Chasing My Runaway Melody

“MAGANDANG GABI PHILIPPINE ARENA! We are, the BLACKOUT BOYS!” The crowd is screaming. Chanting. Lights flashing. Music blasting. And in the middle of it all… him. Standing on the stage like he was born for it, holding the mic like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. “Lights! Let’s make some noise!” sigaw ng main vocalist nilang si Stryker. Lalong naghiyawan ang mga tao habang hawak ang malalaking banner nila na may mukha at pangalan ng mga miyembro nang isigaw nito ang pangalan ng fandom. ‘This is it…’ wika ko sa isip ko. Ito na yung moment na pinangarap niya… pinangarap namin. I stood at the far end of the venue. I took out my phone and plan to take videos of them… pictures of him. She’s standing, hidden in the shadows while her other hand is clutching something inside her bag. I should be happy. I’am. God, I’am so proud of him. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit yung sayang nararamdaman ko may kaakibat na lungkot? Sa bawat sigaw ng crowd, kirot sa dibdib ko ang kapalit. “This song… is for someone who believed in me when I didn’t believe myself…” lalong naghiyawan ang mga tao. I know this song. I heard him hum this while we’re sleeping side by side every night. He never sang this to me. He said it’s still a secret and he said he’ll sing it to me one day. The hum has now become a song. An anthem… for me. “This one’s for you.” My lips parted, but no sound came out. And for a second, I want to run to him. Tell him everything. Gusto kong magsumbong. But… ‘This one’s for you too Stryker. I can’t let you choose…’ And with that she started walking backwards while he start to sing. His eyes scanning the crowd. When he spots her he smiled. Free. Unburdened. His dream is now becoming his reality. He’s finally becoming the person he is meant to be. Then I understood. ‘I’m not a part of this world.’ Tears start to blurr my vision, but I smiled anyway. “Ang galing mo… you made it,” I whispered, my voice breaking. Maingay ang paligid ngunit parang kaming dalawa lamang ang naiwan sa mundo. Mabagal ang pagsayaw niya habang nakangiting kumakanta at nakatingin sa akin. Nakangiti ako ngunit patuloy sa pagdaloy ang luha ko. Itinatanim ko sa isip ko ang mga ngiti niya ng tagumpay. Gusto kong ipakita sa kaniyang narito lamang ako hanggang dulo, palaging nakasuporta sa lahat ng pangarap niya. I started walking back… One step… Then another… Until the music sounds distant. Until his voice faded behind me. I didn’t look back. I can’t. Because if I do, I might walk back. I might stay. I might ruin his dreams. And I can’t do that to him. I walked slowly, then faster. I have no time left. I had to leave, for him to survive. If saving him means walking away… she’ll gladly run. Even if it broke her. I walked away without a word. But the truth I left behind was louder than any goodbye…