F*ck It, It's The Apocalypse

Chapter Four: The Beneficial Dumbass

"OUT OF ALL the places to escape or hide... your friend chose a light pole?" Katerina asks, unimpressed. She pulls the car around to face Brexton and his predicament. "There is literally a tree like ten feet over that would have been way more stable."

    "Brex isn't necessarily the smartest guy around, okay? But we need to save him." I say.

    Katerina turns to me. "Are you f*****g crazy? You almost just died to eight zombies... how the hell are you going to handle twelve or maybe more?" she asks.

    "Move to the passenger side." I say simply.

    "You are not killing us to save your dumbass friend, Chance." Katerina growls.

    "Yeah, Chance, I agree with Katerina..." Ko said quietly. "It's just too risky."

    I look between the two of them with a disgusted look. "No, what was risky was driving to college building full of zombies to save your cheating ass, Ko!" 

    Ko puts her head down and presses her lips in a tight line. I'm sure tears were brimming her eyes but I don't care. 

    "And you!" I turn to Katerina. "I have saved you twice now! You could, at the very least, let me save my best friend!" My voice is a vicious snarl. 

    "I just saved you!" Katerina snaps. "You would have died on the fire escape if it weren't for me!"

    "You're right." I say quietly. "But that means you still owe me one more, right?"

    Katerina glares at me with, what I assume, pure hatred for a moment. She releases a long sigh and slides over to the passenger seat.

    I immediately hop into the driver's seat. I turn to look at her. "Thank you... You uh... might wanna hop in the back and put on a seat belt." I say quietly.

    Katerina gives me an incredulous look and says "You're f*****g crazy!" mortified. But she quickly hops in the back and buckles up next to Ko. I can't help but smile a little when I see the two of them exchange terrified looks.

    "Hold on, ladies..." I say, buckling my own seat belt. "It's going to be a bumpy ride."

    I floor the gas and Ko releases a horrified scream. I aim almost directly at the light pole, just a little to the right. I absolutely mow right through four zombies and I swerve around to hit two more. 

    Oh god, my car insurance rate is going to sky rocket...

    The remaining six are hovering too close to the light pole for me to hit them, and also I don't think my car can take anymore to try. I reach towards the back and grab the fire extinguisher and hop out of the car. I immediately swing at the head of the first zombie I reach and its head comes clean off.

    "Holy f**k, Chance!" Brex screams in disbelief. He's struggling to stay up much longer, especially with two zombies grabbing at his ankles.

    The other three zombies are making their way towards me and I suddenly feel overwhelmed. This might have been a f**k up. Like a really bad f**k up. These zombies weren't slow like the others, if anything they are the fastest I've seen. I gulp as two approach me and I immediately swing for ones head. The swing isn't perfect like the last and it just knocks the zombies back a couple feet. The other one lunges for me during my swing and I think I see my life flash before my eyes...

    But suddenly that zombie's head is sent flying several yards away. I look slightly behind me and see Katerina wielding the baseball bat, huffing her chest. "We're supposed to aim for the head, right?" she asks breathlessly. 

    I just nod, incoherently. 

    She moves ahead of me and suddenly turns her head back towards me. "We're even, by the way..." she says with a smirk. 

    I give a breathless laugh, but my expression turns serious. There's four zombies left and some are big motherfuckers. And none of them are as slow as I would prefer. Now we both might be f****d in this situation because I'm certain Ko is too scared to try to fight... and Brex is dangling on a light pole with no weapon. 

    Somehow Katerina senses my uneasiness and she scoffs. "Don't tell me you're getting scared on me now, Chancey..."

    I smirk at her. "No, not at all..." I say, "I was just thinking we need to incapacitate them somehow."

    "Well there's a fine looking metal light pole right there, sweetheart..." she says motioning towards the pole.

    I immediately understand what she's hinting at. "Give me the bat," I say and then we both toss our weapons to each other. 

    I charge to the closest zombie and knock it on its ass with my bat and then Katerina follows with crushing its skull with the fire extinguisher, and we do the same thing again with the next. Two left. The ones scratching at Brex's ankles. These zombies are the biggest by far and seem to be in the "best" condition. They probably just got turned not long ago.  I almost s**t myself when they start running, yes running, towards us. I swerve my body just out of the way of their grasps and swing my bat into the light pole before they could get Katerina. My bat, and even the pole, shake violently as I literally put all my strength into that swing, and Brex falls to the ground in a perfect crouch. The ringing from strike causes the zombies to screech and fall to their knees, and we waste no time running back to the car. 

    As I slide into the driver's seat, I see other people running across the street as the zombies were still suffering from the ringing. I wonder how many lives I just saved just by hitting a baseball bat against a light pole? Brex and Katerina hop in the back and I assume Ko is back in the trunk as she's nowhere to be found. I quickly put the car in drive and hastily get my mostly totaled car the hell off of campus. But now there's a new problem: where to next?

    Brex put his hand on my shoulder and says breathlessly, "Thanks for saving me back there, man..."

    "Well I couldn't have done it without Katerina..." I say as I quickly glance at Katerina in the rear view mirror. She gives me a small smile and looks down at her scraped legs. It seems like wearing outer space cat boxers wasn't the best choice in the apocalypse.

    "Katerina, huh?" Brex says in a voice that I know all too well. It's his I-want-to-f**k-you voice and it rarely fails. I can't help but feel slightly jealous when he speaks to her this way. But then Brex sees that she's wearing my clothes and now he uses his mischievous voice. "Is this your new girlfriend, Woody? Nice upgrade."

    I about choke on my own spit when he says that. Suddenly Ko appears and slaps Brex on the back of his head with her shoe.

    "OH WHAT THE f**k!?" Brex screams as he nearly jumps into the car ceiling. He sees Ko and gives a nervous chuckle. "O-oh hi, Ko...." he says quietly.

    Ko is giving Brex the ultimate death stare. Her eyes once again brim with tears and her cheeks are flushed with her hair a fuzzy mess around her face. Her bottom lip pouts slightly. She's probably going to burst into tears soon. Her and Brex used to be close friends when we were dating, so I'm sure his words hurt a lot. Sucks to suck, Koko Bean.

    "I'm not his girlfriend." Katerina says to break the awkward silence. 

    Brex turns back to her. "Oh yeah? What are you then? His rebound?" he ask with a small smile.

    I should have left this motherfucker on the light pole...

    "No..." Katerina practically growls. "I'm just borrowing his clothes. I was in an... interesting... situation."

    Brex rests his arm on the back of her seat. "Oh yeah? Well I'm very interested to know what this situation was..." He's doing the damn voice again. 

    Katerina glances at his arm behind her and shoots him a disgusted look. Brex raises his eyebrows at her and smirks. Katerina suddenly whips her head around and bites Brex's arm. Brex cries out and jumps to the far end of the car.

    "Are you f*****g crazy!?" Brex asks incredulously. 

    "Yes!" Katerina snaps. "Now listen to me, Brexton, flirt with me again and you'll be dealing with something much worse than a dozen f*****g zombies!"

    I can't contain my chuckle. It's Brex's mortified face that really sets it off for me. Ko stares at Katerina wide eyed and probably with envy. Ko has never been the one to really stand up for herself. She's always been quiet and just let's people walk over her. Maybe being around Katerina will give her the backbone she's never had.

    "Where the hell did you find this chick, Chance?" Brex asks.

    "The hood of my car." I say and I chuckle again.

    "What??" Brex and Ko say at the same time. 

    Katerina shrugged. "I said it was an interesting story...." she said.  

    "Well know I have to know what the hell happened..." Brex says leaning forward, placing his elbows on his knees. "What's happened to you so far in the apocalypse, Chancey Boy?"

    I swallow hard as I remember Pizza Girl and the dreaded phone call with my mom. I shake my head slightly and attempt to change the subject. "I would rather talk about where we're going. Any ideas?"

    "My parents house!" Ko suddenly pipes up. "I want to make sure they're okay!"

    Katerina and Brex glance at me. Brex raises his eyebrows and presses his lips into a hard line. He already knows what I'm thinking.

    I shift in my seat uncomfortably. "Um... Ko, your parents live in the middle of town. It might not be the best idea to go there right now..." I say.

    "No, I have to see if they're okay!" she insists. 

    "Ko, no way. It's a death sentence." I say firmly.

    She slams her hands on the back of the seat. "Katerina and I went along with your crazy plan to save Brexton! Why can't we just go by my parents house?" she cries.

    I take a deep breath. "Ko, think logically here. Your parents live in the middle of town next to several apartment buildings... and this s**t is spreading like wildfire."

    "I have to know, Chance! You can't just f*****g keep me in here--"

    "I f*****g said no, Kotoko!" I snap.

    Aw fuck... I snapped too hard.

    Ko lets out a sob. She tries to choke back the rest, but she can't. I never yell at her. The only time I ever did in our four year relationship was when I caught her kissing my brother last month... The reality of what I'm saying finally reaches her. She couldn't reach her parents on the phone earlier because they were probably already dead. But f**k do I hate seeing her cry.

    "Listen, Ko, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled." I say and then I take a deep breath. "Call your parents and if they answer... we'll turn back and go to them."

    I hear Katerina open her mouth about to protest, but when she sees the look I shoot at her in the rear view mirror she stops. She narrows her eyes down with a saddened expression and gives a small nod. She understands what I'm trying to do. 

    Ko eagerly reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone. She urgently dials her parents number and presses the phone to her ear. She takes deep breaths as she listens, trying to calm her anxiety. It gets harder to watch her as her expression becomes more heartbroken by each ring. Once the voicemail answers she is ultimately devastated. Tears stream down her face uncontrollably and her breathing becomes erratic. 

    "Wh-wh-what if they call b-back?" she asks between hiccups and sobs.

    "Then we'll turn around and go back for them." I say firmly. I highly doubt they'll be calling back though.

    She nods her head and crawls back into the trunk, trying to weep quietly. I'm sure she understands now. She got what she needed to keep going. Closure. And if by some f*****g miracle they call back, I guess I'll just go f**k myself and pick them up personally with the whole zombie hoard that probably moved in with them.

    "I suppose I should do the same actually..." Brex says as he pulls his phone out of his back pocket. The same thing happens with him as it did Ko. Each ring he heard caused more sadness to break his usual never ending smile. He doesn't cry like Ko, but he does start to silently stare out the window with tears brimming his eyes.

    "And you, Katerina?" I ask.

    She just shakes her head and says, "That won't be necessary for me. You?"

    I shake my head as well and she pushes no further and neither do I. 

    "We could go to one of my parents houses in North Carolina... they shouldn't be there." Katerina says.

    "One?" Brex asks. "How many do they have?"

    "Just in North Carolina or all over the U.S.? I'm not sure entirely. They rent out most of them." she says simply. 

    "What's your name again?" Brex asks.

    "Katerina."

    "Last name..." 

    Katerina sighs. "Akulov..."

    Brex gasps. "As in Petar and Abena Akulov?"

    Katerina nods. "Yeah that's my parents." She doesn't seem too happy about that.

    Brex slaps his hands on his knees. "Chance, are you aware that Petar and Abena Akulov's daughter is in your car?" he asks.

    "I am now...?" I say. I literally have no idea who these people are.

    Brex slaps his hand to his forehead. "You don't know her parents own the largest modeling company in the U.S.????" he asks.

    "Oh cool." I say. 

    I really don't give a f**k about this, Brexton.

    He slides over closer to Katerina. "You know, you could talk to your parents about signing me, Katerina... I have been auditioning for them for a couple years now and I never get a reply." he says.

    Katerina gives a short, bitter laugh. "They wouldn't be interested in you." she says with a cruel emphasis on 'you'. 

    Brex crosses his arms. "And why not? I'm not good enough for you or your parents?"

    Katerina looks at me uncomfortably. f*****g Brex really has no boundaries. 

    "Okay, Brex, no one gives a f**k about this right now. We're in the f*****g apocalypse. I guarantee they're not signing anyone right now." I say. I'm just really f*****g over today.

    Brex doesn't say anything. He just goes back to staring out the window.

    I take a deep breath. "So North Carolina?" I ask.

        Katerina scrunches her face suddenly. She shoots a side eye in Ko's direction and says, "You know what never mind... it's probably flooded with zombies anyway."

    Oh... okay? Weird flex but okay.

    "Um okay, but now we're back to square one." I say.

    Brex suddenly gasps. "Oh s**t. I forgot! My parents have a bunker in the Badlands!" he says.

    Katerina and I exchange a look, and Ko pops up from behind the seat with puffy eyes. We all say simultaneously, "What the f**k, Brexton?"