Charmed by the Unseen

Chapter 2: Unconcious State

12 years later...

"Counseling is a process, as well as a relationship between persons. The usual aim of the counseling process is to assist a person in identifying practical solutions to an identified problem."

Wala sa sarili kong itinutok ang  mga mata ko kay Gwen, ang blockmate kong kasalukuyang nagre-report sa harapan ng klase. Pero kahit ano'ng gawin ko, I find it hard to focus. Nakaharap ako sa kanya. I hear every word she speaks, pero ni isa ay wala akong maintindihan. Hindi naman ako ganito dati eh, pero nitong mga nagdaang araw parang nawawala nalang bigla ang focus ko. Siguro kulang lang ako sa tulog. BS Psychology isn't easy. Makikita mo nalang ang sarili mo na gising pa at 4:00 am. Lahat naman siguro ng program ganoon. Sa college kasi talaga you need to work extra hard. Lalo na kapag may elimination ang program mo.

I tried to focus on Gwen at sa mga slides na naka-flash sa screen. Pinaglaru-laro ko na lang ang ballpen ko sa isang empty sheet ng binder ko.

"Omg Allysandra! What on earth are you drawing?" mahinang sabi ng bestfriend kong si Freya.

"Huh?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. She pointed down at my notebook and I unconciously lowered my gaze on the paper.

Nabigla ako ng makita ang na-drawing ko doon. It was a face of a man. Medyo distorted yung features niya pero halatang mukha ng lalaki. Napakunot ang noo ko. When did I learn how to draw? I was never good at art. I even remember when I was in grade school na nakakuha ako ng C sa Art Class. Tapos ngayon, unconciously, while playing with my pen, I was able to make out a face of a man? Weird.

"Infairness, gwapo siya ah." Freya laughed. "I didn't know you have talent in sketching. Sana nag architecture kana lang. O 'di kaya Fine Arts."

"Ano ka ba? Hindi ko alam kong pa'no ko na drawing 'yan. Nakatingin naman ako kay Gwen eh," bulong ko sa kanya.

"Ay wow! Iba talaga ang talent mong bruha ka. Kaya mo palang mag-drawing without looking at your paper!"

"Ms. Herrera, Ms. Lopez, what is the fuss all about?"

Napatuwid ako ng upo nang magsalita ang professor namin.  Palihim kong siniko si Freya. Pinagtitinginan na kami ngayon ng mga ka-block namin. Pati si Gwen ay napatigil sa pagre-report at napailing na lang.

Hindi naman mukhang galit yung professor namin kaya ko nga siya favorite kasi mabait siya. Pero ayaw ko na ring hintayin na magmukhang dragon pa siya at bigla nalang bumuga ng apoy. Nakakatakot pa naman magalit ng mga taong mababait.

"Nothing ma'am," Freya said and winked at me.

The professor turned her back on us and gestured Gwen to proceed. Nakahinga ako ng malalim. Mukhang maba-badshot pa 'ko nito dahil sa kadaldalan ni Freya ah.

After class, we went to the cafeteria for lunch. The cafeteria was simple. With red round tables and red chairs. Sa kanan nakahilera ang iba't ibang stalls ng pagkain, school items, printing shops at marami pang iba. They even have these colorful banners hanging overhead na akala mo naman ay may fiesta. On the left, may brick path papunta sa isang minipark. It's this small area na pwedeng tambayan at pahingahan. It has these cute red benches at may mga table din. The only difference is, the place has a more relaxing ambience partly because of the tall mahogany tress. The ground is also covered in bermuda grass. Kaya siguro kung hindi lang 'to part ng school, baka nag-picnic na'ko dito.

Bumili na kami ng makakain. I just ordered carbonara ang mango shake. Si Freya naman ay burger lang at coke in can ang binili. Diet daw ang gaga pero unhealthy naman ang binili. Yung logic niya nasa kabilang planeta. After paying for our food, we headed to our favorite spot. Sa isang red bench doon sa may minipark, sa ilalim ng lilim ng isang malaking mahogany.

We started to eat when suddenly, I remembered about the drawing. I opened my brown shoulder bag and took out the black binder. Agad kong hinanap ang drawing doon.

I was scanning through the pages of the notebook pero wala naman akong nakitang drawing doon. Puro notes ko lang at ilang emoji stickers. My brows furrowed. Sa'n na napunta 'yon? Wala naman akong maalala na pinunit ko 'yon. Kinuha ko pa yung iba kong binder. Baka sa ibang notebook ko 'yon dr-in-awing. Pero hindi eh. I'm more than just sure na doon 'yon nakalagay.

"Ano'ng hinahanap mo?" untag sa'kin ni Freya nang mapansing busy ako.

"The drawing Freya. It was in this binder, right?" Itinaas ko ang black notebook.

"Ano'ng drawing girl?" Tinaasan niya ko ng kilay na para bang nauulol na'ko.

"The drawing! The one you saw me draw at Mrs. Guzman's class? Hindi ko mahanap eh."

"Huh? Nag-drawing ka ba doon? Wala akong maalala eh." She sipped on her coke, halatang walang pake sa pinagsasasabi ko.

"Freya naman! 'Wag mo nga akong gagohin. Ikaw nga nakapansin noon eh. It was here." Binuklat ko ulit ang pages ng notebook, pero wala talaga.

"What are you talking about Ally? Wala naman akong nakitang drawing eh. And besides, hindi ka naman marunong mag-drawing no!" She even rolled her eyes as she commented on my poor drawing skills, which is of course, a matter of fact.

Tumahimik nalang ako at binalik ang mga gamit ko sa loob ng bag. Ewan ko kung ano'ng nangyari at nagkaganoon. It's really weird. Si Freya ang unang nakapansin noon. Hindi naman siguro ako nananaginip ng mga panahong 'yon. I know I wasn't able to concentrate but I know I wasn't sleeping either. How come na wala ng alam si Freya? At bakit wala na sa notebook ko yung drawing?

"Hello ladies!"

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip nang dumating si Biboy, ang pinsan ko. Yumakap siya sa akin at umupo sa tapat ko. Nakangisi siya ng malapad.

"Oh saan ka galing? Pinagpapawisan ka 'ata?" tanong ni Freya.

"Ah, wala! Diyan lang sa tabi-tabi. Oh? Ally? Wala ka bang planong kainin 'yang carbonara mo? Akin na lang!"

Bago pa ako makapagsalita, inagaw na ni Biboy ang plato ko.

"Biboy, ano ba? Buy your own!" reklamo ko.

"Ew what? Ally naman! Stop calling me that name. It sounds so childish. Tsaka baka ma-turn off babies ko niyan kapag narinig nilang tinatawag mo 'ko ng ganiyan. Brent na lang" sabi niya habang sumusubo na ng pagkain ko. Napairap nalang ako. Itong pinsan ko talagang 'to.

"Oh wow! Natakot ka pa talaga sa kapakanan ng mga babae mo ha Brent? Eh ang pagsabay-sabayin sila carry lang?"

Tumawa lang si Brent sa sinabi ni Freya. Paano ba naman kasi , sa dinami-dami ng jowa nitong si gago, hindi na namin alam kung natatandaan niya lahat. The guy just doesn't give a damn about a woman's feelings. Gwapo rin naman kasi siya kaya hindi maikakaila na marami siyang nauuto. It's kind of sad pero buhay niya naman 'yan. Hindi na lang namin pinakikialaman.

"Anyway, may party later sa bahay nila Angelo. Sama kayo. Maraming drinks at maraming chicks! Sama ka Ally, baka sakaling magka-jowa kana! Ang boring ng buhay mo eh."

"You know her parents won't let her," Freya said and smiled sadly at me.

I smiled bitterly. They were right. My parents will never allow me attend parties. Lalo na ang mga ganyang inuman. Who knows? May iba pang mangyayari doon. Kahit naman wala pa akong experience sa ganyan, hindi naman ako tanga para hindi maging aware sa mga nangyayari sa mga ganiyang gathering. Freya and Brent always fill me up with information. Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi makaramdam ng kunting inggit. Though I just finally got used to the idea that my life will never be like theirs, pero still something in me just wants to go out of my tiny little cage. To come out of my shell and explore the world outside.

Since I was a child, my parents have always been strict. No parties, no boyfriend, no drinking, etc. I thought when I turned 18 my life will finally be normal, pero wala pa rin. Mahigpit na ipinagbabawal ng mga magulang ko ang mga bagay na 'yon. Partly, I understand why. I am an only child and they cannot afford to lose me. Kasi noong 5 years old ako, I almost drowned in one of my Tita's private resort in Samar. And they said they won't let that happen again. But for f**k's sake? I'm already 18 and I'm already in college. I know how to take care of myself. Pero wala ring nagyayari. When it comes to mom and dad, I cannot say no.

"It's okay. Balitaan niyo nalang ako" sa huli ay sabi ko sa kanila.

"I'll try to talk to Tita Stella about it. Kunting char char lang." Freya proposed.

Umiling ako. "Huwag na. Alam mo naxrin naman ang sagot."

Tumango nalang si Freya habang patuloy na kumakain. Pero ngumuso siya at tiningnan ulit ako na malungkot ang mata.

After class, t-in-ext kona ang private driver kong si Manong Raffy. You guessed it. Hindi ako pinapayagan ng mommy ko na mag-drive on my own. So that's why they hired Manong Raffy for me. He's a simple guy with sad eyes na para bang kunting singhal mo lang sa kanya ay agad siyang iiyak. But his very nice and very genuine.

Pagkadating niya, agad akong pumasok sa sasakyan. Mukhang uulan kasi kaya hindi na muna ako dumaan sa library. I usually pass around the library after class. I burrow books para makag advance reading sa mga topics na idi-discuss sa mga susunod na araw. Hindi naman ako yung genius type pero masasabi kong masipag ako mag-aral kaya honor roll ako noong elementary at highschool.

Tuluyan ng bumagsak ang ulan habang nasa byahe kami ni Manong Raffy. Tahimik lang ako habang iniisip kung ano'ng kalokohan na naman ang gagawin ni Freya doon sa party ng kaibigan ni Brent.

A lot of people thinks my relationship with Freya is weird. We are so different from each other kaya marami ang nabibigla kapag nalalaman nilang mag bestfriend kami. We've met during highschool. Siya ang unang lumapit sa akin at nakipagkaibigan.

Freya is a bubbly and sociable person. Marami siyang kaibigan at kakilala. Halata naman 'yon sa personality at hitsura niya. Matangkad, maputi at maganda siya. She have delicate skin, brown wavy hair na umaabot sa may bewang niya. And she has the body. That type of body that could make any man drool. She could be a model. Pero dahil hindi niya alam ang gusto niyang program sa college kaya sumama siya sa'kin na mag-psychology. Hindi naman naging problima 'yon sa kanya. She's intellegent so she can keep up with anything.

While me? Well, I'm Freya's total opposite. Tahimik lang ako at maingay sa isip ko. There was nothing interestimg about me. Bahay at school lang ang mundo ko. At ang tanging friends ko lang ay si Freya, Brent at yung isa ko pang pinsan na si Cynthia na nasa America na ngayon nag-aaral.

Yeah, people find my life boring. Walang ka-thrill-thrill like some people say. Ilang beses ko na ring naisipang magrebelde but I don't want to break my mom's heart kaya sinusunod ko na lang ang mga payo nila. It's for my own good daw. Isa pa may sakit sa puso ang mommy ko, the reason why I don't want to stress her out. Baka ako pa ang maging dahilan ng. . . you know. . . basta let's not talk about it. Nanginginig ang kalamnan ko sa naiisip ko.

Hindi ko namalayan na nakarating na pala kami sa bahay. Hindi naman siya ganoon kalaki kasi hindi naman kami sobrang yaman. My parents own a private development bank kaya afford nilang pag-aralin ako sa isang magandang university kahit ang totoo FreeEd naman talaga ngayon.

Tumila na ang ulan kaya agad akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay. I saw my mom on the couch, reading Vogue magazine. I hugged her and gave her a quick kiss.

"How's school honey?" tanong niya.

"School's still school," bored na sabi ko. Aakyat na sana ako  sa second floor nang may maalala. May pag-aalinlangan akong humarap kay mommy. "Uhm, mom?"

"Yes?" sagot niya. Hindi niya man lang ako nilingon.

"Uh, I was thinking. . ." Parang may bumabara sa lalamunan ko at hindi ko magawang sabihin ang pakay.

"What is it?" My mom turned to me, growing impatient of what I was about to say.

"Well, uhm. . .There will be a party tonight. Kasama ko naman sina Brent at Fre—"

"No." Mariin at maotoridad ang boses ng mommy ko at tinalikuran ako. "You are not leaving the house." Hindi ko na hinintay ang sunod na sasabihin ni mommy dahil alam ko na kung saan papunta ang usapan. Dismayado akong dumiretso sa kwarto ko.

I opened the door and dropped myself on my mint green bed. Wala din akong napala. Kainis. Ni-relax ko na lang ang sarili ko sa green kong kwarto.

Green is my favorite color which is the reason why everything in my room is green. Everyshade of green. My lampshade is mint green to match my bed. The sheets and pillows too. My wallpaper is apple green decorated with green butterflies. The door and the wall of my walk in closet has the same color, only in different shade. Beside my mirror are pictures of different tourist spots. May Pagsanjan Falls, Boracay, El Nido Palawan and many other nature related stuff. I love nature. I always wanted to embrace it and celebrate it's beauty. Pero hanggang pictures lang ako. Malungkot kong kinuha ang isang litrato ng Rock Formations sa Samar. I've always wanted to visit that place. Pero hindi rin naman ako papayagan. Still, someday, I promised myself. I will be able to visit every picture posted on my wall.

Nagpalit ako ng damit at agad humiga. Hindi ko na namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako.

Naalimpungatan ako. Naka-on naman ang aircon pero init na init ako. I got up from bed and checked my alarm clock. It's 2:00 am in the morning. I decided to go down para mag timpla ng gatas. Baka matulungan ako nitong makatulog.

I was about to open the door when I noticed the black binder notebook on my bedside table. I was sure I didn't took it out kasi hindi naman ako nag study kagabi. I unconciously took the binder and scanned through the pages.

I was halfway when I found it. The distorted drawing of a man's face. Suddenly, I felt chills on my spine. Kanina sa cafeteria, the drawing was nowhere to be found. And now, here it is again. Creepy.

The glass window suddenly creaked open and a cold breeze hit my body, shivering my every nerve. Ganito nangyayari sa mga horror movie. Minumulto siguro ako. The green curtains danced creepily on the window sills.

I don't know why but I found myself walking to the glass sliding door beside the window. Sa labas niyon ay may terrace na nakaharap sa kalsada. The wind even become chiller kaya napakapit ako sa sarili ko. May kung anong tumatawag sakin na 'di ko maintindihan.

I took a slow step outside the door. Then suddenly, wala na ako sa bahay. I was in front of a huge waterfall with it's water loudly gushing down the big boulder of rocks. Napangiti ako. I can hear the tweeting of the birds on the branches of the trees. The sunlight peering mightily along the branches. Monkeys are swinging in them with acrobatic agility. It was paradise. The sweet smelling flowers and the butterflies fluttering silently was breathtaking.

I laughed in awe. Grabe! I've always dreamed of being able to feel and see nature's beauty. At ngayon, nasa harapan ko na.

Tumambad sa harapan ko ang isang lalaking nakatalikod. Nakaupo siya sa isang bato at nakatitig sa talon. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi siya titigan. Kakausapin ko sana siya nang bigla siyang tumayo at humarap sa akin. Matangkad ito at maputi. Mapagkakamalang model. Walang emosyon ang mukha niya. He was wearing a white shirt and maong pants. Hindi ko rin maikakailang gwapo siya.

Nagulat siya nang makita ako.

Pero bago pa ako makapagsalita para kausapin siya, naglaho ang lahat ng nasa paligid ko at naging purong abo.