Secret Affinity

19

It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t even a thought, but what woke me up in the middle of the night was the fear creeping into my body. I felt it in my throat, my head, my fingers, and sweat swamped on my forehead.

My eyes snapped open to dull, illuminating stars on the ceiling. It was quiet, sounded and smelled like darkness and night. Outside, a rush of wind moved branches of trees and cast shadows on my walls.

My breathing was heavy. Was it a nightmare or simply an ominous feeling? I couldn’t remember anything, and I couldn’t fall back asleep. It didn’t feel right, whatever it was.

I removed my covers and was hit by a wave of cold. I walked up to my second window and pulled the curtains aside. The moon was still present, glowing in a crescent among small stars. I opened my window, trying to figure out what brought me here.

There. My eyes found two black limos parked at the other side. They were camouflaged into the dark, and it was eerily quiet. A couple yards away, on the same street, I saw a single white car. It was a plain, smooth, square-looking car whiter than the moon.

That was when an antsy tingle started in my stomach and I closed the curtains over the window. What was wrong with me? I kept getting scared for no reason.

Soft thuds came from downstairs, and I jumped in anxiety. I didn’t know what to do, whether to go back to sleep or check it out. It was bad timing, or a coincidence.

I bit my lip and slowly tiptoed across the corridor. It was all dark downstairs, but I heard more shuffling. This was trespassing, whoever was there. I wanted to find out, but I didn’t want to call for danger. I couldn’t be a coward and fearless at the same time.

But I couldn’t stop myself from creeping down the stairs. The lights turned on suddenly, and I screamed when I saw a man in a white collared shirt and a tie. He shouted in surprise when he saw me, and both of us sat on the nearest thing we found to catch our breaths.

“You, you scared me, Ari,” Dad said. “Why aren’t you sleeping yet?” I shook my head, feeling my head hot. “Sweetie, are you okay?” He walked towards me and sat on the stairs with me.

“Are you coming from work?” I asked shakily. He nodded, concerned. “I don’t know, daddy, I’m, I think I had a nightmare.”

“Ari…” Dad said, bringing me closer. I rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s okay. Whatever you had a dream about, it—”

“I can’t remember anything,” I interrupted. “I don’t think it’s a nightmare. It was a bad feeling. I don’t know.”

“Do you want some water?” Dad said. I shook my head. “Do you want to talk about it?” I wanted to fall asleep in his arms. This made me miss Mom, and I needed something like this now.

“Are you tired?” I asked Dad. He told me he had to work extra late today, so he was. But he told me he’d rather help me sleep than go to bed.

In my room, with clear lighting, I saw shadows under Dad’s eyes, shadows of tiredness. Though I was not okay, I told him I was so he could go to bed.

And I couldn’t fall sleep after that.

* * *

I woke up late for school, deprived of sleep and about to collapse. Dad was home today, but I didn’t want to wake him up. I brushed my teeth while putting on jeans, skipped breakfast, packed a light lunch, and ran out of the house with my backpack and my unbuttoned coat.

It was snowing. The closer we got to December, which wasn’t too far away, the colder it got and I was freezing.

I stopped when I saw someone walking towards the car on the McCoys’ driveway. I pinched my eyes and realized it was Julianna.

“Hi!” I waved my hand at her, and she waved back. When she asked me what I was doing still at home, I told her I had a bad morning.

“I’ll drive you to school with Ally and Arian,” she said, and I thanked her repeatedly. Behind her, I saw Arian and Ally exit the house.

Arian was at the front, and Ally and I sat in the backseat. She seemed extra grumpy, but her eyes were on Julianna, not me. Arian wasn’t too happy when Julianna began to drive the car, but his face changed when he noticed me at the back.

“Why are you here?” he said, his tone indecipherable. I felt like death on a stick and tried not to fall asleep in the car.

“Why are you being rude?” Julianna said to him. “She had a late start. I don’t know why we’re not taking her to and from school.”

“It’s okay,” I told her, my voice hoarse. Crap, I might have a cold now. “Anyway, Julianna, you don’t have work today?”

“Not this morning,” she told me. “I’m happy I get to drop the kids off at school.”

“We didn’t ask,” Ally said sullenly. Julianna’s smile fell. If I was in her shoes, I didn’t know how to react either. “And why are we treating this girl like a queen?”

“It takes a while to know why,” Julianna said, her lips slightly pursed, “when you learn the value of family and love.” My eyes filled with tears for some reason, but I tried to blink them back.

That one thing Julianna said touched my heart deeply. It was my whole life in two simple sentences. Something I wanted for so long. Love and family. Even if this family had a family, there was no love.

“She’s not family,” Ally said. “She’s a neighbour. Or a babysitter, or whatever. When Arian’s driving me to school, we’re not taking her with us.”

“I wouldn’t want her near you guys, anyway,” Julianna mumbled, and Arian glanced at her.

What I realized in this car ride was that Ally and Arian were on the same boat. But Arian was much quieter near Julianna, and Ally wasn’t. Being in between, I could be an obstacle or a help, but now, I was an obstacle.

When we reached school, Arian and Ally left immediately. Julianna was motionless, but when I said goodbye to her and thanked her for the ride, she smiled and drove off.

It was snowing hard now; I could barely see the school. My teeth chattered when I walked towards the door and headed to my class. There were hardly any students in the school, let alone the teachers. I heard some people mutter about the school not being cancelled.

Arian and I were the only ones waiting outside our Calculus class. I shivered from head to toe as I stood near the door, my hair crowned with snow and shoes flooded.

Arian sat on the floor against the wall with his legs outstretched. When I told him about the black limos and white car I saw last night, he acknowledged me for two seconds before looking away. It was the first thing that left my mouth, and I didn’t know why. Maybe because he knew a lot about these things.

Crimson and a couple others were the only student to arrive for class. They were unhappy and grumpy, and Crimson she swore to leave during lunch.

I hadn’t seen one teacher come to school today, which left us with substitutes. When I sat in Calculus class, the room was utterly dead. The blizzard outside blocked sunlight from entering the room.

The sub teacher didn’t introduce himself, neither did he speak. He handed us worksheets to complete and took attendance after the class ended.

“Creepy substitute,” Crimson murmured to me. I nodded.

The next class wasn’t any better, and there were only four students: Crimson, Arian, another boy, and me. It was strange seeing Arian in all his classes, in his seat, through every minute.

The substitute teacher we had this period handed us worksheets, as well. He went around and checked to make sure we were doing our work. The steps he took, in authority and dominance, his fierce eyes—they were not teachers at all. None of them had the attributes of one.

Crimson complained to me whenever the teachers weren’t looking. Fabian and Dorothy had made her come to school today, but she ditched school midway.

I ate lunch alone in the cafeteria. It was practically empty, and I was starving. I clutched my stomach when it grumbled and stared out the window. The snow finally stopped, revealing a shining sun.

The last two classes were hell. The subs only got creepier, and I tried to ignore them. They all seemed to follow some pattern. Gave us worksheets, took attendance, walked around slowly, and didn’t talk.

However, the subs never looked at my work. They examined the sheets of every other student in the classroom, but not mine. That made me freak out inside. Was I being targeted?

Arian left last period more than halfway through. His style of doing school was not incomprehensible. I knew for a fact he didn’t take it seriously, but why would he stay for all classes on the most useless and insignificant school day?

The women walking around class this time stopped at my table. She tapped a perfectly manicured finger to the top of my page.

“Make sure you put your name on the paper,” she told me, and walked away. The sound of her heels clucking on the floor was all I could pay attention to.

As soon as the bell rang, the couple students in class flew out the door. The teacher also left, and I packed my books before following suit. Today was such a worthless day, and last night was the most priceless. Stuck in between, I felt restless.

When I stepped out of the classroom, I was pulled aside and taken across a different hallway. It took me a second to realize it was Arian. I didn't know how to react.

“What’re you doing?” I said, trying to pull my hand away. It was difficult to follow him in the pace he was walking. “Hey, stop! Let go—”

We turned a corner towards a staircase. Our footsteps echoed in the barren halls.

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” I said desperately. Too much was happening without me knowing about it, it was driving me insane. The fact that Arian wouldn’t answer or even say anything was more frustrating.

Arian skipped the staircase, and we turned another corner. He was wearing his jacket with a full furry hood, and it was unzipped like he put it on in a rush. What was the rush?

“Just tell me what’s going on!” I said loudly. We came to another staircase, a bigger, shorter staircase. “Arian!”

He tugged my hand, and I fell forward, almost crashing into his chest. His eyes were much closer, clear and scrutinizing.

“There’s no way out of here,” he said in a low voice. I told him I didn’t understand, and he took us up the stairs. “Shut up if you don’t want to be interrogated.”

Interrogated? By who? Why? What was with this whole, mind-boggling situation? I wasn't getting any answers, and I was sure I wouldn't get enough anytime soon. This was an utter struggle I shouldn't have to face. Where was my role in this?

But nothing helped me now, so I couldn't do much but let Arian take me away.

We continued down a narrow hallway, halting at a small stairwell. The stairs stopped halfway between the first and second floor. There, we came across a glass balcony door. I’d never seen it before, even from outside the building. Both my shoes sank fully into the snow, but the sun felt great on my skin.

“Are we escaping something?” I asked him when we went outside. “What about Ally? Where’s she?”

“Don’t care about her,” Arian said, pinching his eyes in the sunlight. I asked why. Arian took out his phone. “Does she do the same for you?”

After a second, I said, “You, yourself, get mean at times, and hurtful, too. I don’t do the same for you.”

Arian paused and put his phone away. “Then maybe you should.” His eyes searched the area ahead of us.

We were probably facing the back of school into some forest or creek behind a large field. Memories of the Halloween dance came back to me when I stared at that field.

“Now,” Arian said, more like to himself. He took me towards the balcony railing, and I watched him pull himself over and jump. I cupped my mouth to prevent a gasp. He made a perfect landing and stood up, squinting up at me.

“How are you still alive?” I was horrified. He jumped down a whole twenty feet! When he asked me to jump next, I refused. “You’re going to get me killed!”

“Throw your backpack down,” he said, and I did. He caught it and put it on the ground. “Your turn.”

“Are you crazy?” I said, but he wasn’t. I knew he wasn’t. “I’m not jumping.” Arian sighed and stretched out his arms.

“I’ll catch you,” he told me, and I clutched the railing tightly. “Don’t waste time, idiot.”

It would be over in two seconds. Two seconds. I climbed over the railing, took a few puffs of breath, and pushed myself off. I shut my eyes tightly, and in two seconds, I was caught in arms. Strong arms.

I opened my eyes to see fresh blue ones staring back. The thrum in my heart beat in my ears. I was never doing that again. I was never doing that again…

“I’m never doing that again,” I said. Arian narrowed his eyes a little. “Am, am I heavy?” What a dumb question.

“Heavy’s not the word,” he said and put me on my feet. I picked up my backpack, and he had me follow him shortly after.

We went towards the forest by walking over the field. It was a small area of tall trees with pale green needles. Behind the small area, there was a thin half-frozen, half-running creek.

On the road after the creek, a car was waiting for us. Arian sat in the drivers’ seat, and I sat in the passenger seat. Ally was in the back seat.

“Why does she get to sit at the front?” Ally said to Arian. “And why the f**k did you have to get her?”

No one talked until we were off school property and on the main road. I sniffled and pressed my cold ears. My hands were numb and cold so they did nothing to help the aching.

“Arian, I asked you why we had to get her,” Ally repeated. I saw her in the side mirror with a scowl. “You know, I almost got caught and some guy was so close to seeing the car. You’d risk it for a stranger—”

“She’s not any stranger,” Arian said, eyes darting around as if to look for danger.

“Then what kind of stranger is she?” Ally demanded. “I thought you said you’ll only look aft—”

“Ally,” Arian said threateningly. She shut up instantly. “I didn’t tell you anything, and I pity you for assuming things.”

Ally’s face fell and stayed that way for the entire ride. I tried to warm my hands by blowing on them. I was taken to the McCoys’ house and was eager to take my coat and shoes off. Chunks of white sleet clung on to my socks, and my shoes were soaked.

Julianna and Evin were out of the house, possibly at work. Liara was in bed with a cold, and Andy was taking a nap. Elise showed me where I could wash my legs and face and dry my pants.

Elise made us all sit in the living room. She said we had a lot to talk about and everything that happened today.

“Juli told me about the bad morning,” Elise said, sitting with me on the couch. “You’re still in your PJs.”

“Yeah,” I sniffled. “I had this weird feeling last night. When I woke up, my feet took me to my window, and I saw the black limos and a white car parked outside. I just don’t…know.”

Arian was paying close attention, and I could tell by his furrowed brows. Elise on the other hand asked me if I had a cold.

“Huh?” I said. “Yeah, I think. I don’t know.” I hugged my knees on the couch. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Arian, tell her whatever you know about this,” Elise told Arian. “I’m going to make some hot chocolate for all of you. And I’ll be listening.”

“Again. What’s with this importance you’re giving her?” Ally said, glaring at me. I shivered and stared at the floor. Gosh. Both the brother and sister were intimidating.

“Be quiet for a bit,” Arian told her sharply. Ally left her spot next to Arian and sat on the far end of my couch. “There’s nothing much I can tell you. All the teachers were absent today because they had to be.”

“Because the Nightingale Officials can take their place and track down which students go to which school and with what citizenship,” Ally finished and gave me a fake smile. “You can leave now.”

“Wait, so the Nightingale Officials are the ones in the white cars and in white suits?” I asked to clarify.

“Yes. ‘White cars’ and ‘white suits’,” Arian said. “They’re called NOs, or Nightingale Officials. They’re the supreme heads that control Nightingale.”

I tried to process everything in my head and looked at the ceiling for an explanation. “So…how do you put these acronyms into summary?”

“Listen, girl,” Ally said. “It’s goes from most to least important or biggest. First, the NOs, then the NE Agents, and then the NR Agents. Got it?”

“Um, yeah,” I said uncertainly. “Thank you.” I went back to my original question. “Why did you bring me through the balcony? Why did you take me in the first place?”

“Long story short,” Arian said, falling back on the couch. “The NOs disguised as teachers will interrogate every student that leaves the school. I just saved you from that.”

“Why?” I said. Ally went from annoyed to expressionless, and Arian went from calm to his usual cold self.

“For someone who’s very incapable of taking care of herself,” Arian started, “I can just say I felt bad for you.”

“I can take care of myself,” I said, pulling in my eyebrows. Ally was looking at me with all ears. “But it’s not as easy as you think it is to get used to all of this.”

“Do you think—” he started but I didn’t let him finish.

“No matter what you say, I’m never going to understand anything. And even if I do, I’m still going to mess up. I’m still going to…” At this point, I knew I was rambling, but no one stopped me.

“Going to…?” Arian said. He was amused. Ally glanced at him.

“Mess up,” I mumbled. Ally was abnormally quiet when she put her hands in her lap. Would this be a good time to talk to her? “So, are you in grade ten now?” I asked her.

Ally shot me a glare. “Why do you keep talking to me? We’re never going to get along.” Arian waited to see how I would react, but I only fiddled with my top. “I’m in grade ten. Fifteen-years-old, okay?” she muttered.

Elise gave us each cups of hot chocolate, and my throat felt a lot better after taking a sip. Ally drank all of hers before we could finish.

Liara came downstairs while rubbing her eyes and saw us in the living room. She asked Elise for some hot chocolate, too, and climbed onto the couch beside me.

“I’m sick,” she said. I told her so was I, and she cuddled up to me. “I had a bad day. Do you want to know about it?”

“Sure,” I said. Liara talked about school, about her ‘friends’, and about the teachers. I was saddened when she started saying to herself that no one liked her. No one thought she was funny, and everyone thought she was annoying.

“They’re so mean,” she said into my shoulder. “Can you help me with something?”

“What?” I said. She asked me to burn all of her ‘friends’ in hell. Ally laughed. We both looked at her, and she stopped. I had never seen Ally smile before or laugh or anything. It was beautiful.

“Can you do it?” Liara asked me. “Someone told me my cold will go away if they burned in hell.”

“Who?” I said, on the verge of grinning. She shrugged. “Everything’s going to be okay. Be yourself, unless you’re burning people in hell. That’s not nice.”

“Of course that’s nice,” Ally snorted. “If her friends are bitches, then they can burn in hell.”

“You’re pretty mean, so you can burn in hell, too,” Liara retorted. Ally blinked in surprise, and Liara cowered. “Sorry.”

“She didn’t mean that,” I told Ally. Ally didn’t care, but I couldn't be sure with her expression.

The bell rang, and I got up to get. When I saw Arian sitting on the edge of his couch, I sat back down. I didn’t want a repeat of last time. Liara went to get it, and when she did, she ran back.

“Who’s there?” Elise asked, and I shrugged. I went to the door and saw Ruby, standing at the doorstep with her gloves, scarf, and jacket.

“Yes?” I asked. Ruby asked me why I was in Liara’s house again, and I heard Ally say ‘finally someone who understands’. “Are you selling cookies?”

“Do you see me with cookies?” she said. “I’m here to play with Liara. She ran off like a scaredy-cat. Spike made me come here because I was being rude to her.” Spike was her brother?

“I’ll ask her—” The door shut right in Ruby’s face, but I didn’t do it. Arian’s hand pressed to the door, and he gave me a hard look.

“Liara doesn’t need a friend like her,” he said. “Don’t encourage this stupid relationship.”

“Everyone needs a second chance,” I told him.

“There are no more chances left.” He lifted his hand. “Get a hint.” It got me thinking about his care again.

I found him think or act for his family in some way. He didn’t show it, but it was there. Then again, why keep it so reticent? Same with Ally. She had this there-and-not-there split personality, but it took time to understand it.

I had to go to work early today, which meant I couldn't get a ride from Arian. The snow was piled high, and I wasn’t sure if buses were running today.

Should I consider this day a lucky one for me? Because of the weather, should I consider it a bad day for the NOs?

The image of the black limos and white car was still imprinted in my mind. I knew the black limos were for the NR Agents, but what about the white car?