Dragon Soul

Chapter 18

18

The reflection in the mirror gave me a moment's pause. I barely looked like me. The sari Gaia had made me was truly beautiful. The fabric couldn't have complimented my skin more. And without the stupid poofy skirts, it almost verged on comfortable.

"You look beautiful Jan-, JJ," Mum corrected.

I had to hand it to her, since I'd asked her about my name, she'd tried her best to change what she called me. I appreciated it. As small as the gesture was, it made me feel like I really was an adult in her eyes. Though I doubted she'd feel that way.

"Thanks," I replied. Part of me could see what she meant in the mirror. I really did look beautiful. But tragically so. I could see the sadness and resignation in my eyes. At least I'd already cried myself out and the sad eyes weren't accompanied by the red rings and puffy skin that would give it away to the world.

"Just one more thing." She turned around and I almost frowned, worrying about what she'd have for me. I reminded myself it couldn't be anything too bad. After our talk, I don't think Mum would do anything like that to me. As much as it was probably too late, she'd tried her best to think about how I was feeling as well as what needed to be done. I appreciated the gesture. It made today a little less daunting.

She turned back to me, something green and flimsy in her hands. She closed the gap between us and ran some of my honey-brown curls through her fingers, letting them drop back down onto my shoulders. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

I almost lied but thought better of it. "I'm heartbroken, Mum."

"Oh, JJ. I promise you, this will work out."

"I know you think it will. But you didn't experience what it felt like when I was with Porter."

"Who says I haven't?"

"Did you run away a couple of days before your wedding and spend the night at a bar with a friend, drinking creme de menthe and trying not to think about him naked too much?" I blurted.

"You did what?" She sounded a little shocked but mostly more amused than anything else.

"You heard."

"No wonder you're feeling confused. I know you think what you feel for this man is the real thing. But trust me. Once you've met your mate and spent some time with him, you'll realise what you've felt was nothing more than a crush." She smiled to herself. "Or maybe you won't."

"What do you know?" I demanded.

"A lot of things. And you'll find out soon enough." She handed me the green fabric she'd been holding. "Here."

I shook it out, not quite knowing what to expect. "Is this..."

"A veil, yes. It's more of a human tradition than one of ours but I thought you'd like it. Especially if you were still feeling a little down about the whole thing."

"Thank you." I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. I was genuinely touched by her thoughtfulness. It did seem fairer to my husband-to-be if my face was covered. I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't start crying as I walked down the aisle. I didn't want to but I knew myself well enough not to kid myself on this matter.

I moved the fabric around in my hands, trying to figure out the best way to put it on.

"Here, let me." Mum's soft hands took it from me and expertly shaped it. To my surprise, there seemed to be a hair comb in there. She slid it into my hair, somehow securing it so it wasn't too heavy for me. "We'll put it over your face when we're out there."

I nodded, swallowing down my nervousness. I was trying my best to believe what she was saying about this being the best day of my life and my mate being perfect for me in every way, but it just wasn't working for me. With every breath came a new thought of Porter, about what he might be doing with his day. About how his wife would feel when she found him at the altar. She wouldn't be disappointed. How could she be? He was kind, caring and considerate.

Except in his wish, we were still friends. That bit wasn't so considerate to her. But I wasn't a fool enough to think that he had more women like me lined up. He wasn't that kind of man. Our friendship had just been an ill-timed coincidence.

"JJ?" Mum's voice shook as she asked, revealing a nervousness I didn't realise she was feeling too.

"Sorry, I'm ready when you are." My own voice had the same shake, though at least I knew where mine was coming from.

"Your Dad's waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs. We'll walk you to the ceremony spot but..."

"You have to leave after that," I whispered, unsure whether it reassured me or not that my parents wouldn't witness the actual ceremony. At least they were walking with me as far as they could. Up until I'd come home from Dragon Soul, I'd have assumed they were doing that because they wanted to make sure I made it as far as the altar. Now, I knew differently.

"We do. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

"I know, I get it."

She nodded and gestured towards the door. Slowly, I made my way through it and down the stairs, being careful not to trip over my dress. I was wearing flat shoes but I was just clumsy enough to still manage to fall over while wearing them.

Dad beamed up at me, a proud look glistening in his eyes.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I replied, my heart softening towards him. Mum's words had played on my mind a lot. The two of them just brought me up the way they believed they should bring me up. It didn't sit well with me and my values, but I was starting to realise that was okay. It just meant that when I raised my own children, I'd do things differently.

Children. It wasn't something I'd given much thought to. But I was twenty-five now, as of today, my body was ready to start producing eggs. I wasn't too sure I was ready for that yet though. Hopefully my new husband didn't want to get started on a family straight away. I had enough firsts to deal with without adding that one to the list.

"You ready?" Dad asked.

"As I'm ever going to be. It's time, right?"

"It is."

"Okay." I steadied myself and took a step towards the front door. All my things were packed in the car and it was an odd feeling knowing this was the last time I'd leave this house as someone who lived here. My parents had given me my flat keys the night before, saying they'd gotten it ready as a wedding present to me and my mate.

Tears welled up in my eyes just thinking about it. They really were just trying to do their best by me. I didn't know if that made the discord between us better or worse. but we were just different people and I needed to accept that. Just like they did.

The three of us walked in silence, not seeing a single person as we walked through the commune and towards the outdoor chapel where all the weddings took place. I was glad no one was around to see me, though anyone that did would know exactly what I was going to do. Earth ceremonies were private though. There were only three people who'd witness my wedding and I was one of them.

The leafy arch which led to the altar loomed up in front of me. I wasn't sure whether I was truly ready or not, but I was going to go through with this anyway. I had to trust in myself and in my people. Hundreds of generations of dragons couldn't be wrong. Or at least, I hoped they weren't or I was going to end up walking towards certain doom.

Alright, that one was a little bit melodramatic. Doom wasn't the right word or a fair one. I had to remember that my husband had as little choice in this matter as I did. Though he could have made an effort to seek me out and get to know me. That would have given us a head start. And yet, he hadn't. The only man I'd met recently was Porter and I knew that wasn't something I should be dwelling on.

"Here," Mum said, flipping the veil over so it covered my entire face. I could still see well enough but I doubted anyone could make out my features beneath the flimsy fabric. I didn't know why humans used these. It seemed silly to cover up so much.

Not that I was taking it off. It would provide a good shield for the first time I saw my husband. It would do nicely to cover up the disappointment in my eyes.

"Good luck." Dad leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"We'll see you afterwards." Mum kissed the other cheek and pulled back, her eyes swimming with tears.

"Thank you," I croaked, trying not to let my own emotions get the better of me.

I watched as they walked away from me and towards another couple their age. It took me a moment to realise who they must be. They weren't just any couple. They were my future in-laws. Well, not really future any more. They'd be my in-laws in a matter of hours. If that.

Gulping loudly, I tore my eyes away from my parents and back towards the suddenly imposing arch. As much as I knew I needed to go through with this, I really didn't want to. I was scared. I didn't know what to expect. But I had to have faith.

Closing my eyes, I took another deep breath and stepped under the arch and up the short aisle to the man waiting for me.