The Monster the Mind Creates
453 Words
After their honest conversation, things shifted between Selin and Murat. Not better, exactly, but different. More real. Less performance.
Selin stopped pretending Can existed. Murat stopped pretending he didn’t deserve her anger. They existed in an uneasy truce, circling each other like boxers between rounds.
Dr. Levent noticed the change in their next session.
“You seem calmer,” he observed.
“I am. I think I’ve finally accepted some things.”
“Like?”
“Like the fact that grief isn’t linear. That anger and love can coexist. That some questions don’t have answers.”
“Those are mature realizations.” He made notes. “And Murat?”
Selin paused, choosing her words carefully. “I still feel connected to him. But I’m working on understanding what that connection means. Whether it’s healthy or harmful.”
“Good. That’s good self-awareness.”
If only Dr. Levent knew that Murat was sitting in the corner of his office, listening to every word. But some truths were better left unspoken.
After the session, as Selin walked home, Murat beside her, she said: “You know he thinks he’s helping me.”
“Isn’t he?”
“Maybe. In a way. But he’s trying to help me let go of you. And I’m not sure I want to.”
“Even after everything?”
“Even after everything.”
They walked in silence for a while. Then Murat asked: “Do you think we’re toxic? This whole thing between us?”
“Probably. But most real relationships have toxicity. The question is whether there’s enough good to balance it out.”
“And is there?”
Selin stopped walking. They were near the Bosphorus, the water dark and infinite beside them. “I don’t know, Murat. Some days I think yes. Other days I think we’re just two broken people clinging to each other because we’re too scared to be alone with our damage.”
“That’s dark.”
“That’s honest. Isn’t that what we agreed on? Honesty?”
“Yes. And honestly, I think you’re right. We are broken. We are clinging. But Selin, maybe that’s okay. Maybe broken people are allowed to find comfort in each other.”
“Or maybe broken people just break each other more.”
“Maybe. But at least we’d be breaking together.”
Selin laughed—a genuine, unexpected sound. “That’s either the most romantic or the most dysfunctional thing you’ve ever said.”
“Can’t it be both?”
“With us? Apparently yes.”
They continued walking, two souls navigating an impossible relationship, neither sure where they were going but unwilling to stop moving forward.
Because sometimes, moving is all you can do.
- Writer
