I'm Real, I'm here

_ He Is Not Really What You Think He Is _

" He is not what actually you think he is" and added " Just like me..." " I can't understand you Yumi..." and I immediately added " what do you mean? what are you trying to tell me?". She said Yun was no longer the mortal I met 16 years ago. He was reincarnated to be a guardian, but insisted on guarding me and now the reason why he left is because the deities are re-evaluating him if he deserves to be given a chance to become a mortal again after doing everything . Yumi continued, " He has been asking for it for a long time now because he wants to spend his life with you ... just to be with you," and after that I saw Yumi, she was looking at us from her direction. The cold feeling of the wind blowing her hair sends it chills my skin too. Looking at her, I saw that there was a tiny drop of tears falling. I woke up when Cha was tapping my back. She asked me to go to the room and sleep. I told her, I would follow after drinking a glass of water. After that, I was left thinking about what it meant.

I keep recalling it until I hear my alarm ring... I got up and arranged my bed and was glad to see Cha prepare our breakfast. I was not in the mood to eat, so I just drank my coffee. We both went to the office. I gave her a ride using it. She was happy riding his car and remembered that Yun was very particular with the people he lets ride his car. She was actually excited to experience a free ride without him watching all her moves. I parked the car and we went up to the office. In the office there are a lot of things to do and my mind is so pre-occupied with work and I have no time to think about it. I heard about Yun and Yumi. It was a long and tiring day and I had a lot of files to check for all the new cases we would be handling. I heard Pyong's knock and I handed him all the files he needed to get without a word. I don't know if I really need to focus my mind on work . It seems that I can really avoid Deja vu while working. I remembered all the vivid dreams I had last night. How can it be?, I thought to myself. No! How can it be ?I whispered and decided to go out and do the field work today. That time I can divert my mind to other things. I arranged all the files on my desk and went to Cha's office to request emergency leave so I could focus on the truth that I needed to know for myself. After that, I went back to my office to get my bag and switch off the laptop I was using earlier. I saw an email but decided to answer all of it tomorrow. I wanted to leave early so I could reach Ggeongju earlier. I took the box where I had the photos and diary of Yun kept. This is the same box he gave me before I left the island to study in Seoul.

I went down directly to the parking area where I left his car. I took the key from the pocket of my jacket and pressed it. The alarm made a sound and the lights were turned on and I walked along the path where it would get to it. I opened the door and went inside the car and locked it. I was going to put my things on the passenger chair beside me when I saw a paper below it. I took it and saw a bus ticket going to his hometown. I was right all along, didn't I? I asked myself. But after that, he really needed to go there before going to his training in Russia. Though there is in my smallest gut feeling saying that "I'll be seeing him there and be confirming everything to him". I started the engine and left the building. I decided to grab a cup of cappuccino on the way a sandwich because my "tummy" was already grumbling and I remembered that I hadn't had anything for breakfast earlier. I know I have a long way to go and a 3 hour ride all alone is not a big joke, but there is no need to worry since it is still early. I know that I can get there before lunch.

I was lucky the weather was fine and the traffic was good too. I think that ladyluck was on my side and if I got really lucky I can make him tell me everything and maybe we could go home together in Seoul. I opened a bit of the window to feel the cool breeze outside. I can already see the long seashore of the beach that leads you to the island at the end. I can smell the salty lake from afar. I saw some sea gulls flying and at the farthest steel railing you could already see the lady workers who were drying the seaweed. You can also see some small fishing boats. The sea was widening in my eyes as I got nearer the end and you can already see here the rocky and green mountains that drape the background of the island. Ggeongju is really pretty. At this time, you could already have some larger ships. This is where you'll know that there are some other rich people residing on this island. I stopped at the close of the railings and saw the stairs that would let you see and experience the shore immediately. I got out of the car and I decided to pass by for a while to let me feel the air on my skin. I am glad that it was not sunny at that time and the sun was not too hot on my skin. I could feel the breeze blowing my hair and I took off my shoes and walked barefooted on the sand. I sat on the bench for a while letting myself be swallowed for a while by the memories we had. I heard him saying that the fishing boats look like fireflies at night that watch the mountains so that they can't be destroyed by anyone. Yun put his hand to cover my eyes and he counted 1-5 and then took his hands off and let me see the magic. You can never see what I was telling you not unless you cover your eyes and you look at it after. I realized that he was really telling the truth. The boats were already too small to recognize and they really looked like fireflies that surrounded the mountains, like armies of the gods or watchers. I was fascinated by that memory and I was startled when someone touched my shoulder and called me.. "Miss Sunnie?" It was the lady who used to work to us part time to clean the house. I was surprised to see her and greeted her. She asked me what I was doing at this early and why hadn't I called her in advance if I'd be staying then. I told her that I was not staying for long, that I just needed to get something in the house. She smiled and I saw her two small dimples on her cheeks and, though she has aged, I can still see the beauty of her and her beautiful skin. "Miss.... I saw Doctor Kim as well. He was along with the other doctors giving medicals to most of the town folks." My face was enlightened by the thought of knowing he was here and he was safe.

I immediately gathered all my senses and strength and I went back to the car and went straight to Yun's house. I stopped the engine in front of a wide gray steel gate. I saw the old mail box outside where I took the blue box Yun left me. The shrubs are well trimmed outside and inside the lawn of the house. I went out of the car and went directly to their gate and rang the doorbell. A middle-aged lady came out and told me that Yun left early in the morning and hadn't gone back yet. She told me that maybe he went directly to had gone where they do the "Free Medical Mission". He may do his everyday morning jog before starting his day at work. She let me in after and led me to a spacious, neat living room. I sat on the gray couch and saw on top of the wooden table the frame that he had our photos. I took and look at it for a minute and returned it to the table. The lady returned with a tea and told me that he called Yun and he would be back after they finished their medical mission for the day. He told me that I can wait for him here and he will see me once he arrives home. She also added that I could use the guest room, the one near the staircase, while waiting for Yun and take a rest first. I decided to stay since I know that he is just here and that I can search for clues to the questions I have had on my mind. The lady assisted me and led me to the room. I will just call you once Young Master is back. II went inside the room and sat on the bed. I saw some of the books on the shelves and some of those are Yun's favorite books. I took one left on the table and started scanning the pages. While scanning the pages, a photo slipped on the pages and it fell on the floor. I reached for the photo and It was actually a photo of him and his father fishing. I remember he once told me that they always used to go fishing after his mother passed away. This was one of the bonding and pass time they usually do to forgot the loss of her mom. I went to the table and checked all his letters like as if I was searching for something, but there is no clue what I was looking for. I opened the drawers of the table and they were al neatly done. It was definitely Yun. In the last drawer I saw a small silver box. I opened it and saw a locket necklace and there I saw his father and mother's image and on the other side was Yun's photo as a kid. Time is slowly passing by and I decided to lie on the bed while waiting for him. I felt the heaviness in my eyes like pulling to fall sleep.

I was maybe in a deep slumber when I saw Yun calling me with his hands straight forward and sitting on a mat he laid on the grass. I was walking towards him. You could feel the breeze on my skin blowing my hair. The grass is moving and the dandelions moving in the cool air breeze. I can see the sadness on Yun's face because of the sudden death of her mother. I can sense his troubled eyes because his mother died, and his father was always drunk and had neglected not only their business but his son also. After this I saw Yun and his father arguing about something. Yun was crying and hurriedly left the house. He brought the blue box. It maybe the time when I was leaving for Seoul. I saw him go to the hotel and left the hotel when he finds out I've left. He took the blue box with him and left. It'd pass by and say goodbye first. Later, I saw him running on the hill and his father was behind him. I slipped on the muddy road and left the other pair of his shoes and his father's face looked flustered after seeing Yun hanging on the cliff and calling for him. He was trying to save Yun that time by pulling him and his hands were slippery because of the rain or muddy area probably. He was crying and calling Yun's name loudly, but Yun was no longer in his grasp. He fell on the cliff and I can see the medics rescuing Yun and his father. He was shocked to see his son's body covered with his own blood.

And I felt this familiar touch on my shoulder. I woke up and it was all dark inside the room and he turned the lights on the lamp on the table and I saw Yun's face smiling at me. Did I scare you?, he asked . No! No! Thank God you were safe. Thank God you are alive... and he touched my cheeks and felt the tears running from my eyes and I embraced him crying loudly like a child. He embraced me also while tapping my back to make me stop. He told her to hush because he was already there . I asked him why he was still there while he was scheduled to go to Russia. He told me that there were some changes to the original plan. Their medical mission was extended because of the severe pneumonia that was in some of the towns on this island. That is the reason why he was unreachable, because he went to some remote towns and needed to stay there for days without any signal on any network. He told me that his training was rescheduled for another 30 days and that he has 15 days off after this mission and that he was planning to surprise me once he is back in Seoul. I stood up and went to the washingroom but he pulled me and was smiling at me and looking so happy. Even when he smiles, you can sense that he looks tired because of his work. Do you have a lot of patients today?, I asked him. He said yes and told me that they are not running out of patients because they all fear the virus that is ramping around some of the town itself. He got closer to me as if to like examining my face and holding onto my face, and gently pulled me with his left hand and gently kissed me on the lips. I was shocked, but I did not push him and embraced him instead and he stroked my hair with his right, and after that he let me go and he went to his room. I stood up from the couch and went to see the photo frames. I saw some familiar faces on some of them, including me. I took the group photo that we had during one of our camping trips before and I also saw Yumi in the background and some of our friends. I saw his old photos with his mom before she died with her father standing beside him. I also saw his graduation photo with his parents. They are really a happy family.

He went out of his room and he had already changed his clothes. He is wearing black jogging pants with his gray hoodie. He asked me if I wanted to just order food or we could go out and walk to a restaurant. I told him that we could go to our place instead, but he didn't want to and wanted to go to one of the popped-out restaurants instead. We went out and strolled down to the restaurant. "What do you want to eat, Sunnie?" he asked. I told him that we can Ramyun or anything he like to eat. " I am really hungry today. So, would you like to eat some meat and rice', he said. I told him that it's okay since I haven't eaten anything much today. We walked on the alley and he was holding my hand and I said that he missed me too. ' Thank you for being with me today and seeing you here makes me ease all my worries. I can't believe we are together right now', I told him. He helped my hand tightly and kissed it and said " I really missed you a lot" and added " If you only knew what I have been through just to be safe. I can't imagine seeing you tonight as well. I thought you wouldn't want to see me anymore..... and I am … sorry for making you worry". I gave him a slight punch on his chest. " You always make me worry..." and pouted my lips. He pulled me a bit closer to him and put his other arm on my shoulder.

We arrived at the place and he ordered our food. We ate our food and I was really happy tonight. My heart was filled with joy at that time. We had a little soju but we are still sober. He told me that I could just sleep in his hotel room for the night. Though he knows that I have a place to stay, he insists on me staying with him that night. I agreed to his request but before going to the hotel, we went to a small shop to buy the things I needed for the night. We passed by a coffee shop and bought a cup of coffee.

He did not bring his car, so we rode a cab and went home. I was tired going back to the hotel but my heart was fluttering. I felt so light at that time. He told me that I can sleep on the bed and he can sleep on the couch, but I told him that he can stay beside but must behave. We already agreed that there will be nothing going to happen to us, not unless after we get married and I know he understands. I went to the washroom and took a shower and changed my clothes. I am glad the undies I bought just fit me. I went to the kitchen and put my clothes in the washing machine. I was trying to find the detergent and fabric conditioner on the counter when Yun approached me. He opened the cabinet and put the soap in it and pressed the washing machine to wash my clothes. He asked me if I wanted another cup of coffee or tea? I told him that I would have tea later. He nodded and filled his glass with orange juice and told me that I could sit on the couch while waiting because it would still take 15 minutes to finish. I walked into the living room and he turned on the television and watched the news. After that, he went back to the kitchen and filled the fabric conditioner. I cant believe that he was actually washing my clothes. I told him that I could do it. He told me that he would handle it himself and that I just needed to relax. I heard the buzzer of the washing machine and I saw him arranging my clothes. I ran to him because I was afraid that he might see my undies. I am a bit embarrassed by him seeing it. I actually included it in my laundry but I was too late and he already took it. He just took a glimpse at it and put it on the dryer while smiling. Is he grinning of what he just saw? I felt hot and I could feel that my cheeks were turning red. He came beside me and gave me a kiss on my cheeks.

I went back to the living room really embarrassed at that time and he came to me and sat beside me. He brought me a cup of chamomile tea and told me that it would help me to sleep better. After he took a throw pillow and put it in between us and told me " don't worry you are very safe with me'. He smiled and I punched him on his shoulder and he embraced me and stopped me. He continued telling me what really happened to him. He put the pillow on my lap and lay down on it. I was stroking his hair while he was telling all that happened and he held my hand and pulled a red box from the pocket of his hoodie. He gave it me and he said "Open it..." and I slowly opened the box and I saw two gold rings. It was a couple ring, he told me and continued " When I go back from Russia I will give you the real ring that I want to give you". He put the ring on my finger slowly and looked at it. Then, after he gave me the other, asking me to put it on his ring finger as well. He took the hand with the ring on it and kissed it, then said" Will you wait for me? No, please wait for me...". I will go back and then after that we will plan our wedding. I want to do it after Autumn.". I was just staring at him and I never thought that he was planning for our future. I never thought that that in front of me would be the person I would be with for the rest of my life. I was really surprised and I never thought that this was really happening right and he was telling me all this. All the while, I thought that I would lose him. I was just listening and staring at him while he was saying his plans. Though it is still vague, just the thought of it makes me excited. We talked a lot and we were lost of time. He told me that I needed to sleep since I still need to travel back to Seoul tomorrow and he has to work as well.

We went inside his room and I went to the other side of the bed and sat down. He lies down on the other side of it and is waiting for me to lie down too. He arranged my pillow and he took me and put me on his arm to sleep. He brushed my back and told me that I can sleep now. We both said good night and he arranged my blanket to keep me warm. I almost told him that I don't need a blanket tonight because I can really feel the warmth of his love to me. I don't remember what happened next but I thought I was already dreaming. I can feel him putting his legs on my legs and I can not feel anything anymore.

We both had a good sleep and I woke up with the alarm on my phone and sat on the bed and said "five more minutes please..." and lay down once again. I never thought that he was there watching me. He went back to the kitchen and prepared our coffee and he also prepared our breakfast. I never thought he knew how, but I remember that he lived and studied in the states. That is why he is very independent. He went back to his room and this time he was trying to wake me up. I was surprised to see he thought I was dreaming, but remembered after that I was in Ggeongju and was in his hotel room. I stood up and went to the washroom. After I freshened up, I went to the kitchen and could smell the aroma of the coffee he was brewing and the food he cooked. He pulled the chair for me and put me there and helped me to sit. I can't believe that I was seeing him making the coffee. "I thought you only knew how to treat your patient. I never thought you knew how to do this also.", " I was surprised! Mr. Kim". He smiled and put the plate in front of me. I was enticed by the sausages and eggs he fried and he gave me the bacon and said " Don't worry, it's all edible and I will never poison you, so better start eating now so that you have a full stomach while traveling.". I smiled and thanked him for "Gombawayoh, Oppa". It's the first time after three years of calling him that word "Oppa". He looked surprised but was delighted. I can sense it! No, I can really feel it.

I prepared myself to leave Mr. Lee is already calling and Cha has already sent me a text. I disregard that, hoping not to let me the good things that Yun and I both have right now. I told myself that I would just check it out later on my way back. I emailed them that I might not go to the office today since it'll be 4-5 hours' drive away. I actually decided to send the email to avoid talking to anybody, even to my best friend Cha, so that I would not ruin everything. I packed my things in a small bag and took my shoulder bag and Yun brought my laptop and took my small bag as well. He asked me if I wanted him to give me a ride back but I told him not to worry. I am already a big girl and I can handle myself. I actually to travel back with him but was shy to admit since I was the one who went there alone to look for him. He helped put all the bags inside my car compartment and asked me once if I really don't want him to drive me back? I insisted and he agreed and told me to call him back once I was there. I agreed and told him to take care of himself. He told me that I was the one who needs to take care of myself and wait for him after his trip to Russia. I nodded and he pat my head and stroked my hair while my other hand with the ring on it and touched my palm as well as the ring itself and he gave me a peck on my cheeks and forehead. I went inside my car and started the engine because if not I might go back to him again, and opened the window and said good bye.

I drove my car and sighed! Going back home. I take a glimpse at my ring finger and I can see that it shines every time it catches the sunlight. I was brimming with happiness when I went back and I went straight to my home. I never felt any dull moments while driving. I can still feel the lightness in my heart and every time I see Yun's face smiling my heart flutters. I regret not letting him drive me home, but my heart was already full of his love and memories. "Wait for me after my trip to Russia and we will plan our wedding together because I want it this Autumn. I was looking at the road and focusing on driving. I disregard the thought of my phone ringing and the sound of the text messages I am getting. I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to buy gifts for my office mates, but it's fine. I will just bring them coffee and food tomorrow. I just need to pass by the bakeshop tomorrow to buy the Sans rival that Cha is craving from Ggeongju. 'Oh my gosh! She will really kill me." I told myself. I had already entered the city. I was lucky enough that there was no traffic at that time, so I traveled easily back to the city. I had already entered the City and I could not feel any exhaustion. I took a glimpse at my ring again and smiled, remembering the memories we shared last night. Although the moments were just brief, we shared a lot. He made me very happy and I wished that it would never end.

One more stop light and I could already see my apartment building. And I parked my car in front of its gate and took all my stuff. I checked for my keys and went straight up the stairs. I was living in a penthouse and going up was really hard, but the good thing with having a penthouse is that I can have all the space I need upstairs. I miss all my plants and I am wondering if they are not yet wilted. Two more steps and I am home. I can spread my body on my bed ,rest and take a sleep. I reached the door and opened it and put my things on my couch and went outside to water my plants. I was relieved to see them still in good condition. I sat on the bamboo hammock and smelled the air. I thought that there was a big difference in the air where we were in town than in the city and I was happy to think that I always had a place to go to whenever I wanted to refresh myself with the stress in the city and at work. I went inside the house and arranged my things and decided to just order food for my lunch. I checked the fridge to see if I still had anything to drink and I saw the tangerine syrup Yun brought me before he left. I took it and stared at it, smiling. I remember how thoughtful he was, but I always got mad at him and ended with a fight.