doesn’t come to her rescue?

What the f**k is she thinking, and why is she thinking like this about that man?

What the f**k is happening to her?!

She closed her eyes and let the tears run down her face. She swore she’d never give up. She swore she’d never kill herself. But she was so tired of fighting and she was so god damn tired of the pain. 

So f*****g tired of all of it.