Show Not Tell

PAGE TWELVE

N A N A

Napatitig ako sa order kong nasa counter na. They are ready to be packed. They. Are. Ready. Bigla akong kinabahan ng husto.

The feeling is similar to when I had my class recitation unprepared during my 5th grade. I felt my hands and sweat cold.

“Would you like to pay in-cash na lang po, ma’am?”

It was a simple question pero hindi ko siya masagot. I got mental blocked. Gosh. Nakakahiya. I really have to think fast dahil may mga tao pa sa likod ko.

I was thinking of canceling the order na lang. 100 pesos lang kasi ang cash ko sa wallet. Paano ko mababayaran ang tag-iisang bag ng gatas at kape, at ang order kong flat white coffee sa 100 pesos ko?

Nanginginig kong tinulak ang mga ito. There’s no other choice.

“I think I hav—”

“I will also pay for hers. How much is it?”

Sa pagkakataon na ito ay tila ba may narinig akong pagpitik sa sintido ko. As if the pressure just loosened its grip on its own, and the voice of my savior just emerged out of thin air.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Gumaan bigla ang dibdib ko.

Kaso paglingon ko sa lalaking nasa kabilang pila ay halos matumba ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

“J-Jacks… Why—Why are you here?”

“I ran out of coffee,” he nonchalantly replied as he lifted the cup of coffee he bought.

Hindi ko siya agad napansin dahil sa itim niyang hood, at kumpara sa bahay ay mas malakas ang boses niya. He sounded so confident when he spoke so I did not recognize his voice.

“Can you make it tonight?” Jacks asked while I was in the middle of my thoughts.

“Uh, sure.”

May idadagdag pa sana ako kaso inabot na sa akin ng babae ang paper bag na pinaglagyan ng pinamili ko at ang kape ko.

“T-Thank you.”

Paglingon ko sa kabilang linya para sana muling magpasalamat ay wala na si Jacks. Nagmadali akong lumabas ng coffee shop para sana habulin siya. Pero paliko na siya sa kabilang kanto nang nasundan ko sa labas. It can’t be helped. Ang weird naman kung hahabulin ko pa siya just to say thank you. I bet it would be awkward for me after saying that.

I can give him my gratitude pagdating ko sa bahay niya mamaya… Oh, gosh! Oo nga pala! Sumang-ayon ako sa kanya kanina.

To be honest, I am not so sure if I can make it tonight. I was about to cancel today’s meeting because I am too nervous. Tapos isa pa itong card ko. It declined! Nakakahiya.

Bumalik na ako sa kotse at agad na tinawagan si Mom. Hindi na ako makapaghintay pa na dumating sa bahay. Hindi ako mapakali. I forgot that Mom still knows my account details. In fact, kasama ko siya noong inasikaso namin ito. I was just a minor when I got my first credit card and debit card. At hanggang ngayon gamit ko pa rin ang parehong accounts. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay mas secure ang mga iyon. Although I have a new bank account na binuksan ko four years ago, pero it was just the back up. The old ones are the main accounts I am using.

Ah. Right. Dapat pala ginamit ko kanina itong bago kong account para magbayad. Masyado akong nagulat at hindi na nakapag-isip pa ng matino. Nagmistulang akong bato sa harap ng counter kanina.

“Hello, Mom?” mabilis kong mutawi nang sinagot ng nanay ko ang tawag.

“Oh, hello there, honey.”

This tone. She sounds so pleased. Mukhang tama nga ako ng hinala.

“Mom… What did you do to my accounts?”

Hindi na ako nagpaligoy-ligoy pa at agad ko nang binagsak ang katanungan ko.

“Looks like you found out about it. I told you I’ll do anything. You’re not getting any unless you start dating… or engaged.”

Ah. Seriously?

“Talaga ba, Mom? You’re willing to take what’s mine just to get what you want?”

What is she, a child?

“Oh, Nana my dear. Alam mo naman siguro na para ito sa iyo, ‘di ba?”

“I can’t see kung saan banda rito ang para sa akin, Mom.” I sighed. “Fine, you can suspend that accounts whenever you want. I just want you to know that it won’t bother me a bit. I am an adult. Kagaya po ng matagal ko nang sinasabi – kaya ko po ang sarili ko."

I dropped the call, along with it was my face. Minudmod ko ang mukha ko sa manibela sa sobrang stress. She really did it!

Sa isang iglap ay bigla kong naalala ang lahat ng bayarin ko. I have all my monthly payments automatically deducted on my accounts. Pero dahil sarado na ito ngayon I will have to personally pay my bills.

OH. GOSH! How can I live in a house without electricity and water?

Napa-check tuloy ako ng wala sa oras kung sapat ba para sa buwan na ito ang pera ko sa naiwan kong account.

“So, I can pay for my electricity and water this month pero… kakapusin ako next month. I still have to pay for my other expenses.”

Hindi na muna siguro ako gagamit ng aircon? But the house is designed for that type of fancy ventilation! Ang gagara rin ng mga ilaw sa bahay. At mukhang hindi na muna ako makakagamit ng bathtub hanggang hindi pa stable ang kita ko.

Ugh. Maski ang kita ko sa mga assets ko sa kumpanya ay nandoon din sa account na iyon. I should have transferred it a long time ago.

Akala ko ay dito na magtatapos ang nakagigimbal na realization. Pero nagkakamali ako, meron pa palang mas ilalala. Naalala ko na sa lumang account ko rin pala pumapasok ang sahod ko sa eskwelahan.

“Oh. Sh*t.”

Ano na ang gagawin ko ngayon? I will have to reprocess my salary’s bank transaction at mag-budget ng gastusin para sa buwan na ito.

Matagal ko nang tinitipid ang sarili ko pero baka hindi ko na kayanin ang sobrang pagtitipid.

I was in the middle of pulling myself together when a text suddenly popped on my phone's screen.

“If you have nowhere to go. Please remember that our house is always open for your return.

Love, Mom.”

Ugh. She's mocking me. Alam ko na alam ni Mom that this could provoke me kaya hindi ako magpapadala.

“Ha! Okay, Nana. Relax. You're not totally broke.” Sh*t. Never in my entire life have I imagined that I would run out of money.

Masyado na atang naging kumportable ang buhay ko. I guess I was so free that now my karma has come.

“Whatever. Dito lang ako.”

Pinaandar ko na ang kotse ko at umuwi na ng bahay.

Akala ko ay magkakaroon ako ng peace of mind sa pag-uwi ko. Ngunit may napansin akong nakadikit na short bond paper sa pinto ng bahay ko.

SOLD OUT

“S-Sold out? Anong sold out? Bakit sold out?”

I ripped off the paper.

Who put it here? Hindi for sale ang bahay ko. I look around at baka may nampa-prank. Pero ang tahimik pa rin ng paligid.

I took a photo of the crumpled paper before getting inside the house. Sinend ko kay Mom ang picture asking if this is her doing. At wala pang sampung minuto ay nag-reply na siya agad.

“The buyer will visit the place today. Please entertain them.”

What the f*ck.

I can't. I can't be with my mother.

Hindi nga siya nagbibiro dahil sunod na tumunog ang doorbell.

“The place is not for sale!” Sigaw ko sa kung sinuman na nasa labas.

I was so angry that I failed to notice who was beyond the gate.

“Uhm, electric bill niyo po, ma'am,” naiilang na sabi sa akin ng kartero.

“T-Thanks… Paki-ipit na lang po sa gate. Thanks… again.”

Goodness. Kasalanan to ng nanay ko.

Okay. Let's think about it while preparing the things I need for my meeting with Jacks.

… That's I wanted to do. Pero ang bigat at ang laking shock lang sa akin ng ginawa ni Mom. It's impossible to work when you're thinking about the expenses!

“Ganito pala ang pakiramdam kapag nagtatrabaho ka para sa pera.”

I know it will sound too arrogant of me. But this is really my first time feeling anxious about money. Bumukod man ako ng bahay pero may parte pa rin naman ako sa profit ng mga negosyo ng pamilya ko. May mga commercial buildings na under sa pangalan ko. I always have the extra money. Extra, extra money.

Since I am working in a private school, hindi malaki ang sinasahod ko, at hindi naman monthly ang sahod ng isang writer. Now that I think about it, my efforts of proving Dad wrong has always been futile since I am still under their wings, indirectly.

Ngayon hindi na lang gulat ang nararamdaman ko, nakakaramdam din ako ng awa sa sarili ko. Awa at kahihiyan. Gosh. I guess I am still too naive.

“Let's just… calm down.” Huminga ako ng malalim.

Inhale. Exhale. Inayos ko ang sarili ko sa harap ng salamin saka kinuha ang bag ko.

I have to go to Jacks’ place for work. Walang space ang awkwardness kailangan ko ng pera. Kapag nagawa namin ang first season ng webtoon ng maayos, sigurado akong babayaran kami ng pub house.

Sumagi ang mata ko sa bag na hawak ko. This is a limited edition design from a famous internationally known brand. Pumapalo sa kalahating milyon ang presyo nito. I have at least five luxury bags…

“No.” Umiling ako sa harap ng salamin. Ibebenta ko lang ang mga ito kung walang-wala na talaga ako.

These are too precious. I even promised myself na ipapamana ko ito sa magiging anak ko.

Palabas na ako ng bahay ko nang may nag-doorbell na naman.

Huwag sana nilang sabihin na may bagong bill na naman na dumating. Sa pagkakaalam ko sa susunod na buwan pa darating ang bill ng tubig.

Gosh. I can't believe I'm worrying about this. I am usually so nonchalant about my bill payments.

Independent my ass.

“Teka lang po,” I politely shouted from the inside as I opened the door.

Pero pagbukas ko ng pinto ay may lalaking naka-business suit na naghihintay sa akin. May magara rin siyang sasakyan. Unang tingin pa lang ay yamanin na agad ang awra niya.

Malabo ata na nasa kanya ang bill ng tubig ko.

“Uhm, who do I owe this vis—”

“Are you the agent?”

“A-Age— I’m sorry. Pardon?”

“I bought the house yesterday. So, I came to visit and check the place. I tried to get a hold of the owner but it looks like she sent you here instead.”

I— I can't. I just really can't tell what's going on with my mother’s mind. Hindi ba siya nag-iisip? Hindi ba siya naawa sa akin na anak niya?

“I'm sorry but I am not the agent. Uhm, if you may, please check the place another time.” Besides, this place is not for sale.

“What's wrong today?”

“Today…. Today's much of a… shock,” I sighed. “I'll get a hold of you next time. Tha-Thank you!”

Tinulak ko pabalik sa sasakyan niya ang buyer.

“B-But I am only free for t-today… Excuse me… Excuse me!”

“Then come when you’re free again. Bye, sir!”

I shut the car’s door for him. Balak pa niya sana na lumabas pero hinarangan ko ang pinto. Sinigurado ko na rin na nakaalis na siya bago ako bumalik sa loob ng bahay.

Naku naman, oh! Katatapos ko lang pakalmahin ang sarili ko tapos eto na naman? May buyer na dumati, so totoo nga talaga na binenta ni Mom ang tinitirhan ko?

While I am in the middle of another panic, I received a message from Kuya Zico that mom is currently not home. Balak ko sana na kausapin siya ng personal pagkatapos ng meeting namin ni Jacks pero mukhang napagplanuhan ng mabuti ni Mom ang threat niya.

She knew I might have barged in the house after the text she sent me earlier so she left to avoid me.

“Then, if that's what she wanted. I will not yield to her.”

I guess I have to look for a cheap place to stay after my meeting. Kusa na akong aalis bago pa man niya ako utusan.

This is also the right time for me to take independence seriously. Sa pagkakataon na ito, hindi na ako tatanggap ng pera mula sa kumpanya namin. I will make sure that this time Dad will truly acknowledge my choices, and Mom will stop nagging me on getting married.