Show Not Tell

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N A N A

I woke up in bed with a stranger beside me. Hindi naman masakit ang ulo ko because I am pretty sure I did not do it out of the influence of alcohol. Isa pa, nakalimutan ko na rin ang pangalan ng lalaking ‘to. Hindi rin naman kasi importante na malaman ko ito since we’re done doing the thing.

Bumangon na ako at naligo. Tulog pa ang lalaki nang pumasok ako pero nang matapos ako ay naamoy ko agad ang matapang na usok ng sigarilyo. I found the balcony open and so was the man puffing a smoke in the air.

Lumingon siya, at nang makita niya ako ay tuluyan na siyang umikot para harapin ako. “Last night was great. Wanna do it again some time? I should get your number,” he casually asked me.

Dito rin kami nagsimula ng nauna kong jowa. A one night stand na naging weekly meetup, hanggang sa nagka-develop-an. Yet we immediately got tired of each other. Our s*x life was almost inactive, we never got to go all the way after we got together. And it was mostly my fault. Siguro sadyang kulang lang ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Besides, I only have s*x whenever I become clouded with frustrations and stress. Kagaya na lang kahapon. Kaya naman ito ang resulta ngayon.

“Hey. What do you think?” tanong niya ulit.

“Nope. Thanks for offering but I only do this once in a blue moon.” Hindi ko rin naman ito gagawin kung wala ang mga kaibigan ko.

He paused, but he didn't seem surprised. “Alright. That's fine as well.” The man smiled.

Nagbihis na muna ako tapos ay nag-ayos bilang paghahanda sa pag-uwi.

“I'll take a shower,” he informed me. Akala ko ‘yun lang ang sadya niya nang bigla na lang siyang nagpaalam. “Goodbye. It was nice f*cking you,” he smirked mischievously.

Ah~ Look at this jerk. He really has a filthy mouth. I sure talked dirty to him but it was to set the mood during the s*x. Pero mukhang iba ang kaso ng lalaking ito. He does have an awful personality with or without s*x.

“Go ahead. Thanks for lending me your d*ck,” ganti ko naman sa kanya.

Since we were done bidding our goodbyes I left the hotel as soon as I was done dressing.

Habang patungo ako sa parking lot ay may natanggap akong text. Akala ko ay mula ito kay Kish o kay Shiela, nadismaya lang ako nang mabasa ang pangalan na nasa taas ng text.

Mom

Call me ASAP.

Oh. Come on. Now I feel guilty. Kakalabas ko lang sa hotel room kung saan ay nakipag-s*x ako sa lalaking kagabi ko lang nakilala, tapos eto ako ngayon, binabasa ang text mula sa magulang ko.

Sa umaga na ako madalas na bumabalik sa good girl personality ko. Yup, the day after the s*x night. Kasabay kasi ng realizations na ito ay ang pagbabalik din ng mga problema ko.

Ano na naman kaya ang kailangan sa akin ni Mom?

Hinanap ko muna ang sasakyan ko bago siya tinawagan. For some reason the guilt stayed even after I calmed myself. Kaya naman tiningnan ko muna ang sarili ko sa salamin para icheck kung maayos ba ako.

Alam kong through phone lang kami mag-uusap ni Mom but it's the guilt that made me self-conscious so I did it anyway.

Nang masigurado na maayos ako ay dinial ko na agad ang number ni Mom. Sa ikalawang tunog pa lang ng kabilang linya ay agad na siyang sumagot sa tawag ko.

“Nana? What took you so long to call me?”

“Uh… You texted ‘Call me ASAP’– this is ASAP, Mom,” paglilinaw ko sa kanya.

What's giving her this strict mood? Kinakabahan tuloy ako sa susunod na buka ng bibig niya.

Sunod kong narinig ang problemadong buntong-hininga ni Mom. “Itong batang ‘to talaga. Where are you? Whatever you’re doing, stop that,” she demanded. Rinig ko pa rin ang stress sa tono ng boses niya na ngayon ay may halo ng galit.

Oh, gosh. Nakakahawa itong stress ni Mom.

“Bakit po? What’s the problem?”

“The problem is you – your status, your marriage. That’s why I am here to help you, I told you so, remember?”

Naku. Tinutoo nga talaga ni Mom ang binanggit niya during the dinner. Gosh. Sana nga lang talaga ay busy ako ngayon para may madahilan ako.

“Uhm, Mom. I don’t t—”

“Oops. Oops, oops! Don’t dare lie to me. I called your office. You’re quite free today, So, I booked dinner at the nearest restaurant. The fancy one. I’ll be there waiting for you.”

“But why?”

Ang advance naman atang mag-isip nitong nanay ko. I should have reminded the newbie in the office to never answer her calls. Hula ko ay ang newbie ang may sabi nito kay Mom dahil alam ni Gigi kung ano ang sasabihin sa tuwing nagtatanong si Mom tungkol sa work schedule ko.

Mom replied, “The guy will be with me also.”

Kaya sinubukan ko naman na tanggihan siya ng maayos.

“Pwede po bang hindi pumunta?”

“That’s not a choice, dear. You better come tonight or else you will have to pay for your actions.”

I felt a chill in my bones when I heard Mom’s little threat.

Ibinaba na rin niya agad ang tawag ng hindi man lang nagpaalam sa akin.

Okay. What now? Akala ko ay madadaan ko siya sa pagpapa-sweet.

The moment I thought of what to do next Mom sent me the restaurant’s address.

She did not lie, malapit nga lang talaga sa bahay ko ang restaurant.

Habang pauwi ay nag-iisip ako ng pwede kong idahilan para hindi makapunta. Nadaanan ko ang bahay ni Thomas. We still have several things to prepare para sa unang storyboard namin. Pwede akong tumigil at asikasuhin ito ngayon. The job is the best alibi to avoid my mother’s invite… kaso I don’t think I can face Thomas today.

I just did the act and… Right. Sabihin na natin na isa itong after-s*x moment where my s****l desire has already been satisfied and what’s left is clarity. I mean now that I have a clear head, naisip ko na hindi ko naman talaga kailangan na gawin ‘yun. But then, it’s too late. I’ve done the act at hindi naman ito ang first time ko so no problem.

Siguro nga si Thomas ang problema… Ang reaksyon ko kay Thomas ang problema.

Okay, fine. Hindi ko naman kailangan na lutasin ang isang problema gamit ang isa pang problema. I guess I have to attend Mom’s invitation. Pwede ko naman sigurong kausapin ang kung sinuman na lalaki na dadalhin niya at tanggihan ito.

Bumalik ako ng bahay para magbihis at matulog. Hindi ako uminom ng marami but my hips hurt like hell so I have to rest. Nasobrahan din talaga ako sa landi kagabi.

“Great night last night. Let’s do this again when we’re free!”

Ito ang chat ni Sheila sa group chat naming tatlo.

Well, it was indeed a great night. I stopped thinking about Thomas, still, it was useless because my mother had to call me right after I left the hotel to remind me about getting another guy for marriage. Then while thinking of an alibi to refuse her invitation, pumasok na naman sa isipan ko si Thomas.

Ang wrong timing lang talaga.

“Thanks for the night, Sheila. Next time ulit.” I replied in that manner anyway.

It was my choice to come after all.

Wala akong balak na magtagal sa restaurant kaya kumain muna ako bago umalis. It was around seven in the evening when I left my place.

Nasa taas ng building ang restaurant. The place is a famous and fancy commercial building. This is so much of my mother’s taste kaya hindi na ako nagulat. I have the money pero hindi naman ako madalas dito. Kaya plano kong i-take out na lang ang pagkain ko.

“Table 7,” sabi ko sa staff na lumapit sa akin pagpasok ko.

He quietly assisted me to the table. May mga numbers naman sa ibabaw ng table kaya madali ko rin itong nahanap. That’s why when I found table 7 I had to pause and tell the staff that I can walk there myself.

“Thank you,” sabi ko.

Yumuko lang din ang staff sa akin bago niya ako iwan.

Goodness. Napakasinungaling talaga nitong nanay ko. She’s definitely the reason why I have trust issues.

Agad ko siyang tinawagan. Mukhang hinihintay niya rin ang tawag ko dahil mabilis niya rin itong sinagot.

“Mom? What’s the meaning of this? Akala ko ba nandito ka? Akala ko ba meetup lang ito? But isn’t this already a blind date?”

Wala siya rito sa loob ng restaurant at mas lalo ng wala siya sa lamesa.

Mom chuckled to the other line, as she told me that, “I don’t want to be the third wheel, dear. Enjoy your night together. You’ll never know, he might be the one.”

Hay Naku! I should have known by how desperate she was that she would ditch me.

Sa inis ko ay hindi na ako nakapag-paalam sa kanya at agad nang binaba ang tawag. Nasa katabing bintana nakatingin ang lalaki kaya hindi ko kita mula sa kinatatayuan ko ang mukha nito. Tiningnan ko ulit ang table number at baka nagkakamali lang ako. I even checked the text but it would be ridiculous dahil nakumpirma ko na rin naman ito sa pagtawag kay Mom.

Alright. Whoever he is sana madali lang siyang makausap.

Here goes nothing.

I am wearing a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Dahil hindi ko intensyon na magpa-impress ay minabuti ko na rin na hindi mag-effort ng damit. Nais ko rin sana na makita ang disappointment ni Mom kapag nakita niya ako. Too bad she’s not here.

“Good evening,” panimulang bati ko, “my apologies for arriving… late…”

Oh. Gosh. This man looks familiar.

Side profile pa lang ay parang pamilyar na siya sa akin kaya napahakbang ako paatras.

“Hi. Good eveni—oh? Hindi ba’t…”

Sabay namin na tinuro ang isa’t isa nang maalala kung saan kami huling nagkita.

“Aren’t you from last night?”

“Nana?”

We both asked in unison.

Nakalimutan ko ang pangalan niya pero sigurado ako na siya ang lalaki na kasama ni Sheila kagabi.

“You know me?” tanong ko sa kanya tapos ay umupo na sa upuan.

Kung minamalas nga naman talaga ako, oh. Sa dami ng lalaking pwedeng mapili ni Mom ito pa talaga. Paano na lang kung isumbong niya ako kay Mom?

“Of course, I know you. Ikaw si Nana, ‘di ba? Sheila introduced us last night. You and Luther head to a hotel after we talked. I supposed you di—”

“Okay, okay. Enough,” I raised my hand in front of his mouth to make him stop talking.

Suki ng restaurant na ito ang mga magulang ko. Actually, no. Even my brother’s famous in this place. Baka may makarinig sa mga sinasabi niya at kung ano pa ang isipin.

Well, it’s true that I had s*x. Pero hindi na nila ito kailangan na malaman pa.

“Oh. Was that supposed to be a secret?” Luminga-linga siya sa paligid.

“Yes. So, shut up and tell me why are you here?”

“Because my father told me so. What else could be the reason?”

Oh. He’s a stingy guy.

At mukhang napilitan lang din siya na pumunta sa dinner date na ito.

“Ano naman ang sinabi ng papa mo para pumunta ka rito?”

“We are getting dinner together,” he briefly answered. “How about you?”

“It was my mother. Sinabi naman niya sa akin na may ipapakilala siya. I came thinking that she will be here as well. Pero dinitch niya lang ako.”

Problemado kaming nagbuntong-hininga nang marinig ang panloloko ng mga magulang namin. Isa pa ang awkward lang talaga ng hangin na nakapaligid sa aming dalawa. Parang kahapon lang ay may kanya-kanya kaming partner pero eto kami ngayon, magkasama sa iisang lamesa.

This person (na sa pagkakaalala ko ay Mike ang pangalan) has a good looking face. He’s handsome and has a bulky appearance. Siguro kung hindi namin nakilala ang isa’t isa kagabi malamang ay naisip ko na siyang takbuhan. He’s big but he seems gentle. Base na rin sa kung paano niya tratuhin si Sheila kagabi.

Pero hindi pa rin ito sapat na dahilan para ipagpatuloy namin ang ugnayan na nasimulan ng mga magulang namin para sa aming dalawa.

Hindi pa ako handa na magdagdag ng karga sa buhay ko. Mabigat na nga na sarili ko lang ang iniintindi ko, paano pa kaya kung may madadag.

“Woah. Your aura really is quite unique,” Mike suddenly mentioned in the middle of the awkward silence.

“What about it?”

“You look normal in a club full of players. Don’t get me wrong. You’re beautiful. Clubs just don't suit you well, you’re too elegant and innocent-looking. Maybe because of what you were wearing…”

“I was in a hurry. In. A. Hurry.”

“Okay…?” He reluctantly replied before he continued saying, “But I heard from Luther that you are quite the feisty one in bed but submissive and innocent at the same time.”

Gosh. I can’t believe I have this familiar conversation again.

I sighed as I explained to him that, “I am a writer… I write novels. If you’re wondering why my words were too feisty for my personality. It’s just my thoughts slipping out. You can blame my work habits for that.”

At totoo rin naman na sa real-life experience ko rin nakukuha ang mga material ko sa pagsusulat. Baka nga gamitin ko pang reference si Luther sa susulatin ko mamayang gabi.

“Oh… kay?”

Pinalampas ni Mike ang pagbanggit ko ng trabaho ko at nagsimula na lang ng bagong paksa na pag-uusapan namin. Which is fine by me since I am starting to feel a little shy talking about how I am in the bed.

“So, what are you doing here?”

“Gusto na ng Mom ko na mag-aasawa na ako. She needs her grandchildren. But I still have tons to do…”

“Oh, life goals?”

“Work goals. I have tons of paperworks to do and a project to be finished.”

“What a workaholic.”

Nagkibit-balikat lang ako, because I can’t really tell that he guessed it wrong.

“Does that also mean that I am not your type?”

I crossed my arms as I leaned on the chair. I also scanned him from head to the abdomen where my eye could reach.

“You’re handsome. Raven hair, golden eyes, and aquiline nose. You’re definitely handsome. But I still want to live my life to the fullest, so yup! It’s a pass.” I smiled, gentle and kind.

Ayaw kong isipin niya na nagpapakipot lang ako.

“It hurts my pride a little to have such a capable woman to reject me.” Madrama niyang hinawakan ang dibdib at nagkunwari na masakit ito.

“Shut up. You’re not even courting nor interested,” taas kilay kong tugon.

Napatawa ng bahagya si Mike dahil sa tapat kong pagtanggi sa kanya.

“Thank you for being honest though. As for me, I also have my goals. Life goals specifically,” paglilinaw niya. “My parents are not strict; I can choose whoever I want. To be honest, I just came here as my father’s wish. I owe him a favor.”

Woah. Ang chill niya lang kausap.

I was so prepared for a long talk and unbearable convincing session pero hindi ako makapaniwala na magiging madali at mabilis lang ang pagkikita na ito.

“Right. That sounds good.”

I am so pleased.

Iimbitahan ko pa sana siya na kumain nang nag-ayos na ng sarili niya si Mike. He start adjusting his necktie as well as wearing his coat. Tila ba naghahanda na siyang umalis.

“Aalis ka na?”

“Yeah. I’ll be leaving first. I still have an appointment after this. Good luck with your project.”

Tumayo na si Mike at iniwan na akong mag-isa sa lamesa. He left me in a smooth manner nihindi man lang ako nakapagpasalamat sa kanya ng maayos.

Anyway, that was still nice.

Dahil nakahanda na ang pagkain namin ay kumain na rin ako ng dinner. Tapos ay nag-take out na rin ako. Sayang din naman ang parte ni Mike at ang natira ko.

The moment I left the building I called Mom once again to tell her how much of a failure her plan was.

“Sorry, mom. Looks like your plan backfired,” bungad ko sa kanya imbes na batiin siya.

“What? Oh, Nana. You must have done something rude.”

Halata ang taranta sa boses niya. Akala niya siguro ay sinabuyan ko ng tubig ang lalaki o kaya ay pinahiya siya sa harap ng marami.

To be honest, I could do that if Mike did not cooperate with me.

“Excuse me? I did nothing, mom. We mutually and peacefully called it a day. We’re both understanding towards each other. Actually, I had a great night because of him,” mahinahon kong paliwanag sa kanya.

Gusto ko lang iimitate kung gaano naging kalmado ang usapan namin ni Mike kanina.

“Then, I’ll arrange a new one.”

“Mom, stop.”

“No way I’ll stop. How old do you think you are?”

Napabuga ako ng hangin sa ilong sa sobrang inis.

“If you want a grandchild, andyan naman si Kuya.”