Episode003
974 Words
NINA'S POINT OF VIEW
I dropped the spoon which fell to the floor with a loud clatter.
Mom barely noticed. While she was busy repairing my clothes, she suddenly sprang into action when the nurse spoke and seized hold of the woman’s arms. Her voice trembled as she demanded confirmation. "What did you just say? That can't be true! Take us there now!"
The nurse swallowed hard while her hands trembled. Her eyes, filled with sorrow, met Mom’s. "I’m so sorry, ma’am. But it’s true. Come with me to the baby’s room."
A painful emptiness stabbed its way through my chest. My heart pounded. Memories engulfed me as I returned to that first moment when the nurses handed my twins to me. They were fine. Nothing had seemed wrong. So, what changed?
I stood up too fast and neglected to consider the new stitches I had. The sudden intense pain shocked me into a gasp. My eyes blurred with tears. "Mom…"
Mom and the nurse moved quickly to my side and helped lower me. "You need to rest," Mom pleaded. "Give it a moment."
But I couldn’t. My physical pain paled in comparison to the internal torment that overwhelmed me. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I prepared myself to fight for them and to raise them without a husband while working myself to the bone if necessary. But now—
One of them was gone.
Why? What have I done to deserve this?
Mom gripped the nurse’s hand. "Which one? "Which of my grandchildren?" Her voice wavered.
Using all my strength to prepare myself for what she was about to say, I closed my eyes tightly.
"The doctor is still examining her." The nurse hesitated. "But…it was your granddaughter."
A quiet, broken sob escaped from Mom. She turned to me, wiping her eyes. "Nina, are you feeling strong enough? If not, I can go check first."
"No. "I need to see my baby." My voice did not exceed a whisper, yet displayed unmistakable determination.
My mother and the nurse supported me as I stood up to walk down the hallway with their help. Each step delivered waves of pain throughout my body, yet I forced myself to keep moving by biting my lip.
The baby’s room saw nurses constantly entering and leaving quickly. The nurses moved with haste and their faces showed deep concern. A feeling of dread crept over me.
I moved faster. Pain seared through me, and I grimaced.
"Slow down," Mom urged. "You’ll hurt yourself." Just hold on to me. We’re almost there."
Finally, we reached the room. I swung open the door and dashed into the room without hearing the nurses nearby.
I searched the rows of cribs with quick glances while scanning intensely. The sign displayed my name. I reached for it while my hands vibrated with tremors.
And then—I saw them.
My babies.
One wrapped in blue. One in pink.
I stumbled ahead, feeling my heart beat so forcefully that I feared it would burst inside my chest. My throat locked. My vision swam.
The small infant inside the pink blanket remained completely still.
No. No, no, no—
My face flooded with tears as I fell to my knees next to the crib. A silent scream tore through me as I clutched my mouth with my hand. My baby girl. My daughter.
She was gone.
I hadn’t even kissed her. I hadn’t even held her properly. And now—
A sob broke from my chest. Then another. Then another.
My mom sat next to me and embraced me with her arms. She rocked me as she cried. I felt her body shaking.
She eventually pulled away from me and started wiping her tears after what seemed like an eternity. The medical examiner reported that Nina died because she didn't get enough oxygen. The hospital is investigating. But, sweetheart, you need to stay strong. Your son still needs you."
She was right. My baby boy needed me. I had to be strong for him. Nothing could ever erase the memories of my little girl from my mind. No force on earth had the power to remove her from my heart.
On the third day, my mother, alongside Hanna and Matias, assisted me with my departure from the hospital. The paperwork was finalized.
We rode in silence to the cemetery. Matias took care of all the arrangements, including the burial plot alongside the small coffin and the floral arrangements.
Mom held Eelis in her arms. I held Helmi in mine.
But one of them was warm. Breathing.
And the other was not.
Matias opened the small white coffin. The interior space contained flowers together with a soft blanket and a doll.
I felt my hands shaking when I tenderly positioned Helmi on the surface. My little girl.
The coffin closed.
The grave swallowed it whole.
While I cried, Hanna and Mom supported me with their arms. I didn’t mind that my tears dampened their shoulders. None of it mattered anymore.
The new ground before me triggered my tears, which I fought to hold on to. "Helmi, I’ll visit you often. I promise. I love you."
Six years later,
"Mom! Mom, wake up, or you will arrive late at work! Eelis’ voice called from behind the door.
I let out a groan while reaching to turn off my alarm.
"I’m up!"
Sunlight crept into my room through the window gaps throughout the morning. I planted my feet on the ground by swinging my legs off the bed while I cleared my eyes with my palms.
Monday. The worst day of the week.
I sighed as I checked my phone. Messages. Emails. Work assignments. I was out of bed for only a few moments when I felt overwhelmed by work responsibilities.
"Mom!" Eelis called again, more impatient this time.
- Writer
