What Went Wrong

Ikalabing tatlo (The Past)

I woke up late the next day. I must have been thinking too much of Matt last night. I was on my way to the elevator when someone messaged me. It's Matt.

"Hi, I was hoping to give you a ride. Nasa condo ka pa?"

"Yeah, on my way down," I replied.

"Great! I'll see you downstairs," mabilis na reply nya.

I felt nervous yet excited at the same time. Am I too excited to see him now? Gosh! Calm down, Toni!

I saw him waiting in the lobby while talking to the staff there. He's really friendly. Though nung una kaming nagkita, we had a bad impression of each other. I called him and he smiles right away.

"Good morning," he greeted.

"G-good morning." Did I just stutter? The heck!

"Let's go?" Tanong nya sa'kin bago nagpaalam sa staff na kausap nya. Ngumiti yung staff as if mataga na silang magkakilala. Weird.

"Kumain ka na?" He asks while driving.

"Sa office na siguro. May bakeshop naman sa baba ng building," sagot ko.

He grabbed something from the backseat and gave it to me.

"I figured you didn't have breakfast yet, so I bought that," sabi nya pagkaabot nya French Baker paper bag.

I smiled. So thoughtful!

"Thanks!" Sagot ko. "Can I eat this here?"

"Sure."

I was already eating when I took a side glance at him. Is he really this gorgeous? Back in Biri, he looked fine but in a rugged way. Now he looks-

"Uhm, may dumi ba ako sa mukha?" he asks. Shems! Nakita nya yatang nakatitig ako sa kanya.

"Huh?" Ah wala wala!"

"So, nagagwapuhan ka sa'kin?" There he goes again.

I gave him a side-eye and he laughed. The sound of his laughter...dang! I must be out of my mind.

"Thanks for the ride," sabi ko pagbaba ko ng sasakyan nya.

"I'll see you later," nakangiting sabi nya.

"Later?"

"Susunduin kita."

And just like that, gusto ko na lang mag-uwian na agad.

Agad akong hinila ni Yen pagkakita nya sa'kin. She's all smiles.

"What?" natatawang tanong ko.

"Spill the tea! Ano, kayo na ba?" diretsahan nyang tanong.

Umiling ako. "No."

"What? Pakipot ka pa?"

"Loka! Alam mo naman history ko diba? I just wanna take things slower," sagot ko.

"Slower ka dyan! Mamaya nyan maagaw pa sya sa'yo. I think he's a good catch. He's handsome, he seems nice..." she starts talking while having this dreamy look on her face. "...he looks rich too and- wait! Di pa ako tapos magsalita!"

Natatawa akong lumingon sa kanya. "See you later!" I mouthed.

I agree with what she said though. Matt is a good person.

I'm already working on my computer when Liam went inside my office.

"Busy?" tanong nya pag-upo sa couch.

Duh! Obviously kasi nagtatatrabaho ako. I almost rolled my eyes at him and forget he's my superior.

"Do you need anything, Mr. Ford?" tanong nya.

"Are you free tonight?" he asks. I know where this would lead.

"I'm not. I need to go home early," sagot ko. I don't know if this person is dense o sadyang matigas lang ang mukha.

I saw him smirk. "I wonder when I'll ever get a chance to have dinner with you alone."

Not gonna happen!

"I don't think it's ever appropriate," kalmadong sabi ko.

"Is it still because of-"

"No, and please don't talk about it again," I said firmly. He looks at me as if he understands what I mean.

Tumango sya saka tumayo.

"But you know me, Toni. I don't give up easily," sabi nya bago sya tuluyang lumabas.

Dang! Why did he have to bring that up? I almost forgot about it.

"You okay, Toni?" si Yen na nakatitig sa'kin.

"Y-yeah," sagot ko saka nagpatuloy na sa pagkain.

I was okay until Liam reminded me of-

"June 15 pala ngayon noh?" I look at her. "I'm sorry," sabi nya maya-maya.

I sighed. "It's okay. I actually didn't realize it."

I guess I almost forgot about everything.

"Should we go together later?" tanong nya.

"Can we go earlier? Susunduin ulit kasi ako ni Matt," sabi ko.

She gives me a genuine smile.

"I'm happy that you look really happy now, Toni. I think it's high time that you move on. Everything that happened wasn't your fault, alam mo yan. Why don't you give love another chance?" she says.

I look at her and smile.

I really want to do that too, but I'm still scared.

We got to the columbarium earlier as planned. I noticed some flowers in front of his niche. Dinalaw na siguro sya ng family nya.

I also put the flowers we brought before I look at his portrait. He's smiling on it.

I felt Yen's gentle tap on my shoulder.

"I'm okay," I said while forcing a smile.

We stayed for a couple more minutes before we head back to me the company. Umalis din agad si Yen after I told that I'm really okay.

But I know it's a lie.

I saw Matt's car parking in front of our building at agad akong lumapit dun. I forced myself to smile again.

"Hi, was I late?" tanong nya.

Umiling ako. "I just got off work early," sagot ko.

"Are you okay?"

"Hm? Uh yeah!" I answered as I get into his car.

Kumunot noo nya as if he's not buying what I just said, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Shall we grab dinner first?"

I nod.

I look outside the window in the middle of the traffic and saw that we're in front of the restaurant where I used to frequent. I decided to just use my phone instead. That place brings me nightmare...

"Are you sure you're okay?" tanong ni Matt maya-maya. "Kanina ka pa tahimik."

I didn't answer.

"You know you can tell me anything, Toni."

I look at him. He gives me an assuring smile.

Can I really tell him everything?

"Can we go somewhere instead?" sabi ko sa kanya.

Tumango sya na parang naintindihan ang gusto kong sabihin.

He stopped in front of a park. It's already nighttime pero marami pa ring tao dun. We didn't go out of the car.

"Whatever that is, let it all out. Makikinig lang ako," he says.

I take a deep breathe and figure where I should start.

"Three years ago I was in a relationship. Everything was okay. We were really happy. Until I discovered he was cheating on me..."

All the memories of that night suddenly comes back so vividly.

Nag-aayos na ako ng gamit pauwi nang lumapit si Yen.

"Magkikita kayo ni Dave ngayon noh?" she asks, all smiles.

Ngumiti ako saka tumango.

"Second anniversary namin," I told her, smiling.

"Edi ikaw na in love!" kunwari naiinis na sabi nya pero binati rin ako maya-maya.

Dave used to work here too. Yen, him, and I are actually good friends. Pero dahil ayoko ng office romance, he decided to quit his job and start his own business.

His business is booming. We are even talking of getting married. I love him so much. The thought of waking up next to him and ending the day with him always bring smiles on my face.

I went right away to the restaurant where we decided to meet. Nasa labas pa lang ako, nakita ko na sya na naghihintay...with a girl in front of her.

I don't recognize her. I walk in.

"...then I heard the girl saying that she's pregnant, but he wanted her to abort the baby..."

"You know it was just a one-night stand. I have a girlfriend and I lo-" the girl slapped her. That's when he saw me.

"T- Toni?"

I feel so betrayed. I walked away.

"Toni, wait! Let me explain..." I walked out of the restaurant.

"Toni, please listen to me..." he shouted.

Alam kong pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga tao, but the hell I care!

Dave knows how much I disgust cheaters, but he still cheated on me.

I kept walking when I don't hear Dave's voice anymore. Then, I heard a clamor. I look around and saw people gathering and looking at something.

"Tumawag kayo ng ambulansya!" I heard one man say.

I look at what they're looking at.

Dave...

"...It was my fault, Matt! He died because of me." I started crying.

"Toni..."

"If I only let him explain... If I only listened, it wouldn't happen to him. He died because of me, Matt."

Matt pulls me to embrace as I sob. I know he's trying to comfort me.

"It's not your fault, Toni. It was an accident," he says.

Lumayo ako sa kanya.

"No! I did it to him."

"Some things happen beyond our control, Toni. You can't keep blaming yourself for something you didn't do. And I'm sure he wouldn't want to see you blaming yourself. He knows it's not your fault."

Di ako nagsalita.

"I know he wants you to move forward and be happy. So, stop blaming yourself, okay?" dagdag nya as he wipes my tears.

I look at him. I don't know what to say.

"Thank you for being honest with me. I didn't know you were carrying all that. I think I know now why you're so afraid to take a chance on me," he said after. He smiles weakly.

"I'm sorry Matt. I have so many issues in life. I don't think I deserve you. You're too good for me."

"Who can say who's good for whom? I have my own issues too. All people do, Toni. I remember what you told me that night in Biri. I was doubting myself, but you made me feel that I'm not a failure - that I'm not incompetent. And here I am, proving the world and myself that I deserve a second chance. It's all because of you, Toni."

He looks at me intently.

"I want to do the same for you. I want to be there until you become totally okay. I will wait, Toni. I'll wait until you're ready to trust again. I want to be the reason you would believe in love again."

Matt...

I cupped his face as I smile. "You are doing it already, Matt. You make me want to believe in love again."