Helping my crush

Chapter nine - I don't need your help

Bella's POV:

I talked with dad about the night when he didn't come home. Well, it started as a talk. Then it ended with an argument. Nothing new. I don't even know why I am talking with him anymore. It's not like he is listening to me. No matter what I say, it comes through one of his ears and comes out of the other. I'm just wasting my time. I wish he could change, but I don't think he wants that. Maybe I have to take him to therapy. That won't be easy. I don't know what else to do with him. On the other hand, I have to think about Chris. As much as I enjoy his company, I can't let him get too close. I just don't want him to mess with my life and me. I know he wants to help, but for him, it is better if he stays away. Sometimes, when dad is drunk, he talks about things that he doesn't mean. Chris probably won't get offended, but I can't let him see this. There are things that I want to keep for myself. The thing is that I like spending time with him. Of all the boys in school, he and Dani were the only ones who talked with me. Mostly Chris. I still don't know why he does it, but as I see, he won't tell me soon. As much as I would like this to continue, I have to make him stay away from me. He probably won't like it, but that is better. I don't want him to go through the same things as me. I know that I will lose a great person, but I have no choice. Chris is too good for me.

I woke up with a headache. Lately, this has happened a lot. Mostly, because last week I spent it arguing with dad again. It's not like this is something nice. I am trying to change him, but he is not helping me a lot. I knew that this would be hard, but I didn't expect something like this. He doesn't know when to stop drinking. The other thing is that he doesn't take care of himself. Is it that hard to go and take a shower? I can't be with him all the time. I have things to do. One of them is to go to school.

I drank two pills and went to get ready. I need to do something about myself, but I think that it's too late. When I was ready, I went to make breakfast. To my surprise, Emily was already in the kitchen drinking juice. Usually, I wake her up, but I guess this time she did it by herself. At least I don't have to do that. Today I will make sandwiches with cheese, eggs, and whatever I find in the fridge. I have to go shopping, but I don't know when. I can go after school.

- When did you wake up?

- Half an hour ago.

- You could've woken me up.

- I know, but I didn't want to.

- Emily, are you ok?

- Yes.

- Are you sure? Your answers are short.

- I'm fine.

I didn't say anything and hugged her. With that, I felt a couple of tears on my shirt. Damn it! I hate to see her like that. I carefully wiped her tears and looked at her. She has puffy eyes, which means that she has cried before. How didn't I notice it? Maybe because I was too busy with my things. That is why I put myself in last place. Otherwise, I will get distracted and won't notice what goes on around me.

- Hey, will you tell me what the problem is?

- When will you and dad stop arguing?

That's an excellent question to which I don't have an answer. I want us to stop arguing as well, but I don't know when this will happen. Emily looked at me, but I didn't know what to tell her.

- Never, right?

- No. Dad and I are not arguing. He just doesn't like that I want him to stop drinking.

- I am not a little kid. You can't keep lying to me.

- I'm not lying to you.

- Keep repeating this until you believe it. - she said and walked away

- Emily!

Great. I finished making breakfast and went to wake dad. I found him coming out of the shower. As usual, he won't eat with us. I went to check on Emily who was crying in her room. She refused to eat as well. I guess that everyone is mad at me today. Why did I even make breakfast if no one was going to eat it? I put it in a box, straight into the fridge. I put my sister's lunch in her backpack and walked her to school. This time there was no hug. I was about to go away when someone grabbed my hand. It was Chris.

- Good morning. How are you?

- I'm fine.

Lie number one. I wonder how many lies I will tell him. It's not like he will believe me. I'm a terrible liar, but who cares? Sometimes I say things just to make everyone stay away from me.

- Do you have plans for today?

- Yes, I do.

Here we go. I have to make Chris stay away from me. It won't be easy, but it's for his good. Chris is a great person and a friend, but I don't deserve him.

- When are you free?

- I don't know.

- Bella, are you ok? You sound different today.

- Yes, I'm fine. Do you think that I have a problem?

- No, I just find your answers interesting.

- Well, this is how I talk. If you don't like me, you can leave.

- Forget it.

The whole way to school, Chris and I spent it in silence. I feel horrible for how I was talking to him, but I have to do it. When we walked to school, I went to my locker without looking at him. I ignored him until the lunch break. Everything was fine until he decided to talk with me. I kept being cold and giving him short answers. That only made him walk away. After all, that was my goal. Then why do I feel bad about it? Like I have done something bad.

After my last class, I took my things and went out. I didn't go far away. Soon Chris came and grabbed my hand. Why can't he go home and forget about me? That will make things easier.

- Bella, what is going on with you today? I know that you did this on purpose.

- I don't know what you are talking about.

- Yes, you do. For some reason, you have been ignoring me the whole day. Did I do something?

- No, you didn't do anything.

- Then? I only want to help you. To make you feel better. I like the happy Bella.

- I don't need your help.

- Don't be like that. If I did something wrong, just tell me.

- I have to take Emily from school.

- Bella, please.

- Leave me alone.

- No, I won't. I can't do this. Talk to me. Tell me if there is a problem. I will help you.

- I want you to leave me alone!

- But why? Up to now, everything has been ok. What went wrong?

- I have to go.

- Then I am coming with you.

- Why do you have to be like that?

- Like what?

- Annoying. Just accept that I don't want to be around you. I don't need you or your help. Leave me alone and don't talk to me. What happened was in the past. Forget it. Forget about me. - I said and walked away

- But, Bella.

- Leave me alone!

I was walking with tears in my eyes. I can't keep talking like that to people. The thing is that I care about him. Chris will help me with what he can, but I don't want him to mess with my life. It's already complicated. I don't have time and energy to take care of him as well. I went to take Emily, and later both of us walked home.

- Do you want me to bake you cookies? I have to go shopping, and you can come with me.

Emily didn't say anything and walked into her room. Don't tell me that she is still mad at me. I walked into her room and saw her on the bed. At least she is not crying.

- Hey, what's wrong?

She didn't say anything and pulled out a suitcase. If Emily thinks that I will let her go wherever it is, she is wrong. She was putting in clothes, and I was taking them out. My sister kicked me and quickly walked downstairs. I saw her walking into miss Adams's house. I went there, and mister Adams let me in.

- Emily! Where are you?

- Bella, what is going on? - miss Adams asked

- Emily is mad at me. I don't know why.

I found my sister in the backyard. I sat next to her, but she refused to look at me. What did I do? If it's because of the arguments with

dad, I can't help it. I want him to become a better person.

- Emily, talk to me.

- No! Leave me alone.

- Please. I am worried about you. You know that I won't do anything to hurt you.

- I don't want to talk with you.

- Why don't you leave her here for a while? - miss Adams said

- Maybe I have to. - I said and walked in

- I will talk with her and try to understand why she is upset. Is this ok for you?

- Yes, I just don't want to mess you with this.

- You know that I will do everything for you and Emily.

- I do, and I will always be thankful for that.

- I think you should leave her to sleep here for the night. Tomorrow she will come back.

- But she has to go to school.

- Don't worry. I will take Emily.

- If you don't mind. Thank you.

- No problem. Now tell me what is going on with you. One day, I saw you with a boy.

- You won't see him again.

- Why?

- I told him to stay away from me.

- Oh, Bella. Why would you do that? You looked so happy with him.

- This was the right choice. I don't want Chris to mess with me. He deserves better.

- Pushing people away from you won't help. I'm sure that he didn't want to do anything bad.

- Chris only wanted to help me, but I couldn't let him do it. For some reason, I care about him. It's better if he stays away from me.

- Bella, you are not right, and we both know it. I hope that the time that you will spend without him will make you realize how important he is to you.

- I don't think that this will happen. Chris is a great person and a friend, but he is not for me. I don't deserve him.

- But he deserves you. Bella, what you are doing is wrong. If you continue like that, you risk giving up, and I won't let you do it.

- I appreciate your help, but I don't want to talk about this. I have already made a decision.

- It's your choice.

I talked with miss Adams for a while and later walked home. Dad was still outside. Since no one is at home, I don't have to make dinner. I will eat what I find. I guess that the shopping will be another day. Now I'm not in the mood for anything. When I thought that everything was good, it turned out exactly the opposite. Pushing Chris away won't resolve my problems, but at least it will save him. He is the type of person I need, but I care about him. I want to go out with him on a walk or just for a simple talk, but I can't. He will keep asking me personal questions, and I don't want to talk about myself. I hope that one day, things will be normal again.