Journey of a Dancer

Return to the dark

So as you all already know about the my eyebrow cut incident which resulted in the separation of me and my cousins that lasted for two days after that when things started to became normal which wasn't easy at all like dude aunty wouldn't let anyone of us see each other neither talk or even be in a room together and the excuse for this was that if we have to together again we have to behave all this slapping and hurting or misbehaving wouldn't be tolerated we plead to her and afterwards our punishment ended and we were back to normal but trust me this punishment didn't helped us in getting better but more like an animal as after we reunited all we did was to slap fight and tease each other this is our way of showing how much we missed each other in those two days while i started to became happy again my worst nightmare started to get back when my grandfather called my mother to return back home and again here as that day of abuse when father had knife and i was freeze same today when I heard that grandfather want us back I don't want to go back i was enjoying the days and the time here without any trauma i wanted to shout cry fight to stay but all I did was to nod my head and packing our stuff back internally i was again breaking up my beautiful memories of my cousins, aunt and granny were forcing me to stop and stay here forever but is this possible could I stay here forever no right why because as per as the our societal norms says a married woman shouldn't stay at her natal home for too long otherwise it will be seen as a disgrace to both woman natal as well as her husbands home thus after all the war that was going inside me i decided to stay quite not to oppose and just to go with the flow. Finally our time to leave come and i did hugged my cousin really tight and in my mind i wanted to say do something to stop me from leaving for returning to same dark life but nothing left my mouth and Peter oh god he was crying as if I'm married and never coming back again but i told him I'll be back soon honestly i myself didn't know when will I'll be back but seeing Peter cry i did what i thought was right plus our little talent secret hunt is the only thing I could take back with me. My mother who herself didn't wanted to go back hugged my granny telling her she will be Missing them and how she's feed up how she also didn't wanted that call to come my granny also started to cry my aunt mum and granny shared a family hug after that my granny gave me some money when no one was looking at us as it's her secret so after all the emotional brust out we finally return from the maindoor only i get vibes of horror not of ghost but of trauma sadness and loneliness. After getting inside we saw dad sleeping thank god i wouldn't like to witness abuse just after coming from such a happy environment we unpack our luggage after that father wake up only thought was that don't start beating again and he really didn't beat mother again what how what happened while we were away from here sometimes i feel how my father has became like this a guy who is totally devasted and hurting my mother . Anyways my grandfather came back from his friends house only to tell us a more shocking and heart breaking news to us that our father or his son is mentally ill like some symptom suggest that he isn't fit from mind talking to himself ,hallucinations, not able to process words or things easily and now he is in medication and only medication and sedative could keep him calm and composed yeah that's tells about his strange behaviour when he didn't beat my mother and went out from room so without sedative he's a beast who could even kill so abusive behaviour is just a minor characteristics he possessed . So after this much things that are revealed to me i was happy that atleast my mother torture is Stopped the only problem was to handle my dad god knows why he's stubborn he wouldn't consume his medicine telling that he's fine and we are making him mad , he became angry and without taking his medicine he went out of the house we ( me & mom) that father wouldn't intake his medicine if he knows we're giving him medicine thus we dicide to mix this medicine with his favourite dishes and beverages like sweet,tea or any other food items as in this way he wouldn't know whatever he is consuming is normal food or it has some dose of medicine in it . Somewhere it's seem illegal but this way only we could keep dad on his senses cause once he loses his sense things would get worst of all time . My life from the start was like this totally different from other kid's of my age the age where one has time to be loved,made happy and sweet especially gentle memories with their families and all i did was to made terrible,haunted, traumatized memories with my family seeing my mother cry getting abuse either my dad or my grandmother for that matter now yes my grandmother also abuse my mother not physically but those typical mother in law not being happy with whatever the daughter in law does she sometime strave my mother or made her do the work twice , criticism is not uncommon for my mother by my grandmother plus grandmother does the same thing with me as well so overall my mind storage is a bag of rotten fruits which no matter how much i throw them away the smell of rotten memory never leaves my mind..