Takip Silip

xvi. Pumapanglabing-anim

Everything feels different. The comforter smells different. The softness of the pillow is different. The temperature. The noise. Everything. Bakit siya nandito? tama bang nandito siya? She's having a rough time distinguishing if its peaceful or chaotic. Right now, she cannot grasp her reality. Ayaw niya mag-isip. Dinistract niya ang sarili niya sa lambot ng kama. Naging hobby niya na siguro ang tumulala.

Eliza got her a bowl of soup in the bed early in the morning. She sip on it pero imbis na guminhawa ang pakiramdam pakiramdam niya masusuka siya.

"Masama ba pakiramdam mo? I can do everything for you. Do you need something?" Elisa comforted and being needy and clingy. Oh, god. She cringed. She stared at her clothes, big shirt, boxers, without her glasses on, and marks. Lots of it, probably from her own hand. She doesn’t know where she got the energy to do those. She looks so innocent. She could hardly raise a hand. Her voice is so soft and soothing for her.

Chaos or Peace?

Hindi nakakabasag pinggan ang boses ni Elisa. Malambing at mahinhin. Something she need when everything is messy. However, is it enough? Can’t she mix chaos and peace together? Can I say I want it together?

She can’t stay in chaos for too long and for her, being with Elli is engaging in a war. She'll be weak. Broken. But peace is peaceful. Plain. Boring. Ayun ang nakikita niya kapag nakikita si Elisa or anyone. Let's be honest, Aurora. Why are you thinking too much? Saan ba siya naguguluhan? Do Elli affect her enough to overthink these things? She's resisting! Hindi niya alam! Kung bakit! Wala pang isang linggo siyang nag-s-stay kay Elli yet it enough to confuse her. Staying with Elli makes her feel vulnerable lalo na't wala siyang matatakbuhan ngayon. She hates it. She hates the feeling of being dependent to someone. At... 'yung pakiramdam na komportable siya kasama siya. Masaya siya. At peace?

Those thoughts are the reason why she is in this bed. She's running away from that person and now she's here with someone she just met two times. Why? Wala kasing mawawala. She's not even her type. Elisa looks head over heels sa kanya. Her paintings in her own condo? Grabe. She can't even put her own painting in her own room.

"I want you to watch this! Magugustuhan mo 'to, promise." They watched movies na si Elisa lahat namili. Indie films, some are spanish movies na aminado naman siya na maganda and unique storyline. Some are illustrated movies na hindi common. Lahat art-related movies. Lahat nakaka-inspire. Something... maybe, Elli would like. They would like to watch together. She can imagine how can Elli be frustrated or be amazed sa flow ng movies. The colors, details, and cinematography. Elli is a fan of films, mostly, underrated one. After all, she's a writer.

Staying with Elli with days halos makabisado na ni Aurora ang buong kwento ng buhay niya. Detalyado kasi magkwento. Alalang-ala niya kahit maliliit na bagay. Ang funny nga kasi kahit color ng place, itsura, the song she's listening to, and she details it so Aurora can visualize it. Elli overtell that make Aurora remember everything. She can draw every scene of Elli's life. Elli is a great story teller.

"Nakaka-touch," Elisa cries habang dumudukot sa tissue box para punasan ang iyak niya. Aurora is unaware. Tapos na ba ang movie? Bakit nakakaiyak? Tumango na lang siya at pat Elisa's back. Comforting her. Elisa took advantage. Sumandal sa dibdib niya at sumiksik sa leeg niya. Kinilabutan si Aurora dahil sa hininga nito sa balat niya, "Uuwi ka ba?" Elisa softly whispers that made her shiver.

May uuwian ba ako? ang tanong sa utak niya. Babalik ba siya? Can she stay in Mia's apartment or stay here for days. Mukhang dalawa na ang tinatakbuhan ni Aurora. Si Kuya Ulysses niya at si Elli kahit wala namang ginagawang mali 'yung tao.

"Kung gusto mo," ang tanging sagot niya. Ramdam niya ang pag-ngisi ng labi ni Elisa.

"S'yempre, ayoko."

She ended up staying at Elisa's apartment. She convinced herself that she doesn't have any responsibility, she doesn't have anyone waiting for her, and her phone doesn't have missed calls. Nothing exists.

Just. Nothing.

She's just there. Busy throwing away her life.