I'm a Fool For You

Chapter 4

I'm not sure about the Gotham dump. It's huge, that's for sure. It's as big as a mall and piled high with everything anyone would ever want to throw away. I don't think anybody actually works here. People just sort of dump their stuff and leave. Something about it just gives me the creeps. It's so empty and quiet that I can't help but think some nasty mutants or something must live here. But it always has something useful hidden around, and Mister J and I come here every now and then for stuff for his projects.

The dump has a brick wall around it for some reason or another. It can't be to keep people out, since it's only five feet high. I grabbed a box that fell from one of the trash piles and hopped right over. As far as I could see there were mountains of garbage. I picked the nearest one and started looking.

It turns out that mountains of garbage are really gross. First of all, they're squishy, since most of the garbage is old food. Soon my pants were more black then purple and my shoes were ruined. Everything was sticky and it smelled like… garbage. I tried moving to a different pile, but it was just as nasty.

I climbed to the top to see the rest of the dump. It looked like there was some more hardware-ish stuff near the middle of the dump, so I decided to try there. On the way down I tripped on a banana peel (they really are slippery) and slid down the pile, so at least I couldn't get any more disgusting after that.

There was some pretty neat stuff in the middle piles. There were old cars, tons of gears and parts, televisions, expensive looking doohickeys that I couldn't imagine the use for, and a blow dryer that looked like it was in great shape. Pity I was on a mission, but seriously, who'd throw that away?

After a little digging I found a tub that would work fine as the barrel for my cannon. I threw it over the fence. I had rope back at home, so the only other thing I needed was a spring. There were plenty of little teeny springs, but I needed something that could launch something across a room. I tried looking under the hoods of cars, but all they had in there was engines and boring man stuff.

I saw something metal curling out of the gunk on the other side of the pile I was looking through, so I went to look. Sure enough, it was a big, beautiful spring. I pulled on it, but it was pretty stuck in the gross icky garbage stuff. I grabbed it with both hands and leaned back until it popped free with a nasty sucking noise and I splatted to the ground. Then it growled at me.

Eek did that spring just growl at me? I thought. No, springs don't growl. Then what made that noise?

I got up and looked around.

Oh, it's just the slobbering guard dog.

"GUARD DOG?!"

"AAAAIEEE!"

I screamed incoherently as I fled the four foot tall, foaming at the mouth, mangy, mongrel demon dog that guarded the dump. Why would a dump have a guard dog anyway? Who wants all the stupid junk in here?

At first I just ran. I didn't know where I was going as long as it was anywhere the dog wasn't. It kept getting closer, though, so I darted up the nearest pile of trash because dogs can't climb trees, right?

Well, they can climb piles of trash. It followed after me, snarling and snapping. I kept scrambling up higher and higher, screaming at it the whole time. That didn't stop it. Soon I was perched on the very top, trying not to find a firm spot in all the mush. The dog was halfway up the pile. I tried to dart down the other side, but the dog lunged sideways and snapped at me.

There was nowhere to go and it was still coming closer. I needed a hero. If only Mister J was there. He'd save me.

I picked up the nearest piece of garbage- an old plastic doll- and threw it right at the dog. It missed entirely. I started grabbing anything I could find and chucking it at him- an orange, a cordless phone, a couch cushion, a sock, and a broken tire iron. They slowed the dog down, but after each hit it snapped at whatever I'd thrown and kept coming. The next thing I found was a baby's rattle. The rattle sailed over the dog's head and flew into the side of a car with a huge crash. The dog growled and whipped its head back at the noise. Then it ran down the garbage hill and charged the car, barking wildly.

I tore down the other side of the hill, half running and half falling. I was still screaming like a maniac, but the dog didn't notice until I was already halfway to the wall. Then it tore after me again, barking almost as loudly as I was screaming. I was entirely focused on how scary dogs were and how much I did not want to get torn apart by the dog monster, so I didn't have another plan. I just ran for the wall. The dog was gaining on me scarily fast, or at least it sounded like it. I was too scared to look.

When I felt its breath on my rump, I leaped at the wall. It may have been five feet tall, but I had a dog monster behind me. I slammed into it belly first and my momentum folded me over the top of the wall like a clothespin. I folded my legs and pitched myself forward to flip over the wall and splatted on the ground.

I stood up carefully and noticed I still had the spring in my hand. I'd completely forgotten about it. Lucky I hadn't landed on it. I stood on my toes and looked over the fence. The dog was leaned against the fence on its hind legs, still barking at me. I waved the spring at him and stuck my tongue out.

"Ha ha, stupid dog! You couldn't even defend a pile of garbage! I wasn't scared of you anyway," I said, and I blew a raspberry at him.

I smelled like a stink bomb, my clothes were in shreds, I could hardly catch my breath, and I felt like one big bruise. But I had my barrel and I had my spring. Everything was going great.