Mentally in love

Chapter sixteen - I don't want to be alive

Dean's POV:

I'm trying to keep Lesley away from the painkillers. I'm sure that she wasn't asleep when I left. This girl got up and got her daily dose. I don't know how to make her stop using it. She won't do it by herself. The only thing that came to my mind was to make her talk with Brianna. We can go there after school. Of course, I won't tell her where we'll go. Otherwise, she won't come with me. I need to think of a way to make her go with me. I don't know if Brianna can help her, but at least she can talk with her. It's better than nothing. I want to do something, too, but she is not letting me. I'm afraid she will stop sharing with me. That is the last thing I want to happen. She is too important to me. I will do everything I can to help her. I won't let her do the same things as me. It's not like she hasn't done most of them. These painkillers were the last step. My friend is already using them, and she needs to stop. I can ask Brianna for advice, but it will be better if she talks with her. That way, she will understand what I have to deal with. At least she was right. That's how I forgot about my problems. The thing is that now I'm worried even more. I have no idea what Lesley is capable of. I have to keep an eye on her every minute. She tried to look good in front of me. I can read her like an open book. This girl can lie to whoever she wants, but not me. I don't know what to do to help her anymore. All I want is for her to listen to me. I won't hurt her. Quitting this medication is for her good. I need to make her understand this. Taking it won't make her feel better. I used to lie to myself for a long time. This only made things worse for me. I hope that she will agree to come with me.

Today, I have a mission. It's to make Lesley come to the hospital where I stayed for five years. I didn't talk with Brianna, but I'm sure she won't mind. Also, I want to see Jeremy and Lia. We haven't seen each other since I left. That was almost two months ago. I want to know if they are getting better. I'm sure they will be fine as long as they are together. I might talk with Brianna about that. Well, first, I have to do the more important part. Lesley might never trust me again after that. I have to do it. I care too much.

I woke up and went to get ready for the day. Then I texted Lesley to tell her to come here after school. Of course, she asked questions. My excuse was that I wanted to see her. It's a lie, but who cares? She is doing this often, too. The girl thinks that I believe everything she says. Her eyes will never disappoint me. They always tell me what is going on. That's how I know everything. Also, she gets tired of pretending. I was eating when I received a message from her.

Hey, what are you doing?

Did you finish early?

No, I'm bored. Tell me.

I'm eating. What about you? Aren't you in class?

I am. The teacher is boring, so I texted you.

You know you can't do that. He will take your phone.

I don't care. You are my only friend.

You can find more. After all, you go to school every day.

I don't want to talk about this. If you don't want to text me, don't do it. I'll do something else on my phone.

I didn't say that. After school, you are mine.

Why do you want me to come so much?

I told you I wanted to see you.

Is it only that? You can come to my house.

That works, too. I didn't want to be there too often. Also, to keep you away from you know what.

You can't do it. I always find a way to get what I want.

Sad, but true. I'll leave you now. You have to pay attention.

Fine. I'll see you after school. Bye.

Bye.

I spent the rest of the morning in the backyard with my laptop. I want some occupation, at least for the morning. In the afternoon, I can be with Lesley and Leo. Mostly, it will be her. I don't think my brother likes spending time with me. I can make him talk with Brianna, too. His state is not that bad. I'll say that he is lost. Later, I made myself lunch and watched a tv show. I'm not sure if Lesley will come here or if I should go. She didn't text me anything. I will wait for her for a while. If she's not here, I will go to her house. I was on the couch when the front door opened.

- Hey. How are you? Oh, I love that show. - Lesley said and sat down next to me

- How was school?

- Boring. I already told you that in the morning.

- No, you told me about the class you had. Not for all of them.

- All of them were the same. Why did you want me here?

- I wanted to show you something.

- Where is it?

- We have to go outside for that.

- No! I want to be inside.

- You say this every day.

- So?

- It will be like a walk.

- Ok, fine. Won't you at least tell me where we are going?

- When we arrive, you will see. Let's go now.

- Can I use your bathroom?

- For what?

- What can I do in a bathroom?

- You know what.

- Relax. I don't wear them to school. There were too many girls in the bathroom at school. That's why I didn't use it.

After ten minutes, we were outside. Lesley kept asking where we were going. If I tell her, she will run away. That's why I have to distract her. On the way, we kept talking about other things. I think she forgot about the place, which is good. Soon, we arrived. I didn't let her look up to read the name of the building. We need to go in. Nothing has changed. Then I saw Jeremy and Lia. I waved to make sure he would see me.

- Hey, look who is back. How are you? - Jeremy asked

- I'm good, thanks.

- Is this the lady?

- Yes, this is Lesley.

- Hi.

- This is Jeremy and.

- My girlfriend, Lia.

- You're what? When did that happen?

- A week ago.

- Lia, are you ok with this?

- I'm fine.

- The kid is gone. - Jeremy said

- Really? That's great.

- Can you tell me what this place is? Why am I here? - Lesley asked

- This is where I spent five years of my life.

- What? Why did you bring me here?

- Dean? Oh my god. What are you doing here? - Brianna asked and hugged me

- Nothing. I came to see you and brought a friend with me.

- You must be Lesley.

- How do you know?

- Your friend has been talking a lot for you.

- What the heck is this place? Hold on! Am I? Why? There is nothing wrong with me.

- I had to do this.

- I trusted you. I don't understand. You are the only one who is supposed to know about this.

- All I wanted was to help you.

- No, you didn't. I'm out of here.

- No, you're not. - I said and grabbed her hand

- Hey, let me go.

- That won't happen.

- Let me go!

- Lesley, listen to me. I think you should talk with Brianna. She will help you.

- No! I won't say anything. - she said and hit me

- Do whatever you want. I'm not letting you go.

- Why? I don't want to be here. You can't force me.

- I can do whatever I think is good for your mental health.

- You are a terrible friend.

- I know. You will thank me later. Go now.

- No.

- I will take care. You can tell me whatever you want. I won't ask anything. - Brianna said

- I don't trust you.

- That doesn't matter. Why do you hate Dean so much?

- Because he thinks there is something wrong with me.

- Is it true?

- No. I'm fine. Maybe that is except for one or two things, but that's it.

- Let's go. We should talk about this in front of everyone else.

- Where are we going?

- To my office. I have a bunny there.

- I'm not five.

- It's pink.

- I hate pink.

- You can tell me about your favorite colors.

- Ok. I like black and green.

- Interesting. - Brianna said and walked away with Lesley

- This woman knows her job. - Jeremy said

- She does. That's why I brought Lesley here. I can't deal with her.

- Is she that bad?

- She was like me when I came here.

- Oh. I see.

- She is using painkillers.

- The same as you?

- Yes.

- How did she get them? Don't you need to have a recipe from a doctor?

- Her dad got one a long time ago. She is using this.

- This girl is smart.

- But does only stupid things. Anyway. How did this happen?

- He was good to me. I decided to let it go and see what happens. - Lia said

- Well?

- I like it. I have always wanted to be with someone who likes me the way I am.

- I'm glad you found that person. What will happen now? If both of you are ok, you can go out of here.

- I don't want to go back home. My parents have no idea where I am.

- I don't want to be home either. - Jeremy said

- Then what will happen?

- Well, we can find a job and stay here until we find something affordable to rent.

- That is a good plan. I'm sure you two will be ok.

- I hope so. How are you and Lesley? Well, apart from the obvious.

- Sometimes good, sometimes not. It depends on.

- It depends on what?

- Her mood. She doesn't want to do anything daily. I have no idea what to do with her.

- Make your brother talk with her. You had one. Right? - Lia asked

- He doesn't like her. I don't know what is going on between them. I wasn't there when they met.

- They will be fine. Give them some time.

- Leo has other things to worry about.

- Girls? - Jeremy asked

- How do you know?

- He is still in high school. What else he has to do?

- That's true, too. He doesn't know how to keep her. She is wasting her time.

- I can't believe you said this for him.

- Leo might be my brother, but it doesn't mean I will agree with everything he does. We talked about it.

- Soon, he will realize what he was doing.

- I hope so. She won't wait for him forever.

- I think you have to leave him to deal with this. You have Lesley to worry about. - Lia said

- All I wanted was to help him. He didn't want to listen to me.

- He has to feel it to understand what he has done. - Jeremy said

- I know. I wish it hadn't been this way.

- You have to do it. There is no other way he will learn his lesson.

- Maybe I will leave him alone in this.

I was talking with Jeremy and Lia for the next hour. I have been gone for less than two months, but it feels like years. So many things have happened to them. After some time, Lesley came back. She looked worse than I had left her. What happened? I know Brianna has her way of doing things, but I don't think this helped much. She sat down and snuggled. I looked at Brianna, and she smiled. She knew what I would say and made a sign for me to calm down.

- Dean, can we talk for a while?

- Yes, sure. I'll leave her with you.

- No problem. We'll take care of her. - Jeremy said, and I walked away

- What did you ask her?

- You can calm down.

- I won't calm down. Tell me.

- I only asked about her relations with you. She opened up about everything else. Dean, she needs your help.

- Really? I didn't notice it.

- I know you are mad at me, but I had to do it. I have to get to the bottom of the problem.

- I get it, but now she might do something else.

- Hey, guys!

- Jeremy, what's wrong?

- She fainted.

- What? How?

- I don't know, she was sitting. Then she fell off the chair.

- Ok, I'll come.

- I called the nurse.

- Good. Where is she?

- Come with me.

- Do you see what I mean?

- I do. - Brianna said

Lesley was in the nurse's office. I don't know what happened. I'm sure she didn't have painkillers with her. It must be something else. Why does she always keep doing this? The nurse said that she fainted because she hadn't eaten anything. According to her, my friend is already too skinny. She needs to eat more to be healthy. This girl always has to do something. I bet she skipped breakfast. Maybe lunch as well. I need to talk to her parents. I have no idea what to do with her anymore. She doesn't want to listen to me. Soon, she woke up and looked around. Lesley deserves me to get mad at her.

- Where am I?

- In the nurse's office. Can I know what happened? I left you for two minutes. How did you mess up for two minutes? I can't even leave you for thirty seconds. Maybe I have to hold you on a leash.

- Dean, don't be so harsh on her. - Brianna said

- I will be because she deserves it.

- If you don't like me that much, break the friendship and go. - Lesley said and ran away

- Wait! Lesley! I didn't mean that. Hey! - I said and ran after her

- Leave me alone!

- I won't do that. - I said, grabbed her hand, and pulled her for a hug

- You hate me. - she said, crying

- Lesley, I don't hate you. I only want you to stop doing this to yourself. It's not healthy.

- I don't want to be here, ok?

- Ok, we'll go home.

- No, not that. I don't want to be alive! I want to die. - she said and broke down

This was the first time when I was about to start crying. I don't know why she would want that. Things are way worse than I have thought. I need to do something for her. Otherwise, she might do what she said. I can't let this happen. Lesley is my friend, and I'll do everything possible to help her and bring her good mood back. I don't know how this will happen, but I won't give up. I have to do this for her. She has no idea how important she is to me. Maybe I have to tell her parents. She will hate me for that, but I have no choice. I can't deal with this alone. I hope that they will be able to help me.