Mentally in love

Chapter seventeen - It will be over when you say it

Lesley's POV:

For the past week, I haven't been well. I don't know what is happening. I want to blame Brianna, but she didn't do anything. The talk with her started well, but she kept asking many questions. I have no idea what she wanted from me. It's like she wanted to know more about me than I did. We are not friends or close. I understand she is a therapist, but it doesn't mean I will tell her my deepest secrets. She is no one to me. Also, we won't see each other again. There is no way I will go back there. I'm glad that Dean has friends there, but I don't. Maybe I have to blame him for that. He was the one who took me there. Well, I won't do it. I can't be mad at him for anything. The thing is that now I started thinking. Brianna helped me realize many things I didn't want to admit for a long time. I keep saying to people that I'm fine. I do this to make myself believe it's true. That is according to her. I never thought of this. It might be like a coping mechanism. Whatever it's going on, it's not helping me. I go to school every day, but I don't know why. I have no idea what we are studying. My parents asked me questions, but I didn't say anything. If I start talking, they will get worried for me. It's enough that they are working every day. I don't want to add to that. Dean is with me all the time. He is taking care of me as if I'm a little kid. I know what his concerns are. I can't promise I won't do anything to myself because it will be a lie. Well, I know my friend won't let this happen. I'm glad that I can tell him everything. He might be talking with my parents about that, but I don't care. I won't be brave enough to speak with them. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have the energy to keep fighting. I hope that one day, things will get easier.

It's another school day. I don't know if I want to go anymore. It's not like I have a choice. My parents will make me go. I better do it myself. At least Dean is with me for the rest of the day. He has other work to do but put me as a priority. I appreciate it, no matter that it's not right. I asked him about Leo. We still don't talk to each other. He seems to have a problem. I don't know if it's because of that girl. Honestly, I have never met her. It's not my business, anyway. Helping him will only make things worse. Also, I don't have the energy to deal with that.

I woke up and went to get ready for the day. I wish I didn't have to go. I put on an oversized hoodie with leggings. Today, I will be in disguise. Let's say that I don't want people to see me and ask questions. When I was ready, I went downstairs. I was about to go out and skip breakfast, but my mom showed up. There is no escaping now. Sometimes, I wish she didn't care that much about me.

- Are you going somewhere?

- No, I only wanted to leave my things.

- Lesley. We know each other. You will sit down and eat.

- Fine. What is today's menu?

- Waffles with syrup.

- Good.

- Hello, girls. Good morning. - my dad said

- Hey.

- She tried to go out without eating.

- Mom!

- Lesley, we have talked about this. - my dad said

- That's why I don't tell you anything.

- We have our ways to keep you under control. - my mom said

- I know. Dean is telling you everything.

- I didn't say it was him.

- There is no need for that. I know it. Now, I have to keep things away from him too.

- I don't think he will like that.

- The problem is not mine.

- For sure, it's not.

I ate one waffle and walked to school. Mom tried arguing with me, but I didn't listen. I'm not in the mood for that. Soon, I arrived and went to my locker. I saw Leo sitting alone. I feel bad for him, but I don't know why. I was thinking to talk with him, but I'm sure he won't tell me anything. After all, he is still mad at me. I don't even know for what. Well, I can push my luck a bit.

- Hey, Leo.

- Leave.

- How are you today?

- Leave.

- Can I help you with something?

- Leave.

- Will you say something different than the word leave?

- Yes. Now leave.

- Are you ok? You look upset. Can I do something?

- To leave.

- Try to talk with her.

- I didn't tell you what my problem was.

- It was a guess.

- Are you a witch?

- Yes, I am. - I said, chuckling

- I don't know what to do.

- No, you don't want to admit the obvious.

- Which is?

- You like her more than your other friends. At the same time, you don't want to lose them. Mostly, that is because they won't think you are cool anymore. Is that right? Tessa is not like them.

- She can't even compare.

- See? You have to prioritize what matters to you the most.

- I don't think I can do that.

- You don't want to do it. She won't wait forever, no matter if she has feelings for you. One day, they will fade away. Then it will be hard for you to win her back. Well, also, if she has fallen for someone else.

- You are not helping me.

- No, I'm realistic. It's your choice if you want to accept the truth or not. I can't tell you what to do.

The bell started ringing, and I walked to class. On the lunch break, I was in front of my locker. I have no idea how my parents know I don't eat lunch. Let's say that I want to sit alone. There is never a free table. If you manage to find one, soon someone will sit with you. I can't deal with that. Technically, I can bring food from home, but I won't do it. Leo came, left something in his locker, and sat down. I have problems to solve. I might forget them if I focus on something else.

- Hey, how are you? Do you want me to leave?

- No, I don't have the energy to argue with you.

- Only I am allowed to say this.

- Really?

- Ok, what is going on?

- I texted Tessa, but she didn't answer me.

- Maybe she hasn't seen it yet.

- She did. I'm afraid she is mad at me.

- Did you do something to her?

- I don't know. Maybe I did, but she has to tell me.

- How many days did you go out with her in the past week?

- Um, I think they were two.

- Back to where it all started. Leo, Tessa needs attention like every girl. I'm not saying you should always be with her, but at least don't ignore her.

- What about you? Do you want attention?

- I don't want anything.

- Well, I'm not Dean. I can't help you.

- No, you are better than him.

- What? Really?

- I am in the same state as him. Trust me. You don't want to get that low. Be happy for who you are. I know you don't like me much, but at least listen to me. Make a move before it's too late. Even if you don't like her, say it. She needs to know the truth.

- I don't want her to have high expectations.

- Maybe, but she has hopes. Don't crush them. Try to be nice to her and explain things politely.

- It sounds easier than it is.

- Life is not easy.

- I wonder why you said it.

- Because I don't even want to be here. The thing is that no one will let me go, especially your brother.

- He won't like it that you skipped school.

- That is not what I mean.

- Then what? Oh, I get it.

- At least you have what to fight for.

- You too.

- No, I don't. There is nothing that I want so much to be worth fighting for.

- How did you end up like that? Did you get affected by my brother?

- I don't think it was that. I was only thirteen when he died. I mean, disappeared.

- It's ok. We all believed it.

- Maybe when I was around fifteen, I started looking at things from a different angle.

- Dean's angle?

- Yes. I realized why he said all these things to me. I knew the meaning but not the reason.

- I see. Do you feel better now? I mean, with him around.

- Yes, and no. I like that he is back. The thing is that he tries to keep me away from some stuff. Well, I know he only wants to help.

- I think he is trying to make it up to everyone he has left. My brother spends a lot of time with my parents. He tried to do it with me, but I won't make it easy for him. - Leo said, chuckling

- I know you are probably still mad at him. Just try to understand why he did it.

- Did you do it?

- I did when he told me everything. Then, I started thinking about myself and the state I was in. We are not that different.

- It's noticeable. I hope he will help you and won't make things worse.

- Give him a chance. The same goes for Tessa. I might haven't met her, but from what I hear, she is better than your friends.

- She is.

Leo and I talked for the rest of the lunch break. I don't know what is happening with him today, but I'm glad we are not arguing. Later, we walked for the rest of our classes. After my last one, I went to take what I needed from my locker. Leo invited me to go home with him. I waited for him outside. Soon, a girl came up to me.

- Hey, are you Lesley?

- Yes. Who are you?

- Tessa.

- Leo's friend.

- Yes, exactly. Can we talk? Please.

- Sure. How can I help you?

- I want you to knock some sense in him.

- Why?

- He ghosted me twice this week. I don't know what is going on. He can say it if he doesn't want to go out with me. I won't like it, but at least he will be honest. I can't compare myself with his friends. They are more important than me. In his eyes, I'm no one.

- I think you two need to sit and talk. I don't know about the ghosting part, but he doesn't think so low of you. It's even the opposite.

- Did he tell you something?

- Look, I'm not the person who should tell you this.

- Hey, Tessa. What are you doing here? - Leo asked

- Leaving.

- Wait. Are you still mad at me?

- Maybe I am.

- Can I know for what? I mean, what did I do?

- As if you don't know.

- I don't. Otherwise, I wouldn't ask you this.

- You ghosted me two times this week.

- What? When?

- Monday and Wednesday. You text me that you want to go out with me, but then you don't show up.

- I swear I didn't text you anything.

- Yeah, right.

- Look at my phone. I don't have a message.

- Well, I have it on mine. - Tessa said and pulled out her phone

- You said Monday and Wednesday, right?

- Yes, why?

- I think I know what happened. Look, I'm so sorry about this.

- Won't you explain to me?

- First, I need to make sure it's true. Then I'll tell you everything.

- No, then you will search for a new friend. I'm done with you.

- What? You can't do that.

- Watch me. - she said and left

- Tess! No!

- Let's go home. We'll talk there. - I said

- Ok.

On the way to his house, Leo told me his suspicions about what happened. One of his friends wanted to use his phone these two days. He thinks his friend has sent the message to Tessa and then deleted it from his phone. That way, he won't see it. The only thing I don't understand is why someone would do that. Leo already separated her from his friends. Soon, we arrived. He opened the front door, and we walked in. Dean appeared from the kitchen.

- I'm going upstairs. - Leo said and left

- Hey, how are you? - Dean asked, giving me a hug with a kiss on the top of my head

- I'm good.

- Did something happen?

- Since I met Leo, I have never talked with him so much.

- So you two have progress.

- Kind of.

- I believe he is in trouble.

- His friends are trying to get rid of Tessa.

- Why? She is a nice girl. I liked her.

- I don't know. They sent a message from Leo's phone to her. Two times. She waited for him, but he never appeared.

- Now I understand why she might be mad.

- She is and ended everything.

- What?

- I'll tell you later. I'll check on him.

I went upstairs and knocked on Leo's door. He let me in. I sat on the bed in front of him. The boy looks like he will start crying soon. I don't know why he keeps pretending. He cares about Tessa. Why doesn't he want to admit it? I looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes.

- If you tell her the truth, she will come back.

- I can't. She won't believe me.

- I think she will. The fact she still stays with you after everything you do shows enough.

- She deserves better friends.

- No, she deserved you. You should get up, talk with your friends, and solve the mystery.

- Even if it's true, that won't change anything. Tessa will blame me for staying with them.

- No offense, but she is right. I don't understand why you keep pretending you don't care about her. All the things you do show the opposite. Be open and admit it. You care about Tessa.

- But it's over.

- No, it's not. It will be over when you say it. Hopefully, that won't happen.

- I don't know.

- Do you want to lose her forever?

- No, I don't.

- Then get your sh*t together and do something.

- I never thought you would say that.

- Go!

- Ok, ok. I will text them to see if they have time.

- Good.

After some time, Leo went out. Dean helped me with my lessons. I told him everything that happened. He was happy that his brother and I were talking again. I have to say it was surprising. Maybe this is because of his bad mood. Otherwise, he wouldn't tell me all that. Whatever it is, I'm glad that it happened. To have a good conversation with someone is rare. That's why I always appreciate it when it happens. It's because I don't know when the next time will be. Well, with my friend, I have that every day. I'm happy that he is back. I hope that Leo will finally tell Tessa everything.