F*ck It, It's The Apocalypse

Chapter Five: Thank God For Failed Businesses

"WHY THE f**k do your parents have a bunker in the Badlands?" Katerina asks. I don't think any of us really believe him right now. I've never known Brex to lie, but this is just too good to be true. But if it is true, then Brex is the most beneficial dumbass I have ever met in my life.

    "Head West, Chancey," Brex says, "And, uh, I don't think you have to go so fast anymore man. The interstate is basically abandoned at this point."

    He's right. The only thing I'm seeing right now is a couple cars zooming even faster than me and a few crashed vehicles in the ditches. Otherwise it's only really us here.

    "Brexton, explain why your family has a bunker!" Katerina says with crossed arms.

    Brex gives a small laugh. "It was kinda a dumb idea really..." he starts.

    "I bet your family has plenty of those." Katerina cuts in.

    I raise my eyebrows. "Put the claws away, Kitty..." I say. I smirk at the hateful glare she gives me.

    Brex grins looking between the two of us. "Anyway, it was a dumb idea on my parents part. So you know my parents won like two million dollars from the lottery--" he says.

    Katerina looks at him incredulously. "What the f**k? Is your entire family just stupid and lucky?"

    Brex laughs. "It's not luck... it's skill, sweetheart. But that's a story for another day. Anyway so my parents won a small lottery and they thought they should invest the money into some sort of rental property..."

    Katerina gasps. "Don't tell me...." she says.

    Brex smiles. "Oh yeah... they decided to buy some land in the Badlands and built this bunker to attract tourists and then you know charge a f**k ton of money to stay in it." he says.

    "Is anyone staying in it now?" Katerina asks.

    Brex shook his head. "No, only a couple people have stayed in it... like ever. I guess not a lot people were interested in staying in the middle of nowhere in North Dakota." he says. "And there's also no electricity in the bunker so yeah."

    Katerina pouts at the no electricity part. I can't say I'm too enthused either but we really don't have a choice.

    "Do you know exactly where it is?" I ask.

    Brex nods. "I bring girls over there every summer..." he says, "and I don't mind bringing a few more." He looks at Katerina and gives her a wink.

    Katerina rolls her eyes. "Do you know how cliche this sounds?" She turns to look at me. "I mean what are the chances we pick probably the only guy on campus who has a bunker?" she asks incredulously. 

    Brex stretches his arms and smirks. "What can I say? I'm beneficial..." he says in a cocky low voice.

    Katerina scoffs. "Yeah, a beneficial dumbass..." she says with a deep emphasis on "dumbass". I smile because she said the same thought I had earlier. 

    Brex makes a face at her but he doesn't say anything else. He just leans back and crosses his arms, and then stares out the window.

    Ko hasn't said anything in awhile either so she must be either sleeping or crying again. I feel a small painful pang in my chest at the thought of her being in the apocalypse. Ko just seems so fragile, and she was even like that before the apocalypse. She's not anything like Katerina. Sure, Katerina was scared earlier, but she got over it and helped me in the end. She adapts, but I'm worried that Ko won't adapt. I'm worried that Katerina, Brex, and I will be risking our lives for her in every encounter, but she won't do the same for us. God, how could someone like her survive in the apocalypse? 

    "Do you think the buffalo around here can become zombies too? Do you think they'll eat each other?" Brex asks suddenly.

    "What the f**k, Brexton...?" Katerina asks.

    God, how will any of us survive in the apocalypse?

                                                                                *****

    I try my best to ignore Katerina and Brex's bickering... but they're honestly making me want to jump out of the car right now and take my chances with potential zombie buffalo. They have literally been arguing for hours. Ko still hasn't said a word from the trunk, so I'm slightly concerned she smothered herself or something to escape the constant squabbling... not that I would blame her at all. If anything, I might just drive this b***h off a butte and kill all of us.

    "Chance, can you believe that Kitty thinks--" Brex begins to say, but then I hear a sudden slap. "OW what the f**k?!"

    "Do. Not. Call. Me. Kitty." Katerina says through gritted teeth.

    Brex takes an exaggerated breaths and throws his hands in the air. "Well, Katerina is a mouthful! Why can't you just approve of one nickname? All of us here have nicknames that we accept and love!" he says.

    Katerina glares at him. "Chance doesn't have a nickname." she states.

    Brex laughs. "Yes, he does. I, Brexton, am called Brex... Kotoko is called Ko... and Chance here loves the nicknames Chancey, Woody, and Morning Wood--"

    "I literally do not approve of any of those nicknames." I say quickly. 

    f*****g Morning Wood. Really, Brex? That one was supposed to be a secret.

    Katerina laughs at my embarrassment and Brex smiles. "Here, how about you give me a nickname that you think suits me, and I'll pick one that suits you?" he says.

    Katerina gives him a suspicious look. "Any nickname?" she asks. 

    Brex nods. "Anything that fits me. What do you pick?"

    Katerina nods and thinks for a moment. Her lips widen into a wide smile. She stares at Brex directly into the eyes and says, "Chlamydia."

    OH. MY. GOD. It's been so long since I've laughed this hard. I'm legit scared I'm going to piss myself. What makes it better is how offended Brex is, but as his best friend I know how accurate this nickname is. Once mine and Katerina's hysterical laughter calms down, Brex gives a slow clap.

    "Ha...ha...ha... That's not even catchy." he says with a sneer. He looks at her quizzically and says, "But what the hell am I going to call you? Nothing fits your face!"

    "Thanks?" Katerina says, unsure how to take his comment.

    Brex slaps his hand on the back of my seat. "Chancey, I'm going to need an expert opinion here." he says.

    "And why am I an expert?" I ask.

    Brex shrugs. "I dunno. I didn't Ko would have any ideas."

    I wait for a moment to see if Ko makes any comments, but she doesn't. God, I really hope she's just sleeping right now.  

    "Hey here's an idea," Katerina says loudly, "What don't we just call 'Katerina'.... Katerina??"

    Brex scoffs and says, "Because that's boring--" And then they begin bickering again.

    "OMG can you guys just stop for five minutes?!" Ko snaps. Oh good, she's alive. I don't see her sitting up so she still must be lying down. She's just done with their s**t like I am. 

    Katerina opens her mouth to talk back but I shoot a look to her that practically says, 'I am going to drive this car off a f*****g cliff if you don't stop.' and she decides not to say anything. Thank god, because I know Brex won't stop talking until the very end. Even if I do drive us off a cliff. 

                                                                                ******

    We drive for about twenty more minutes into a small town. The town doesn't seem to have any residential areas, fortunately. It literally only has a gas station. What the f**k, Brex? We all turn our eyes towards Brex who is eagerly looking out the window. 

    He smiles and points at the gas station. "Chance, go there. We're going to need to stock up the bunker." he says.

    I sigh and pull into the gas station. From the outside, it's nothing impressive for sure. There's two gas pumps and a couple cars in the small parking area. I press my lips into a hard line when I see that none of the cars have any occupants inside them. They must be inside then. 

    "So what's the plan?" I ask. 

    Ko is sitting up now. She crosses her arms and pouts at me. Katerina and Brex both give me looks with raised eyebrows. It's really f*****g obvious that no one has any ideas right now. Oh god, am I really the brains of this group? We're f****d. 

    I take a deep breath and slap my hands on my knees. "Well I guess I'll go see what's inside..." I say. I see Katerina about to protest, so I say, "I'll just wave to you guys if nothing is going on. If something is going on, then we're getting the hell out of here." I toss the keys to Brex. "Fill up the gas while we're here by the way."

    He nods and twirls the keys in his fingers. I reach back to grab my bat, and then I feel a tingle go up my arm as my arm brushes past Katerina's leg to reach the bat. I tighten my grip on the bat and shake my head slightly to hype myself up to go inside, and also shake the blush off my cheeks caused by Katerina's touch. I open the car door and head towards the entrance of the gas station. 

    I don't think there's really any point in trying to be subtle or secretive about going inside. If I see any zombies I'm just going to book it out of there to regroup my friends. I practically kick open the door and stand inside. My eyes scan around the room and examine the remnants. Much of the inventory and a couple of shelves are knocked over, so it's safe to assume that the apocalypse made its way here also. As I look around, I see a body behind the busted register. I'd say he was definitely the cashier based off his outfit and location. He hunched over in the fetal position with his arms wrapped around his abdomen.  If it wasn't for the obscene amount of blood puddling around him all over the tile floor, I might've thought he was just cowering in fear. Just to be safe, I nudge him in the foot with my bat and he doesn't respond. I think it's safe to say he's dead as hell. 

    I walk around the few aisles and refrigerators and I don't see anymore bodies. I make my way towards the back and roam through the bathroom and the employee section, and I still don't see anything else. It must be just the cashier here. I walk towards the front door and wave to my friends that it's safe to come inside. I see Brex nod and he starts the car and pulls up next to one of the gas pumps. Katerina and Ko, to my surprise, both exit the car and come inside. 

    "There's a dead guy behind the counter so don't look." I say.

    Ko gives me an incredulous look and Katerina scoffs. Ko darts to the back of the store, not even attempting to look. Katerina, on the other hand, immediately goes behind the counter and examines the body. God these two really are polar opposites. 

    "Hmm interesting...." Katerina says as she moves one of his arms away from his abdomen. What the hell is wrong with her?

    "What are you doing?" I ask. I can't even hide the disgust in my voice.

    She takes a step back and stares at the body. "Well it's just he hasn't been mauled or anything..." she says.

    "That is weird." I say as I look at the body closer as well. 

    Katerina places one of her hands on her chin and says, "I think he was either shot or stabbed." 

    "Someone just coincidentally robbed and murdered this poor guy at the start of the apocalypse?" I ask. This world is really going to s**t real fast.

    Katerina shrugs. "That must be what happened." She turns towards me and says, "The world is broken now. This is what psychopaths, rednecks, and the most f****d up people you could ever think of dream about. A world with no structure."

    "But what about when everything goes back to normal?" I ask. 

    Katerina laughs. It's not a scoff or even a funny laugh. It's a cold laugh that gives no light to her eyes. "You don't believe that do you?" she asks. 

    "Guys, let's just put stuff in the car." Ko says suddenly. I turn around to meet her gaze but she has already zoomed out the door towards the trunk of the car.

    Katerina stares at Ko and tilts her head to the side. "She's moving a little quick, huh?" she asks suspiciously.

    I shrug and say, "She's probably just nervous. She's right anyway, we should move quickly."

    Katerina nods and we both head into the aisles to see what we can find. Katerina finds a few bags and North Dakota clothing merch for us to change into later. I take a bag from her and begin to load it up with as many bottled drinks as I can find. Brex comes inside shortly and starts to carry boxes of food and drinks he found in the storage area in the back. Ko comes back in briefly and grabs a few random items for hygiene and an absolute s**t ton of sunblock, and then she's out the door again. Unfortunately, my minivan can't carry the entire gas station inventory so once we have the back completely filled to the brim we get ready to leave. 

    Brex hops into the driver seat, much to my dismay. I sit in the passenger seat and Katerina and Ko are forced to sit together in the row behind us because we had to put the very back row of seats down to maximize our storage. Katerina crosses her arms and stares out the window with a bored expression. Ko fumbles with her fingers and seems to be immensely uncomfortable as she stares out her window. I look over to Brex and I'm confused by his ridiculous smirk.

    "Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.

    He pulls the car out and starts to head out of town. His smirk deepens and he says, "Oh you should be thanking me, buddy..." he says.

    I raise an eyebrow at him. "What for?"

    He chuckles and reaches towards the center console. "Well it seems to me that you're going to be...busy..." he says as he nods his head towards the girls. 

    "What the hell are you talking about?" I ask. 

    He finally, and dramatically, opens the center console. 

    What. The. f**k. Brexton.

    Inside of the center console is, and I'm not kidding, approximately forty small boxes of condoms. I stare at Brex absolutely flabbergasted. He just winks and says, "Like I said... you're going to be busy."