I'm Sorry but I Love You

Chapter 5: Until our next maybe

(The untold story of Erebus)

Erebus POV

They say if you found love, don't let it go, soecially when it's true. But what if the only way to save her from further emotional damage is to let go? Will you still hold her hand in the name of love? Or will you choose to let go and save her from further pain.

I have this girl bestfriend named Nyx. Hmm is it destiny? Our names were both from the names of Greek gods and goddesses. And in that Greek mythology Erebus the god of chaos was the consort of Nyx the goddess of the night. Hmm.

What a perfect pair we could be.

I actually have this secretly growing love towards her. Yep she's my bestfriend but i love her more than a friend. I dont know if she feels the same, I am afraid that what if she wont reciprocate my feelings, so to supress this growing unrequited love of mine, I've tried my very best to hide it.

And I guess I am very good at it. She never knew after all

I tried to love someone else, no more of just tried to date someone else because I know in the end it was only me who is in love, and it's better for us to stay friends for we can be together for the rest of our lives, no break-ups and we could be one another's shoulder to cry on, ears to listen and arms to hold on.

But fate was playful she loves me like how I love her.. I am so happy, really really happy knowing that she feels the same. It feels like heaven opened its gates and the angels sang fir answering my prayers. I am so happy to the point that I want to shout it to the world that my love for her was reciprocated, but I need to push her away.. And it hurts like hell to see your beloved crying because of you.

I love Nyx, I really do but as much as possible I have to end this stupid feelings I felt for her, because i only have few months left before I go to a place where she cant be with, the afterlife. And i can't let her suffer from my death. I don't want her to suffer further emotional damage. Wanna know what happened before i knew i got few months left?

Few months before our batch reunion, I've got into an accident which cause me to have this major concussion. I thought i was already fine when i healed from my injury, but i didn't know that the accident has damage my brain. Yes, the injury I've got caused a Traumatic Brain Injury and the doctor said that i only got few months left.

So when Nyx confessed her feelings for me that night of our reunion, i pushed her away. Well not literally, i just said straight into her face that i dont feel the same, that i only see her as a friend, and a sister. D*rn how thick faced am I to say it to her after I kissed her back with the same need. I wanna hug her and tell her that I love her too. Seeing her cry breaks my heart into pieces. I know i was just lying. I love her, i really do. I almost drown into her kisses to the point that if it continues, i might lose myself and take back my rejection to her. But i cant be so selfish to admit my feelings for her. I cant let her suffer in her whole lifetime mourning for my death. I am already dying, though there are still chances of survival if i undergo a surgery but its very low. And i cant take the risk of something that is not a hundred or either fifty percent probability that I would survive. I just can't. I wanted to make sure that she wont suffer from an excruciating pain.

A week after her confession, she go to London. I guess its a goodbye then. Being far from something that broke you could be essential in moving on.

Well I guess I made the right choice, tss there was no more option left in the first place. I just made the right decision. To let her go even if it kills me slowly.

My life was already a mess when she left. I am losing my sanity when she is out of my sight. I need her by my side to keep myself sane but i cant be so selfish. It felt like I've lost my vital organs, I've lost my essential part of me, a vital part of my life. But I have to endure it, this pain I have to endure, for i know it will end to soon.

While i was in the hospital for my regular check up, i met a guy. He was as tall as i am, same body built and almost same face. I dont know if it was just my sight thats cheating me or we really have almost the same facial features. His name was Eros.

See even our names sounds the same. Eros Dwayne and Erebus Wayne.

We shared a lot of stories. I share mine and be shared his. And the thing i knew about him makes me admire his bravery. He has a chronic heart disease, and was looking for a heart donor for his heart transplant. I also knew why he wanted to live longer. It was to continue loving her friend, n to protect her and that she needs him at the moment for she was at her most vulnerable state. He then show me a picture of the girl he was talking about. My world stopped as i see the girl that i love the most in the photo.

Yes, the one he is talking about, the girl responsible for his unrequited love was my beloved bestfriend, Nyx. The girl i treasured the most in this lifetime is also the same girl he treasured the most. That moment i realized that maybe it was destiny who made its way for my Nyx not to live in pain, because there is a particular someone who is willing to risk all the chances of survival for him to be able to take care of her. To be able to be with her until the end.

After a month, Eros my new found friend, the one who also loves my beloved Nyx told me they cant still find a heart donor for him. I know how disappointed he was. Little by little, he was going weak and if he cannot find a heart donor he will eventually die.

"I only wanted to be well to be able to take care of her, I only wanted to make her feel that she's not alone, that she have me even if she cant reciprocate my feelings" i could clearly remember the words he mumbled, he felt so hopeless. And so am I. I wanted him to be well too for him to continue taking care of the girl we both love the most. I wanted him to be healthy and make the girl we love the most safe and loved.

I only have few more hours left. So I've come up to a decision, i will give him my heart. And by that, i could still continue to love Nyx even if i am not the one who owns it. That he can continue to love Nyx with my heart. And with that, Eros and I could share in her heart.

Not that I am hoping but I still want to love her until the end. And Eros would do that for me unknowingly. Yeah he didn't even know. But I plan to tell him though.

That time he happily announced that he already had a donor makes me happy. Yes of course I am happy. I am happy to see the spark and hope in his eyes. I know I would be a jerk by this decision but what matters is that I could save my friend from dying and i could save my Nyx for further emotional damage for the loss of his friend. And if Eros would be the owner of my heart, no doubt, he would love Nyx through the rest of his life.

And so am I. We will continue to love her until the end.

Clock is ticking, in very a peaceful and silent night. My heart starts pounding slow, me eyes starts to go heavy and I am having the urge to sleep forever. The doctors keep doing their work. Then I heard a beeping sound of a flat line indicating that I am dead.

I am already dead, but i know that my heart is still alive, my heart would be in good hands, my heart would be own by someone who will continue to love my Nyx Xyne Psyche Griffin. After a few minutes i could see my body filled with blood. My heart was already secured.

Eros' operation was a success. He now have my heart. Im sorry man. I know that i told you, i wanna see you well after your surgery but not literally, not by flesh anymore but by my soul.

____

Eros POV

Slowly I opened my eyes, blink slowly and open my eyes again as i woke up from my operation, i am happy to tell Erebus that my operation is successful, that i survived, that I aced the surgery .

But tears fell from my eyes when I get to know that he actually was my donor. It hurts. I may have live but my friend died. I live and he died giving his heart to me.

I am crying hard as I opened the letter he left for me.

"Eros man, i know I'm such a jerk for not telling you about this, but i know you wont let me if i had told you my plan. I'm gonna share you this little secret. The girl you love was Nyx, my beloved bestfriend. Please no matter what happens don't tell her that we known each other, just let her discover. I love her so much so take care of her. But i know you really can. Yeah i love her, but i cant be so selfish for her to be with me and let her suffer for a long time mourning for my death, so i decided not to tell her anymore. Well i had wrote some letters for her but i am not sure if she could read those. So if you read this, take care of my heart dude. Take care of Nyx, love her endlessly, i wont say that love her the way i do, for i know you also love her like i do. So please take care of her like how you took care of her when i was not there for her. I know you're a good man, and i know my heart was in a good place. So i guess its a goodbye then. Take care"

"Erebus dude, if i would be given a chance to meet you again in our next life, i would make sure to be the one who would do the sacrifice"

Maybe that time, i wont be having a chronic heart failure anymore and you wont suffer from Traumatic Brain Injury.. i guess it's a goodbye for now man. Until our next maybe..

___

Erebus POV

I was happy now that there is someone who can take care of you Nyx, someone who can love you the way i do. In our next lives i'd still want to be your friend, your one and only boy bestfriend. If only the circumstances are different, we could possibly have our very own wonderful happy ever after. But fate was not on our side. So i guess its a goodbye then. See you again in our next lives. Maybe that time we can have our own happy ending. Maybe we can be in each others arms.

Nyx.. I LOVE YOU.. Until our next MAYBE..