Chapter 6: Bad Luck
1404 คำ
-Logan-
Lauren seemed so different from what I remembered. She was always so... quiet and submissive the times I had seen her, but that was not how I saw her now.
I saw that she was, of course, weakened, but not weak. She was tired, but she was not scared to speak. Had the changes come because Connor was gone, or was this always Lauren? Was there a reason why she had not shown this side of herself?
I wanted to ask her all these questions, but I didn’t want to overstep either. We were only just now trying to figure out where we wanted this to go, and honestly, I had not made a decision yet. It was just so much.
I had forgotten the power of finding your mate, and I also feared what Lauren was thinking. I had not had the greatest of luck when it came to mates.
One left me, another died, and Lauren had been through so much. I understood if she didn’t want another mate. I understood if she just wanted to live her life in peace.
“Where do you want things to go?” I asked.
We looked at each other for a long time, and then suddenly Lauren started to smile a little. It confused me a lot because her smile did not seem like a happy one.
“Do I really have a choice?” she asked me.
I didn’t like to hear her question. I could imagine she never had much choice in anything that happened in her life, and that saddened me.
“Of course, you do,” I assured her.
“Really?”
I nodded.
“I won’t force you to do anything. If you want us to go our separate ways, then let’s do that. I will give you time to recover, making sure to stay away from you, and it will weaken our bond enough so it won’t hurt so much once we reject each other,” I explained.
“I don’t think I can go through it again,” she admitted.
“Then we don’t reject each other. We just let the bond die slowly.”
“It will always be there unless we do,” she said.
“I know, but it is the second-best option, don’t you think?” I asked.
“Do you want us to go our separate ways?”
I sighed, focusing on the cat, who still demanded attention from me. I dragged out the silence because I needed to come up with a good answer that I hoped wouldn’t offend her or make her feel like I didn’t want her. I did want her… I couldn’t help it. I had always thought she was beautiful. Now she was just irresistible.
“I… I’m scared, honestly,” I confessed, meeting her gaze.
She seemed surprised by my answer. Or even shocked?
“Scared?” she echoed.
I nodded.
“I have never heard any male admit that so easily,” she remarked.
“Well, I have not really grown up in the same world as you,” I pointed out.
“You’re a beta. You are a part of that awful world of mine.”
“My pack was always small. That’s why we were never part of the council before now. I never grew up in that world, nor did Benjamin,” I explained.
“Right…”
“I guess it is easier for me to admit it since I haven’t grown up in that toxicity,” I reflected.
Lauren nodded a little and then smiled a sweet smile this time.
“It’s refreshing,” she said. “I fear I ruined my own son because I let him be raised in all of that. His father always wanted him to be so much like him—strong but emotionless.”
“But emotions don’t make us weak. They make us stronger because they make us compassionate and able to work together.”
Lauren looked shocked again, but then the most beautiful smile spread on her lips, and it made my heart beat faster. Sh*t, I had really forgotten what it was like to have a mate and the effect they could have on you.
I remembered when I made Victoria smile. She found me refreshing too, since she had been stuck with Michael for so long. I remembered seeing her come out of her shell and turn into something so beautiful. But in the end, her fears had been stronger, and she had returned to the world she had always known. Would Lauren do the same, or now that Connor was dead, could she finally be free?
“I like that,” she remarked.
I smiled a little, glad to hear it.
“It makes me happy to hear you think this way," she said.
“It was what I grew up with. Working together is the best way. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to work on some things on my own, but I will always be there for my family and pack.”
“Maybe Victoria really did get lucky,” Lauren whispered.
“She didn’t choose me in the end, though.”
Lauren sighed and looked down. “No… she didn’t.”
“So, what will you choose?” I inquired.
“You didn’t answer my question,” she noted.
I smiled a little and nodded.
“Okay… As I said, I am scared. I have not had the best of luck. Victoria left me, then died later. Camilla died too, and now that my life seems… steady and normal, you could say, I find you. It does worry me,” I expressed to her.
“Because I am Connor’s former mate?” she pressed.
“Because I’m afraid you will leave me too.”
Lauren looked surprised.
“I do want you. I can’t deny that I do, but I fear that if we go forward, my bad luck with mates might just follow us, and you have been through so much. I am not sure you will want to stay with me,” I admitted.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because you are finally free of Connor. You got mated to him when you were nineteen, right?”
She nodded.
“Are you not dying to get a taste of what life is like without him?” I inquired.
Lauren seemed to think it over but then nodded again. “I am, but are you telling me you will stop me?”
I shook my head.
“No, but I guess I thought you might think I would get in the way,” I replied.
“How?” she inquired.
“I’m not sure,” I admitted and chuckled a little. “Maybe you’re just done with mates, and… and I am not really an alpha.”
“That never bothered me,” she replied.
Her answer surprised me, and I studied her a little.
“No?”
She shook her head.
“No. Alphas were always so… arrogant,” she remarked. “Controlling too.”
“Betas can be the exact same,” I remarked.
“Are you telling me I should not want you?” she asked with a teasing smile.
I chuckled. “No, I would love for you to make the decision on your own.”
“You don’t want to influence me a little?” she teased.
“Maybe just a little, but I will try not to. You deserve to make this decision for yourself. You deserve to finally have the life you want,” I insisted.
“Why?”
“Why?” I echoed, confused.
“I could have changed so many things had I been brave enough to stand up against my mate. I might even have been able to save my son,” she recounted. “Do I really deserve anything?”
“Of course, you do!” I exclaimed. “You’re a victim too. For years, Connor broke you. He turned you into something he could easily control.”
“You would think that, right?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I let him," she confessed.
“What?”
“I let him do it all to me because… because I had lost all reason to fight.”
I stared at Lauren, not at all sure what she meant.
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