Past Obsessions

Chapter 9 - Alice

His words shot through me, from my ears all the way down between my legs, and my mind exploded in a sea of stars behind my eyes. I felt myself clamp around him, gripping that solid length of his. I had forgotten how big he was. He filled me so completely; as much as I enjoyed s*x with others, with him, it was something else entirely. I only enjoyed s*x because he had taught me how pure it could be, how good it could be. He taught me that my body and mind needed to be in the same state to truly enjoy it.

As he slammed in so deep, I felt that familiar swell of him before the heated rush of his load spilling into me. “s**t!” I thought. I hadn’t intended to let him c*m in me, or actually f**k me raw, but then that’s exactly what I wanted. As I felt the weight of him pressed upon me, I held him. I didn’t care; this was right.

He shifted to my side and, as always, gathered me into him, my head resting on his chest as I listened to his heart race. I always found comfort in that. I was content and happy. The rain hammered the roof of the car, reminding me of those nights we'd fall asleep together with the rain in the background.

“Thank you,” I said softly.

His grip on my waist tightened slightly, and I felt his head nestle on my crown. I always liked that; he had so many small gestures that always made me feel wanted, to just feel safe and wanted. He never failed to do that.

“You don’t have to thank me, Alice.” My chest tightened as he’d gone from being in the moment to so formal now.

“Is this my punishment?” I sighed softly.

“What do you mean?” he replied, his voice carrying a concern that made me smile. It was a throwaway comment, and yet he’d read it as far more; he’d read the inner turmoil now.

“You called me… princess…” I replied. It took a lot of my energy not to break into tears, but I felt the tear slip from my eye like lava as it slipped down my cheek. I fought to control my emotions as I heard his breathing shift, his hand arching up beneath me to gently stroke my hair.

“I... I did, I know. And I want to say it was an accident or because we were having s*x, but you will always be my princess. I just... I’m making a mess of this, aren’t I?” I felt the pain in his voice.

“Yes.” I couldn’t hold back the bitterness in that word; in trying not to confuse or upset me, he was doing the opposite.

“What do you want?” Something in his words caught me off guard. The way the words were said, I felt a tonal shift that made me uncomfortable enough that I struggled for an answer. I settled into him, opting to be quiet, though I could already feel him tense under me.

In truth, I didn’t know how to answer that question—not because I didn’t know the answer, but because I wanted to throw myself into him, to drown in us. I wanted us back, that whacked-out toxic love we thrived within. Toxic because of how intense it was, how he’d treat me like nothing in one moment and adore me the next, the constant chaos we enjoyed so much. But we weren’t together, and he was holding back. Despite what we’d done only minutes ago, he was still holding back, the wound perhaps too deep.

“You,” I said finally. “I need my Alex. I need the man who’d kill the first guy who looked at me, or who would tear my heart out if I ever thought about leaving again.”

“You never lost that, you never would,” he replied. With just seven words, my heart melted again. I could run to the ends of the earth to escape, but I couldn’t, of course. Part of me would always run back to him; part of me was and always would be his, and no other could touch that. If I was really honest, I didn’t want anyone to.

“I know, but I don’t deserve it,” I replied softly. My mind tumbled through a wave of thoughts, memories of us together, a love so intense it was impossible to match. Not that it should be. That kind of love only comes once, and despite him thinking he’d had it before, he had long admitted he was wrong. Ours was that burning love he had long wanted. We were meant to be, I told myself.

“You deserve the world,” his words, and again, my heart exploded or melted into a puddle; I wasn’t quite sure which. Alex had a way of doing both. But in that moment, I was certain I wanted him, us, our world.

“Then give it to me,” I replied.

He sat and looked back at me now. His eyes held something, uncertainty perhaps? I knew him well enough to know his mind was currently running every possible meaning of my words. He was also probably wondering if he could trust me again, was I worth the risk? I swore hours passed, agonizing and slow, yet really it was only a minute or two before he finally shifted his hand, tracing up my thigh as if leaving a trail of fire. His hand slid all the way up over my hip, stomach, and chest before settling on my throat, his eyes met mine, dark. There he was, that calculated, dangerous man I adored. I shivered in his grasp.

“Who do you belong to?” His words were so dark, they dripped with intent, and frustratingly, my body responded.

“You,” I replied.

His hand flexed, tightening the grip. I could see the ripple in his bicep. It was hard to miss, but his grip on my throat, that was blissful. His hand fit so well, his grip restricting the blood flow, sending me lightheaded for a moment before he released his grip.

“Who do you belong to?” He repeated, this time the tone even more dangerous. I knew the intended response, but defiance kicked in.

“You,” I replied, meeting his gaze. I saw it, that flicker of anger, not at me, but because he knew I was toying with him. Instantly, he squeezed and held it as the blood thinned in my brain. I felt it slip before he released it again.

“Last warning,” he growled. God, he had an effect. f**k, I’d missed this, the cat-and-mouse game. I’d push just enough to make him dangerous, and he’d rip any semblance of control from me. “Princess, who do you belong to?”

“f**k, no fair!” I growled in my own mind. There was only one response now; anything less would kill the moment, and he had just opened himself to me.

“Yours, Daddy,” I responded, my heart leaping into a rapid rhythm. Hearing myself say it out loud, it came so easy, but it felt right.

His lips crushed into mine again, with so much passion it burned. Our passion was so intense I could feel it in every single part of me.