What Would Happen If We All Went Away?

CHAPTER 1: ELIYA

    You know, when I moved to this small town, I expected it to be a new adventure, a period in my life that I could go back to and say, “you know it wasn’t so bad,” but that’s the farthest thing from the truth. I am miserable, wallowing in more self pity than I can handle. I don’t know what to do with myself and it’s killing me. 

    Everyday is just the repeat of the last and everywhere I look I am reminded of my mother. My mother died a few months after I was born in a hit in run. The detective on the case simply said our mother was in the wrong place at the wrong time, however, my dad thought otherwise. My dad was a part of the FBI criminal task force and he took it upon himself to find our mother’s killer. 

    For the next 5 years of my life my dad kept digging a deeper and deeper hole of regret and self pity. Eventually, he was fired from the FBI for excessive and psychotic behavior. The department was nice enough to let him keep his pension, but it wasn’t enough to live off of. For the next 10 years he jumped from job to job and my brother and I moved from school to school, eventually coming to the conclusion that our dad was never going to stop looking for her killer. 

    My brother, Ashton, is one of the only things in my life at the moment that is constant. Yes we are siblings and we fight, a lot, but he has been my rock and more so a father figure considering our dad never really took it upon himself to be there for his kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad, but I wish he stopped obsessing over someone who’s gone and look at the people who are right in front of him.

    Ashton is currently in med school training to be a coroner. Due to the fact that death kind of surrounds our family, it does not surprise me that he finds solace in examining dead bodies. As far as his personal life goes, he seriously has commitment issues. It’s one thing to question your sexuality, but it’s another to sleep with both your ex girlfriend and your ex girlfriend’s older brother within a week. I just don’t understand how he does it sometimes.

    After moving from one place to another, we ended up moving into the house my mother grew up in because it’s the only thing my mother inherited from my grandmother, supposedly. Because Ashton lives in a dorm, that leaves my dad and I in this very old house, alone. Don’t get me wrong the house itself is on 15 acres of land, half of which is covered in forest. The seclusion is almost tranquil and sometimes if I forget about my family and everything happening in the world, the sound of the trees in the wind can almost lull me to sleep. Almost.

    I was jolted from my thoughts when I heard crashing downstairs. I immediately ran down to see the commotion, but when I finally reached the bottom step, the burning sensation of liquor invaded my senses and I was overwhelmed with nausea. I hated the smell of liquor, it’s a scent in my life that doesn’t seem to go away. 

    When I finally composed myself, I followed the stench to my father’s office, where he was frantically cutting and pinning things to mother’s case board while also mumbling to himself. I signed and shut the door behind me as I walked out.

    I made my way up the stairs, silently listening to the willow branches hitting the window shutters. When I finally made it to my bedroom, I closed and slid down the door until I was lying on the ground. I didn’t realize I was crying until my hand touched my face, where I felt the warm tear stains on my cheeks. It’s one thing to have your father never really be there as a parent, but it’s another to miss someone whom you have never met.