Undeniably Positive

CHAPTER 14

Corbyn's POV

Feels strange. Ngayon ang uwi ko. Walang maingay na kasama. Walang kilalang flight attendant. Walang makulit. Nasa may window seat ako habang nakadungaw sa bintana. Ang lamig ng aircon. It's a Saturday afternoon. Malapit na akong mag-landing.

Halos one week akong nag-stay doon. Naiwan si Bingo dahil may kailangan pang asikasuhin. Chinat ko nga. Miss you. Gagawa lang ako gulo. Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. Ano ba nangyayari sa'kin? Bakit parang sinasapian ako ng kakulitan. Kakasama sa'kin ni Bingo 'to. Unsent ko nga.

Nagulat ako nang tawagan ako. "Nabasa ko 'yun. Nakikita ko chat history. 'Wag ako hamunin mo sa gan'yan." Partida nasa meeting pa 'to. "Edi wow." Sagot ko sabay binabaan. Natawa naman ako. Hindi n'ya ako tinigilan sa pagtawag. Sa pang-sampo ay sinagot ko na. Buti na lang at naka-vibrate lang cellphone ko. Wala akong napeperwisyo sa kakulitan ni Bingo.

"Yeah?" I answered as if nothing happened. "After you text me?! You're just gonna dissapear?!" Tinig nito. "Aren't you attending a meeting?" Alala ko. "Oo. Pero inuna kita!" Natawa ako lalo. Halos sinukin na ako rito. "Okay, chill. Just a passing thought." Sabi ko. Totoo naman. Hindi ko parin talaga malaman ano sumanib sa'kin para gawin 'yun.

Naramdaman kong suminghal ito. "Grabe. Ano ako lamok? Just passing by? Hindi mo ako mahal." Dapat talaga hindi ko na ginawa 'yun. Napasapo ako. "Best friend kita." Nanuyo na ako ng bata. "Sabihin mo mahal mo ako." Napatingin ako sa paligid habang nagi-ipon ng hininga. I realized just now, that he's the reason why my hair has this white strands.

Stress ko s'ya.

"Daig mo pa mag-jowa sa pagiging demanding." Nangingilabot ako sa pag-isip pa lang ng pananalita ko ng "I love you". Napangiwi ako. "Okay. Gan'yan ka naman. Pag may kailangan lang. Pumasok lang si Nana at 'yang anak mo sa buhay mo. Wala na. Tapon na ako." Napakunot ako.

"Nandamay ka pa talaga." Um-oo naman s'ya. "Sige na." Napakagat ako ng mariin. "Nasaan na?" Naghihintay- hindi. Nagmamadali ang kupal. "Love you." Halos mai-suka ko lahat ng kinain ko mula kaninang breakfast at lunch. s**t!

Narinig ko tawa n'ya. "Haha! Ayaw ako pakawalan! Baka one and only friend 'to! Tama 'yan! Masyado mo na ako kinakalimutan. Ingat sa biyahe, ciaó!" Lokong 'yun! Nantrip lang talaga. Wala na talagang sineryoso sa buhay 'yun. Sakto pa-landing na kami. Inayos ko na gamit ko at nag-seatbelt.

Halos forty minutes pala 'yung kulitan naming 'yun. How time flies when you're doing something fun.

As usual, pumunta ako sa malapit na café and ordered hot choco. Nagpa-double whipped cream ako. I felt I deserved at least that. I finished tons of workload. Wala na akong gagawin for the whole weekend.

While looking around I watched people talk and enjoy their meals. Mi-isang beses ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng ganitong kakulangan. These past days really did something to me. Kaagad na lang ako umuwi. Baka antok lang ako. I drove home. No'ng pagkarating ko ay ginanahan naman ako mag-ligpit ng dala kong gamit.

Nilinis ko rin ang unit ko. Nag-ayos ng ref. Nag-organize ng kwarto. Nagawa ko pa nga magluto. It's five in the afternoon. Dumating ako ng two. Ang bagal ng oras pero andami ko nang nagawa. Nag-try ako manood ng movie. Hindi talaga ako nakukuntento. It's almost seven.

Napakamot ako sa batok ko. Tumingala ako at pumikit. Trying to sleep on my couch. Pagbukas ko ng mata ko. I felt irritated. "Ano ba, Corbyn?" Hindi ko mawari ano bang kabaliwan ito. Sanay ako mag-isa. I'm fine with the silence. Napapikit ako ng mariin. Napatingin agad ako sa cellphone ko. Biglang may nag-text. Si Nana.

Tinawagan ko na lang. "Hey." Bungad ko. Hindi ko in-expect na sasagot s'ya agad. "You got home?" Tanong n'ya. Tumango ako kahit 'di n'ya makikita. "Yup." I answered. She hummed. Nabalutan kami ng katahimikan. Pero masaya ako roon.

I had a thought.

"Wanna eat?" Aya ko. Isa na namang bagay na hindi ko alam pano ko naisip. Today is just. Confusing, weird, and unexpected. Pero I liked every bit except the cleaning. Kapagod. It took her a while to answer. "Okay. Saan ba?" She asked.

Wala ako maisip. "Kahit saan." Natawa s'ya. "Linyahan ko 'yan." Natawa ako. Oo nga 'no. "Let's take a night stroll and see what's along the way?" Suggestion ko. "Okay. Saan meet?" Tumayo ako. Buti nakapalit na ako. "Oustide your apartment." Lumabas na ako ng unit ko.

"Eh. Malayo sa'yo." Umiling ako. "Just a few blocks. Kaya ko 'to." I let out a soft chuckle. "Bahala ka." Naramdaman kong umirap s'ya. In-end ko na 'yung call. Madali akong pumunta ro'n. Hindi na ako nagdala ng sasakyan. Night stroll nga eh. I think I've been walking for twenty minutes or something? Mas mabilis pa maglakad kaysa sa kotse. Traffic things.

Nakarating na ako sa harap ng apartment n'ya. Kitang-kita ko kaagad ang black shiny hair n'ya. I love how it shines when the city lights reach it. Kumaway ako sa kanya. She's just wearing an oversized shirt, some leggings, and a pair of sneakers. Gabi na tapos ganito pa suot.

Lumapit na ako sa kanya at isinuot sa kanya ang jacket ko. Baka nilalamig na ito. "Oh? Hindi na." Pilit n'ya akong pinipigilan pero nasuot ko rin naman sa kanya. "It's cold." Dahilan ko. Pumwesto ako sa tabi n'ya para sabay kaming maglakad. I like walking with her. Kahit minsan ang bagal n'ya. I feel good when I'm walking side by side with someone.

We let our feet take us to wherever. "Cheesy chucks?" Sabay naming tanong. Natawa kami sa isa't isa. Nag-take out kami. Napag-usapan naming kumain habang naglalakad. "Hm! Alam mo?" She brought up a conversation.

"Hm?" Pag-kagat ko sa burger ko. "What about we do a little game?" Tumango ako. "Ano?" Tanong ko. Nagulat ako ng punasan n'ya gilid ng labi ko. "Ang dungis." Sininghalan n'ya pa ako.

I can't breathe.

"Ang dami mong alam sa'kin." Sabi n'ya matapos harapin ako. Napatingin ako sa kanya pababa. Ngayon ko lang napansin height difference namin no'ng lumapit s'ya. Ngayon ko lang 'din napansin we never really got this close. Parating may distansya samin.

"May dumi rin ba ako?" Tanong n'ya dahilan para punasan n'ya labi n'ya. Namumula na ito sa ketchup. Nakatitig pala ako. "Yeah. You got some right here. Wala na." Iniba ko na lang. "Okay. Back sa game!" She sounds excited.

I nodded. "Salitan ng tanong. Ang maka-sagot kakagat ng pagkain nila. Pag-hindi. Need inumin 'to." Pinakita n'ya ang mini bottles of alcohol n'ya. "Saan mo nakuha 'yan?" Halos maibuga ko pagkain ko sa bibig sa tawa. Ang random naman no'ng paglabas n'ya sa bulsa. "Sa boss ko. Dami raw n'ya sa bahay na-double buy daw s'ya. Ano raw magagawa n'ya sa one hundred pieces." Kwento n'ya.

"How many did he gave you?" Hirap na akong lumunok. "Fifty hehe."

"Ilan dala mo?" Tanong ko. "Fifty. Two bottles pag hindi nakasagot." Branded pa mga dala n'ya. Ang lakas ng mga tama no'ng iba. Napasapo ako. "Are you trapping me?" I chuckled. Napanguso s'ya.

"Sige, ano ba question mo? You first." I insisted. Kala mo may stars sa mata n'ya. "Kahit super deep?" She asked for consent. Tumango na lang ako. Ang unfair nga naman na alam ko ang past n'ya. Ako wala s'yang alam.

Napaisip muna s'ya habang naglalakad kami. "Why do you get defensive when it's like leaving someone or about having a perfect complete life? I'll let this slide sa drinks if ayaw mo talaga." She smiled. Napalunok ako. I collected my thoughts.

Lalo na ang composure ko.

"Hindi talaga ako mayaman. I just worked my way up. I've been friends with Bingo since elem? I think. Sa public s'ya pinasok. Very essential s'ya sa storya ng buhay ko." Panimula ko. Natawa pa nga ako onti. "I grew up simple. Working bits of sideline jobs because I don't have allowance. Both parents ko ay sa sales lang." I stopped for a moment.

Breathe in, Corbyn. Breathe.

"Before highschool graduation. My dad passed away. It felt like torture. He was my hero. We were such a perfect family." We walked. She listened so much, her eyes felt connected with mine. "After graduation my mom followed him to heaven. That felt like I was losing my mind." I sighed in disbelief.

"Hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam bakit nangyari. Pano nangyari. Bakit ako?" I continued.

"I don't have much of a family. Both grandparents on both sides, died when I was a kid. No aunts and uncles. Ninangs and ninongs weren't really present. So I lived alone until first year college. I was adopted by Bingo's family but I wasn't really there. They weren't entirely there too. So it was me and him against the world." I finished. I breath finally left out of my chest. Parang gumaan na rin 'yung matagal na bigat sa puso ko.

Nagulat ako nang yakapin ako ni Nana. "Hey." I laughed. "Sorry for those insensitive words." Halos ikaskas na n'ya mukha n'ya sa damit ko. "It's okay. But you getting your crumbs on my shirt is not." Sinamaan n'ya ako ng tingin. Natawa lang ako.

"So kaya marunong ka maglinis, magluto, mag-shopping, at iba pa?" Parang nagbibigay s'ya ng examples. Natatawa akong tumango. "Yup." Tipid kong sagot. "Pano college mo? Tuition? Job applications mo?" Dagdag n'ya.

"That's not the game rules but I'll answer." Pinitik ko noo n'ya. Natawa s'ya. She looked at me earlier with empathy. I liked how she didn't feel pity. Para bang dinamayan n'ya ako rather than maawa. "Tuition, all free. Got a scholarship. Job? All me. Bingo's parents were hands full. They couldn't even take care of Bingo that much. But their great. Though they aren't my real family, they make me feel at home when I'm with them." I smiled.

"Kahit loko-loko. That's why he's your best friend." I bit my lip. "One and only cause he's the only one that's been with me from the start." Napatitig ako sa kanya. "Your turn, Miss." I crossed my arms. Napanguso s'ya. "Shoot." Sabi n'ya.

Binasa ko labi ko. "What's your backstory? Like mine, don't bother answering if you don't want." I made sure to listen to the whole story, if ever.

"Gaya mo, hindi kami mayaman. But we were rich with love, ehem. Used to. Just like yours. I was eight, my father left us from some other woman. Left me on the streets begging when it was raining and cold outside. Left my mom begging when she had just got home from work. My brother, four years old at that time, was confused. Two years later, my mom was diagnosed with Arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy or ARVC, a genetic disease affecting the heart muscle, mainly in the right ventricle. In this disease, fatty fibrous tissue replaces normal heart muscle. That interrupts normal electrical signals in the heart and may cause irregular and potentially life-threatening heart rhythms." Napatigil s'ya.

I could see her eyes turning into glass like. "I started working when I was ten. To help pay bills, medication, school and house needs, and other things to pay. A lot of our family pitched in. But it wasn't enough. So I worked at night when I became eighteen. Those jobs, helped me throughout college. We studied in a public school, while in college, just like you. Scholarship." She sipped a bit of her coffee.

"I didn't take my licensure exam in engineering after graduation. My mom was diagnosed again, her risks doubled. So was her medication. So I had to find jobs that can cover the costs immediately. Four years later, got fired and knocked up." She ended. I didn't know. Hindi kaagad ako nakasalita.

"I'm not saying being pregnant is a bad decision or happening of mine. I actually like it. Feels like you're not alone all the time. Yeah, you have friends. But, the whole day. At the end of it. You're just lying in your bed staring at the ceiling. Lonely. But then again, I still needed to plan this out you know?" She chuckled and I nodded.

"Well, I'm glad we intertwined paths." I said. "I'm glad too." She told me. "Guess both questions were answered." She nodded. "Indeed."