We chose this life

Chapter 1 - Finding out

"How dare you?!" he shouted. His grip was strong. I could feel the bruises form on my skin where his fingers were pressing. I was not yet losing my breath. He knocked me to the floor, sat on me and blocked my legs so I couldn't move an inch. His free hand was next to my ear, keeping him in balance while I tried to free myself from his grip. I was hitting him with all my strength left in me, punching him in his chest with my hands. Anything to set me free. It didn't work. My face was turning red, I could feel my cheeks burn. His face was also red, only in his case, it was the anger causing it. His nostrils were flaring, and I could sense the anger pouring out of his eyes. I managed to grip his chest and start burying my nails in his skin through his t-shirt. I hoped this would make him realize what he was doing. But he didn't stop.

"Let go of me" I managed to squeeze the words out my mouth, partly fighting for my breath as his grip was getting tighter and tighter. Suddenly, our looks locked, and as soon as he saw my eyes, he pulled himself away. It looked as if he burnt his hand on my skin, and this made him jump on his feet and take a few steps back until he hit his dresser. A few coughs escaped my mouth as I got up on my feet. My eyes weren’t leaving him, and I could see he was fighting the reality. He realized what he was doing, and I was expecting to hear at least a remorseful sorry come out of his mouth. I lost track of time. We were standing there who knows how long, in shock and anger. He wasn’t about to say a thing.

"I am glad I finally got to know you completely," I said, my voice still hoarse from his grip. « You are just like your father. » The words hit him so hard, his eyes betrayed him. I hurt him, and I knew it, and I was not feeling the least bit sorry for the guy who was strangling me a few moments ago. All this time he was trying so hard not be like his father. He was trying to escape his genes and never behave his father did with his mother. And here he was, failing every damn try he ever made.

“I, I-“ he tried something. “You shouldn’t have done that, and you know it! You were looking into my privacy! How dare you?” he exploded again. I didn’t have the time, nor the nerves to go through this conversation again. Besides, no conversation would ever make me want to look at him again.

“Deny by all means, isn’t that right?” I reminded him of his own words. His own words got him finally. He was not prepared for this, and I could read the anger in his eyes. Without saying a word more, I took my handbag and stormed out of his room, down the stairs, passed his mother sitting in the kitchen and went straight out the door. I heard her try to say something to me, but it was over. Aaron and his mother, and everything connecting me with this story were dead to me.

As I was walking down the street, I felt tears form in my eyes, and I stopped for a few minutes. Rivers were flowing from my eyes, and I knew I had to let the shock get out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t crying because our relationship was over. It wasn’t even because he couldn’t look me straight into my face and tell me he’d cheated and that it was over. It was pure shock. I, daughter of my parents, a girl from a good family, polite and caring, well-educated, found myself being choked by my boyfriend who cheated on me. And now he was dead to me. It took me some time to calm myself, wipe away my tears and continue walking down the street. My heart was pounding, but I suddenly felt freedom. I knew this day would come eventually, the day our relationship will be over. As a matter of fact, its end was in sight during April, when his birthday was approaching. I remember so distinctly the moment I had my first suspicions.

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It was the end of March, and I was thinking of how to organize his birthday party. I asked him if I can go through the photos on his camera and he let me do it while he was busy on his computer. I wanted to make a photo album for his birthday. Something creative.  It has been already three years that we were together, and I wanted to make him a nice gift with the memories we shared so far. As I was going through the photos on the camera, I suddenly felt a weird ball rolling in my stomach. Recent photos were portraying a girl I have never seen. All of the shots were taken at the faculty where he was studying. I recognized the corridors. Sure, there were a few photos with some other people, but her face was dominating on almost every shot I was going through.

“Nice photos of your faculty friends,” I remarked. He didn’t react. He was still preoccupied with his computer.

“Shouldn’t you invite your friends to your birthday party? I think it would be nice.” I continued while scrolling through some more photos, all being of just her and only her. I had a feeling this is not just some friend. And then it hit me. Could this be the same girl texting him after midnight when she thought I wasn’t with him? Is this her? Melissa? I knew her name from the SMS she used to send him. I caught her name whenever he wasn’t around, and I would see his phone vibrate. If indeed, it was her, I wanted to know what was happening between them.

“Yes, sure.” his answer woke him from my drifting thoughts. His eyes were still glued to the computer. “Just for the info, I will be going tomorrow to the pool with some friends. I need some sport after all this sitting.” OK, I thought. You never needed a sport after sitting that much, so why do you need it now? I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t act yet.

Finally, the birthday party was there. We were all in his room, his best friends, me, him. No sign so far of his faculty friends. The doorbell rang, and a few moments after, there she was. The girl from the photos. We all looked at her as she stepped into his room, caring a small gift wrapped in red paper. She had a smile on her face, and she looked him straight in his eyes. I was leaning with my thighs on his work/study desk, and I was observing what was going to happen. I also had a smile on my face. It was a smile I pulled out of curiosity, but also to cover up the fear swallowing my heart. She kissed him on his cheek, but I could see she was burning with a desire to pull him closer and kiss him on his lips instead. He had a dumb smile on his face, and as soon as he thanked for her gift, he turned around to introduce her to his friends and finally, to me.

“Everyone, this is Melissa. Melissa, this is Stephen, Karen, Arnold.” They approached his friends. As soon as they finished, they headed my way. I had a glass of coke in my right hand, and I gently shifted it to my left and prepared to shake hands with Melissa. I wasn’t ready to show my surprise at seeing her, nor fear as a matter of fact. I will play this my way. Oh, I was good at acting and hiding my true feelings.

“Hi, Melissa!” I said with a smile on my face. Not a big smile, I am not happy to see her. But not a stiffened one either, I don’t want you to know how unwelcomed you are. I shook her hand.

“Hello, Annie. You must be Aaron’s girlfriend.” She stated a fact. She seemed a bit intimidated by me.

“Indeed, I am.” My eyes glowed as I pulled him gently to kiss his lips. He wasn’t refusing; in fact, he enjoyed every second of it. I giggled when he parted with my lips, and he asked if he could get Melissa and me anything for a drink. He seemed good at acting as well, but nobody could beat me. I thanked him and showed him I still have my coke with me, so he turned to Melissa. She asked for a glass of water, and he went happily to get her drink. The two of us stayed looking at each other. I read nervousness in her gaze as she scanned me for the hundredth time. I broke the silence to avoid drawing attention to us.

“So, Melissa, tell me...” I saw her body twitch at my words. Someone cannot hide their uneasiness, huh. I grinned inwardly while still keeping a soft smile on my face. “How do you like your studies? Do you find it hard?” I continued while drinking my coke and acting as if I don’t care to look at her much.

“It’s interesting. I like what I chose,” she said nervously. “And you? What do you study?” From her question, I understood how little she knew about me. It all just confirmed my suspicions. He was hiding details about me so he can easily go with his plan, whatever that was. And she... Oh, she was all trembling like a leaf in front of me.

“I chose architecture. I love it, even though I knew I would be bound to spend sleepless nights during my studies. And you? Having sleepless nights?” I provoked her. I was ready to have her in my trap. Whatever was happening between her and Aaron, even if it didn’t happen yet, I was about to at least demask her intentions.

“No, not at all,” she said with a bit of hesitation.

“Interesting. I guess then something else is keeping you awake at night since you like texting other people after midnight.” I winked at her. Her eyes widened, her skin turned pale, and I could read the panic in her stare. There you are, Melissa. You just revealed a little something to me, and I thank you for that. Aaron was back with the glass of water, and I smiled at him.

“Thank you, dear. Melissa really needs that water. She doesn’t seem quite alright, does she?” I showed my pitiful face, and he handed her water.

“Are you OK?” he asked, not showing too much care.

“Yes, thank you. I just felt a bit dizzy. I am fine now.” Melissa tried to escape the further conversation. I have decided to act as if nothing happened the rest of the part and I think she was relieved to see it. I will confront Aaron later.

“By the way, Aaron, will your other friends from faculty join us this evening?” I poked him still holding a smile on my face.

“Oh no, they can’t come.” He said, not looking at me. Can’t come, or you invited only Melissa? I kept the question to myself. I knew the answer already.

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Few days after the birthday party, I was at Aaron’s house, and we were watching a movie in his room. We were sitting in a reclined position on his bed, eyes fixating the television. His phone started vibrating—a message. I saw from afar who sent it. Aaron jumped off his bed and took his phone to check the SMS. This behaviour itself was enough for me to understand it wasn’t a one way feeling between Melissa and him.

“She seems very nice.” I continued starring at the television with my ears pricked up, waiting for his reaction.

“Who?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know who I am talking about. Melissa.” I said after a brief pause. Aaron gave me a calm look. I felt his eyes on my temple, right where my hair was revealing my skin.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” he tried avoiding the conversation.

“Please don’t lie to me.” I turned my body on his bed to face him. “Since when?” I had the right to know. Whatever was happening, even if he only had feelings for her, I had the right to know. If this is the end, it is the end, but let’s be honest with each other.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he said with his eyes on his phone.

“Can you please look at me and tell me what is going on?” I begged. I wouldn’t say I liked begging, but I had no other choice. I was hoping for an open conversation with my boyfriend, and I wasn’t getting any. It was frustrating. I wanted to know. If we have to end it now, let’s end it. It will pain me that our relationship came to an end, but if it has to be like that, then let’s look at each other and end it properly. He finally looked at me, and I saw only anger in his stare. Why the anger? I haven’t done anything. I just want an honest talk and the truth.

“You are p*****g me off. I told you already, I don’t know what you are talking about. Stop asking, damn it!” he raised his voice, and the anger just gushed out his mouth.

“So you deny it? You deny everything?” I demanded an answer. He got off his bed, went furiously to the door of his room, opened it and looked at me.

“Get out! Get out now!” he spat.

“You are throwing me out? You really don’t have the guts to face me and talk?” I felt the anger rush into my head as I got up on my feet. Following the anger, tears rushed into my eyes, and I couldn’t keep myself from crying. Even my state of mind didn’t affect him. He just waited for me to leave his room. And so I did. What other choices I had? He closed himself and refused to talk, denied everything and now he was throwing me out of his room. God, the pain in my heart. Was this it? Is it like this that we break up? It’s not even a proper closure. Our relationship does not deserve this. WE DO NOT DESERVE THIS.

The following days were a nightmare. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t study. I could only cry. And I cried for many hours and many days. Until I couldn’t cry any more. My eyes were dried, I was weak, and I was heartbroken.