Past Obsessions

Chapter 8 - Alex

I could see her trying to work out my train of thought. I had always been guarded, able to control my emotions and maintain an eerily ice-cold exterior. Except when it came to her.

Sex for somewhere to escape—that had been the arrangement, though I never really implied s*x was the cost. She had offered it up, and I wasn’t about to refuse. Lots of cuddles and just someone to fill the small things you miss when single. All the good bits of a relationship without the emotional mess. That lasted for about three days. I lied, of course, and made all manner of excuses, but the truth was I’d been in love with her from the moment we met. The moment my eyes met hers, I was done.

In the moment now, I could see the uncertainty rise, so I offered her my arm—an invitation that it was okay to cuddle; I could comfort her. Even as my mind screamed at me, 'Just put yourself out of your f*****g misery,' one voice screamed. 'Mount her and make sure she never leaves again,' came another. I stiffened and inwardly groaned.

As she shifted closer, settling on my chest, everything fell silent. Peace from the chaos of emotion. It didn’t matter; in that moment, I forgave her. History be damned. 'Leaving, I had it coming. Coming home, she deserved.'

My chin rested on her head as I fought back the tears. She must have felt the emotion dripping from me because she shifted back to look at me. “Are you okay?” Her voice was warm, gentle, another squeeze on my heart as my brain scrambled to force back the tears. I hated that weakness, but I’d spent so long burying emotions; once I stopped, it was hard to control the strength I felt them.

“I’m fine,” I croaked roughly.

“I’m sorry, baby, I don’t mean to cause you pain.” Her words cut through me, a familiar nickname; we had several, but that was the most common.

“It’s not you, just… like you said, it’s a lot to process, and I’m struggling. It’s okay, I’m fine; this isn’t about me anyway,” I managed through the violent wave of emotion.

“I know, I just… it’s my fault,” she sighed softly. I knew that tone; she always took on so much. In truth, we were both to blame, and I knew I carried the bigger part in that.

“No…” I tipped her jaw to face me. “Listen to me…” Again, I swallowed down the pet name. I didn’t want to complicate things any further than they had. “It’s done, we can't change the past, as much as I’d like to, so we move on, from here.”

She looked to me, and I knew she was trying to read my implications. There weren’t any, were there? Did I just imply that I wanted her back? Did I even need to? “f**k,” I scolded myself, all the control in the world, and every time she turned me into a clumsy, stupid hormone-enraged teenager.

“Are you saying there’s a chance?” She started, but I cut her off with a kiss. The more I thought, the deeper in I’d get, and I wasn’t ready. I needed to shut her up. The kiss was so intense it was as if the world stood still. I swore the only thing I heard was our hearts beating loudly, accompanied by the backdrop of rainfall against the roof of the car.

I drew back, breathless, as I looked at her. She had dried off while lying on the pile of blankets, her dark hair pooling around her head like a halo. “f**k, just take her,” the voice in my head screamed at me.

“Stop talking,” I stated.

“MAKE,” she smirked, “ME.”

I didn’t need a second invite as I climbed over. My eyes blazed, consumed by lust as I plunged into her without any more niceties. Her whole body shook as she cried out, her hands clawing at the blankets. She was soaked, but I didn’t care as I began driving into her with reckless abandon.

Her eyes rolled back, her body arching into me as she cried out.

"P… please… I," she moaned.

"What?" I snapped back, "Use your f*****g words," I growled, still plunging into her. She was so wet and took me with ease. I’d forgotten how tight she was, but also how good being inside her felt.

"Can… can I c*m?" She breathed.

I dropped down over her, my hands taking her wrists, pinning them over her head as I slowed to a long, slow motion. I knew her orgasm was close, and I wanted to make her work for it. She moaned in frustration. Slowly, I eased back, making her feel every solid inch slip from her.

"What makes you think you deserve it?" I replied.

"f**k you!" She spat back in frustration, right as I slammed back into her with violent force.

"I think you have that backwards, princess. I'm the one f*****g you," I said.

Her eyes widened; her body crashed through her own control, and her body convulsed as she groaned loudly, her orgasm ripping through her. Her tight cunt squeezed my c**k so tight I thought she might tear it off.

“f**k, f**k, f**k,” I scolded myself. The word had slipped through my name for her, my mind fogged, as I continued to pump into her, though slowly as I awaited her orgasm to subside. My eyes closed as I tried to regain myself; my eyes met hers as she smiled weakly, her thighs still trembling.

“I’m sorry…” she whimpered.

“It’s okay,” I replied, shifting my weight as I raised her leg over my shoulder, plunging deeper into her as I began to f**k her. My c**k hammered into her with every thrust now, my mind settled on one single thought, one need so desperate it resonated in every inch of me.

“f**k!” she cried out. “So deep!”

“That’s it, good girl, take it. You wanna c*m? Then f*****g c*m,” I growled, continuing to relentlessly slam into her. My words spilled out with intensity as I felt my own release begin to rise, with no intent to stop. Again, she came, her tight cunt clamping around me. The moment she did, my control shattered, and I plunged into her one last time as my c**k unleashed a torrent of my seed into her. With a growl, I collapsed on top of her, my heart hammering against my chest. I could feel her heart beating too as she wrapped her arms around me.