So Confused

Chapter 6

“Bukas pa daw ang laro natin kaya may panahon pa para mag practice. Pumalo palo lang kayo at takbo takbo, wag tatamad tamad”

“Yes coach” sigaw namin.

Inayos namin yung mga gamit namin dito sa quarters namin. Malaki pala ang main campus. Ngayon lang ako nakapunta dito. At totoo nga, maraming magaganda dito. Yung mga usherette pa lang ay napakaganda at tatangkad na.

“Girl goodluck sa likha niyo ha?” Zylea said.

I raised my brow to her. “How dare you leave me?”

Tumawa naman siya at yumakap sa akin.

“I need to make a move girl. Masyado na akong pumupurol. I just want Dane to know my prescence, para alam niya naman kahit papaano na mayroong ako na gustong gusto siya.” She said it full of passion and admiration in her eyes, idagdag mo pa ang napakalawak niyang ngiti.

Napangiwi na lang ako sa kanya. Seriously?

“Anyways girl, sino katabi mo?”

“Si Grant”

“WHAT? Arg. Ang hina naman ni Kuya Levi”

I stared at her again. Why is he always insisting Kuya Levi to me?

She rolled her eyes and tap my shoulder.

“Look, it’s been 2 years na nung naghiwalay kayo ni Jolo. Hindi mo ba napapansin na kuya Levian is treating you differently?”

I frowned. I can see it. But… but I don’t want jumping into conclusions. I don’t want to be blinded by actions alone. Kasi naloko na ako, I thought nothing is happening because the actions were never changing, I thought we were fine. But I just assume everything.

“You’re just imagining things” I told her and fix my things.

“He likes you”

Tumingin ako sa kanya at sa paligid namin thingking that someone might hear it.

“Zylea stop it. Baka may makarinig sayo”

She chuckled and lumapit sa akin

“Mahal mo pa ba si Jolo kaya ayaw mo mag entertain ng iba?”

“What? Of course not”

“Yun naman palan, I’ll give kuya Levian a little push.” He winked at me bago ako iniwan at nakipagdaldalan na kila kuya Malcolm.

.

The day passed quickly at gabi na nga. Katatapos lang naming kumain and everyone was busy doing their things.

I decided na mag lakad lakad. May nakita akong magandang place dito kanina. I wear my jacket at naglakad palabas.

This place is really huge. Kung malapit lang siguro to, dito na lang ako nag aral. Maganda naman ang campus namin, wala nga lang malaking oval kagaya ng nandito.

I breathed. Tomorrow is a big day. I’ll get to fight for the first time. Hindi pa ako kinakabahan, siguro dahil wala pa ako sa mismong event. I’m hoping that I can join the regional or even the national meet.

As I go walking, nakita ko si Karlwin sa isang bench. He was staring at the night sky. Gone are his frowns and smirks. He was like watching a very very sad movie as he look upon the stars.

“Why are you here?” I asked him

He looked at me a bit shock. Umusog siya para makaupo ako.

“I love staring at the night sky.”

“Well, their beautiful.”

“I love watching them. I can’t reach them, I can’t hold the stars at mas lalo nung pinapatindi ang nararamdaman ko. It’s like they are saying that there’s still this one thing that I can’t get.”

“There will always be things like that” I said.

I do believe that you can’t have all of things, well you can have most of them, but not entirely. Because owning will never end. People tend to always want more. People will never be satisfied. Yung nasa kanila na lahat, but they will still feel lacking, at dun magsisimula na mag isip sila ng mga bagay na wala sa kanila. And it is an endless list.

He smirked. “looking at them frustrates me. Everynight, I always felt like they are challenging me to soar higher.”

“I think it’s a good thing.”

He smirked again. “You think so?”

“Maybe, if it is making you productive.”

“There are two ways you can have something. One is when you work for it, and one is when someone give it to you. Having things doesn’t always makes you productive especially if it was just a given one”

He said and sip on his cigarette. Ngayon ko lang napansin na may sigarilyo pala siya.

My god amelie, you should learn to be more aware of your sorrounding.

“Bawal yan diba” I aksed him. Coach had been disciplining us na alagaan ang sarili. Iwasan daw ang bisyo because it weakens the stamina and immunity, as well as years of living.

“There’s no fun in following the rules Amelie”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. I know id be hypocrite kapag nag disagree ako. Infact he is correct. Following the rules does not always result to happy choices. Sometimes it is the one that hinders our freedom of choice. Just like me.

“Hindi ka ba magtatanong kung bakit kami magkaaway ni Levian?”

“I don’t like minding others business.” I replied.

Napatango naman siya at inilapit ang mukha niya sa akin.

“Is that what he likes about you?” he asked looking into my eyes. Nagulat ako dahil ang lapit lapit niya saakin. I felt like I was frozen there. Hindi ako nakapagsalita at nakasagot. Maybe my nerves was shocked and it cannot produce responses.

He was like memorizing every emotion in my eyes, he was intently looking at me like he was finding some hidden treasure in there.

“If it is, I’ll like it too.” he whispered into my ears before kissing my cheeks and left me alone.

.

The competition started at 10 am sa isang enclosed gymnasium ng campus.

Everything smells differently. Hindi ko alam kung dala lang ba ng kaba at excitement. I can hear my heart beating rapidly. Namamasa na rin ang kamay ko. Si Ligaya na kasi ang naglalaro, sunod na ako.

I’m wearing a blue armor. Pakiramdam ko parang sasabog ang dibdib ko. I never been this nervous and excited. Masarap siya sa pakiramdam pero kapag nilamon ka wala ka ng maiisip.

I keep myself calmned kahit tumatalon talon ako. Kailangan kasi to para mabuhay na ang mga nerves and muscles ko.

Hoooo. In just 2 minutes, sasalang na ako.

“You can do this.” Kuya levian smiled at me habang kinakabit niya ang gloves ko.

I answered nothing but a smile. I never thought this would be this nerve wracking. Pakiramdam ko anlamig lamig ng paligid ko pero yung kamay ko pinagpapawisan.

“Wag kang kabahan, you can never think pag nagpadala ka sa kaba.”

“I can’t help it” I said.

He hold my hands and look into my eyes. “Kaya mo yan”

Tumango tango na lang ako sakanya at saka nagcane exercise.

“Amelie”

Lumingon ako sa tumawag sa akin and earned a smile, though not that sweet, I think its more of a grin?

“you’ll treat me ice cream kapag natalo ka” karlwin said.

I can’t help but to smile at tumango sa kanya.

“I won’t be treating you ice cream Karlwin” I said

Nagkibit balikat na lang siya at bumalik na sa pwesto niya.

Makalipas ang laro ni Ligaya ay tinawag na ang pangalan ko, pressure pa lalo dahil sunod sunod silang nanalo. Panalo na si Aya, si Bianca at si Ligaya. I don’t want to lose.

Pag apak ko sa Mat ay parang nag init bigla. Ibang iba sa atmosphere sa labas. Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang tension.

“GO AMELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE” Zylea shouted.

Kahit gaano kalakas ang t***k ng puso ko, I would still hear her. Ganon kalakas ang boses niya.

Ang daming boses, iba’t iba ang sinisigaw, mas lalo ako nung pinapakaba. Kaya huminga ako ng malalim.

‘f**k. Let’s get this over’ I said into my mind.

“SEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” we both shouted as the time started ticking. 2 minutes, this is just a short time but when I’m playing, it feels like a f*****g 2 years of my life.

My opponent I guess is a newbie also, his foot works are not that stable at dun ako humugot ng technique para makuha ang unang puntos ko.

“HULIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” sigawan ng mga kateam mates ko.

Tama nga ang sabi ni Kuya Levian, once you had earned your first point, mababawasan ang kaba mo. I don’t know whats the exact explanation, pero siguro dahil nagiging confident ka na.

“Puntos, bughaw” the referee announced.

Nagsunod sunod pa ang puntos ko kaya naipanalo ko ang laro.

I was so happy. For the first time, I had won something I do myself alone. Walang papa na makikialam at magdidikta. And it is really satisfying.

“I guess I owe you an ice cream” Karlwin whispered as he help me remove my gears.

“You really do” I answered and smiled widely.

I’m so happy. I’d get to play to the regionals. Makakapaglaro pa ako.

“GIRLLLLL” Zylea approached me and hugged me, kamuntik pa kaming matumba dahil nakagear na siya, ang bigat bigat.

“Do well” I say to her. I know she can do this. She is focused and concentrated. I know she’ll win.

“syempre noh, tatabi pa ako kay Dane sa regionals hahaha.”

I laughed at her and patted her shoulders. “Good luck Elaisa Zylea”

Nag aja naman sya sakin at pumunta na sa mat.

“You did great” Kuya levian congratulated me.

I smiled at him. “Thank you. I thought I won’t win”

“But you won” He smiled at me.

Napakagwapo niya. Ang ganda ng ngipin niya pag nangiti siya. Mayroon siyang dimples pero hindi masyado malalim, tapos ang puti niya pa. Matangkad pa. Sana all.

Tinanggal ko ang gear ko sa paa at sa legs bago ako bumalik sa pwesto ko. I want to watch zylea’s game.

“Puntos, bughaw”

“YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS” sigawan naming ng pumasok ang palo niya.

Ang saya pala nito. In trainings, I can say that we are good, we are happy, pero mas Masaya pala yung ganitong nag chicheer kayo para sa kakampi niyo. Yung sabay sabay kayong nagsisigawan, nagmomotivate at sumusuporta sa team mates niyo. I never thought I could be this happy.

I grew up with Papa who’s always been strict sa mga bagay na dapat at hindi ko dapat gawin. I should study, I should earn high grades, and playing was never been given to me. Kami lang ni Kuya Elyo ang nakakapaglaro, but it is always a mind game. Hindi niya kami hinayaang lumabas ng bahay. And later on, when Kuya turned 15, he become too much focused on serious matters, minsan niya na lang ako kausapin at pansinin.

Zylea won her game and we are all happy.

The day ended of us winning all of our games. Nanalo kami lahat at aabante sa regionals.

Unluckily, hindi kami nanalo sa Likha. But I’m very much contented of winning the combat, besides, hindi na ako mapapagod kapapraktis ng likha.

By 5 pm ay nakauwi na kaming lahat sa kanya kanya naming bahay. Of course umuwi ako sa apartment ko. Papa will surely question me why I was not in uniform.

Pagkatapos kong maligo ay nag myday ako ng picture ko. I was wearing full gear at nakapugay. I blocked all my relatives kaya walang makakakita nito na pwedeng magsumbong kay papa.

I looked at our pictures and I can’t help but to smile every time I looked at them. This was so far, the greatest choice I had ever made.