Twice the Second Chance

Chapter 2 - Then There Was One

"Don, we need to talk." Just what every man wants to hear from their wife, right? Oddly, he didn't react like I thought.

He barely glanced at me from the TV & grunted a "Hmm?" in my direction. Not sure if that's promising or foreboding…

"Are you happy, Don?"

"What the h*ll are you talking about, Marni?" he asked while looking at me like I've lost my d**n mind. I guess I've got his attention now.

"Are. You. Happy? It's a simple question."

"Why wouldn't I be? What kind of question is that?"

"It's the kind of question you seem to be avoiding answering, Don." This isn't going like how I had thought. Not that I'd truly thought this through…

"Of course I'm happy. What is going on? I think you've lost your d**n mind, Marni." I can see Don is losing his patience with me rather quickly. Time to kick it up a notch.

"How come we never kiss anymore?"

"What're you talking about? We kiss nearly every day."

"No, Don. You give me a quick peck. I'm talking about kissing. Deep, passionate, long kisses that take your breath away. Kisses that you feel all the way down to the toes. Why don't we kiss like that anymore?"

Don muted the TV, turned to me, & said, "Because I don't like kissing." Well, I guess I've got his full attention now now.

"I miss that. I need those kisses, Don."

"Where is this coming from, Marni? And why should I do something I don't like?"

He tried to to go back to watching TV, but no way was I done. It took me long enough to build up the confidence to say something. I was finishing this, regardless of the outcome.

"Why should you do something you don't want?! What about me & what I want? I'm not saying every day, but how about a couple times a week?" All I got was a big sigh in reply.

"Don, I need this. I need more. I need my husband I need you."

Don looked at me like I've grown a second head. He began to talk to me like I was a child, in that way men have of man-splaining, & said, "You have me, Marni. I'm right here."

"No, Don. What I have is a roommate. I don't need a roommate. I need a husband. I need a lover," I pleaded to him.

Want to know how to light a fuse & really blow things up? Say the following words: "You're just acting foolish, now." Yeah, that set me off.

"Excuse me?! Don't. Don't you dare do that. Do you have any idea what it's like to throw yourself at sometime time & again, only to be turned down? I try curl up next to you, & you don't so much as place a hand on me. I hold your hand, but I may as well be holding a glove filled with rice. I hug you, & after a few moments you're pushing me away. You show more affection to the dogs, & you don't even like them! How do you think that makes me feel?"

"But -" he tries cutting in.

"No. I am not finished. There have been times I've gone to kiss you, & for a fleeting moment, there was a look of almost disgust before I get that peck. Do you have any idea how hurtful that is? I love you, Don. I'll always love you. But I can't keep living like this. Something needs to change."

Don just stared back at me for a few moments with a look of bewilderment on his face. Like he was blind-sided. "What's wrong with what we have? We love each other. We're comfortable - we don't have to hide our true selves. Why do we need to change?"

"Yes, we do love each other & are comfortable with each other. But I need more. I need a little passion. I need s*x. I need to feel wanted & desired. At least feel that once in a while." I looked at him desparately.

He looked down, paused, & took a deep breath before barely lifting his eyes & asking in the quietest tone, "What if I can't?"

"Can't or won't, Don?"

For the first time he seemed to truly understand how serious this is. "Does it matter which?"

I gasped in a lung full of air before replying. "No, I guess it doesn't matter. The question is, are you willing to meet me even part way? Please?" I begged.

He dropped his head again. I could feel the internal struggle rising from him while I held my breath waiting for his reply.

He looked up with tears in his eyes. "No. I don't think I can."

It was like a sucker punch to the gut, even though I somehow knew this was how it would play out. That didn't make it hurt any less, though.

I took a deep breath & looked up with my own eyes filled with tears. I almost chickened out after seeing his face, which was a mix of both pleading & resignation.

"Then I think it's time we part ways."

And just like that, my marriage & over 30 years of my life were over.